Evil Geniuses in a Nutshell

*does some quick mental math* 9 days and... 15.5 hours to go. Still hyper and etc... (grr I feel so repetative).

I suppose I should expand on my causes for anxiety, as mentioned in one of my previous blogs. (they all start to blend together when you're posting them half-asleep).

It's just because... this is the first time we're meeting for the express purpose of meeting each other and i'm anxious because I really want everything to go alright. I don't want Dragon to be making stupid comments or Scorpie to be a bitch (more on that in my private blog, it's the subject of tonight's musing) or my brothers to be arses or for a thousand things which could go wrong. James says that 90% of the things we worry about never come true. Well when I worry about a thousand things that could go wrong, this means that 10% of them, or a hundred things, will go wrong. (of course I'm exhaggerating). But you know what... I suppose that's life. Things will go wrong no matter what you do. It's one of Murphy's Laws (in which I am a profound believer) that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. And I'm sure Andarta will understand if Dragon's an ass (considering he always is lol). I suppose I just want to make a good first impression (or second impression... whatever lol).

:D but things are going in the direction that I hope, want and would love for them to go in. School's under control, Andarta's coming here to visit and (probably) we'll be going out starting then and my magic decks have finally started kicking some ass. I think even my popularity (always down in the dumps usually) is going up at school, possibly because I'm not an ass to everyone I meet now lol.

So yeah... I'd love to be long and rambling here but what I want to be long and rambling about (well actually I have two things... the thing I'm going to blog about tonight and Andarta but I'm going to go with the former as I'm sure I've bored everyone to death already about Andarta. 9 days to go!) is a matter for my private blog. So I'll pick up there.

Later all.

alright, school was boring, the ride to and from was boring, food was excellent and that's my day.

oh Andarta... I'm putting this here because I have no clue whether or not you can still check your e-mail (I think you can but why take the chance?). I'm wondering if you'd mind if I called you sometime later tonight or tomorrow... if you're on the computer, just send me an e-mail when you're going to be home (I know you're busy). Thanks. If you can't send me e-mail (ie I'm right and your e-mail is down) then i dunno... leave it in my chatterbox or something, I'll get it. thanks (and yes I still have your #). Hope your MSN is up sometime before you leave.

(I've also sent you an e-mail in case you are checking it.)

Alright so that's pretty much it... I'll think about posting more later tonight, but right now I feel like just listening to music and chatting.

Later

Where some see coincidence, I see inevitability. (stupid Matrix!).

Well, I was looking back over my blog and I noticed that... the 1 year anniversary of this blog is coming up. And it happens to be... on September 9th.

Coincidence? maybe.

As most of you know (and in fact, if you are a regular reader here you should know) September 9th is the day Andarta arrives here. Freaky.

It's odd sometimes, how these coincidences work. Perhaps they mean something... perhaps they don't. I'm sure it didn't happen on purpose... I doubt Andarta knows by heart when I started blogging and I didn't even know of her way back then in September.

Anyways, I'm here to blog a bit more.

Wonderful school tomorrow. Luckily it's my day that I start late, so I plan to stay up late, talk to Andarta if she comes on and write some poetry until she does (or until like 2-3AM).

Things are going well with her and I. She thinks (Hasn't made a concrete decision yet) that we'll be going out but she wants to wait until after she's met me again. It makes sense and I agree with it, because we really have had only that one night (and I must admit, I was a wee bit tipsy and so was she) and the intervening months of chatting online admist a few phone calls.

I suppose I'm a bit anxious about her coming here. Really excited, happy and hyper about it, yes but also a bit nervous. I suppose everything will go fine though... it always seems to with her.

10 days and 15 hours to go. (sorry, it's so close to midnight, I might as well post the hours too.) As I said, I think everything will go well. I've got a lot of ideas (And if you've read my private blog, you know just how many ideas) for what to do while we're here. What happens depends a lot on what she wants to do and how much time we have. Not to mention a few more minor details such as money and transportation, but we can work around those (and after all, the best things in life are free, no? Well I think that love is the best thing in life and that's certainly free, so there you go.)

So tomorrow I have bio, chem, cal and philosophy (not in that order) plus a two hour spare. Oh I forgot! Anyone who wants to know my schedule can find it on my website, at the very bottom. I've even color coded it and added room numbers. Its so that one) anyone who wants to plan a visit to see me at Heritage (or is planning a visit to Heritage period and wants to look me up) can know where I am and two) so that if I forget my schedule, I can go log-on at heritage and find out where and what I have.

So I'm going to be off to listen to music and maybe write some. I'm sorry I haven't written anything recently but I've been sick and really really tired (possibly as a side-effect of being sick).

I might add some more to this blog and my private blog after I grow bored of sitting back with my feet up listening to music, doodling idly with a pencil.

Later

I'm finally over this bloody cold of mine. Still a few sniffles from time to time but I feel much better today (And hopefully will be fully restored to health by tomorrow, as I have to go back to school! grr!).

Alright, so I'm going to try and post some poetry later today. Right now, I'm going to go do some writing and listen to music, but I'll leave MSN open in case anyone really wants me.

Later

I've attempted to enable comments on this blog too. I don't know if it worked or not but whatever. And the chatterbox is ALIVE!

Later all.

After I finish this post, I'm going to be adding a chatterbox (for no other reason than scrabble has one and i think it's cool... even if no one uses it lol.) and maybe playing with my blog's colour scheme (i've learned some interesting scripts since I last fiddled with things).

So as for my cold, it is getting better, thank you. Still there though and my nose is still raw from blowing it, but i'm alive and on the mend.

12 days to go until Andarta's visit... still hyped up about it. Lol, I think I'm annoying people when I randomly burst into song or just blurt out "12 days to go!"

Can't touch this do-do-do-do

;) lol

Alright, so it's time for some rambling... have you ever wondered as to the origin of language? I mean how could one invent something like it and spread it around? It seems absurd. To me, this is what the invention of language could have been...

(this is a joke story btw. There is no basis of truth in it nor have I done any research. Believe it at your own risk.)

