Sunday, October 31, 2004
*off to Mayfair*
I'm leaving in roughly 1/2 hour to go out shopping then I'm off straight away to the Mayfair to see Rocky Horror w/Pat and Kevin. Anyone who's interested, here's the info.
(for those coming from Aylmer) Leaving Rivermead: 3:30PM
Leaving Ottawa on the 1 bus: 5PM
Purchasing tickets at Mayfair: 6PM
Showtime: 9 or 9:30 PM (can't remember)
Finished: 11 or 11:30 PM
ticket prices: no more than $10 (and probably less)
I have room for one person going back to aylmer if anyone's going and needs a ride. (or somewhere along the way to aylmer - west side of hull or ottawa near there)
I promise everyone at least two poems later tonight when I return (around midnight probably) and a long update in my private blog.
*hugs to Andarta*
Later all.
(for those coming from Aylmer) Leaving Rivermead: 3:30PM
Leaving Ottawa on the 1 bus: 5PM
Purchasing tickets at Mayfair: 6PM
Showtime: 9 or 9:30 PM (can't remember)
Finished: 11 or 11:30 PM
ticket prices: no more than $10 (and probably less)
I have room for one person going back to aylmer if anyone's going and needs a ride. (or somewhere along the way to aylmer - west side of hull or ottawa near there)
I promise everyone at least two poems later tonight when I return (around midnight probably) and a long update in my private blog.
*hugs to Andarta*
Later all.
pi!!!!!!!
3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089
yes I was actually so bored that I looked it up.
btw... for any cal students looking for an interesting problem
k = n sin(180/n)
as n approachs infinity, k approachs pi
(go ahead, try it)
so onto the update I suppose, having had enough math for the weekend.
Last week has been pure hell on my sleeping habits, mind and body. I helped Vicki move her entire apartment with only her help and the help of Jill for the most part. *body aches* and we we're up til at least midnight each night doing it *sleeping patterns gone to hell* and mary (her mom)'s a bitch *mental stress at extreme levels*. But the upside to this is that Jill got me addicted to a few songs (five) by Sonata Arctica.
yes I was actually so bored that I looked it up.
btw... for any cal students looking for an interesting problem
k = n sin(180/n)
as n approachs infinity, k approachs pi
(go ahead, try it)
so onto the update I suppose, having had enough math for the weekend.
Last week has been pure hell on my sleeping habits, mind and body. I helped Vicki move her entire apartment with only her help and the help of Jill for the most part. *body aches* and we we're up til at least midnight each night doing it *sleeping patterns gone to hell* and mary (her mom)'s a bitch *mental stress at extreme levels*. But the upside to this is that Jill got me addicted to a few songs (five) by Sonata Arctica.
I could see my life, short film passing my eyes
I tried to look away from her, as always I just tried
Sweetness in her eyes, gone thru one million miles
How could I turn my back on her, the sweetest thing alive
I was eager, day time dreamer, waiting time when I'd come alive
Sun of San Sebastian eighteen years young today
She's all I ever dreamed, but now my skies are turning gray
It was good I got to know her well, because it made me see
That the sun of San Sebastian is just too hot for me
Look what I have done to my San Sebastian
I wasted all my childhood dreams by staring at the sun
Back in time with a dream of mine
I try to find my way back to life
Burning fever, night time screamer, waiting time when I'd come alive
Sun of San Sebastian oh why I cannot stay
She's all I ever dreamed, but now my skies are turning gray
It was good I got to know her well, because it made me see
That the sun of San Sebastian Is just too hot for me
Every single day, for the rest of my way
I live without my love, my God, I have to stay in shade
When I'm old and gray, I remember that day
When she came, that perfect dame and she blew me away
I was eager, day time dreamer, waiting time when I'd come alive
Oo-oo...
Was it good I got to know her well although it made me see
That the sun of San Sebastian is way too hot for me?
Oo-oo..
Now I live my life in shades and I am married to the moon
And the sun of San Sebastian is warming someone new
- San Sebastian (Sonata Arctica)
*shakes fist vaguely in jill's direction*
So it looks like that Andarta's trip may be postponed yet again to a few weeks from now maybe. (money problems). We're looking at other options now, such as...
1) Me taking a trip to visit her and her parents sometime during winter break. Difficult as we must plan around her parents winter vacation, christmas, my birthday (though I wouldn't mind spending my b-day up there), the finals (mine run til mid dec), etc, etc, etc. But still perhaps a possibility
2) I did want to take a trip down to visit U of Waterloo sometime over the winter, to take a look around. *will discuss university later* my parents already agreed to a weekend trip there sometime in a hotel near the university. maybe if Andarta isn't that busy, she can come with to see the university and maybe we can spend some time together.
3) Just postponing the trip until she has the money to come visit.
4) (something I came up with yesterday) Perhaps if she could make the trip home in two parts, guelph-ottawa, stay here for a bit then ottawa-timmins.
lots of things to look at.
So, university.
U of Waterloo is looking very possible. Here's an idea of the requirements
CS (Comp Sci)
Ontario Course (Heritage Equivilent)
Required: Advanced Functions and Intro to Calculus (Calculus 1); English (2x 603 English Couses); Geometry and Discrete Mathematics (Linear Algebra I) ; Comp & Info Sci (Intro to Office);
Recommended: Grade 11 Comp & Info Sci (Grade 11 Comp Programming)
Average: (regular) high 70s - low 80s (co-op) low to mid 80s
I'm not really in danger of failing Cal 1 or Intro to Office and I already have the recommended course. My english course is, at the moment, iffy, but with some hard work I can get a 60 in it at least.
Linear Algebra's next term, as is my other english course.
*is almost considering dropping all the courses he doesn't need just so that he can concentrate on the course he really needs*
I'm definately thinking about dropping my french course next semester. I can probably take it third semester if I stay and I'd really like to do all my french together.
*continues reading*
Admission averages are based on the first semester final and second semester mid-term marks and they're composed of the required courses and the next one or two highest after that up to six courses total. which means my mark will be based on...
Calculus 1
Linear Algebra
Literature 101
Literary Genres
Introduction to an Office Suite
(highest course not already mentioned)
*looks at midterm marks*
BTW: Plans for today are I'm going to look at applications to university, going to send off a request for a visit to the campus, going to look at scholarships, and then around 1 I'm going to go shopping for a few things.
alright midterms...
cal 1 - 89%
literature - 78%
intro to office - 96%
so university is looking good.
alright, i'm done for now
*hugs to all, kisses to Andarta*
later all
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Be Still My Heart
Be still my heart... tis been a full 7 days since I updated! Sorry. Let me explain.
Past few days I've been helping vicki move from one apartment to another. end story here.
been going to all my classes as of late, which is good. I missed my 8AM class as I slept through my alarm, then woke up and lay in bed for half an hour listening to sonata arctica. (which I've recently become addicted to)
I'd give it all for a heart
If I was a king, I'd give away my kingdom
Treasures and crowns wouldn't mean a thing
If I only had a heart
If I only had a heart
- Chorus of "Kingdom For A Heart (Sonata Arctica)"
this and San Sebastian have been playing constantly in my head since jill brought over her sonata cd last night.
*addicted*
I went and got 30 songs from my brother by them and put them onto my computer.... *evil grin* and I left them playing all night.
Alright, my update is done. I'm still here, still alive, still kicking.
STAY IN SCHOOL!
*hugs to all and kisses to andarta*
Dep
Past few days I've been helping vicki move from one apartment to another. end story here.
been going to all my classes as of late, which is good. I missed my 8AM class as I slept through my alarm, then woke up and lay in bed for half an hour listening to sonata arctica. (which I've recently become addicted to)
I'd give it all for a heart
If I was a king, I'd give away my kingdom
Treasures and crowns wouldn't mean a thing
If I only had a heart
If I only had a heart
- Chorus of "Kingdom For A Heart (Sonata Arctica)"
this and San Sebastian have been playing constantly in my head since jill brought over her sonata cd last night.
*addicted*
I went and got 30 songs from my brother by them and put them onto my computer.... *evil grin* and I left them playing all night.
Alright, my update is done. I'm still here, still alive, still kicking.
STAY IN SCHOOL!
*hugs to all and kisses to andarta*
Dep
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Diet Info
I started yesterday a no-soft drinks diet. Here's how it's going.
Yesterday: One can of diet pepsi.
Today: One diet pepsi from subway
I'm doing good!
I'm probably going to sleep in late tomorrow and take a bus in later in the day. I feel like catching up on my sleep and tomorrow's the best day to do it.
later all.
Yesterday: One can of diet pepsi.
Today: One diet pepsi from subway
I'm doing good!
I'm probably going to sleep in late tomorrow and take a bus in later in the day. I feel like catching up on my sleep and tomorrow's the best day to do it.
later all.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
My Adventures
I sorted condoms today from lube and I burned myself with a cigarette. If you want to know more, talk to me online about it!
*plots*
lol don't ask about what.
STILL not done my english essay... it will get done tomorrow.
I mailed Andarta's letter today, so it should be there by monday. maybe tuesday at the very latest. I promise another one soon, love!
i'm probably going to go add to my private blog after this. *feels like writing about sex for some reason* lol.
today was good... not an awesome day, nor a terrible one, but good. My test went well. I got back my intro to office test with a perfect mark - 79/79. (dude that was easy)
So tomorrow will be full of writing: Dawn and my english essay. I'm also thinking about writing a poem tonight maybe.
*hugs to everyone, kisses to Andarta*
later all.
*plots*
lol don't ask about what.
STILL not done my english essay... it will get done tomorrow.
I mailed Andarta's letter today, so it should be there by monday. maybe tuesday at the very latest. I promise another one soon, love!
i'm probably going to go add to my private blog after this. *feels like writing about sex for some reason* lol.
today was good... not an awesome day, nor a terrible one, but good. My test went well. I got back my intro to office test with a perfect mark - 79/79. (dude that was easy)
So tomorrow will be full of writing: Dawn and my english essay. I'm also thinking about writing a poem tonight maybe.
*hugs to everyone, kisses to Andarta*
later all.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
*is cold*
Finally they've turned the furnace on in my house so it might get warm again today.
Positive:
- I dropped off my resume at LQ and the lady there was really happy to see a resume come in, so I have good feelings about this one too.
- Someone called about my bag this morning and said they had it. I have yet to figure out who, but the fact that someone has it is encouraging. *hits head* and I know how they called me too... wait, will save that for later.
- Had a great time today playing some games of lasertag and going out for dinner, plus I went shopping and bought the pyjama's that I wanted, the clerk was really nice and assumed I was buying them for my girlfriend (I did nothing to discourage her of this notion).
Negative:
- I have to do my english essay now. (I never liked writing essays) but I suppose I'll survive.
- I went into Rideau to see if they had my bag, Customer Service did not have it, nor did the Bay and there was no one at customer service in Sears, so I now suspect that one of the stores has it instead and I'll have to listen to the message a few times before I figure out which store it is. (start's with a D, that's all I can make out.)
I think my mom and dad are becoming more comfortable with the idea of me and Courtney being together. We're having lots of conversations about things related to her visit and the future and they seem to be, if not happy, then at least comfortable now with the idea, and not resigned as it was before. Getting lots of help and ideas from them concerning financing and university. I think I can handle the money without a loan and I'm sure I can handle it with a loan, but I'm going to try and do it without for obvious reasons.
I've added a little bit to Dawn. Next step I think is actually going to all the places I've described (Rideau, the bus depot, the TV room, downtown ottawa, the lookout, the museam) and do some really good descriptive work while there, find some inspiration. May take off one day after all my classes are over and do that, preferably with a friend who doesn't mind walking around all those places and sitting for awhile at some of them. I have been to all of them... it's just I think that while I'm there I'm better at describing it than trying to rely on my memories of the place.
