Monday, August 16, 2004
(alright fine I won't remove the titles.)
*sigh*
Alright, I was hoping to see Andarta tonight but I'm actually really tired for some reason. And I suppose I should be getting back in the groove for school shouldn't I. So I'm hitting the hay at midnight unless she shows up by then.
I've finished posting tonight's three poems on both the website and the blog. I don't think Saved is that great a poem but the other two are probably worth reading (if you like my poetry that is lol).
You know, I've never felt this way about anyone before, the way I feel towards Andarta. It's a... a... hmm. It's hard to describe. It's a light, happy feeling, like everything's going well for once. Sure sometimes, like earlier today, I get down about her. I miss her and I wish I could be there or she could be here. I wish we could both be going to university this year or that she was going to U of O. But you know... this means something. If I miss her, I must really like her. And the feeling of lonliness goes away after a bit, replaced with that light happy feeling that I'm feeling now. I really hope she's willing to go out with me again... it would be awesome. *sigh* She just puts me in a mood that I love, when I'm talking with her. I love the smile she puts on my face when I see the little window "Andarta has signed in." (hoping I see that window soon lol).
*sigh* I suppose I shouldn't get too attached. I mean, she could say no right? I can't say I'm okay with that because I really believe we should be together. And I can't say I'll be happy about it because I won't be. But I think I can, if not be okay with it, then at least accept it. There's a saying about love that I once had but I lost it. It went something like "If you love someone, then let them go. If they come back, they're yours forever. If they don't, then you never had them to begin with." I've never held anyone back from doing what they wanted. If people wanted to break up with me, I didn't beg and I didn't argue. Perhaps I should have, but I always thought if they're breaking up with me, then I'll let them. If they like me enough, then they'll be back. Funny... I always thought it would be Vicki and I together in the end. But you know... well... let me tell the story. I was on vacation and I was thinking about Vicki a lot. I thought about what I wanted us to do together and it was all these wonderful things, walks on the beach hand in hand and all the things like that. But then, one night, I realized something. I can't picture Vicki there. I can picture her body there, yes, but I can't picture the person who is vicki enjoying those things with me. And I realized she was right about me... I am a romantic and I do want someone who has greater depths of feeling than her, someone who shows more emotion than her. I'll admit I have feelings for her... but we just want different things in a relationship and we're both too stubborn to ever change what we want. Then Andarta came back into my life and I realized who's personality I was picturing in my dreams. It was her's.
She's truly a wonderful, amazing person.
*sigh* and she's still not on-line lol.
Alright, I'm off to bed. If I really can't get to sleep, I might be on again in a bit, but I wouldn't count on it.
Laterz all.
Alright, I was hoping to see Andarta tonight but I'm actually really tired for some reason. And I suppose I should be getting back in the groove for school shouldn't I. So I'm hitting the hay at midnight unless she shows up by then.
I've finished posting tonight's three poems on both the website and the blog. I don't think Saved is that great a poem but the other two are probably worth reading (if you like my poetry that is lol).
You know, I've never felt this way about anyone before, the way I feel towards Andarta. It's a... a... hmm. It's hard to describe. It's a light, happy feeling, like everything's going well for once. Sure sometimes, like earlier today, I get down about her. I miss her and I wish I could be there or she could be here. I wish we could both be going to university this year or that she was going to U of O. But you know... this means something. If I miss her, I must really like her. And the feeling of lonliness goes away after a bit, replaced with that light happy feeling that I'm feeling now. I really hope she's willing to go out with me again... it would be awesome. *sigh* She just puts me in a mood that I love, when I'm talking with her. I love the smile she puts on my face when I see the little window "Andarta has signed in." (hoping I see that window soon lol).
*sigh* I suppose I shouldn't get too attached. I mean, she could say no right? I can't say I'm okay with that because I really believe we should be together. And I can't say I'll be happy about it because I won't be. But I think I can, if not be okay with it, then at least accept it. There's a saying about love that I once had but I lost it. It went something like "If you love someone, then let them go. If they come back, they're yours forever. If they don't, then you never had them to begin with." I've never held anyone back from doing what they wanted. If people wanted to break up with me, I didn't beg and I didn't argue. Perhaps I should have, but I always thought if they're breaking up with me, then I'll let them. If they like me enough, then they'll be back. Funny... I always thought it would be Vicki and I together in the end. But you know... well... let me tell the story. I was on vacation and I was thinking about Vicki a lot. I thought about what I wanted us to do together and it was all these wonderful things, walks on the beach hand in hand and all the things like that. But then, one night, I realized something. I can't picture Vicki there. I can picture her body there, yes, but I can't picture the person who is vicki enjoying those things with me. And I realized she was right about me... I am a romantic and I do want someone who has greater depths of feeling than her, someone who shows more emotion than her. I'll admit I have feelings for her... but we just want different things in a relationship and we're both too stubborn to ever change what we want. Then Andarta came back into my life and I realized who's personality I was picturing in my dreams. It was her's.
She's truly a wonderful, amazing person.
*sigh* and she's still not on-line lol.
Alright, I'm off to bed. If I really can't get to sleep, I might be on again in a bit, but I wouldn't count on it.
Laterz all.
// posted by Dep @ 11:27:00 p.m.