One day, some caveman came up with the idea of making funny sounds while pointing at various objects. He then repeated the sounds later and people got the idea that he wanted to say something about the object. He also added hand gestures and American Sign Language (or ASL, mine's 17/m/Quebec, what's yours?) and made sounds for them too. Soon the entire tribe was making these strange noises to refer to various objects. Eventually, another tribe heard them and decided to make the same noises. Eventually the original tribe heard them doing this and decided to change the noises so that no one would know what they were saying. The other tribe caught on and changed theirs too. Then, there was a smarter tribe who wanted to sound really smart and really important. They invented a language full of complicated words that were long and sounded intelligent. Thus was the birth of Latin. Some pigheaded tribes wanted to invent a crazy language that no one would understand. This was the invention of French. So history moves along and many more languages were invented, each by a particular tribe. Then, one day, a tribe had an idea. They made funny symbols on the wall and they pointed at the symbol and made a sound. This was, of course, the birth of writing. Soon everyone caught on, but they all used different symbols. Everything became really confused because intertribal marriages were becoming common and no one could understand what the other was grunting... whether it was "OH YEAH THAT'S AWESOME, KEEP GOING" or "OW THAT HURTS GET OFF ME" (this led to a lot of whipped (literally) males.) So one caveman decided to take the most common languages (by that time Latin, French and two others called German and Spanish which was really an offshoot of French created by a civil war in a tribe whose details are incredibly long and boring,even though the war lasted five minutes before half the tribe (two people) were killed. ) and mix them all into one language, which would become THE language of the world. This tribe was called the Britons and they lived on an island with awful weather and awesome ale. This language, which involved words from all four languages so that everyone could at least understand a quarter of what anyone speaking this language was saying, soon grew to include its own words. Such words are not even understood today by the majority of people, they include nookie, wanking, rubbers, kip, boot (not the kind that goes on your foot) and other crazy words. So everything was good and this language (called English, which means "Language for Dummies" in Micronese, a language spoken by people in Micronasia and in Microsoft Headquarters today) soon grew so that many people in the areas conquerored by the Britons (and forced to speak this English) knew it well. They even knew how to curse exceptionally well in it as it was the only curses the british soliders knew and would understand. Not to mention it was exceptionally useful in taunting those who could not speak English. Eventually though, these conquered areas (Called a variety things from slave colonies to just plain colonies to dominions) grew dissatisfied with various aspects of Briton culture. One thought that the ale was too strong. This group, spouting a lot of nonsense and hypocrisy about "Freedom" broke away from Briton in a six day long bloody battle, in which they were thouroughly trounced until the French decided to step in and save the day. (this is actual historical fact, if the Patriot (starring Mel Gibson) can be believed.) Another group, then a slave colony composed of criminals, was freed by the British because the kangaroos kept kicking the soldiers in the arse and a cat keep chansing the kangaroo with his son following behind him saying "Look, look, Father, I've caught a mouse!" and were getting really annoying, especially with all the children laughing at them. Not to mention that Tas next door was getting annoying. This group didn't really know what to call themselves, and therefore called themselves Australia (which means Choosing a Name for Dummies in Micronese). There were also various minor other rebellions, but the most important was the rebellion of the north. In a six hour battle (held in a conferance room in Buckingham Palace, home of people who like incest no wonder their genes are fucked up, and which mostly consisted of verbal argument, though there were reports that someone spit in someone elses face but as there is no confirmation and no report as to who spat in whos face, I consider this to be mere hearsay.) a dominion of Briton managed to free themselves from the shackles of the Briton. However, they still had to join in any war that Briton started and still had to honor the Queen (some old lady) and still had to have a representative of the queen sign all laws. They knew what they wanted to call themselves, they called themselves Canada which meant, in a native tongue in the land "Land of the Freezing Arses, Rocks, Trees and a touch of Water." Either that or it meant "The Village" but as Montreal wasn't around at the time, I highly doubt this. This name was so popular that it went on to inspire a song by a band of arrogant worms. it goes something like this. "Canada is so great... because we've got rocks and trees and trees and rocks and rocks and trees and trees and rock and rocks and trees and trees and rocks and rocks and trees and trees and rocks and... water." Anyways, these three countries each decided to corrupt English in their own way. The Australians added a ridiculous accent and words such as dingo and wallaby and knife (which meant spoon) and spoon (which meant knife). They also invented a game called Knifey Spooney, which is a completly insane game to play unless you're an australian or have two-tenths of a brain (but not more than three-tenths) in which a knife (meaning spoon) becomes a spoon (meaning knife) and a spoon (meaning knife) becomes a knife (meaning spoon). They also invented a nickname for themselves, namely Aussies. The Americans decided to add a large collection of accents which no one understands but those who have the accent (obviously part of their national security, making compartments so that if one is infiltrated, they can't break into the others.). They also decided to make some new words, like Constitution and Senate and President and Patriotism and "The Second Amendment". They also decided to enter the stupidest people on earth competition and they haven't figured out whether or not they won yet. Canada decided not to mess with the language too much, except to change the accent and add a few words, such as "Freezing" and "Cold" and "Igloo" and "Curling". They also invented the word "Hockey" which refers to our second national sport (our first is Lacrosse, a game I've barely heard of and never seen played by Canadians volunatirly.) which involves a lot of violence. And they say the americans are the violent ones?! They also took out a lot of the crazy British words, like nookie, rubber and wanking, though they are still in use by cool canadians. They also came up with a nickname for themselves, the Canucks. Oh, yes, the Americans! They also came up with a nickname for themselves. It's "GTMA", which stands for Gun-Toting Manical Arseholes. So we've got all these languages flying around and all these written forms of it. Then, someone from Micronasia (the last decendant of a pimp from there) who called himself Bill Gates decided to invent a better language. A "unversial language". He, not being very original, called it "binary" (what kind of name for that is a language) and invented machines which speak it. So far, only machines and comic strip characters and t-shirts can speak it. I certainly haven't learned how. It also took a long time to write as every little squiggle that cavemen ever wrote on a wall was represented by a 8-digit long number. *phew* too much work there. And while I'm talking about languages no one understands, what about the Eastern Asian languages? There is a tribe called the Japanese who invented squiggles that represent ideas and phrases, much like early caveman writting which evolved (or devolved rather) into using symbols to represent grunting noises. They were accompyned by the Chinese, with whom they collaberated (along with several other tribes and space aliens from planet Z. Yes Z not X.) They decided to make it so complicated that no one could figure out what they were saying. The symbols grew horribly complex so that only an artist could accurately write them. The spoken form involved tones so that one could change ones meaning from "Fuck me, right here right now" to "I hate your guts" with a mere change in pitch. It also gave birth to a popular song called "Right Here, Right Now" which either means "I hate your guts" or it's about sex. I haven't figured out which yet. In any case, they suceeded and the space aliens went on their way to America where they started anally probing people for fun.

So there you have it my friends. The complete history of language upon the planet Earth. This concludes my rambling.

LOL, alright, I'll make a confession. I have no clue how languages started. But still, it's a... possible theory (as all things are possible). (alright, alright, maybe I just did it for a laugh, admit it you were laughing).

Alright, my funny idea exhausted, I'm going to go post in my private blog. Later all (and be watching for that chatterbox)

Later

The combination of not enough sleep with having a terrible cold is not having a great effect on me. I don't know how often I'll be on this weekend, it depends on how well the painkillers work. As for tonight, it also depends on how well the painkillers work. If I do come on, it'll probably be after a short nap, so around 11PM. If I don't, you'll know I fell asleep... I might wake up and go on, but then again I might not *shrugs*.

BTW, Andarta I'm looking forward to reading your blog tomorrow morning when I awake if I don't see you later tonight. Hope your day was well. Mine was awful (Because I was sick). As I said, I may or may not be on later.

Alright, I'm off to try the painkillers, then to food, then to sleep for a few hours. (or possibly more)

Later

I've decided to revive an old habit of mine. If you have access to my private blog, you can go check it out in a few minutes after i finish adding the post there and see what I mean.

Later all.

Yes, it is alive! Kazaa that is. Finally I once again have access to the world of music. (thank god... I've been missing a few songs from collection that I've been wanting to listen to.)

So today was a rather boring day. 8AM class for two hours, then home where I fell asleep for about five hours. When I woke, I took a bath, ate and started downloading music. I've got the My Music folder back up (and almost full) but I still have to rip the Evanescence and the Placebo cds to my computer. (which I'll be doing after I finish blogging).

It's amazing how much my taste in music has changed in past years. Look at me five years ago and the only thing I would be listening to is stuff from the 60s-70s-80s (Meatloaf, the Supremes, Beatles, Stones, etc, etc, etc). Then I added some classical music in there (very few pieces though...). And then Vicki decided to corrupt me...grr! Well the corruption is complete... my playlist is pretty much all metallica, linkin park, iron maiden and the like. It's just amazing how different it is from what I liked about five years ago. Not that I don't still like it... I just don't listen to it all the time like I used to.

For example, currently I have Mest, Iron Maiden, Matchbox 20, Metallica, Sonata Artica, blink 182, Treblecharger, Linkin Park, Goo Goo Dolls, REM, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Five for Fighting on my playlist.

(and I'm currently listening to Fear of the Dark over and over again but I'm sure I'll tire of it in a few minutes)

So how are things going... pretty good. I finished my first Cal assignment today, it was pretty easy with a few trick questions in there that one has to watch for (I just hope I found all the tricks). Homework's pretty light so far, but there are assignments coming up in both bio and chem, so I don't expect it to stay that way for long. Plus we're reading a story a week (usually, sometimes we get two for longer stories) in lit. And on top of that, we'll have occasional essays in a few classes. The upside of this is that Office Suite looks really easy, so I suppose I can use the extra time I'll have in that to do work for other classes.

College is really different from high school. It takes a bit of getting used to, have to get used to hour long classes (except for double or even triple (I have one triple) periods but you get breaks every hour in them.), have to get used to having spares and have to get used to the lax rules. Most assignments aren't due for at least a week, which gives you plenty of time to procrastinate on them (Which I'm usually bad at as I hate working unless it's something that interests me). The upside is that I can do most of them on the weekends when I have free time (currently). The rules are lax too... there aren't many rules. There aren't any penalties for being late (except in gym... gym if you miss four hours of class you fail it automatically... which sucks as my gym is at 8AM!). You just miss the class, fail any tests that day and any in-class quizes. (though some of the tests you can make up.)

I've got an idea about how I'm going to go see Andarta if we're going out (thats a small if at the moment too). We'll pick a weekend where she doesn't have much work to do (no huge assignments due) and nor do I. I'll leave sometime Thursday, get someone to take notes for me in english lit, chem and bio on friday and I'll come back sunday. *shrugs* it's just an idea at this point, also have to make sure I've got no tests on friday but it should work fairly well.