I'm getting nervous about writing the next chapter of the story, as it's largely about things that I have little to no experiance with and I think it'll show in my writing. But there's no harm in giving it a try is there? At worst, it'll need a lot of updating and reality-ization by a few kind souls.
If you'd like to help with the editing/revision of Dawn, or just want to read the story, goto the Dep Dawn LJ Community and read/post comments or ask me for a copy at school. Anyone who wants to help is welcome to and I'll probably end up having an editors list for the story for everyone who helped with the editing.
School again tomorrow, my late day. I'll probably go in for eight anyways and put the finishing touchs and formatting on my essay, then go slip it under his door.
alright, that's about it for now.
off to do my essay.
Later all!
Positive:
- I dropped off my resume at LQ and the lady there was really happy to see a resume come in, so I have good feelings about this one too.
- Someone called about my bag this morning and said they had it. I have yet to figure out who, but the fact that someone has it is encouraging. *hits head* and I know how they called me too... wait, will save that for later.
- Had a great time today playing some games of lasertag and going out for dinner, plus I went shopping and bought the pyjama's that I wanted, the clerk was really nice and assumed I was buying them for my girlfriend (I did nothing to discourage her of this notion).
Negative:
- I have to do my english essay now. (I never liked writing essays) but I suppose I'll survive.
- I went into Rideau to see if they had my bag, Customer Service did not have it, nor did the Bay and there was no one at customer service in Sears, so I now suspect that one of the stores has it instead and I'll have to listen to the message a few times before I figure out which store it is. (start's with a D, that's all I can make out.)
I think my mom and dad are becoming more comfortable with the idea of me and Courtney being together. We're having lots of conversations about things related to her visit and the future and they seem to be, if not happy, then at least comfortable now with the idea, and not resigned as it was before. Getting lots of help and ideas from them concerning financing and university. I think I can handle the money without a loan and I'm sure I can handle it with a loan, but I'm going to try and do it without for obvious reasons.
I've added a little bit to Dawn. Next step I think is actually going to all the places I've described (Rideau, the bus depot, the TV room, downtown ottawa, the lookout, the museam) and do some really good descriptive work while there, find some inspiration. May take off one day after all my classes are over and do that, preferably with a friend who doesn't mind walking around all those places and sitting for awhile at some of them. I have been to all of them... it's just I think that while I'm there I'm better at describing it than trying to rely on my memories of the place.
I'm getting nervous about writing the next chapter of the story, as it's largely about things that I have little to no experiance with and I think it'll show in my writing. But there's no harm in giving it a try is there? At worst, it'll need a lot of updating and reality-ization by a few kind souls.
If you'd like to help with the editing/revision of Dawn, or just want to read the story, goto the Dep Dawn LJ Community and read/post comments or ask me for a copy at school. Anyone who wants to help is welcome to and I'll probably end up having an editors list for the story for everyone who helped with the editing.
School again tomorrow, my late day. I'll probably go in for eight anyways and put the finishing touchs and formatting on my essay, then go slip it under his door.
alright, that's about it for now.
off to do my essay.
Later all!
Saturday, October 16, 2004
quizes galore!!!!
I was reading Jaz's journal, going backwards, and I found a huge collection of quizes. So, bored out of my mind, here they are!
Well your Happy, yes thats right your so happy, so
pretty and witty and if i go on any more i will
have to pay for the rights of this song so,
great jop your one of the lucky ones.
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm)
Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer.
Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.
While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.
Your exact opposite:
The Hornivore, Random Brutal Sex Master
ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet
You dance with snowflakes.
What faery are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm an Atheist!
Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?
Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons
and now, bored out of my skull, I went in search of another quiz!
(I so had to do this one for Andarta)
You are Cassiopeia Reye. You're intelligent and
wise, demure, but we know better. You possess
quite a silly streak somewhere. Your outlook on
love is a little jaded, as you've been hurt and
youre afraid of jumping in again. Your heart
belongs to Marauder Sirius Black, the man who
will convince you love is not something to run
away from.
Which Original Harry Potter Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are pure love. Pure and deep. You not only want
to but NEED to find your one true love. You are
not afraid of any challenge for your love, and
it is something to truly treasure.
What kind of love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Alright, that's it, I'm done with the quizes. Maybe a real post now?
Well your Happy, yes thats right your so happy, so
pretty and witty and if i go on any more i will
have to pay for the rights of this song so,
great jop your one of the lucky ones.
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
| Big Five Test Results |
| Extroversion (32%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private. Friendliness (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (48%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun. Emotional Stability (40%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Openmindedness (72%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
You're Taiwan!
Despite enormous setbacks, including the fact that most people refuse to
recognize who you are or even that you exist at all, you've built yourself into quite a
productive person. You've got a little trouble maintaining a sense of personal order,
but through the mess, you're still very industrious and have a small but pivotal impact on
almost everyone you know, and even people you don't. You make a whole lot of stuff.
Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid
You're Confident... SometimesYou can seem confident when the occasion calls for it But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt A little more inner confidence could take you far... And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem Are You Confident? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |
|
The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm)
Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer.
Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.
While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.
Your exact opposite:
The Hornivore, Random Brutal Sex Master
ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet
You dance with snowflakes.
What faery are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?
Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons
and now, bored out of my skull, I went in search of another quiz!
(I so had to do this one for Andarta)
You are Cassiopeia Reye. You're intelligent and
wise, demure, but we know better. You possess
quite a silly streak somewhere. Your outlook on
love is a little jaded, as you've been hurt and
youre afraid of jumping in again. Your heart
belongs to Marauder Sirius Black, the man who
will convince you love is not something to run
away from.
Which Original Harry Potter Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are pure love. Pure and deep. You not only want
to but NEED to find your one true love. You are
not afraid of any challenge for your love, and
it is something to truly treasure.
What kind of love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Alright, that's it, I'm done with the quizes. Maybe a real post now?
Feeling Good and Feeling Warm
I spent most of yesterday wandering around downtown Ottawa with a friend of mine. We went to a lot of places and talked about a lot of things, it was fun and it gave my confidence a boost to know that someone likes to spend time with me :)
The two tests yesterday went well. In case I haven't mentioned it... 49.5/50 on my chem test woot! My .5 mistake was... sigfigs (significant figures).
I watched the second harry potter movie today, in complete finally *likes harry potter* lol and I can't wait for the next book/movie (Whichever comes out first).
I have my english essay still left to do tomorrow, but that should go well.
Tomorrow I'm applying at LaserQuest for a job. It may be a fair bit out there, but it would be awesome to work there. (hope I get the job).
So yeah... this really seems to becoming my week. Everything's looking up and I love life and me and Andarta.
*huge smile*
Alright... that's it for now. Might post more later but I want to work on Dawn (I have a bit to add to Chapter I, then I'm going to consider working on Chapter II.)
Laterz all
*hugs to all, especially Andarta*
The two tests yesterday went well. In case I haven't mentioned it... 49.5/50 on my chem test woot! My .5 mistake was... sigfigs (significant figures).
I watched the second harry potter movie today, in complete finally *likes harry potter* lol and I can't wait for the next book/movie (Whichever comes out first).
I have my english essay still left to do tomorrow, but that should go well.
Tomorrow I'm applying at LaserQuest for a job. It may be a fair bit out there, but it would be awesome to work there. (hope I get the job).
So yeah... this really seems to becoming my week. Everything's looking up and I love life and me and Andarta.
*huge smile*
Alright... that's it for now. Might post more later but I want to work on Dawn (I have a bit to add to Chapter I, then I'm going to consider working on Chapter II.)
Laterz all
*hugs to all, especially Andarta*
Friday, October 15, 2004
oh yes, one more thing
Freya, I still haven't gotten a reply to my e-mail! As soon as you come online for a decent length of time, write a reply! I'd really honestly like one. If you can't, write me a letter or something *shrugs*. I'd really like some advice on the matter. If you've forgotten the topic, send me an e-mail or go look up your recent post which involved a britishism in the title.
later
later
Thursday, October 14, 2004
*smile*
today was, for the most part, an excellent day all around. I went downtown, considered a few more places I might like to work at, had a good discussion with a friend and ACTUALLY WENT TO ALL MY CLASSES! lol. Thinking about taking off english tomorrow, just to finish all my work that I have to catch up on... an essay, two tests and an assignment.
Just lately I've been having problems here at home, personal problems at home, personal problems at school and also some trouble with my health. But it's all improving now, some are excellent, some (while they could be better) are improving. It's all good.My health is where it's always at during the winter months... just above having a cold, but not perfect. Kindof continuous sniffles.
I'm in a really positive mood right now even when faced with an english essay on "Meaning in A Clean and Well-Lighted Place (Hemmingway)" maybe I'll put on We Didn't Start The Fire, eh? lol. Yeah I'm a strange cookie... I'm chocolate and butterscotch chip!
*puts on We Didn't Start The Fire*
I need to start playing music again. Dig out my saxophone and just play some blues or some jazz or some swing or... just something!
*loves playing music* and I miss playing in a band almost...
Almost. lol.
I don't miss Dave.
So I'll be adding some to my private blog tonight, concerning PTY and a few other "things" ;) and a few more serious things.
I'm in a rock and roll mood tonight. I've got my tiny meager remains of my once huge rock and roll collection playing, and it does sound good. I'd add any swing if I had any to add! *grumble*
currently playing: Saturday Night's Alright (Elton John)
I may end up taking the bus with Vicki and company tomorrow if I'm not going in for English. Haven't talked with Vicki in a while, want to make sure she's okay.
So, by the way everyone here. Anyone interested in help me to edit my stories is welcome to now, online. The link is http://livejournal.com/community/depdawn . I also have a blogger journal for it, but I won't post that unless someone here would like it on Blogger instead of LiveJournal (say if you don't have an LJ account or like Blogger better.) Chapter I is currently up, all advice is appreciated. Right now though, I know Andarta is going through it and sending me her changes (thank you very much love, I really appreciate it) so you may want to hold off on comments until I get her changes (probably a week or two maybe three away).
So I'm off to my private journal. Later all.
Just lately I've been having problems here at home, personal problems at home, personal problems at school and also some trouble with my health. But it's all improving now, some are excellent, some (while they could be better) are improving. It's all good.My health is where it's always at during the winter months... just above having a cold, but not perfect. Kindof continuous sniffles.
I'm in a really positive mood right now even when faced with an english essay on "Meaning in A Clean and Well-Lighted Place (Hemmingway)" maybe I'll put on We Didn't Start The Fire, eh? lol. Yeah I'm a strange cookie... I'm chocolate and butterscotch chip!
*puts on We Didn't Start The Fire*
I need to start playing music again. Dig out my saxophone and just play some blues or some jazz or some swing or... just something!
*loves playing music* and I miss playing in a band almost...
Almost. lol.
I don't miss Dave.
So I'll be adding some to my private blog tonight, concerning PTY and a few other "things" ;) and a few more serious things.
I'm in a rock and roll mood tonight. I've got my tiny meager remains of my once huge rock and roll collection playing, and it does sound good. I'd add any swing if I had any to add! *grumble*
currently playing: Saturday Night's Alright (Elton John)
I may end up taking the bus with Vicki and company tomorrow if I'm not going in for English. Haven't talked with Vicki in a while, want to make sure she's okay.
So, by the way everyone here. Anyone interested in help me to edit my stories is welcome to now, online. The link is http://livejournal.com/community/depdawn . I also have a blogger journal for it, but I won't post that unless someone here would like it on Blogger instead of LiveJournal (say if you don't have an LJ account or like Blogger better.) Chapter I is currently up, all advice is appreciated. Right now though, I know Andarta is going through it and sending me her changes (thank you very much love, I really appreciate it) so you may want to hold off on comments until I get her changes (probably a week or two maybe three away).
So I'm off to my private journal. Later all.
quiz now, post later tonight
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
from Heritage
yes I'm at school and posting when I'm supposed to be in Bio class.
I've been picking up negative emotions here all day from about five different people... it's starting to drag my mood down but at least I know it's other people this time. It makes coping easier.
*shrugs*
Things, if not going well, are at least going for most of the people here.
Andarta, I hope you're well. *hugs* and I hope to talk to you soon.
So I'll post more about stupid things here later.
Farewell
I've been picking up negative emotions here all day from about five different people... it's starting to drag my mood down but at least I know it's other people this time. It makes coping easier.
*shrugs*
Things, if not going well, are at least going for most of the people here.
Andarta, I hope you're well. *hugs* and I hope to talk to you soon.
So I'll post more about stupid things here later.
Farewell
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
tonights update
Greetings, my audience.
Tonight, the majority of this post will be in my private blog as it concerns things of an evil nature.
Tonight, after I finish this post, I am starting the writing of Chapter II of "Dawn". I'm also in the midst of editing Chapter I before I send it to Andarta.
Today was an awesome day for me. I loved it, I realized a lot... one thing that will wait to the private blog, I realized how beautiful the river is and I realized how much I love life.
*huge smile*
Well... to the private blog
Later everyone else.
Tonight, the majority of this post will be in my private blog as it concerns things of an evil nature.
Tonight, after I finish this post, I am starting the writing of Chapter II of "Dawn". I'm also in the midst of editing Chapter I before I send it to Andarta.
Today was an awesome day for me. I loved it, I realized a lot... one thing that will wait to the private blog, I realized how beautiful the river is and I realized how much I love life.
*huge smile*
Well... to the private blog
Later everyone else.
Monday, October 11, 2004
hey hey
Alright, I'm feeling awesome now, after having talked with Andarta. Big smile on my face.
But I've realized that I've been focusing on myself lately here... so I'd like to take the time to update about some people.
Dragon/Scorpie
As much as Scorpie thinks that Dragon lies to me, I have to claim otherwise. Dragon bitches a lot about the relationship, but not in so many words. He looks really down at times and often says "What the fuck am I doing" for no particular reason. We've had a serious talk about it and he said that the relationship wasn't over yet. He did say that he was unhappy with the relationship in that he found her too controlling, too bossy and too much of a bitch at times. Dragon seems to think that he can change her though, so he's not giving up the relationship yet. I find this funny in that, it was I so long ago who talked with Scorpie about Dragon and she said "yes I know he won't be happy in the relationship, but I'm going to try and change him anyhow." *shakes head* I'm staying out of this one completely. They can figure out what they want and where they're going. I just hope that neither of them gets seriously hurt.
Angelis/Freya
This one, last I heard, was going pretty well. I just finished writing Freya a letter, hopefully I'll be able to mail that soon, to make sure everything's going okay.
I hope all my other friends out there are doing well. If not and you want to talk, feel free to poke me on MSN.
*hugs to Andarta* once again I am sorry, love.
Alright... I'm off to bed as soon as I finish consoling a friend of mine... probably around midnight.
Farewell all.
But I've realized that I've been focusing on myself lately here... so I'd like to take the time to update about some people.
Dragon/Scorpie
As much as Scorpie thinks that Dragon lies to me, I have to claim otherwise. Dragon bitches a lot about the relationship, but not in so many words. He looks really down at times and often says "What the fuck am I doing" for no particular reason. We've had a serious talk about it and he said that the relationship wasn't over yet. He did say that he was unhappy with the relationship in that he found her too controlling, too bossy and too much of a bitch at times. Dragon seems to think that he can change her though, so he's not giving up the relationship yet. I find this funny in that, it was I so long ago who talked with Scorpie about Dragon and she said "yes I know he won't be happy in the relationship, but I'm going to try and change him anyhow." *shakes head* I'm staying out of this one completely. They can figure out what they want and where they're going. I just hope that neither of them gets seriously hurt.
Angelis/Freya
This one, last I heard, was going pretty well. I just finished writing Freya a letter, hopefully I'll be able to mail that soon, to make sure everything's going okay.
I hope all my other friends out there are doing well. If not and you want to talk, feel free to poke me on MSN.
*hugs to Andarta* once again I am sorry, love.
Alright... I'm off to bed as soon as I finish consoling a friend of mine... probably around midnight.
Farewell all.
Today
Today has been... an awful day.
I wish first, however, to speak to Andarta. I hope that she will come online soon so that we may speak of things. Until then, however, I leave you with a poem.
TEARS OF SORROW
(Oct 11th 2004)
At first there was everything
I had the moon, the sun, the stars
You didn't have to give them
They came from your heart
I laughed, I danced I sang
And I believed in everything
Nothing could tear us apart
Nothing could end this feeling
Then there was doubt
A longing for something else
But, banishing it to the winds
I sent it back to the dark
I laughed, I danced and I sang
But deep within my heart
Was now the seed of doubt
And things might never be the same
The music ended, the dance was over
The last dance was never saved
There was nothing more to laugh about
Darkness had taken it's toll
And tears fell, tears of guilt
For what I had done to you
For the lies I had told
For the deeds I had done
Then I looked deep within myself
And I found gentle truth
My doubts faded, hope grew strong
And I knew I could save it all
What is truth you say
When you've hidden all from me
Me, whom you've claimed to love
How can I believe?
I hang my head in sorrow
As I know I've done you wrong
I can only ask your forgiveness
And now speak the truth
There has been love in my heart
From the day I met you
From the day I saw the smile on your face
Which tugged at my heart strings
From the day I felt your lips on mine
I knew of this feeling inside
From the moment I saw the love in your eyes
I knew this course of mine
Baby, I haven't always been strong
I have often faltered in my path
But today I stand up strong
And know where life will lead
Life will lead, if you still want
To the moonlite shores that we share
We'll dance in the moonlight together
And snuggle in the darkness after
This is the life I want
A life with you, I know
To hold you and say those magical words
I love you, again and again
I have hidden what should have been shown
And for that I am sorry
I can only beg your forgiveness
And hope that you will grant it
I looked inside myself
And found gentle truth
I've loved you all along
Only questioned my resolve
So where do we go from here
Can you forgive me of my mistakes
For now, looking at the hurt in your eyes
I realize the gentle truth
To see you in pain, tears at my heart
To imagine life without you is terrible
And now I know, I know that you believe
As I once believed in myself
Tears fall once again from my eyes
But now they are tears of sorrow
For the love that I may have lost
If you cannot forgive me of my sins
Should my sins be forgiven
I will stay this course
For now, knowing how much I love
I will never again risk to lose
I am truly sorry, my love
I pray that you will forgive me
Now I go to dream
Of my life as I want it to be
Of moonlite nights and starlit whispers
And days filled with so much joy
Now I go to dream
Of my love, so far away
But as I dream, my tears will fall
Tears of sorrow upon my pillow
For the love I may have lost
Farewell all
I wish first, however, to speak to Andarta. I hope that she will come online soon so that we may speak of things. Until then, however, I leave you with a poem.
TEARS OF SORROW
(Oct 11th 2004)
At first there was everything
I had the moon, the sun, the stars
You didn't have to give them
They came from your heart
I laughed, I danced I sang
And I believed in everything
Nothing could tear us apart
Nothing could end this feeling
Then there was doubt
A longing for something else
But, banishing it to the winds
I sent it back to the dark
I laughed, I danced and I sang
But deep within my heart
Was now the seed of doubt
And things might never be the same
The music ended, the dance was over
The last dance was never saved
There was nothing more to laugh about
Darkness had taken it's toll
And tears fell, tears of guilt
For what I had done to you
For the lies I had told
For the deeds I had done
Then I looked deep within myself
And I found gentle truth
My doubts faded, hope grew strong
And I knew I could save it all
What is truth you say
When you've hidden all from me
Me, whom you've claimed to love
How can I believe?
I hang my head in sorrow
As I know I've done you wrong
I can only ask your forgiveness
And now speak the truth
There has been love in my heart
From the day I met you
From the day I saw the smile on your face
Which tugged at my heart strings
From the day I felt your lips on mine
I knew of this feeling inside
From the moment I saw the love in your eyes
I knew this course of mine
Baby, I haven't always been strong
I have often faltered in my path
But today I stand up strong
And know where life will lead
Life will lead, if you still want
To the moonlite shores that we share
We'll dance in the moonlight together
And snuggle in the darkness after
This is the life I want
A life with you, I know
To hold you and say those magical words
I love you, again and again
I have hidden what should have been shown
And for that I am sorry
I can only beg your forgiveness
And hope that you will grant it
I looked inside myself
And found gentle truth
I've loved you all along
Only questioned my resolve
So where do we go from here
Can you forgive me of my mistakes
For now, looking at the hurt in your eyes
I realize the gentle truth
To see you in pain, tears at my heart
To imagine life without you is terrible
And now I know, I know that you believe
As I once believed in myself
Tears fall once again from my eyes
But now they are tears of sorrow
For the love that I may have lost
If you cannot forgive me of my sins
Should my sins be forgiven
I will stay this course
For now, knowing how much I love
I will never again risk to lose
I am truly sorry, my love
I pray that you will forgive me
Now I go to dream
Of my life as I want it to be
Of moonlite nights and starlit whispers
And days filled with so much joy
Now I go to dream
Of my love, so far away
But as I dream, my tears will fall
Tears of sorrow upon my pillow
For the love I may have lost
Farewell all
Sunday, October 10, 2004
yet another update (sorry!)
I changed the template again... due to the comment on the first one and the fact that, upon reflection, I agree with it.
I have plans to go downtown tomorrow to get some stuff and do some stuff and afterwards I have thanksgiving dinner with the family so I don't know how much I'll be around tomorrow (hopefully at least for a few hours). I'll probably run up here to avoid my annoying cousins.
I'm almost done the first chapter of Dawn. Hopefully I'll get that done tonight and be able to start chapter II tomorrow.
Alright later all.
*hugs 2 Andarta* hope you're doing good.
Later
I have plans to go downtown tomorrow to get some stuff and do some stuff and afterwards I have thanksgiving dinner with the family so I don't know how much I'll be around tomorrow (hopefully at least for a few hours). I'll probably run up here to avoid my annoying cousins.
I'm almost done the first chapter of Dawn. Hopefully I'll get that done tonight and be able to start chapter II tomorrow.
Alright later all.
*hugs 2 Andarta* hope you're doing good.
Later
and yet another change
I've messed with the template again, I like this one better than my previous template. I hope everyone likes it, comments are welcome as usual. And I know the chatterbox is gone, yes, I'll be adding it back on ASAP (which means as soon as I stop hitting myself for changing the code and not saving the code for the chatterbox and then going to their website and getting it again.)
Later all.
Later all.
oooo... one more thing!
cursed me, I forgot yet another thing.
I picked up an application for LaserQuest last night, while I was there and I'll be bringing it back in about a week. They said they really need people, so I'm feeling good about this too. Hopefully between them and NYF, I'll get a job.
Later all.
I picked up an application for LaserQuest last night, while I was there and I'll be bringing it back in about a week. They said they really need people, so I'm feeling good about this too. Hopefully between them and NYF, I'll get a job.
Later all.
My day is done and the sun has gone
My day is done, the sun has gone down and all I can see is the moonlight shining through.
it's been... a while (14 days, two weeks!) since I added a musing or anything at all to my private blog. I'll be heading over there after I finish this to post something.
Story writing is going slow, due to various mood swings over the past few days... but I'm working on it now... maybe I'll finish the first two chapters by the end of the weekend.
Plans for clothes shopping and a few other things are still on... let us say that Andarta may have a surprise when she gets here *evil grin*
it's freaking cold here. the house is under 60F (yes our thermostat is in F for some odd reason). I'm wearing a sweater, long pants and a blanket and I'm still slightly cold. definately time to think about turning on our furnace again.
The leaves are changing and the forests look so beautiful. Andarta I hope you're here in time to enjoy this! It's just so beautiful.