We're down to two weeks exactly until she arrives here. I'm getting a little nervous about it, but I suppose everything will go well. I've got to call Vicki and see if she's free sometime while she's here. Plus I've got to find out who's interesting in helping with the Rocky Horror night. *evil grin*.

So yeah... that's about it for now. Later all.

I'm burning a music CD right now and it's got about 10minutes left so I decided to post an interesting thought that DDM, Jess and I were discussing earlier today.

I had just gotten out of philosophy and I was going on about the people in my class who couldn't understand that the number four (not the word four, the actual idea of the number four) is an abstract one (as all mathematical concepts are). Eventually we figured out this.

All words & letters are concrete, dynamic (changing), individual objects which represent the abstract idea of a language which we use to represent the abstract concept of a general idea which we then use to define a concrete object.

Example: You use the word "table" to define a table. Well table is just a bunch of squiggles. It is a concrete thing (you can see it, touch it (if it were 3D) and etc.). But it, by itself, means nothing. You need the abstract idea of a language (English) and that these squiggles represent something. Once that, you can say that these particular squiggles in that particular order and in this abstract context (that of a language, specifically English) they represent the idea of a table. But this is still an abstract idea. It is an abstraction of the phyiscal object which we call a table. All words are that, abstract ideas which represent objects in the physical world. So far then, we have concrete squiggles in an abstract idea give us another abstract concept. We can then say that the abstract concept of the word table represents the abstract idea of a table (ie has legs, is off the ground, etc, etc, etc). But it's still abstract as it does not descrbe one particular table. From this we can then define which table we are talking about to referance to a concrete object. So there you have it, using concrete symbols to represent an abstract term in an abstract context for an abstract idea which represents a concrete thing. Also known as: Naming things in English so we can talk about them and being able to write out that name.

(that's my blurb, the CD is done and I am off to play minesweeper and listen to my music.)

later

I had my first real philosophy class today (ie where we did more than hand out the course outline). It's awesome. Aristotle, Socrates, Plato and the rest and lots of stuff on metaphysics and the like. I'm going to love this. I also had my first Office Suite course. It looks like a really basic one, which means free marks for me :D. Plus a lot of tedious boring work but whatever. I can do it three times as fast as anyone else (probably because I type three times as fast).

This is pretty much the end of my week. I've got 2 hours of class tomorrow and 4 on Friday, but nothing major.

Oh, first real chemistry class too. It's a lot of review so far, I'm hoping that we actually get to learn something new lol. Biology... is... biology. (less than to my liking but not awful).

So we're down to 15 days until Andarta comes to visit. *is slightly hyped up about this* the days can't pass fast enough for me.

I've got to call vicki tonight to arrange something *evil grin* Andarta hasn't seen Rocky Horror before...

Alright, I'm tired and hungry, so I'm going to take a few hours, go downstairs, make something to eat, put my feet up and read for an hour or two. (Or maybe kick my brother's arse at Timesplitters II). Whatever I do, I'll be back around 9PM-10PM tonight and I'll be on til around midnight or 1AM.

Later all.

*yawn* alright I just woke up. lol, yeah I was a little tired after school today. One of the consequences of staying up til 4:30AM and having to leave at 8:00AM. Well tomorrow I've got to leave at 7AM. (yay).

I start badminton tomorrow. The course, as described to be by the people who've already had it, is fairly easy. It's all marked based on how well you improve in your badminton skills over the semester.

hmm... they're playing Hell's Bells on the radio. :)

go AC/DC.

Metallica's coming to ottawa in about a month and a half (beginning of october, like the 7th) and i'm thinking of going. have to come up with the money though.

In about half an hour, there'll be 16 days left 'til Andarta is (hopefully, cross fingers) going to be here. I'm looking foward to her visit so much.

Alright they're playing good songs on radio. I will listen now until Andarta comes on or until I fall asleep.

Later

Yes... all what four of you? lol.

Alright, so what's going on. Not much actually.

I'm lucky school starts so early tomorrow. (If you count 10AM as early lol). I get to stay up slightly later than on most nights.

So Andarta is planning to make a trip up here to see a "certain someone" (her words). I wonder who it could be lol... anyways that takes place about mid september and we're going to go around Ottawa-Hull and see a lot of stuff, meet a lot of the people here (if y'all can find the time in thy busy schedules to meet her).

Oh, before I forget... I posted a new poem last night but I was too tired to announce it then. This is the annoucement. It'll be on my website later tonight, maybe.

I've got a few ideas for Andarta's trip already. There are a few musems that she likes and we could probably go see those. There are a lot of really nice beautiful spots around hull-ottawa to go to and I figured we'd go see some of those. And definatly have to visit the market and rideau. We're going to try and get Vicki to go shopping with us for some goth stuff (Andarta wants a trench coat). Maybe a movie (if something good is playing) and a dinner at some restaurant. A visit to Heritage was in there too (it being one of the really nice beautiful spots around hull-ottawa) along with nearby gatineau park.

Heh... my mom's got this idea that Andarta and I are going to... do something naughty shall we say while she's here. Well I know of no such plans on my part. I've always thought that when the time is right, it'll happen. And really... it's none of my parents business in any case. I'm 17 and I'm damn close to 18 and she's already over 18. It's our choice, not their's. *shrugs* whatever... my parents worry too much about me somedays. I'm going to try and talk them out of worrying about this tomorrow, but I dunno how well that'll work

So lot's of things planned for that weekend.

I still don't have an answer from her but she said she wants to meet me again first and that's alright with me. I can wait another 20 days (and getting close to 19) for her answer. She's leaning towards a yes though and that's enough to put a smile on my face.

Classes actually look interesting this year in school. We're doing interesting stories in english (currently we're doing "The Purloined Letter" by Poe and I love Poe. I love Poe so much I wrote "The Raven" out, in complete, on the back of my door.) Biology looks to be vaguely interesting, and chemistry looks very interesting. Calculus looks to be on the interesting side too.

i'm happy that I get off at noon on friday's now. Every week they've got a magic tournement at the hobby shop here and usually I go (With my Elves or something else depending on the format). This week, it's commons only which means i've got to build a whole new deck. I'm making a sped-red deck. Shocks and stuff like that.

So lots of things seem to be going right now. I actually really like my life now... well except that Andarta and I live so far apart. But we can deal with that. I like the direction things are heading it, CEGEP doesn't look too hard. lol, someday's I wonder if I'm living in a dream and I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find out it's all false.

I really like her... it's... a new and different feeling from all the past people. But this is old territory lol. I'm sure you've all heard enough about Andarta and how much I like her, probably had a few earfuls from me occasionally. :D I just hope that things keep going where they look like they're going...

Alright I think that's it for tonight. Andarta's on and I want to talk with her.

Laterz all.

So maybe a few of you noticed I havent been online for a good long while. Yesterday, somehow (I still have no clue probably one of my brothers was on it and downloaded something) my computer got a virus. I spent today wiping the drive and restoring all the programs and I just got it working a few minutes ago.

So some things have been happening here. I've gotten my courses changed around a little bit. I now finish at (and can be home an hour to an hour and a half later than) 6PM on mondays and tuesdays, 5PM on wednesday, 10AM on thursdays and noon on fridays. On one hand, it sucks cause I've got a two hour spare on monday and that's all my spares throughout the week (though I only go in for 10AM on monday's instead of my normal 8AMs and I get off earlier on thursdays and fridays). I think it's worth it, some people might disagree with me.Another bonus is, if I want to work, then I've got large blocks of open time on thursdays and fridays. And if I'm not working then, then I've got hours of free time then to do school work that was assigned during the week.

I've gotten most of my book list together, and I've already bought my cal textbook. Going to cost (I figured) another $500 in books. Ugh. Going to have to buy those throughout the week.

Alright later all.

So yet another school year begins. This one looks to be a fair bit more hectic that previous ones. Therefore I will post my usual warning (but mean it a little bit more) that I will not be on as much as I am over the summer, nor will I be blogging as much, writing as much (not that I've written a lot over the summer lol) or updating my website anywhere near as often as I do now. However, e-mail is still a fine way to contact me and I do check those at least once a day. Especially once I start working as I'll probably (this is my estimate) be doing school stuff/work until midnight and I don't know if I'll be on-line at all those nights. (some nights might be less, some maybe more (ugh)). So be warned. If it's important, send me an e-mail and I'll come on-line if I can at the time you want me to. I warn you, I'm not avaliable anytime before 2PM Thursdays, 4PM Fridays, 6PM Tuesdays and 7PM Mondays and Wednesdays. Weekends, I duno. And as I said, once I start working, these'll change quite a bit.