Here's some lyrics from a song that will explain my title
Oh baby you're the only thing in this old world thats pure and good and right
And where ever you are and where ever you go there's always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out I gotta break it out now before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together, when it's over you know
We'll both be moving on
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
Oh when the night is over like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done and the sun goes down and the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you
I'm gonna hit the highway like a bat out of hell, I'm gonna let the phantoms float on by
Well the metal is hot and the engine is hungry and we're never gonna see the light
Nothing ever rolls in this rotten old home and everything is jaded and lost
And nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost
I know that I'm damned if I never get out
And baby I'm damned if I do
But where ever you'll be I got this light in my heart
You know I'd rather be damned for you
Well if I gotta be damned, you know I wanna to be damned
Dancing through the night with you
well if I gotta be damned, you know I wanna be damned
Gotta be damned to know I wanna be damned
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night with you
Oh baby you're the only thing in this old world thats pure and good and right
And where ever you are and where ever you go there's always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out I gotta break it out now before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together, when it's over you know
We'll both be moving on
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
Oh when the night is over like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done and the sun goes down and the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you
- Bat Out Of Hell (Meatloaf)
Later all
*hugs 2 Andarta*
it's been... a while (14 days, two weeks!) since I added a musing or anything at all to my private blog. I'll be heading over there after I finish this to post something.
Story writing is going slow, due to various mood swings over the past few days... but I'm working on it now... maybe I'll finish the first two chapters by the end of the weekend.
Plans for clothes shopping and a few other things are still on... let us say that Andarta may have a surprise when she gets here *evil grin*
it's freaking cold here. the house is under 60F (yes our thermostat is in F for some odd reason). I'm wearing a sweater, long pants and a blanket and I'm still slightly cold. definately time to think about turning on our furnace again.
The leaves are changing and the forests look so beautiful. Andarta I hope you're here in time to enjoy this! It's just so beautiful.
Here's some lyrics from a song that will explain my title
Oh baby you're the only thing in this old world thats pure and good and right
And where ever you are and where ever you go there's always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out I gotta break it out now before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together, when it's over you know
We'll both be moving on
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
Oh when the night is over like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done and the sun goes down and the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you
I'm gonna hit the highway like a bat out of hell, I'm gonna let the phantoms float on by
Well the metal is hot and the engine is hungry and we're never gonna see the light
Nothing ever rolls in this rotten old home and everything is jaded and lost
And nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost
I know that I'm damned if I never get out
And baby I'm damned if I do
But where ever you'll be I got this light in my heart
You know I'd rather be damned for you
Well if I gotta be damned, you know I wanna to be damned
Dancing through the night with you
well if I gotta be damned, you know I wanna be damned
Gotta be damned to know I wanna be damned
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night with you
Oh baby you're the only thing in this old world thats pure and good and right
And where ever you are and where ever you go there's always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out I gotta break it out now before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together, when it's over you know
We'll both be moving on
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
Oh when the night is over like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done and the sun goes down and the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you
- Bat Out Of Hell (Meatloaf)
Later all
*hugs 2 Andarta*
oh yes... the budget
my parents want me to complete a budget for the various options I have for my education so I'll be doing that most of today, but feel free to poke me on msn as it's likely to be very boring.
Last night
Last night I was feeling pretty bad and I don't know why. I had just finished a huge argument with my parents, which didn't leave me feeling pretty good (I don't like arguing with them, but sometimes I must) and several of my friends have been down lately for varying reasons so maybe I was picking up their mood, and maybe it was just a random teenaged mood swing, I don't know. What matters is the following.
I do not regret most of what I said here last night. There are indeed issues about school and free time and such that Andarta and I need to talk of and will do so at the next opportunity. As I said last night, for me school and free time are such that I can have a lot of other commitments outside of school, because the workload is not that huge. Andarta and I need to talk about her workload and her school. Everything I said last night is true on this matter, even today, and I take back none of it. However I'm feeling... less bitter over other matters today and I know and understand that she has to spend a lot of time on stuff at university so I'm not upset anymore over her spending so little time online. I know she really wants to do well in university, and to do that , one has to work. I'm not questioning my feelings anymore, as I think all my questions about my feelings is caused by me feeling down about something else and taking it and applying those negative feelings to my relationship with Andarta, but they really belong somewhere else.
Andarta... you still have the choice I gave you last night in that I really want you to consider your workload and see if you can make it here. Once you're here we can talk about our relationship, decide if the feelings are there to continue and also if we can continue it. Last time we talked of this, you were fairly certain you were going to say yes but wanted to be sure. I realized that knowing how much work you have to do for university could... change your attitudes on the matter, so we will leave most of this choice until you meet me again. I'd really love to have you visit here and hope that the tentative date of early november works out. (as my midterms are right before that, so it works well for me too.) And I realize that as of late I have been taking the relationship too seriously between us... and i have to keep reminding myself that we're not dating yet and i'm not even sure that we will be. Just... for me taking it this seriously helps me stay happier while waiting for you to come here and us to make a decision. It lets me say "well... although she's cute, I have Andarta to think of and Andarta is cuter than her." and things like that. If I take it too seriously... I'm sorry. if it's a problem, we can talk about it next time you're online. So... at the moment I'm not really worried about my heart... my heart says that this is the right course of action (and my head's shut up for the moment and has agreed)... it depends on two things... your heart and reality. I believe your heart is fairly sure about what it wants to do, but just not completely sure.. hence the meeting (which I am really looking foward to). Reality... well.... *shrugs* can't do much about that... but I hope that it'll let us have the chance.
Andarta, I'll talk to you soon... next time I see you and have a few minutes to talk with you, about workload and stuff and fitting in a trip to visit me.
I think... the longer this drags on, the harder it is on me because... everytime we get a date where she might be able to go, I'm really happy... and then, everytime so far, it gets extended... and extended. Maybe I'm just becoming pessimistic about it ever happening. And I keep wondering if she's extending it on purpose because she doesn't want to go... but that's paranoia. (shut up!) And... I have no certainty whatsoever anymore... and that makes it hard somedays to remind myself of Andarta and what's coming. But this is all paranoia, I believe, and I'm sure we'll find sometime to be together. Whether she comes here or I go visit her for Christmas or something... we will find a way sometime to see each other before this year is through.
I'm sorry for my occasional lack of confidence in things... Andarta I know you're doing your best and I know you wouldn't lie to me. I'm sorry. I hope you have the time and money to make the trip here after your midterms, and I'll welcome you with open arms and watch you leave with tearful eyes at the very least. And I promise to lick your nose. (and to have my revenge for pauvre petit bebe). Anything else that happens is... up to fate I suppose.
Hoping to see you soon. Call me if you have the chance soon.
Later all.
I do not regret most of what I said here last night. There are indeed issues about school and free time and such that Andarta and I need to talk of and will do so at the next opportunity. As I said last night, for me school and free time are such that I can have a lot of other commitments outside of school, because the workload is not that huge. Andarta and I need to talk about her workload and her school. Everything I said last night is true on this matter, even today, and I take back none of it. However I'm feeling... less bitter over other matters today and I know and understand that she has to spend a lot of time on stuff at university so I'm not upset anymore over her spending so little time online. I know she really wants to do well in university, and to do that , one has to work. I'm not questioning my feelings anymore, as I think all my questions about my feelings is caused by me feeling down about something else and taking it and applying those negative feelings to my relationship with Andarta, but they really belong somewhere else.
Andarta... you still have the choice I gave you last night in that I really want you to consider your workload and see if you can make it here. Once you're here we can talk about our relationship, decide if the feelings are there to continue and also if we can continue it. Last time we talked of this, you were fairly certain you were going to say yes but wanted to be sure. I realized that knowing how much work you have to do for university could... change your attitudes on the matter, so we will leave most of this choice until you meet me again. I'd really love to have you visit here and hope that the tentative date of early november works out. (as my midterms are right before that, so it works well for me too.) And I realize that as of late I have been taking the relationship too seriously between us... and i have to keep reminding myself that we're not dating yet and i'm not even sure that we will be. Just... for me taking it this seriously helps me stay happier while waiting for you to come here and us to make a decision. It lets me say "well... although she's cute, I have Andarta to think of and Andarta is cuter than her." and things like that. If I take it too seriously... I'm sorry. if it's a problem, we can talk about it next time you're online. So... at the moment I'm not really worried about my heart... my heart says that this is the right course of action (and my head's shut up for the moment and has agreed)... it depends on two things... your heart and reality. I believe your heart is fairly sure about what it wants to do, but just not completely sure.. hence the meeting (which I am really looking foward to). Reality... well.... *shrugs* can't do much about that... but I hope that it'll let us have the chance.
Andarta, I'll talk to you soon... next time I see you and have a few minutes to talk with you, about workload and stuff and fitting in a trip to visit me.
I think... the longer this drags on, the harder it is on me because... everytime we get a date where she might be able to go, I'm really happy... and then, everytime so far, it gets extended... and extended. Maybe I'm just becoming pessimistic about it ever happening. And I keep wondering if she's extending it on purpose because she doesn't want to go... but that's paranoia. (shut up!) And... I have no certainty whatsoever anymore... and that makes it hard somedays to remind myself of Andarta and what's coming. But this is all paranoia, I believe, and I'm sure we'll find sometime to be together. Whether she comes here or I go visit her for Christmas or something... we will find a way sometime to see each other before this year is through.
I'm sorry for my occasional lack of confidence in things... Andarta I know you're doing your best and I know you wouldn't lie to me. I'm sorry. I hope you have the time and money to make the trip here after your midterms, and I'll welcome you with open arms and watch you leave with tearful eyes at the very least. And I promise to lick your nose. (and to have my revenge for pauvre petit bebe). Anything else that happens is... up to fate I suppose.
Hoping to see you soon. Call me if you have the chance soon.
Later all.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Fearful
Before I begin tonight's blog, I'd like to ask anyone who's bitched at me for the contents of this site, who's told me I think too much, that I should act my age (be it older or younger), that I should not think of the things that I do, that I shouldn't worry about the things that I do, that I shouldn't be looking for love and all the people with similar thoughts a favor. Actually it's more giving them a choice. You can continue to read this for whatever reasons... but do not attempt to tell me these things. I am the person I am... I love the person I am and everything about me. I like the fact that I care and I worry about love and that I act (in my opinion) older than I am. It may be hard and painful, but I think I'm up to the task. So... you can continue to read this and accept that it's my life and not bitch at me... or you can stop reading this and accept that it's my life and not bitch at me. Your choice.
yes... the post.
Today's post is pretty much for Andarta but also... a general rant.
Lately things have started downhill again. My old pessimism and cynicism are returning to haunt me again. There have been some bad things happening lately (Andarta... next time I talk to, I promise I'll speak of them... I just haven't had the chance to tell you what happened Thursday yet. They aren't about you, don't worry.) and my mind has begun questioning. I suppose that's a problem with me... I'm always questioning other people's motivations, my own motivations, my own thoughts, my own sanity... everything. I can't just sit and say what happens happens and I can't just let things be... I have to know. It's a combination of insecurity with curiousity. Cursed curiosity.
So... where to begin.
Let us begin with the recurring problem... the fact that it is very difficult for me to have an online relationship. (watches the audience sigh in frustration) heh... I knew you would do that. This is... not that much of a problem. It means that sometimes I can be down a lot and I can create feelings for other people which aren't there and are merely a product of my feelings for Andarta and my lack of a manner of expressing them well... but it's still a minor problem. One I am willing to live with... and indeed would be easy to live with were the situation different. this leads into two.
Andarta has very little time to spend with me. This leads to certain paranoid thoughts that she doesn't like me, that she's found someone else, etc, etc, etc... I try to banish these and usually are successful... if not I ask my friends to help me banish them and usually they do... usually by bringing up the past stories which I have told of her. It makes me feel guilty as, here I am with large amounts of free time (now... probably not after I start working) to talk about her, write to her and think of her while she has almost no free time to come talk with me online, call me or even write me a letter. this leads to three and into four.
With almost no time to talk together and almost no time to spend together... well... the relationship might not go that well. I know me... I am an insecure person and I know I can be very demanding in a relationship in that I have issues and problems and it's not easy. I'm not an easy person to get along with, nor to understand.
And then there is that with no time to spend with me, should she be taking time away from her studies? I feel guilty now... knowing how much she's putting into her studies and how much she'd be sacrificing to come see me. (also feel guilty because I'm not putting much into my studies and am still doing well enough...but that's a different matter.) I know university is really hard, having spoken to various people who have been there especially first year university.
And... maybe I feel a little bit hurt in that she has no time to think of me at all... that university comes before me. But school doesn't come easily to all people, so this is a really minor concern in that... my head accepts the reasons for it and know it's the right thing for her to do, yet my heart still feels hurt.
I feel like... I've become a burden to her. Soemthing she has to do, feels obligated to do and I don't like people feeling that way about me.
And I think somedays that if she's really too busy to spend time with me most days... maybe we shouldn't be thinking about a relationship at this point in time.
One more thing... we spoke a few days ago of sacrifices and missed opportunities. She's right... there has been perhaps some missed opportunities in my life for her. I don't mind them in that I think between her and the people I've met, she wins. But I also realize that this goes both ways and that she has probably made sacrifices and missed many opportunities for me. Andarta... is an awesome person and really deserves the best man she can get. I don't know if I am that person anymore. I have issues and I also live so far away. I know Andarta is like me... a cuddly person, likes emotional, close relationships etc... and I doubt that any relationship of ours can be like that for a long time...
But all of these problems are Andarta's problems. Therefore I will say this.
I have weighed everything... I have considered everything. From my point of view... it is not a serious impact on my studies to date Andarta in that it will definately not interrupt either my work or my school at college nor my homework. I like Andarta enough to give her the chance to come here and see where we can go with this. I like her enough that I'm willing to consider the possibility that we date online. I like her enough to make trips to see her whenever I can, to pay the costs of those trips (as my parents have made it clear that they are not paying for anymore trips to timmins) and to pay the extra money to go to university away if need be. I like her enough to welcome her to come here to study if she so wishes and to go away to study if she does not wish to come here and will have me there. (though this isn't really a sacrifice in that I would love the chance to attend Waterloo).
let me also say this.
I have noticed a change in your tone on MSN since unversity started. It reminds me of the tone you had before we broke up last time, and it worries me. It may just be due to the increased workload upon you, therefore I will ignore it.
and finally let me say this.
I release you Andarta of all promises made to me. I urge you to do what you believe is best for your life. If you believe that you can fit a trip to see me into your schedule and that you can maintain a relationship online (I don't ask for much... I know we won't be able to see each other often. Just a reminder every so often that you are thinking of me) and that dating me will not detract from your studies and that the feelings for me are still there and... having considered everything I said above, if you still think that this is possible between us, then I welcome you to Gatineau as soon as you can fit it into your schedule. If you do not think it is possible... you owe me nothing now Andarta. I won't be angry... I will understand. I really want you to think about it... I don't want you coming here and spending all this money to come see me if you don't think you can afford the time or the money. I ask you to think about it... think long and hard yet quickly... and post a reply in your journal or email me or send me a letter or call me as soon as you've made a decision. I want to tell you that now that I've finally gotten all of my doubts out of my system... I will believe what comes next. Let us make sure it is the truth that I believe and not a lie.
As I said I release you of all your promises to me and I want you to do what is best for you... what your heart and head tells you is right. I remember my promise to you about not dating anyone until you had made your decision... even though it has been over two months since I gave that promise and you told me it would take you a short time. I have been true to it and will continue to remain true to this and my promises to myself and my morals until you release me from them. It's not that I want what we have to end Andarta... I want it to live very much and am going to try my best to keep it alive... but it does take two... and I'm worried also that fate has taken this decision out of our hands in placing us so far apart.
I thank everyone for listening to my ramblings.
Andarta... hopefully I will hear from you soon.
Farewell my friends and my love. Until I speak again.
yes... the post.
Today's post is pretty much for Andarta but also... a general rant.
Lately things have started downhill again. My old pessimism and cynicism are returning to haunt me again. There have been some bad things happening lately (Andarta... next time I talk to, I promise I'll speak of them... I just haven't had the chance to tell you what happened Thursday yet. They aren't about you, don't worry.) and my mind has begun questioning. I suppose that's a problem with me... I'm always questioning other people's motivations, my own motivations, my own thoughts, my own sanity... everything. I can't just sit and say what happens happens and I can't just let things be... I have to know. It's a combination of insecurity with curiousity. Cursed curiosity.
So... where to begin.
Let us begin with the recurring problem... the fact that it is very difficult for me to have an online relationship. (watches the audience sigh in frustration) heh... I knew you would do that. This is... not that much of a problem. It means that sometimes I can be down a lot and I can create feelings for other people which aren't there and are merely a product of my feelings for Andarta and my lack of a manner of expressing them well... but it's still a minor problem. One I am willing to live with... and indeed would be easy to live with were the situation different. this leads into two.
Andarta has very little time to spend with me. This leads to certain paranoid thoughts that she doesn't like me, that she's found someone else, etc, etc, etc... I try to banish these and usually are successful... if not I ask my friends to help me banish them and usually they do... usually by bringing up the past stories which I have told of her. It makes me feel guilty as, here I am with large amounts of free time (now... probably not after I start working) to talk about her, write to her and think of her while she has almost no free time to come talk with me online, call me or even write me a letter. this leads to three and into four.
With almost no time to talk together and almost no time to spend together... well... the relationship might not go that well. I know me... I am an insecure person and I know I can be very demanding in a relationship in that I have issues and problems and it's not easy. I'm not an easy person to get along with, nor to understand.
And then there is that with no time to spend with me, should she be taking time away from her studies? I feel guilty now... knowing how much she's putting into her studies and how much she'd be sacrificing to come see me. (also feel guilty because I'm not putting much into my studies and am still doing well enough...but that's a different matter.) I know university is really hard, having spoken to various people who have been there especially first year university.
And... maybe I feel a little bit hurt in that she has no time to think of me at all... that university comes before me. But school doesn't come easily to all people, so this is a really minor concern in that... my head accepts the reasons for it and know it's the right thing for her to do, yet my heart still feels hurt.
I feel like... I've become a burden to her. Soemthing she has to do, feels obligated to do and I don't like people feeling that way about me.
And I think somedays that if she's really too busy to spend time with me most days... maybe we shouldn't be thinking about a relationship at this point in time.
One more thing... we spoke a few days ago of sacrifices and missed opportunities. She's right... there has been perhaps some missed opportunities in my life for her. I don't mind them in that I think between her and the people I've met, she wins. But I also realize that this goes both ways and that she has probably made sacrifices and missed many opportunities for me. Andarta... is an awesome person and really deserves the best man she can get. I don't know if I am that person anymore. I have issues and I also live so far away. I know Andarta is like me... a cuddly person, likes emotional, close relationships etc... and I doubt that any relationship of ours can be like that for a long time...
But all of these problems are Andarta's problems. Therefore I will say this.
I have weighed everything... I have considered everything. From my point of view... it is not a serious impact on my studies to date Andarta in that it will definately not interrupt either my work or my school at college nor my homework. I like Andarta enough to give her the chance to come here and see where we can go with this. I like her enough that I'm willing to consider the possibility that we date online. I like her enough to make trips to see her whenever I can, to pay the costs of those trips (as my parents have made it clear that they are not paying for anymore trips to timmins) and to pay the extra money to go to university away if need be. I like her enough to welcome her to come here to study if she so wishes and to go away to study if she does not wish to come here and will have me there. (though this isn't really a sacrifice in that I would love the chance to attend Waterloo).
let me also say this.
I have noticed a change in your tone on MSN since unversity started. It reminds me of the tone you had before we broke up last time, and it worries me. It may just be due to the increased workload upon you, therefore I will ignore it.
and finally let me say this.
I release you Andarta of all promises made to me. I urge you to do what you believe is best for your life. If you believe that you can fit a trip to see me into your schedule and that you can maintain a relationship online (I don't ask for much... I know we won't be able to see each other often. Just a reminder every so often that you are thinking of me) and that dating me will not detract from your studies and that the feelings for me are still there and... having considered everything I said above, if you still think that this is possible between us, then I welcome you to Gatineau as soon as you can fit it into your schedule. If you do not think it is possible... you owe me nothing now Andarta. I won't be angry... I will understand. I really want you to think about it... I don't want you coming here and spending all this money to come see me if you don't think you can afford the time or the money. I ask you to think about it... think long and hard yet quickly... and post a reply in your journal or email me or send me a letter or call me as soon as you've made a decision. I want to tell you that now that I've finally gotten all of my doubts out of my system... I will believe what comes next. Let us make sure it is the truth that I believe and not a lie.
As I said I release you of all your promises to me and I want you to do what is best for you... what your heart and head tells you is right. I remember my promise to you about not dating anyone until you had made your decision... even though it has been over two months since I gave that promise and you told me it would take you a short time. I have been true to it and will continue to remain true to this and my promises to myself and my morals until you release me from them. It's not that I want what we have to end Andarta... I want it to live very much and am going to try my best to keep it alive... but it does take two... and I'm worried also that fate has taken this decision out of our hands in placing us so far apart.
I thank everyone for listening to my ramblings.
Andarta... hopefully I will hear from you soon.
Farewell my friends and my love. Until I speak again.
alright now here we go
I'm going out in about two hours, shoot some people with laser beams (at laserquest). maybe renew my membership while I'm there.
still no word on a job.
it's a long weekend, I intend to spend much of it here... play some good music, maybe go see some friends once in a while.
not really much else to say for now.
*hugs to Andarta*
later all.
still no word on a job.
it's a long weekend, I intend to spend much of it here... play some good music, maybe go see some friends once in a while.
not really much else to say for now.
*hugs to Andarta*
later all.
Friday, October 08, 2004
so very very tired
sorry there was no post last night, but I wasn't home til roughly midnight and I just hit the bed and slept when I got home.
going to go to bed shortly today too, but thought I'd leave everyone with some stuff to read.
things are going well. I wrote a chemistry test today, it was really easy and I'm thinking high 90s at least (I can't think of a mistake, which usually leads to high nineties.) I figured out that I needed to average roughly an 85 at least to qualify for the university program I want next year in my top 6 courses, which must include Cal 1 and algebra. I'm also going to try and take cal II and drop my french course for it but we'll see.
Plans to go shopping soon are on, as soon as the person I'm going with can get some time off. I'm even starting a list tonight.
Such is the news for these two days.
*hugs to Andarta* I hope this weekend goes well and hopefully I'll get to talk to you sometime soon, tuesday night perhaps. enjoy your letter if I don't see you and I hope you like your gift.
So now I bid thee all a goodnight, in about half an hour that I'm going to spend working on the story.
Later.
going to go to bed shortly today too, but thought I'd leave everyone with some stuff to read.
things are going well. I wrote a chemistry test today, it was really easy and I'm thinking high 90s at least (I can't think of a mistake, which usually leads to high nineties.) I figured out that I needed to average roughly an 85 at least to qualify for the university program I want next year in my top 6 courses, which must include Cal 1 and algebra. I'm also going to try and take cal II and drop my french course for it but we'll see.
Plans to go shopping soon are on, as soon as the person I'm going with can get some time off. I'm even starting a list tonight.
Such is the news for these two days.
*hugs to Andarta* I hope this weekend goes well and hopefully I'll get to talk to you sometime soon, tuesday night perhaps. enjoy your letter if I don't see you and I hope you like your gift.
So now I bid thee all a goodnight, in about half an hour that I'm going to spend working on the story.