Anyways, I'm pretty tired and my back's sore so I'm off to bed after a hot bath.

Later all.

yes! excellent!

I just got an e-mail back from the University of Waterloo. They said that the required courses for Waterloo's Computer Science program are Cal I and Linear Algebra with Cal II being recommended. Therefore, I'll see if I can switch Cal II into second semester, but it's not as big a deal as I thought it might be. I feel confident that my marks will be good enough to get in (Math was always my top subject).

Definatly an occasion to celebrate eh? lol.

Turns out my parents are taking me out to dinner tonight at Dubarry's (a chinese food place in Gatineau... real Gatineau not this new POS they call Gatineau and I call "the terrible, stupid, short-sighted, illadvised, never asked us or took a vote or anything to try and merge Aylmer, Hull, Chelsea and Wakefield into one city (with Gatineau). And did you notice that out of all five towns (seven if you include Buckingham and Masson-Anger) that only two have french names? Yet they picked the french one... grr! Another insult to Quebec-anglophone culture!" and then I go off into this tirade against the Quebec government but whatever.

So yeah, I doubt I'll be around til 9-10 tonight and I may go right to bed as I've got school tomorrow! Or I may go check my e-mail but not for very long.

But yes! Waterloo seems to be on, if I can get a good job this year. (And my parents seem to be okay with it... they offered to pay some of the costs, like helping with the car payment, moving expenses and even furniture if I wanted an apartment. yes! ka-ching).

Alright, alright, I've got stuff to do, especially if I'm going out tonight.

Later all.


(now where did I put that f-ing watch)

You know you've spent too much time using the mouse when your wrist hurts like mine does.

School starts... TOMORROW, OMG! lol. I've got a pile of things I've got to do, like check the weather forecast, locate my umbrella if it looks like it will be needed, find my f-ing lock which disappeared on me (grr) and do some laundry. and *looks around room* maybe do some cleaning lol. I can't see my floor.

Seriously my wrist hurts, so I'm going to spend some time doing other things besides stuff on the computer. don't want carpal tunnel at 18 do I? I'll leave MSN open though so anyone who wants to send me a message is welcome to (I just don't guarentee that I'll be around.)

To everyone going to heritage, good luck tomorrow and I hope I see you there. To everyone going to another cegep (I assume they all start around now) good luck as well. To everyone going to high school still, I HATE YOU! CURSE YOU FOR STARTING TWO WEEKS AFTER US! (lol, jk jk) good luck when you start and I'll try and drop in to visit occasionally, if I've got the time. For the college students, I have no clue when you start, I just know it's after us. I HATE YOU TOO! (lol jk again) again good luck. Now... for the university students... I HATE YOU EVEN MORE THAN THE OTHER TWO GROUPS OF PEOPLE! (if you haven't figured out I'm joking yet, go for a catscan or something.) Good luck when you start and watch out for the grenades. (Oh, the warning about grenades goes for the people at d'arcy too...)

lol.

Alright, I need sustenance. Later all.

my god... I actually went the entire day without blogging. I'm shocked. (Well technically it was a day, considering it's now 12:30AM and my last blog was before midnight two days ago. That's Monday to the temporally challenged lol.)

So... what to talk about tonight.

I dunno what mood I'm in. *sigh* Sortof down I guess. I know school's going to be awesome, but I'm still nervous. I don't know if I can do this. I mean, yeah high school math was a breeze and I doubt I'll have any problems with calculus this year. But Biology... bio was never my best subject. In fact, it's one of my worst. And I've never done dissection (wonders of being in french immersion) and we'll probably do that this year. Argh! I'm actually hoping it's more advanced biology, not anatomy of frogs but more genetics, cellular biology, stuff like that. I can do cellular biology and genetics is something that I find interesting. But taking apart a frog? ugh. (yeah I'm a wuss lol). Same for chemistry. I love the theory side of chemistry and even some of the practical side. But if we get into solutions and gases (and I believe we will) then ugh. Ah well... whatever happens will happens. English is going to be fun I hope, and same for Philosophy. Badminton is just easy and as for Introduction to an Office Suite are you kidding? I've known how to use one of those things since I was like 12. Probably not even worth going to half the classes and the stuff I haven't learned is stuff that no one will use except once in a blue moon.

*sigh* so... I dunno. Classes are classes and I've always done well. Just may need a little extra work in Bio and Chem this year. (and maybe even calculus... intergals looked hard. derivatives are no problem though.)

I miss Andarta.

Yeah it's funny. We're not even dating (yet I hope) and yet I still miss her a lot. I can't wait til we next see each other. I'm hoping cegep will take my mind off of missing her a bit, give me something to do so I don't just sit around all day and brood on it. Plus working too, for the same reason (as well as to make money). But even talking with her over the net really helps. It'll light up my day and let me go to sleep at night with a smile on my face. But she can't always be on-line talking to me, she's got a life too. Ah well, I can live with that. Cherish the time we do have together.

I'm calling it a night at 1:30AM unless she shows up. Maybe go write some after this, maybe find a book. Maybe I'll just add to this blog until 1:30 lol. (Yeah, like I'm that creative).

I dunno... there are days when I just tell myself she can't like me this much. It's... it's... it's the best thing that I've ever felt and good things don't happen to me. There's always some problem, some complication. The only person who's ever actually liked me enough to ask me out was a complete and utter psycho. No, that's unkind. Her and I... we just didn't think anywhere near alike. It wasn't working for me and I don't know if it was for her either. We were two very different people. And come to think of it, I didn't even feel that strongly for her. More of a mild attraction. (This was proven when we broke up... she freaked and started spreading lies about me like how I'm an ass and wanted to molest her. Yeah. Me molest someone, that's funny.) *sigh* I can't say I hated all of the relationship. She was the only one of my girlfriends who liked to cuddle. My best memory of that was of watching the movie "The Core" when it first came out in theatres and she nearly fell asleep on my shoulder. *sigh* good times. Vicki and I were close sometimes but I never got the feeling that she liked it. (I on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying it). I remember how vicki and I used to get together every saturday night to watch a movie or two or three. Sometimes we had Jill come over and watch with us (she brought over Rocky Horror one night and got me addicted... curse her!) *sigh*

Yeah, I'm in a nostalgic mood, I know. It's the only thing I could think of to fill 45minutes worth of writing (as I can't think of anything to write a poem about).

heh... Vicki and I started to watch Lilo and Stich that night too, but it was like 1AM and I had to go home (my parents weren't letting me sleep over there yet). We never got to finish that movie... we broke up three weeks later and we barely saw each other in between.

It's odd... you can take aspects of everyone of my ex-girlfriends and just make a perfect image of my perfect woman. Take Vicki's twisted sense of humour and most of her personality, add in Dorothy's caring and wanting to cuddle, then add Jess's intelligence and Scorpie's playfulness (yeah Scorpie, ur playful lol, when ur in a good mood). And... actually these are pretty much all found in Andarta. So I suppose I'm lucky. Now if only she lived here lol... or I lived there.

yeah... I really miss her. stupid distance... wish someone would invent a teleporter or something, so we could have instant travel across vast distances. but since when has something being hard stopped me from doing it eh? And it's not forever that we'll be apart. Plus we'll be able to meet from time to time. (As often as we have the money and the spare time to see each other I hope)

Alright, it's 1AM, I'm done rambling. Instead I'm going to go listen to music with a pad of paper and a pencil in front of me for another bit, post anything I come up with and then go to bed.

Later all and *hugs* Andarta if I miss you tonight.

PS: Andarta, I dunno if you've made your decision or not yet, but if you have, well, lets talk about it next time I see you.

*sigh*

Alright, I was hoping to see Andarta tonight but I'm actually really tired for some reason. And I suppose I should be getting back in the groove for school shouldn't I. So I'm hitting the hay at midnight unless she shows up by then.

I've finished posting tonight's three poems on both the website and the blog. I don't think Saved is that great a poem but the other two are probably worth reading (if you like my poetry that is lol).