Later.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
hey hey
yet another song!
this one's here because I've been thinking a lot of Courtney lately and one of my favorite memories of her and I together is when we sang this song, while drunk, at the top of our lungs. *loves this song anyways and loves the memories that go with it* today I was wearing my Dep sweater and chewing Excel gum both of which remind me of that party. And I heard my dad's cell phone ring and that brought back some very pleasent memories. *grin* so here's the lyrics.
A long long time ago
Well I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I'd had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But February made me shiver
With every paper I delivered
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died
So bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells ya so?
Now do you believe in rock and roll?
Can music save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to dance real slow
Well I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man I dig those riddle me blues
I was a lonely teenage bronking buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died
So bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rolling stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the King and Queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice well it came from you and me
Oh and while the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Lenin read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died
We were singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Helter Skelter, in a summer swelter
Where the bird flew off for the fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a foward past
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast
Well the halftime air was sweet perfume
While the sergent's played a marching tune
We all got up to dance but we never got the chance
'Cause as the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was the feel
The day the music died
We started singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Oh and there we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Jack be nimble, jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candle stick
'Cause fire is the devil's only friend
Oh and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell could break that Satan spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To moonlight the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died
He was singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked for some happy news
She just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't paly
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admired most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
Well they caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
And they were singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
They were singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
- American Pie (Don McLean *doesn't like the Madonna version at all*)
brings back some good memories it does.
So tonight and today in general were pretty good. Was a little bit down today, feeling lonely, but I cheered myself up after someone told me something *blush* that I won't repeat here in public. Maybe on my private blog afterwards *blush*
My mom and I had a "discussion" in the car. She and I had a mini-argument over Andarta and whether or not her and I should even consider dating, considering the distance. I pretty much told her it was my choice and if I was willing to wait and see where it could go, then that was my choice to make and she should learn to accept that. We then talked about finances and co-op verses regular. A lot of that is still up in the air. And also whether or not I should go there and if I should work my ass off to make the money if it's uncertain. Well I look at it like this... if I do go, the money is there. if I don't, then I'm really well off for going to U of O. And my mom had another suggestion, which has been echoed by various friends with whom I've talked about Courtney and I and several of the challenges which may face us. She thought that it would make life a lot easier if Courtney came to Ottawa U to study. I made the point that it is Courtney's choice in university and I do not presume to even suggest that she should transfer between universities. But... I dunno... was just thinking about it and talking about it hypothetically with my mom. She offered (if it was alright with my dad) that Courtney could even stay here with us for a bit until she found a job and an apartment. (not permanently... I think they have enough on their hands with three kids). Makes a little bit of sense economically... we don't have both of us going away from school, but *shrugs* not that big an issue. It allows us to be close to each other yet also apart in case things go wrong. I know that Andarta said she loved Ottawa and one of her top choices was U of O but the main reason she wasn't going (in fact one of the only reasons) is that her parents wouldn't let her go. *shrugs* I personally have told my parents they have no right to mess with my education and I will go where I want to. If they want to make suggestions or give advice, they are welcome to and I will consider it... but in the end it is my decision. Also... Andarta's parents are no longer paying for her university costs so I think she should have the right to go whereever she pleases.
(actually can you tell I actaully really like the idea of her coming here? It makes everything so much simpler.) but in the end it's her choice and I know she's made some awesome friends in Guelph and *shrugs* well the choice is up to her really. Just thought I'd mention this as my parents did offer to put her up for a month or two until she found a place to stay and a job. (and she loves Ottawa!). So Andarta... if you're reading this, the offer is on the table and if you'd like to take advantage of it, you're welcome to. And remember... remember what's been happening recently with your parents and also how they aren't paying for your education... it is truly your choice where to go. If you want to continue at Guelph, that's awesome too. I'd love the chance to go to Waterloo but U of O is also a good unviersity and I wouldn't mind going there. *shrugs* as I said it's all up to you. You can even apply to both if you want for the winter semester (or the next fall semester whatever) and make the choice then or whatever. I'm sure my parents would be willing to help you move your stuff up here if you choose to do so. And we have plenty of room for all your shoes ;) lol. but the choice is yours in the end... i'm just saying that the offer and the chance are there.
We also talked a little bit about gays and bisexuals and why they tend to have trouble telling their parents. I suppose we concluded that some have trouble because their parents are uncomfortable because they know about the negative stereotype and they want to protect their children from it, some are homophobes and say "no child of mine is going to be gay/bi/etc" and some are just people who unconciously or subconciously give the impression to their children that they are expected to be straight. Like my dad makes jokes about us having girlfriends and getting married and dating and etc all the time... not even considering that maybe there's an alternative to this. Now personally, I'm not gay and I can't see myself ever marrying a man so... in my case there is no problem. But it was an interesting conversation none-the-less.
Freya if you're reading this, drop me a line! We miss you online and I haven't heard from you since you said you were dropping out. If you don't in like a week, I swear I'm going to call you!
I'm now considering buying a webcam with my money. (my cheque went through). I've got a few reasons, but I'm going to debate it a while longer.
I really have to start going to class. Since monday of last week I have gone to 8 classes... my two labs (twice), my gym class (twice), and my cal class and intro to office class when we had tests. I should really go more often, but I'm still pulling high 80s in cal (I got 8.9 on 10 on the cal test... with about half an hour study before the test and not going to class for a week before) so it's not that bad. Have to go and find out when the midterms are for english, bio, chem and philosophy though. (means I'll be going to class from now on pretty much... at least until after the midterms.)
but I feel guilty because even if I went to all my classes (and I did up until last week) I had all this spare time to do a lot of extra stuff. I have time to go to PTY on wednesday nights, time to find a job, time to go shopping, time to hang out with friends in the room, time to go out and do stuff, and huge piles of time to come online and I feel slgihtly guilty as Andarta has no free time. *sigh* wish I could send her some of my free time. On weekends I have so much that I don't know what to do with it, honestly. That's why I'm applying for a job and telling them to give me as many hours as possible. I will work 30 or more hours a week if I can and if they'll give it to me. I honestly need something to distract me. Plus... 30 hours a week is, at 7/hour (which is what most people I know get paid) is $210 a week. That's really good for me, who has very little in the way of expenses. It would be spent on savings for university/courtneys visits/etc, magic cards and clothing. maybe a little bit on food and movies and stuff.
Heh someone at school thinks I don't dress well enough. I told her when I had the money, we could go out shopping if she wanted and we could buy me a new wardrobe. But I'm sticking with black/gothic kind of stuff. *likes the style* whether or not I fit the actual mindset, I don't really care... I like it and I think it suits me. thinking about buying a few shirts to go with the trench coat as my current cheap zellers shirts don't really go well. also thinking about something better than my faded black jeans to go with the trench coat, some more spikes and jewelry. I want to get my left ear pierced and a silver ring to go in it. I also want to get my new sunglasses and a spiked collar and another spiked bracelet. I also want to keep a pentacle somewhere in the outfit... maybe get a shirt with one on it... no clue. and a new belt, one with spikes. (not big spikes, the little bumpy ones like I have on my bracelet already). And some new shoes. THEN I have to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my hair. So Kat and I will probably be going shopping soon... I give her a lot of leeway in what I try on but I have final say in what I buy. (and I might need a pay check or two before we finish but hopefully those wil lbe coming soon!) But honestly, I need something to do with my hair. When I wear my trench coat and everything, I honestly look at my head and think "Something needs to be done... rest of me looks pretty good but my head just looks... unadorned and plain." I refused to gel my hair (as I hate the feelign of gel in my hair) and I'm not bleaching it so that I can dye it a color that'll come through. Was thinking of doing a dark red though. Or a hat, but I can't think what would look good. *shrugs* whatever. so those are the changes that are planned for this month, though most of the clothing will have to wait until after I start working and get a paycheck.
Speaking of which, I got good vibes from the guy at NYF on monday when I went, so I'm hoping they'll call back soon. Would be awesome.
*wants money*
So yeah... Kat and I going shopping soon, when we both have a few hours off of class next, probably in a week or two.
Alright I think that's about it. I don't have to be up til 8 tomorrow, so I'll be online for a while more talking to some people.
*hugs 2 Andarta*
Later all.
this one's here because I've been thinking a lot of Courtney lately and one of my favorite memories of her and I together is when we sang this song, while drunk, at the top of our lungs. *loves this song anyways and loves the memories that go with it* today I was wearing my Dep sweater and chewing Excel gum both of which remind me of that party. And I heard my dad's cell phone ring and that brought back some very pleasent memories. *grin* so here's the lyrics.
A long long time ago
Well I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I'd had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But February made me shiver
With every paper I delivered
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died
So bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells ya so?
Now do you believe in rock and roll?
Can music save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to dance real slow
Well I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man I dig those riddle me blues
I was a lonely teenage bronking buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died
So bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rolling stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the King and Queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice well it came from you and me
Oh and while the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Lenin read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died
We were singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Helter Skelter, in a summer swelter
Where the bird flew off for the fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a foward past
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast
Well the halftime air was sweet perfume
While the sergent's played a marching tune
We all got up to dance but we never got the chance
'Cause as the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was the feel
The day the music died
We started singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Oh and there we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Jack be nimble, jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candle stick
'Cause fire is the devil's only friend
Oh and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell could break that Satan spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To moonlight the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died
He was singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked for some happy news
She just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't paly
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admired most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
Well they caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
And they were singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
They were singing
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry
And good old boys were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
- American Pie (Don McLean *doesn't like the Madonna version at all*)
brings back some good memories it does.
So tonight and today in general were pretty good. Was a little bit down today, feeling lonely, but I cheered myself up after someone told me something *blush* that I won't repeat here in public. Maybe on my private blog afterwards *blush*
My mom and I had a "discussion" in the car. She and I had a mini-argument over Andarta and whether or not her and I should even consider dating, considering the distance. I pretty much told her it was my choice and if I was willing to wait and see where it could go, then that was my choice to make and she should learn to accept that. We then talked about finances and co-op verses regular. A lot of that is still up in the air. And also whether or not I should go there and if I should work my ass off to make the money if it's uncertain. Well I look at it like this... if I do go, the money is there. if I don't, then I'm really well off for going to U of O. And my mom had another suggestion, which has been echoed by various friends with whom I've talked about Courtney and I and several of the challenges which may face us. She thought that it would make life a lot easier if Courtney came to Ottawa U to study. I made the point that it is Courtney's choice in university and I do not presume to even suggest that she should transfer between universities. But... I dunno... was just thinking about it and talking about it hypothetically with my mom. She offered (if it was alright with my dad) that Courtney could even stay here with us for a bit until she found a job and an apartment. (not permanently... I think they have enough on their hands with three kids). Makes a little bit of sense economically... we don't have both of us going away from school, but *shrugs* not that big an issue. It allows us to be close to each other yet also apart in case things go wrong. I know that Andarta said she loved Ottawa and one of her top choices was U of O but the main reason she wasn't going (in fact one of the only reasons) is that her parents wouldn't let her go. *shrugs* I personally have told my parents they have no right to mess with my education and I will go where I want to. If they want to make suggestions or give advice, they are welcome to and I will consider it... but in the end it is my decision. Also... Andarta's parents are no longer paying for her university costs so I think she should have the right to go whereever she pleases.
(actually can you tell I actaully really like the idea of her coming here? It makes everything so much simpler.) but in the end it's her choice and I know she's made some awesome friends in Guelph and *shrugs* well the choice is up to her really. Just thought I'd mention this as my parents did offer to put her up for a month or two until she found a place to stay and a job. (and she loves Ottawa!). So Andarta... if you're reading this, the offer is on the table and if you'd like to take advantage of it, you're welcome to. And remember... remember what's been happening recently with your parents and also how they aren't paying for your education... it is truly your choice where to go. If you want to continue at Guelph, that's awesome too. I'd love the chance to go to Waterloo but U of O is also a good unviersity and I wouldn't mind going there. *shrugs* as I said it's all up to you. You can even apply to both if you want for the winter semester (or the next fall semester whatever) and make the choice then or whatever. I'm sure my parents would be willing to help you move your stuff up here if you choose to do so. And we have plenty of room for all your shoes ;) lol. but the choice is yours in the end... i'm just saying that the offer and the chance are there.