You know, I've never felt this way about anyone before, the way I feel towards Andarta. It's a... a... hmm. It's hard to describe. It's a light, happy feeling, like everything's going well for once. Sure sometimes, like earlier today, I get down about her. I miss her and I wish I could be there or she could be here. I wish we could both be going to university this year or that she was going to U of O. But you know... this means something. If I miss her, I must really like her. And the feeling of lonliness goes away after a bit, replaced with that light happy feeling that I'm feeling now. I really hope she's willing to go out with me again... it would be awesome. *sigh* She just puts me in a mood that I love, when I'm talking with her. I love the smile she puts on my face when I see the little window "Andarta has signed in." (hoping I see that window soon lol).

*sigh* I suppose I shouldn't get too attached. I mean, she could say no right? I can't say I'm okay with that because I really believe we should be together. And I can't say I'll be happy about it because I won't be. But I think I can, if not be okay with it, then at least accept it. There's a saying about love that I once had but I lost it. It went something like "If you love someone, then let them go. If they come back, they're yours forever. If they don't, then you never had them to begin with." I've never held anyone back from doing what they wanted. If people wanted to break up with me, I didn't beg and I didn't argue. Perhaps I should have, but I always thought if they're breaking up with me, then I'll let them. If they like me enough, then they'll be back. Funny... I always thought it would be Vicki and I together in the end. But you know... well... let me tell the story. I was on vacation and I was thinking about Vicki a lot. I thought about what I wanted us to do together and it was all these wonderful things, walks on the beach hand in hand and all the things like that. But then, one night, I realized something. I can't picture Vicki there. I can picture her body there, yes, but I can't picture the person who is vicki enjoying those things with me. And I realized she was right about me... I am a romantic and I do want someone who has greater depths of feeling than her, someone who shows more emotion than her. I'll admit I have feelings for her... but we just want different things in a relationship and we're both too stubborn to ever change what we want. Then Andarta came back into my life and I realized who's personality I was picturing in my dreams. It was her's.

She's truly a wonderful, amazing person.

*sigh* and she's still not on-line lol.

Alright, I'm off to bed. If I really can't get to sleep, I might be on again in a bit, but I wouldn't count on it.

Laterz all.

Yes actually this is my 200th post on this blog. It's been quite awhile since I've started this blog and I certainly think that I've changed a lot since I have started it.

I'm in a bit better mood now. I was able to write a poem and actually I think it's pretty good. If I manage anymore tonight, I'll be sure to come here and post them.

I think it was just the little argument with my parents over something trivial that put me in that bad mood. It seems to be fading, so... bah whatever.

So it's back to school for me in three days. I'm so excited but also dreading the early wakeup. I've figured out that I've got to leave at about 7AM to catch the bus, which means me being up at 6:15-6:30. grr! But at least I don't have to leave for a bit more for my 10AM classes. In fact, after regular school starts, I think I'll just take the bus with the philemon kids. Sure it gets me there an hour early but whatever. I can go to the library and read or do some homework. Plus I get to talk to everyone at Philemon regularily then. (yeah I can't spell today)

Alright, I'm going to go post the poetry, then just sit back and listen to some music. Maybe it'll help my inspiration, which seems to be lacking as of late. Ah well.

This always happens whenever I'm in a really good mood... my inspiration sortof fades away. Maybe it's because I write about depression and sadness a lot... maybe I can only write about those things. Well I'm trying to write happier things, so we'll see how that goes.

Alright laterz all

Hey all.

Well I'm not really certain what I'm feeling right now. It's kindof a down feeling, not depressed but... bah I can't explain it. Maybe I just miss Andarta. Maybe it's cause I just had another little argument with my parents. Whatever.

I haven't written any poetry today, forgive. Maybe I will later tonight (yeah I plan to be on for awhile... like til midnight or 1AM maybe even 2.)

So... nothing much more. Later all.

Alright. Today I found out that Scrabble (And a few other people I know) were involved in a car crash on friday. (the thirteenth.) No one bothered telling me or anything that five people I know and like were involved in a car crash. Thanks a lot people. Well... no one was hurt (thank god). It's odd though... I just saw most of these people a few hours before. We were joking and laughing (they were at the cegep meeting with me, in the same program). it's frightening.

grr. I am in such a philosophical mood. I think after I get off I'll go write some poetry. I feel in the mood for it. Unless I conk out. I've got to get back into my normal sleep patterns soon... i've got to be getting up at 6:30, maybe even 6AM for those 8AM classes (bloody bus schedule). luckily thursday I start at 10 so I don't have to leave til about 8:30 or 8 (Speaking of which I suppose I should go check the bus schedules.

Oh, Andarta just came on-line. Well maybe I'll be up a bit longer.

After she leaves, I think I'm going to write some. I've been wanting to write a new story actually... problem is I don't have the experiances required to write it. I wanted to write a story about a cross-canada trip, describing a lot of the famous places in the country. But I just haven't been to enough of them to write the whole thing. Maybe after I've done some more vacationing, especially out west, I can write it. I've got a few other ideas kicking around, but nothing seems very good to me. I've abandoned the idea of an autobiography... as I said, it sounds really whiny to me when I reread it and I can't fix it. It sounds like I'm just bitching about my life and that's not the tone I wanted. So I've abandoned it. But after I've visited some more of this country (after I get a chance to) I definatly want to write a story about a couple who take a month long cross canada trip, describe the best places there are in Canada and hopefully tell a good story in the process.

Alright so some new poetry tomorrow I hope. Will post again 2morrow night I hope. And Scrabble... if you read this CALL ME OR E-MAIL ME!

Later all

It's been like three days since I last posted. Suppose I should post some now eh?

Alrighty.

The meeting at the cegep went well. They did a sortof thing where we were taking a trip (to success though the atmosphere was hawaian... not shitting you, even the music.) Had to wear a lei for the few hours it was on, but it wasn't terrible. It just clashed terribly with everything else I was wearing.

Lol... apparently the story about when I wore goth makeup has spread around. I only went into a tim hortons (And at like 1AM nevertheless) but apparently someone saw me, knew who I was and the story spread. Grr! Lol, ah well whatever. It's all good.

I just finished shopping for school, with the exception of my textbooks. I'm hoping I haven't forgotten anything.

Hmm... right now I feel like playing guitar. Think when I'm done this, I'll play some guitar while waiting for people to show whom I wish to talk to. (Actually KoS is on right now but... meh just don't really feel like talking to him right now).

So I suppose everyone wants to know more about Andarta and I right...? Well it hasn't changed much since I last blogged about it. I'm really hoping she'll say yes... I've never felt this way about anyone before and I'm really hoping to get the chance to explore where this feeling goes. *sigh* sorry... guess I'm feeling a little nervous and worried about this. I just... well. Alright, I'll be frank. I don't want to lose her... I really really like her, more than I've liked anyone before now. And after we broke up, I felt awful. So now... I've been given a second chance and I'm hoping I get to make the most of it. *sigh* I hate waiting lol. I've never had much patience with things, suppose it's something I should learn one day. But it is an important decision so I can see why she wants to be sure of her decision. And as I've said before, if she really thinks about it, it just makes a yes all that much more better.

I want to talk more about that but... I'm just not sure how to word anything I'm feeling. It's a really awesome feeling...

Alright... I'm done blogging for today. Going to go play guitar now and wait for Andarta to come on-line. Later all!

Well not that early. I've got to be gone by 9:15 I figure, have to go down to the CLSC do some stuff for my health insurance, then catch a bus into ottawa, eat lunch, maybe buy a new book if i've got the time to waste, then head on over to the CEGEP for 1, undergo my 3-4 hour orientation and meeting with the Registar, then take the bus back to Ottawa and then back home. It's like 10 hours away from home for a 3 hour bloody meeting and lunch and doing some stuff at the CLSC (which takes like 15minutes). This is bull...stupid bus systems.

My parents and I are talking more and more about university as it approaches. They agree with a lot of what I'm thinking about and have agreed to front some money for some things, but most are going to be mine to pay for. (ex they offered to pay for furniture if i want to rent a place (within reason) and help me with a budget, stuff like that) Rent, tuition, food, transportation money all of that is left to me. But it's not going to be a huge problem. They recommended I do a co-op program which takes higher marks to get into, costs slightly more and adds 3 terms to the length of the program (and leaves you with no summers off pretty much) but the pay is fairly good. In fact it could probably cover all my tuition and living costs. So that's what I think I'll try to do... get into the Computer Science co-op program. It won't leave me with any vacation... that's my only problem with it at the moment. I have to think about that. But both my parents recommended it and it is a good way to get job experiance and money and to create connections. I'll keep it in mind. I've got a while longer to pick a program, until I think about january. 'Cause even if I don't go into the co-op program, I'll still have to work over the summer... it's just I'll have a choice where to work over the summer and what to do. (and maybe even more vacation time, who knows.) Ah well, things to think about later right?

So everything's going pretty good with me now. I think I'll go hop into bed after I finish checking other people's blogs. I need to get up early (ugh).

Andarta, if you're reading this after you've taken your road test, send me an e-mail about how it went, kay? If before good luck!!!!!

I'll be on at around 10PM tomorrow, got a lot to do.

Laterz all.

(PS - Maybe new poetry tomorrow night, I had a good idea for one, I just forgot it... cursed memory!)

I've spent the last hour crunching some numbers here. With events heading in this direction, more than ever I want to get into waterloo and that costs money. Lots of money. I did the numbers for tuition & fees, books, costs of renting a room, food, gas money and a little bit extra for some fun and i figure $60,000 in expenses throughout all 4 years there. Of course, me being me, I've worst cased this, which means if I get a good deal on an apartment, good deal on books and gas prices go down, then that's less. But say $60,000 anyways to be on the safe side. Then, I looked at my income for the next 5 years. (One year cegep, four years university assumed). I figured I can make, at $8/hour (which is possible, hell I know people who get more) and working my ass off, around $57500. That's not including my RESP which totals over $12000 I believe. (I think 12000 is the principle plus i get 750$ a year for four years or something like that. Which means another 15000. So after working my ass off for five years (thats at 20 hours a week during school and something like 50 when i'm not) plus an RESP is 72500$. Not bad. And well over the 60000 I think is needed. (Don't you love it when your parents save for you?) This isn't including any scholorships and, looking at them, I think I can get at least one. So it looks like, financially, Waterloo is on!

I was also browsing through their website and I discovered that they accept students out of first year cegep. Which means that I can go after this year, if I have the course requirements.

So what are the course requirements... Advanced Functions and Introductory Calculus, English, Geometry and Discrete Mathematics, and either grade 12 M Computer & Information SCience or one other Grade 12 U course. (this is the Ontario stuff obviously... we don't have grade 12 do we?). In Quebec, this means what then? Mathematics 102 (202 recommended) and Mathematics 105 for the math courses. English is two 603 english courses.As for the last one I have no clue. (I suppose it's just one pre-U science program. What I can't figure out is wtf is MAthematics 102 202 or 105? my math course codes are stuff like 201-NYA-05, 201-NYC-05 and 201-NYB-05. grr! stupid system...

alright, alright, I'm calm. I've got a meeting with the CEGEP tomorrow so maybe I'll find a guidance conselor and ask them about it. 'Cause if I'm taking one of the courses I need in third term or fourth, I want to switch it into first/second term if I can.

Alright, enough about CEGEP and university. It's a year in the future, I've got some time to figure out the course stuff. As for the money well... I plan to start working at the beginning of september, after I see what the course load and homework load is like. All that's going to change is the number of nights I'm avaliable to work... if it's heavy I'll stick to one or two nights/week. If it's fairly light maybe four or five. plus a day on the weekend, maybe even two if there's light homework.

cegep starts a week today. i'm getting really excited. i also really want to get the courses that I need nailed down so I can really focus in them. I know I'll need English but I was never an awful english student... just not a brilliant one. (stupid grammer of mine). If I can't figure it out, I'll just try my best in all the math courses... but Math was always my strong suit. Guess I'm lucky... I'm good at math and I like programming and you need math to do programming. sweet deal really. I'm good at what I like.

I get to take Philosophy and Rationality first term... that's going to be interesting. Can't wait to start confusing my classmates with various discussions on evil. Maybe even my teacher if we get a bad one. and I have gym... *shudder* I really hope I get to do softball. I'm actually good at that. I also get to take a course in a wordprocessing suite... like Word/Excel/Powerpoint/etc/etc/etc. Ha! That is going to be so freaking easy. (It's going to be a slack course that I can cut if I need to probably). Lets see.... whatelse. General Bio I, that's going to be a struggle. Biology was not my favorite course. But I don't really need it so as long as I pull off a passing mark, I'll be good. Cal I... math... well everyone's told me calculus is hard but the basics weren't that hard for me to learn. And General Chemistry. I got lucky... no french! French is next semester... bastards. Why couldn't they put all the french classes in 3/4 so I could just drop them all.

So I'm 28 class hours a week and an estimated 20 hours of homework. still leaves plenty of time for working and playing.

argh... can't wait til I go back to school. This year is goign to be really interesting, I'm hoping they actually start to teach us stuff we can use... not like last year with our BS courses about light...

alright, I'm done on that topic.

Laterz all.

GO CHECK MY WEBSITE!

Yes, it's here, it's finished, it's complete and IT'S EXPANDED!

I have finally finished redoing my website after I put in... oh easily 12-13 hours today on it. My back hurts and my fingers ache, but it was worth it. Some of the new text effects I found are awesome and I've also added some of my work from school. And I've brought the poetry section up to date as well.

Sorry there isn't any new poetry... this kindof occupied all my time today. But if Andarta has to go to bed before I'm tired, I'll sneak downstairs, go outside and write some poetry for y'all. My backyard at night is always inspiring. If not, maybe tomorrow.

So what is going on between us? I know I've had some questions lately from some people about whether or not we're going out. The truth is she hasn't decided yet, she's still thinking about it. It's alright with me though, because it is kindof a big question. It's not like we can wander over to see each other anytime we want is it? But I still believe that if two people like each other enough, they can conquer the distance between them. And plus... if she takes the time to really think about it and comes up with a yes, then that's better. A hurried answer may be an impulse, if you think about it, you're more likely to discover the true, long-lasting kind of feelings. So I say she can take all the time she wants. I'm still confident in my decision and it's been a week and a half. There are no regrets on my part. So those of you who are asking will just have to sit tight and wait. She'll answer when she's sure of it. And I can promise you this, I won't be able to stop myself from shouting it out to the world ;)

CEGEP meeting is this coming friday, I'm getting a bit nervous. But all my marks are good, so I should have no problems right?

Alright, I've had my two cents. Enjoy the site all!

Yep, so the storm's still going on. The worst of it seems to have passed us already but it must be hitting Ottawa still. Our internet connection is getting flakey. I just had it go out on me about 15minutes ago and I just got it back. And it went out around 8PM for about an hour too.

So I've posted two new poems tonight that I've finished and I may post more if inspiration comes to me. I'm also working on remodeling my website, but that could take some time. I don't know if it'll be finished by the time I hit the hay tonight. I've got to rebuild most of it from scratch as the files were deleted off of the computer (thank you whoever wiped my harddrive!). I'm sticking with the blue color scheme, just going to fiddle with the layout, the font sizes and stuff like that. Also I'm adding some better images to the site. So check in on that if you're curious.

Alright, I'm going to get some work done on the website now, then I'm going to read some HP til 2. (This is so freaking addictive!)

Laterz!

Could it be... yes... yes it could! It's a thunderstorm!

lol. I know, I know, I'm a freak.

So it's raining pretty hard here with thunder/lightning and all that. Don't think I'm going anywhere today, so I'm probably just going to sit here at home, listen to some music, read Harry Potter and occasionally glance at my MSN to see if anyone's on-line.

I feel a lot better than I did last night. :)

Alright... HP calls me. Andarta, when you get on, send me an IM. I'll be watching.

Dep

hey all.

Well i feel like complete crap. I'm exhausted and... well I feel sick. Iwas hoping I wasn't but... ah well.

I'm going to bed as soon as I finish writing this. I just woke up from about a three hour long nap and already I'm tired again.

Andarta... I look foward to reading the rest of your poetry whenever you get around to posting it.

Alright... I'm hitting the hay. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow night.

Laterz

So today I slept in late (may have something to do with how I was up til about 3:30AM this morning, chatting with Andarta) and so it feels like... well certainly not the 5:30 that it is.

I got to read some of Andarta's latest poetry last night.. it's really pretty good. Reminds me a lot of my own, so if you hate mine you'll hate hers but I think it's awesome. She even *blush* has two about me... I don't think anybody's written poetry like this about me before. Freya's written a few about us being friends but nothing like this. It's... it's an indescribable feeling, to know that someone likes me enough to write poetry about me like this. (No I won't give examples... it's not mine to give out).