We also talked a little bit about gays and bisexuals and why they tend to have trouble telling their parents. I suppose we concluded that some have trouble because their parents are uncomfortable because they know about the negative stereotype and they want to protect their children from it, some are homophobes and say "no child of mine is going to be gay/bi/etc" and some are just people who unconciously or subconciously give the impression to their children that they are expected to be straight. Like my dad makes jokes about us having girlfriends and getting married and dating and etc all the time... not even considering that maybe there's an alternative to this. Now personally, I'm not gay and I can't see myself ever marrying a man so... in my case there is no problem. But it was an interesting conversation none-the-less.
Freya if you're reading this, drop me a line! We miss you online and I haven't heard from you since you said you were dropping out. If you don't in like a week, I swear I'm going to call you!
I'm now considering buying a webcam with my money. (my cheque went through). I've got a few reasons, but I'm going to debate it a while longer.
I really have to start going to class. Since monday of last week I have gone to 8 classes... my two labs (twice), my gym class (twice), and my cal class and intro to office class when we had tests. I should really go more often, but I'm still pulling high 80s in cal (I got 8.9 on 10 on the cal test... with about half an hour study before the test and not going to class for a week before) so it's not that bad. Have to go and find out when the midterms are for english, bio, chem and philosophy though. (means I'll be going to class from now on pretty much... at least until after the midterms.)
but I feel guilty because even if I went to all my classes (and I did up until last week) I had all this spare time to do a lot of extra stuff. I have time to go to PTY on wednesday nights, time to find a job, time to go shopping, time to hang out with friends in the room, time to go out and do stuff, and huge piles of time to come online and I feel slgihtly guilty as Andarta has no free time. *sigh* wish I could send her some of my free time. On weekends I have so much that I don't know what to do with it, honestly. That's why I'm applying for a job and telling them to give me as many hours as possible. I will work 30 or more hours a week if I can and if they'll give it to me. I honestly need something to distract me. Plus... 30 hours a week is, at 7/hour (which is what most people I know get paid) is $210 a week. That's really good for me, who has very little in the way of expenses. It would be spent on savings for university/courtneys visits/etc, magic cards and clothing. maybe a little bit on food and movies and stuff.
Heh someone at school thinks I don't dress well enough. I told her when I had the money, we could go out shopping if she wanted and we could buy me a new wardrobe. But I'm sticking with black/gothic kind of stuff. *likes the style* whether or not I fit the actual mindset, I don't really care... I like it and I think it suits me. thinking about buying a few shirts to go with the trench coat as my current cheap zellers shirts don't really go well. also thinking about something better than my faded black jeans to go with the trench coat, some more spikes and jewelry. I want to get my left ear pierced and a silver ring to go in it. I also want to get my new sunglasses and a spiked collar and another spiked bracelet. I also want to keep a pentacle somewhere in the outfit... maybe get a shirt with one on it... no clue. and a new belt, one with spikes. (not big spikes, the little bumpy ones like I have on my bracelet already). And some new shoes. THEN I have to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my hair. So Kat and I will probably be going shopping soon... I give her a lot of leeway in what I try on but I have final say in what I buy. (and I might need a pay check or two before we finish but hopefully those wil lbe coming soon!) But honestly, I need something to do with my hair. When I wear my trench coat and everything, I honestly look at my head and think "Something needs to be done... rest of me looks pretty good but my head just looks... unadorned and plain." I refused to gel my hair (as I hate the feelign of gel in my hair) and I'm not bleaching it so that I can dye it a color that'll come through. Was thinking of doing a dark red though. Or a hat, but I can't think what would look good. *shrugs* whatever. so those are the changes that are planned for this month, though most of the clothing will have to wait until after I start working and get a paycheck.
Speaking of which, I got good vibes from the guy at NYF on monday when I went, so I'm hoping they'll call back soon. Would be awesome.
*wants money*
So yeah... Kat and I going shopping soon, when we both have a few hours off of class next, probably in a week or two.
Alright I think that's about it. I don't have to be up til 8 tomorrow, so I'll be online for a while more talking to some people.
*hugs 2 Andarta*
Later all.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
letter = sent
yep... I ripped open a box of christmas cards this morning after I realized that they come with envelopes. So Andarta I sent your letter today at about noon... I think pickup was 9AM (sorry) so it should get there... I think Tuesday? they won't deliver it monday as it's a holiday. If you're lucky, it might get there by friday, but more likely going to be tuesday next week.
i started the story today... wrote one paragraph before I had to come home. Hopefully will finish more of that today.
Things are going well except I had an argument with my parents over a couple of things, but it's all good.
Alright... going to go write story/continue argument/listen to music now.
Later all
*hugs & snugs to Andarta*
i started the story today... wrote one paragraph before I had to come home. Hopefully will finish more of that today.
Things are going well except I had an argument with my parents over a couple of things, but it's all good.
Alright... going to go write story/continue argument/listen to music now.
Later all
*hugs & snugs to Andarta*
hey
i'm at school, printing my lab report right now. I should be going soon but before I go, here's a quiz for everyone. Fill it out and leave it in my comments if you've got the time. Thanks all! (it takes maybe 15minutes)
(place a * next to the ones you think describe me)
ugly ( )
hot ( )
cute ( )
pretty( )
sexy( )
nice( )
mean( )
rude( )
cool( )
brat( )
kind( )
quiet( )
loud( )
shy( )
weird( )
helpful( )
selfish( )
crazy( )
has fun ( )
dumb( )
stupid( )
friendly( )
caring( )
friend( )
enemy( )
listens( )
shares( )
talkative( )
popular( )
boring( )
beautiful( )
creative( )
funny( )
stubborn( )
smart( )
a bitch( )
a flirt( )
slutty( )
a player( )
confusing( )
different( )
depressed( )
sweet( )
ignores you( )
controlling( )
mood swings( )
attractive( )
annoying( )
attention getter( )
hilarious( )
yells a lot( )
gets mad easily( )
1. Do you consider me as a true friend?
2. How long have you known me?
3. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
4. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
5. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
6. Have you ever had a dream about me?
7. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
8. What is the best feature of me?
9. What is the worst feature of me?
10. Do you look up, on, or down on me...as a person?
11. Do you consider me as a good friend to you?
12. Do you think I consider YOU as a good friend to ME?
13. Have I ever been there for you?
14. If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be?
15. YOUR best memory with ME is:
16. YOUR worst memory with ME is:
17. The worst thing i have ever done to you is:
18. The best part of my personality:
19. Do you like me like ..."THAT"?
20. Would you ever kiss me?
21. Have you ever considered being my boy/girlfriend?
22. If we spent a day together, where would we go & what would we do?
23. If you could describe me in one word what would it be?
24. Did you ever have a crush on me?
25. If so...when, do you still?
26. Do you wish we were closer?
27. Are you in love with me?
28. Would ya hook up with me?
29. What do you think I'll be when I grow up?
30. Do you think I'll get married?
31. If you do, who do you think I'll marry?
32. When is my birthday?
33. Who is my best friend?
34. Do I remind you of any characters on TV?
35. If you could re-name me, what would you call me?
36. Do you think I'm a virgin?
37. If YOU could tell ME one last thing, it would be?
(place a * next to the ones you think describe me)
ugly ( )
hot ( )
cute ( )
pretty( )
sexy( )
nice( )
mean( )
rude( )
cool( )
brat( )
kind( )
quiet( )
loud( )
shy( )
weird( )
helpful( )
selfish( )
crazy( )
has fun ( )
dumb( )
stupid( )
friendly( )
caring( )
friend( )
enemy( )
listens( )
shares( )
talkative( )
popular( )
boring( )
beautiful( )
creative( )
funny( )
stubborn( )
smart( )
a bitch( )
a flirt( )
slutty( )
a player( )
confusing( )
different( )
depressed( )
sweet( )
ignores you( )
controlling( )
mood swings( )
attractive( )
annoying( )
attention getter( )
hilarious( )
yells a lot( )
gets mad easily( )
1. Do you consider me as a true friend?
2. How long have you known me?
3. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
4. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
5. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
6. Have you ever had a dream about me?
7. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
8. What is the best feature of me?
9. What is the worst feature of me?
10. Do you look up, on, or down on me...as a person?
11. Do you consider me as a good friend to you?
12. Do you think I consider YOU as a good friend to ME?
13. Have I ever been there for you?
14. If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be?
15. YOUR best memory with ME is:
16. YOUR worst memory with ME is:
17. The worst thing i have ever done to you is:
18. The best part of my personality:
19. Do you like me like ..."THAT"?
20. Would you ever kiss me?
21. Have you ever considered being my boy/girlfriend?
22. If we spent a day together, where would we go & what would we do?
23. If you could describe me in one word what would it be?
24. Did you ever have a crush on me?
25. If so...when, do you still?
26. Do you wish we were closer?
27. Are you in love with me?
28. Would ya hook up with me?
29. What do you think I'll be when I grow up?
30. Do you think I'll get married?
31. If you do, who do you think I'll marry?
32. When is my birthday?
33. Who is my best friend?
34. Do I remind you of any characters on TV?
35. If you could re-name me, what would you call me?
36. Do you think I'm a virgin?
37. If YOU could tell ME one last thing, it would be?
Monday, October 04, 2004
hey hey
so I'm in an awesome mood today. I went and applied for a job at New York Fries, it went awesomly and I'm sure that I'm going to get hired soon.
School's going fine, just finished a biology lab. Have to start attending class more often.
Andarta... your letter is on it's way as soon as I can find an envelope. I asked a friend to bring one into school tomorrow if I couldn't find one, so I'll mail it on my three hour spare or something.
*has everything put together... just lacking a freaking envelope*
if he can't find one then my check should have cleared by then so I can pick some up on my way home. Or maybe I can scrounge two dollars in change. whatever one I end up doing, your letter is in the mail tomorrow. I promise, on my honor, with lots of whipped cream and cheeries ;D.
;D is my *suave smile* by the way.
lol.
So I have an assignment due thursday, two labs to attend tomorrow and gym class tomorrow. such is the bulk of my work for the week. The rest of the week I'll spend either writing another letter or working on the story or maybe making another one of what I sent Andarta for myself. They're really complicated and take a lot of time... as Jess said "I spent so much time making this that it's mine damn you! friendship be damned!" or maybe I'll write some more poetry. I know how much everyone loooves my poetry :P.
Alright, I'll be quiet.
'gnight all and wish me luck with the job.
*hugs & kisses to Andarta*
later
School's going fine, just finished a biology lab. Have to start attending class more often.
Andarta... your letter is on it's way as soon as I can find an envelope. I asked a friend to bring one into school tomorrow if I couldn't find one, so I'll mail it on my three hour spare or something.
*has everything put together... just lacking a freaking envelope*
if he can't find one then my check should have cleared by then so I can pick some up on my way home. Or maybe I can scrounge two dollars in change. whatever one I end up doing, your letter is in the mail tomorrow. I promise, on my honor, with lots of whipped cream and cheeries ;D.
;D is my *suave smile* by the way.
lol.
So I have an assignment due thursday, two labs to attend tomorrow and gym class tomorrow. such is the bulk of my work for the week. The rest of the week I'll spend either writing another letter or working on the story or maybe making another one of what I sent Andarta for myself. They're really complicated and take a lot of time... as Jess said "I spent so much time making this that it's mine damn you! friendship be damned!" or maybe I'll write some more poetry. I know how much everyone loooves my poetry :P.
Alright, I'll be quiet.
'gnight all and wish me luck with the job.