So where are things going with her and I? I don't know. She likes me a lot, I know that, but she has to decide her priorities... going to university, living in a different city, having to work a lot are certainly a lot and to add a long-distance relationship... I dunno. But she'll have to figure that one out. I've already figured my part out... the distance isn't that big a problem to me. We'll have some time together, whenever we can both get away, and parts of our vacation as well. The time we spend apart will just make the time we spend together more special. Whether or not she wants to contend with having a long-distance boyfriend on top of all this other stuff is up to her. (Though I have to admit, I'm certainly hoping she decides to go out with me. Hoping very hard. I suppose I'll understand if she doesn't though.)

Alright so... not much else to say really. Later all!

dep

I have finished writing a poem. It's not actually half-bad. It's going on my poetry blog as usual along with anything else I come up with tonight (won't bother posting more here for them).

Later

I remember that I promised you guys I'd write a poem there... well I haven't. Last night was a slightly busy one, I got all tangled up helping my dad fix up my LAN connection. (turns out the problem was a simple one... he changed the network name and didn't tell me... grr!)

Alright, so that's done and it's all working now. i've got full internet from my room and I intend to use it as often as possible. :D

(I love having my own computer...)

alright, so school begins for me on Aug 19th... means there is 11 more days to go.

Somedays, I just can't believe that I've graduated from high school. I keep expecting to feel different... and I don't. I'm still Dep, I keep on writing, keep on doing the things I do. It doesn't feel any different... and yet it is. Hell I'm going to be 18 soon, what's that going to feel like. When I turn 18, I think it'll be the same thing... Yeah I'm 18. It doesn't feel any different... but yet it is different. I'll be able to drink, I'll be able to drive (not both at once or anywhere near each other in the fourth dimension... that's time for those of you not familiar with the fourth dimension) , I'll be able to go into bars (here in Quebec, not in Ottawa).

So yeah.. it's a big change in what I'm allowed to do and what I'm not. I'm planning a huge party... well a tiny party. It's goign to be all my closest friends and... well I'm going to copy Freya's b-day party in some respects. Loud music, some alcohol and good friends... maybe a movie or two if we get bored. Oh and some food in there lol. So it's a huge party with a tiny number of people. If I were having the party today I'd invite DDM, Scorpie, Nat, Scrabble and Goldie. I'd also invite Freya and Andarta (and Angelis if Freya could come) but... well there are a few problems with them coming here lol. If they want to come though, they'd be welcome of course.

Can't imagine what it's going to be like... going out in the world. I think it's going to be a combination of exciting and frightening at the same time. There's no saftey net really to catch you if you fall... not like there is here at home. But it's also goign to be exciting, doing a lot of the things you never got to do as a child.

I might post some poetry later tonight, if I get some inspiration here.

Hey, if anyone out there wants to go rent a movie, rent the Crow series. They're all awesome music, with excellent soundtracks.

Speaking of soundtracks, I'm going to post my current playlist. Perhaps it'll give you an idea of my mood. *shrugs*

Don't Want To Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)
Desperatly Wanting (Better Than Ezra)
Where Ever You Will Go (The Calling)
New York Minute (The Eagles)
Your Song (Elton John)
Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)
When You're Gone (Matchbox 20)
Unwell (Matchbox 20)
Hot Summer Night (Meatloaf)
Bat Out Of Hell (Meatloaf)
I'll Be (I really don't remember who this is by, but Nicky sent it to me and it's an awesome song
Come What May (Moulin Rouge)
www.NeverGetOverYou (Prozzac)
I'd Do Anything (Simple Plan)
Runaway Train (Soul Asylum)

yep... so you can tell it's my sappy love song playlist for the most part right? lol... it's just one of those moods.

alright so I think I'm done blogging for tonight... at least until I get some poetry done. TTYL!

Dep

PS: I'll leave you with a few quotes I like...

Buildings burn, people die but true love is forever
-The Crow

Love has it's reasons... of which reason knows nothing
- (Darn I forget)

Alright LATER!

internet working. deathmatching brother. will be installing MSN Messenger later tonight (After I wipe his ass all across the shores of hell.) Ltrz!

I am running out of titles for my blog entries. Blogging at least once a day (and sometimes twice) gets difficult, you know trying to be creative and all... but I manage somehow.

So... whats new today...

Freya appeared on-line, briefly. I wish she'd come on more, but... I guess that's not possible. I'm just used to discussing everything in my life with her, what's gone to hell, what's going on, what bright points there are, etc, etc, etc. *sigh* goddamn it...

So I guess you've noticed the lack of poetry right? Well... truth be told, I haven't been able to think of anything to write about. I'm not going to write about Andarta (though I'd like to) because I'm just not sure where we stand at the moment. I'm not going to write about anyone else because... well... I can't think of anything to write about them. And as for myself... *shrugs* no really strong feelings to write about at the moment... life's just going along smoothly, not many dips in the road, but not many high points either. As for life... ha! I suppose I could write something about life but... nah. I'm not in the mood to bitch about life. Life is life. Accept it or don't, it simply is. ... I'm thinking about writing a poem about Andarta actually... just not certain how I'm going to say what I want to say... (as for not knowing where we stand well... I'm sure of where I stand and that's enough for this poem.) Perhaps something from Shakespeare...

Andarta, Andarta wherefore art thou Andarta...

(maybe not lol)

Speaking of Shakespeare, I'm sure I'm going to get laughed at when I say I love it. I've always loved medieval stuff, from fantasy novels to D&D to swords (And other weaponry from the period) to the language. Old English... *drool*. So it's small wonder I love Shakespeare... now if only I could spell his name right lol. (There's a reason I used to be called the Master of Typos... either my 100 wpm typing speed always fucked up my spelling or I just didn't care how many typos I made... or both. A little from column A, a little from column B as they say.) Seriously, Shakespeare is awesome.

And besides, if I was going to use a line from shakespeare, I'd pick something from one of his comedies. The ending of Romeo and Juliet is not something I wish to emulate. or Othello either for that matter.

Anyways... I am now bored out of my mind and there's nothing really to do on this computer, so I think it's back upstairs for a bit for me.

Freya, if you're ever on-line for a decent length of time, I'd like an e-mail from you. A long one. I don't care what it's about, as long as it's long.

Later all.

alright... problem of LAN solved except for one tiny problem... the software for the router won't *bleeping* install! grrr!

*calms down*

So it's going to be a few days 'til I've got full internet upstairs. (or any internet for that matter) Til then I must content myself with Diablo and the occasional bursts of programming madness. (yes I already installed VB)

one more week til I've got to go up to Heritage and show them the "Yes I did get 94 in Math this year" piece of paper that lets them teach me new stuff.

Alright, so today I'm going to the gaming store for the weekly Magic tourney... will be back around 7 I suppose if Kev doesn't invite me over to his place. Will talk to y'all later.

Dep

So today with a lack of better things to do (except when KoS came on and we chatted and I read his blog... all like six entries) I read the entire archives of CAD (Ctrl-Alt-Del for the n00bs in the audience tonight). If you are a gamer and I don't care what system you use be it PS2, X-Box, the PC or god-forbid even GameCube, then this is a comic for you. Hell even if you're just a computer geek, go read it. Fans of Starcraft, Warcraft, Splinter Cell, Soul Caliber, Halo, UT, etc, etc, etc, etc will love it. Or if you just like to see a 21 year old guy get shot with arrows repeatedly, then sat on by an elephant. Or if you're curious about why soccer balls can be filled with napalm and indeed should be (go read the archives for this one). READ THE COMIC! THE MAN IS A GENIUS!

Alright, my advertising is done... where's my grand?

lol.

Nah, I did that 'cause I love the comic. GO READ!

(christ I really am a computer geek. BOW BEFORE MY 337n3ss!)

alright, i'm through with that now. Planning to get readdicted to some computer games as I now have my own PC for day long gaming. Going to start with my favorites from Blizzard... Diablo and Starcraft. Following that I was thinking of trying out Halo (Which I've never actually played before) among some other games.

I was addicted to a game over vacation... Legend of the Dragoon for PS. Christ that game is awesome. Problem is I've only got a PS2, and you need a PS to play the entire game. grrr! So I'm stuck at the end of disc 2 of 4 waiting for my brothers to buy a PS so I can go kick some monster ass on disc 3.