*hugs & kisses to Andarta*
later
Sunday, October 03, 2004
*raises eyebrow*
well here's another quiz... go carebears lol.
 | Love-a-Lot Bear |
Saturday, October 02, 2004
as promised
I went searching through my archives of poetry and found a poem I hadn't posted yet on here, so that's now up (it's from Sept 30th, so not that old) and I've written some today as well. enjoy as usual.
And my computer's back up. YAY!
Later all.
And my computer's back up. YAY!
Later all.
*yawns*
uuugh... I'm still tired, but I got a good ten hours of sleep so I'm good enough to post some stuff for everyone.
i'm in the process of sending my files to a friend at the moment to hold for me while I fix my computer (Which will end up involving wiping the harddrive... yet again.) After this, I swear I'm not using IE anymore and I'm definately not downloading Kazaa again either. I'm about half-way done sending her the files and after that's done, I'll be starting the wipe, which usually takes about 10 hours total. (including the time where I forget to come up and check to see if the first disc is done so I can put in the second one) and then I have to set up my LAN software and the rest of my preferances and then download MSN and and a new browser for my computer. Then I have to get all my files back and then I'm set. Estimated Completion: 10PM tonight roughly (probably later if anything).
My mom and I talked about U of Waterloo today. We're going to try and pick a date in the near future either after I finish school or during the winter break to schedule a visit to the university to take a look around and such. We're also going to visit the nearby area, take a look at what there is to do. And we're also going to look at an important feature of the area... bus routes, specifically to and from Guelph as I don't really feel like owning a car and paying maintenance and insurance and etc. I'm also hoping to get to spend some time with Andarta while visiting there. (In fact, I'll make it a point to reserve at least some time to visiting with her). We also talked about living arrangements and I came to the conclusion that I had two options in mind (assuming I go to the u of waterloo). 1) Assuming there are good bus routes to and from U of Waterloo to Guelph and that Andarta will have me and that we can afford it and that Andarta and I are dating, I hoped to find an apartment and rent it. If there are no bus routes or Andarta doesn't want us to live together (etc) then 2) Live in residence. This is the order I want them in... for a few reasons. 1) It is cheaper to live offcampus than in residence (i ran the numbers) and it's about $3000 cheaper for the year. Money's already tight as it is and I figure that the more expenses I can cut, the better off I'll be. 2) I honestly am not comfortable sharing a room with another person. There are a few exceptions for close friends, which is why I wouldn't mind sharing a room with Andarta say, but a stranger I just find... I'm just not comfortable with. So those are my reasons... I have heard that it is very beneficial to live in res and you get to meet a lot of awesome people but I figure there are other ways of meeting them too as I fully intend on joining several clubs (I have my eye on a few of them). We talked about finances... she said that the RESP (something Education Savings Plan) money goes to me in entirety... which amounts to something like $12000 including all the interest. She said my parents will willing to pay moving costs and also to purchase some furniture (if need be) for the apartment if that's what I want. In addition they were thinking about sending me some money each month... but that's just some small amount for my own enjoyment. The rest of it is up to me to make. When I worked out a rough budget earlier this year with numbers for the current school year, I figured it would be roughly $60000 in expenses... not including fun and entertainment, etc nor anything that they were willing to pay for. I'll have to wait until I see just how much I'm going to pay in rent, how many ways we can split the rent and just how much tuition and my books are next year, but I think that's a fairly accurate figure. (I also rounded everything up, so that it's more of a worst-case scenario). So... that makes nearly 50,000$ I need to make over the course of the next five years.
I intend to start working soon. One night after school this week, probaby monday or tuesday, I'm going to head over to Rideau and drop my resume off at a few places. And it's already in at Chapters for their seasonal work over Christmas. I'm hoping that I can finish university debt free... that would be awesome. i'm also fairly certain I will qualify for at least a few of the scholarships at Waterloo. And I'm thinking of entering into the co-op program. It gives me no vacation time but it does give me work terms which could cover a huge portion of my expenses. (and maybe mean I don't have to work while I'm in a study term).
Deadline for application to university is Mar 31st '05 so I've got a bit more time to think about which course to apply to. I know some people in CS (Computer Science) here at Heritage and I've seen some of what they do and it's actually really interesting. C++ doesn't look that hard... looks like VB and javascript mixed together. I already know a fair bit of VB as well, which is probably a plus. Right now this is what I think I will be applying to: Computer Science Co-Op. It takes 18 semesters to complete (which is four full years and two semesters) which includes 6 work terms and 12 study terms, no vacation. I think you can take a vacation the first year during Summer and add the work later at the end, but that means you have school for five complete years. Anyway you cut it, it's Sec I-V all over again, but this time in something I know I love and have an interest in doing and learning more about.
(50Megs left on my upload).
So... current plan is: Apply to Waterloo and Heritage for the next Fall semester. I know I can make it back into Heritage, my marks are excellent so far. If I make it into Waterloo (which I also think I can do, but it's not a sure thing) then I'll be going there.
Andarta and I are now talking about a visit around the first weekend in November. *crosses fingers* hopefully this one will work out. It's been... lets see... three and a half months since I last saw her in person. Lots of great ideas for her visit still. If she makes it for the last weekend in October (October ends on a weekend) maybe we can take her with us to see Rocky Horror at the Mayfair. (it's an awesome experiance). If not... well there are lots of awesome things to do anyways. I really miss her and I can't wait for her visit *excited*
Lots of people want to meet her, which I'm surprised at. Dragon's promised to be an ass to her when she's here... I told him I'd sit on him if he did. hehe.
23megs left.
No but most of the people from Heritage that I know now have expressed an interest in meeting her, therefore I'll definately include Heritage as one of our stops when she's here.
Alright... 10 megs left
I'm done for now, I'll post more and maybe add a poem and maybe a musing when I'm done fixing this bleeping computer.
*hugs @ Andarta* hopefully I'll get to talk to you later tonight, love. Oh and I added a comment to my quiz with the link to the quiz about what your birth month means, so you can go check that out and post it on your blog.
Later everyone.
Keep watching the stars.
i'm in the process of sending my files to a friend at the moment to hold for me while I fix my computer (Which will end up involving wiping the harddrive... yet again.) After this, I swear I'm not using IE anymore and I'm definately not downloading Kazaa again either. I'm about half-way done sending her the files and after that's done, I'll be starting the wipe, which usually takes about 10 hours total. (including the time where I forget to come up and check to see if the first disc is done so I can put in the second one) and then I have to set up my LAN software and the rest of my preferances and then download MSN and and a new browser for my computer. Then I have to get all my files back and then I'm set. Estimated Completion: 10PM tonight roughly (probably later if anything).
My mom and I talked about U of Waterloo today. We're going to try and pick a date in the near future either after I finish school or during the winter break to schedule a visit to the university to take a look around and such. We're also going to visit the nearby area, take a look at what there is to do. And we're also going to look at an important feature of the area... bus routes, specifically to and from Guelph as I don't really feel like owning a car and paying maintenance and insurance and etc. I'm also hoping to get to spend some time with Andarta while visiting there. (In fact, I'll make it a point to reserve at least some time to visiting with her). We also talked about living arrangements and I came to the conclusion that I had two options in mind (assuming I go to the u of waterloo). 1) Assuming there are good bus routes to and from U of Waterloo to Guelph and that Andarta will have me and that we can afford it and that Andarta and I are dating, I hoped to find an apartment and rent it. If there are no bus routes or Andarta doesn't want us to live together (etc) then 2) Live in residence. This is the order I want them in... for a few reasons. 1) It is cheaper to live offcampus than in residence (i ran the numbers) and it's about $3000 cheaper for the year. Money's already tight as it is and I figure that the more expenses I can cut, the better off I'll be. 2) I honestly am not comfortable sharing a room with another person. There are a few exceptions for close friends, which is why I wouldn't mind sharing a room with Andarta say, but a stranger I just find... I'm just not comfortable with. So those are my reasons... I have heard that it is very beneficial to live in res and you get to meet a lot of awesome people but I figure there are other ways of meeting them too as I fully intend on joining several clubs (I have my eye on a few of them). We talked about finances... she said that the RESP (something Education Savings Plan) money goes to me in entirety... which amounts to something like $12000 including all the interest. She said my parents will willing to pay moving costs and also to purchase some furniture (if need be) for the apartment if that's what I want. In addition they were thinking about sending me some money each month... but that's just some small amount for my own enjoyment. The rest of it is up to me to make. When I worked out a rough budget earlier this year with numbers for the current school year, I figured it would be roughly $60000 in expenses... not including fun and entertainment, etc nor anything that they were willing to pay for. I'll have to wait until I see just how much I'm going to pay in rent, how many ways we can split the rent and just how much tuition and my books are next year, but I think that's a fairly accurate figure. (I also rounded everything up, so that it's more of a worst-case scenario). So... that makes nearly 50,000$ I need to make over the course of the next five years.
I intend to start working soon. One night after school this week, probaby monday or tuesday, I'm going to head over to Rideau and drop my resume off at a few places. And it's already in at Chapters for their seasonal work over Christmas. I'm hoping that I can finish university debt free... that would be awesome. i'm also fairly certain I will qualify for at least a few of the scholarships at Waterloo. And I'm thinking of entering into the co-op program. It gives me no vacation time but it does give me work terms which could cover a huge portion of my expenses. (and maybe mean I don't have to work while I'm in a study term).
Deadline for application to university is Mar 31st '05 so I've got a bit more time to think about which course to apply to. I know some people in CS (Computer Science) here at Heritage and I've seen some of what they do and it's actually really interesting. C++ doesn't look that hard... looks like VB and javascript mixed together. I already know a fair bit of VB as well, which is probably a plus. Right now this is what I think I will be applying to: Computer Science Co-Op. It takes 18 semesters to complete (which is four full years and two semesters) which includes 6 work terms and 12 study terms, no vacation. I think you can take a vacation the first year during Summer and add the work later at the end, but that means you have school for five complete years. Anyway you cut it, it's Sec I-V all over again, but this time in something I know I love and have an interest in doing and learning more about.
(50Megs left on my upload).
So... current plan is: Apply to Waterloo and Heritage for the next Fall semester. I know I can make it back into Heritage, my marks are excellent so far. If I make it into Waterloo (which I also think I can do, but it's not a sure thing) then I'll be going there.
Andarta and I are now talking about a visit around the first weekend in November. *crosses fingers* hopefully this one will work out. It's been... lets see... three and a half months since I last saw her in person. Lots of great ideas for her visit still. If she makes it for the last weekend in October (October ends on a weekend) maybe we can take her with us to see Rocky Horror at the Mayfair. (it's an awesome experiance). If not... well there are lots of awesome things to do anyways. I really miss her and I can't wait for her visit *excited*
Lots of people want to meet her, which I'm surprised at. Dragon's promised to be an ass to her when she's here... I told him I'd sit on him if he did. hehe.
23megs left.
No but most of the people from Heritage that I know now have expressed an interest in meeting her, therefore I'll definately include Heritage as one of our stops when she's here.
Alright... 10 megs left
I'm done for now, I'll post more and maybe add a poem and maybe a musing when I'm done fixing this bleeping computer.
*hugs @ Andarta* hopefully I'll get to talk to you later tonight, love. Oh and I added a comment to my quiz with the link to the quiz about what your birth month means, so you can go check that out and post it on your blog.
Later everyone.
Keep watching the stars.
*exhausted*
I dunno why, but I am really exhausted at the moment and I'm off to bed after I finish this post (which will be extremely short).
*hugs to Andarta*
sorry I didn't get to speak with anyone tonight, been exhausted for the last few hours and before that, had several annoying friends over (really questioning why they're still my friends).
Alright, I'm done
XOXOXO to Andarta
'Night all
*hugs to Andarta*
sorry I didn't get to speak with anyone tonight, been exhausted for the last few hours and before that, had several annoying friends over (really questioning why they're still my friends).
Alright, I'm done
XOXOXO to Andarta
'Night all