Yes, I know, I'm a freak lol.

Alright, so everything's going well. Nothing really interesting going on at the moment (hence the reason I'm talking about video games) that I haven't already blogged about. L8r all!

)3* the 337

I pwn

Right now I'm a sortof emotional high. It's not overly joyous it's just... contentedness I suppose. Like nothing's wrong. It's a good feeling. I should do this more often, I could get used to this.

So I've recently read Freya's blog. It's nice to hear that people support your actions. I always feel better with myself when people are happy with my actions. To be honest... if they are disappointed in me, there ain't much I can do but it's still nice when people say things like she did.

So things are going pretty good as you might imagine. I've got my computer up and running but it's still without internet. That means I don't know how much I'll be on-line... there's nothing really to do anymore on this one except chat and no one ever seems to be on. I'm trying to get on every night though for a few hours, write in my blog some, chat with anyone who comes on-line and isn't busy. School's back in less than two weeks and I'm still looking foward to it. Oh not the work and the lessons and all that but the company that comes with it. Finally I'll be able to talk with everyone again... at least everyone who's going to Heritage. I'll miss a few of the people who are going away... Scrabble among others. But most of the people I know are going to Heritage... DDM's going if he passes his summer math course. Nat's going, Adam's going (I think).

Still thinking about working. At this point, I'm just going to leave it until I've begun high school anyways. I want to see what the workload is like and all that before I get into working outside of it.

Alright... I think that'll be about it for tonight... I'm working on one of my projects on my computer upstairs and I want to get back to it. I've also rebuilt most of my music collection too, so lots of good listening upstairs! (Right now I'm just hooked on some of the Matrix soundtrack!)

And Freya... if you're reading this (And I don't know when you will) drop me a line about why you called me plz? I'm kindof curious. I may call you in a few days, hopefully when you're not working.

Later all!

today's the day, yes today is indeed the day!

today I get to hook up and test out my own computer! sweet...

Only one problem... my LAN is down which means no internet! crap. but I still have it here, so don't worry. It'll just be a while before I can chat with you guys from my room.

Alright, that's about it for now. Going to spend most of today hooking up/ trying out new computer. TTYL!

Dep

Alright, I am back home now. And I have an explanation for the many people (all two of you) who are disappointed/pissed off at me/angry at me (Etc, etc, etc) for one of my recent decisions. Listen and let me explain something to you.

Of course I'm talking about the decision to ask Andarta out again. She still hasn't told me yes or no, but she hasn't been on-line and I suspect she's writing me a letter. I don't know why, guess I'll find out when I read the letter. So probably next week sometime if it's a letter and hopefully soon if she just can't come on-line (for work or whatever reason). But let me explain why.

I know a lot of you were... upset (that's putting it mildly) when you found out what happened. What happened was, for two days Andarta dated someone else besides me and then broke up with me. (this is my understanding of events and I really don't know if it's true. It could be different for all I know.) So I got slightly upset and didn't talk to her until last week about. Then... I started talking to her again and I realized something. I really like her. All our similarities and... just everything about her. We talked on the phone last weekend. I can't explain the attraction, it's just there. And it's strong. It's stronger than the one I feel for Goldie. I don't want to say I'm in love because I think love takes time to develop. But I really like her and care for her. I did a stupid thing in saying I hated her because I don't. It's the exact opposite and I should have never said that.

Part of feeling this way for a person is being able to forgive them. The people out there who feel the way I do know what I mean. Freya and Angelis know what I've mean, they've had more than their share of bumps and they keep pulling through. Scorpie and DDM should know what I mean. Scrabble and her boyfriend well... I dunno. But from what Scrabble says about him, she knows what I mean. It's being able to forgive them of almost anything. Sure, I was angry for a while and hurt. But it's in the past. It didn't work out between them and now... well... I've forgiven her. Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we do stupid things. I've done it, you've done it, we all have. I've always thought that the only way a relationship can work is if two people can forgive each other of their mistakes and be willing to try and fix them. That's one of the problems with me and Vicki, she can't forgive me for my mistakes and I don't tell her hers so she can fix them. Because everyone is going to make mistakes. Maybe it hasn't happened in your relationship yet, but there will be mistakes. I guarentee it. No one is perfect. I've already forgiven Courtney of this. I'm not upset, angry or disappointed in her. It happened. Alright, it's in the past and let's try and start anew.

So that's pretty much the reasoning behind my actions. Now... to be honest... if you still want to be disappointed in me (and I know who is) then ask yourself this. Picture yourself with the guy or girl of your dreams. Picture the same situation. And now tell me that you would not forgive them. Tell me you'd cut them out of your life and never speak to them again and never even consider dating them much less ask them out again if they'd done what Andarta did. Honestly now. If that doesn't help... then keep your opinion to yourself please. It is my choice and her choice and to be honest, I don't care if you're disappointed in my choice. I keep telling people that you shouldn't let people interfere with your decisions on education, girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife, etc, etc etc because it is YOUR life to live, not theirs. And that is the way I live my life. I'm so not a hypocrite.

Okay, Andarta just came on-line so I'll wrap this up quick.

Later all

(Wasn't that quick?)

yep. I'm still at Scorpie's. Going to probably go home tonight for about 9 I think. First I'm going to go down to Rideau, leaving soon. So will ttyall later

Dep

yep I'm still here at Scorpies. Her boyfriend, her and I have been playing D&D and Magic all night. Tomorrow I'm heading down to rideau to get some stuff then I'm heading home. Will maybe post more then.

Later all.

alright, so it's monday morning. I'm off to Scorpie's in a few hours. I don't know when I'm coming back, could be later tonight, could be tomorrow. I'll try and get on to check my e-mail about 9 tonight if I'm still there, so you guys can send me anything that you really really want me to read.

Hope to talk to you all soon. School's back in 17 days, so I'll see most of you then. (Except you Scrabble... curse you and curse ontario colleges. lol.)

Later all.

Yes, so bored I'm going to write in my blog of being bored.

I am so bored that I have read everyone's blog that I know of. I've gone through all of Chrissie's dirty jokes again, I've read all of the profiles of people I have on my MSN and I've pondered the mystery of life.

(I have way too much time on my hands. I need a life.)

So tomorrow I start D&D again. Kev's got an awesome campaign, or so he claims. I'm hoping that I can play my dark elf Ranger, but I dunno. If I can't I'll be playing a cleric. I dunno how much I'll be around, I'm supposed to be at his house at around 1PM and he hasn't told me when we'll be done but I suspect I won't be home til 9-10.

I guess I've got a few explanations for some people after my last blog. They are coming, all in good time when the time is right.

I suppose you want to know what I'm going to do right?

Well... it came down to this. In a perfect world, who would I pick, assuming time and distance did not matter and assuming I could have either one. I thought about it a lot last night and the answer to that is the other person. Yes I like Goldie but... the simple truth of the matter is I like the other person more. I think we're better together as a couple as well than Goldie and I. So last night I asked her if she wanted to go out with me again. She wanted some time to think and I told her to take all the time she needed. I don't know when she'll be getting back to me, but I'm hoping soon. Tonight even, maybe, if she comes on-line. But if not tonight, then soon I hope. If she says yes, then I plan to push my parents even harder to arrange my driving lessons (and they're paying for it too) and then well... they offered me a deal by which we split the cost of a car, they pay half and I pay half. It was an excellent offer and I'm probably going to take them up on it once I have my license. I'm also planning on getting a job soon, very soon. I've got a few things to finish up here and then I'm going job-hunting, probably the end of this week, beginning of next week. Got a few places in mind, don't know if they'll have me, but Trivium was on my list and if I can't work there, then I was going to work at a fast-food place at Rideau. It's an excellent place to work because all the buses go there which makes travel easy. If she says no, then I'm going to think about asking Goldie out again. I don't know if I will or not though... I do think there are better people out there than her for me. I just don't know if I'm ever going to find another one. Also, I'm not going to take up my parents on that offer for the car if she says no. There's not much point as I plan to take the bus in to cegep and to work. Maybe once I'm going to university, if I'm going away, I'll take them up on it.

So that's the plan for the next few weeks. After that I've got no clue. Just going to keep on going and play it all by ear as usual I guess.

Not much more to say really. Will definatly keep this updated while I'm at college.

Later all.