Thursday, January 27, 2005
So... the move is now official
Footsteps is now being permently moved to my livejournal account which you can find at http://livejournal.com/users/darkelfpoet. I'm moving it because I like their friends system, their communities, the way you can cut your posts into sections and their little music/mood thing. I will be leaving this one open for as long as it takes me to back-post it to my livejournal. Same goes my poetry and my private journal. Here's how it's going to work now.
On livejournal I can create groups of friends. To become a friend you must join LJ (livejournal), it's free and you don't even have to use your account. Posts that would normally be seen on here will be posted so that anyone can see them. After that I will have a poetry group of friends for people who like to read my poetry; ONLY THESE PEOPLE will be able to read my poetry. So if you're remotely interested in reading my poetry, tell me and I'll add you onto that group. Plus there'll be another group for my private entries (Those that would appear on my private blog). In addition I can do it by specific user so if I have a message say for Freya and for her alone, I can post it just to her. It's yet another feature I like about it. In addition, some posts I'm going to make friends only, as a sortof medium security level (posts that have personal information that I don't want just everyone reading get posted to friends only). So I highly suggest anyone who likes reading any of my journals, join livejournal if you haven't already and add me (darkelfpoet as usual) as a friend.
Couple of people I already have - Andy you don't have to do anything, you're on all the friends groups lol. And Cindy - if you still read this (have no clue) you're already on the friends list.
Everyone else, gotta do something or you're going to start getting left behind!
Anyways - I will post about today there.
Everyone update your bookmarks!
*hugs to Andy*
Farewell blogger.
Laterz all.
On livejournal I can create groups of friends. To become a friend you must join LJ (livejournal), it's free and you don't even have to use your account. Posts that would normally be seen on here will be posted so that anyone can see them. After that I will have a poetry group of friends for people who like to read my poetry; ONLY THESE PEOPLE will be able to read my poetry. So if you're remotely interested in reading my poetry, tell me and I'll add you onto that group. Plus there'll be another group for my private entries (Those that would appear on my private blog). In addition I can do it by specific user so if I have a message say for Freya and for her alone, I can post it just to her. It's yet another feature I like about it. In addition, some posts I'm going to make friends only, as a sortof medium security level (posts that have personal information that I don't want just everyone reading get posted to friends only). So I highly suggest anyone who likes reading any of my journals, join livejournal if you haven't already and add me (darkelfpoet as usual) as a friend.
Couple of people I already have - Andy you don't have to do anything, you're on all the friends groups lol. And Cindy - if you still read this (have no clue) you're already on the friends list.
Everyone else, gotta do something or you're going to start getting left behind!
Anyways - I will post about today there.
Everyone update your bookmarks!
*hugs to Andy*
Farewell blogger.
Laterz all.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
This pi-ous moment
Oy - bad pun I know.
Alright so today's update... yes yes some stuff happened today.
Stayed up rather late last night working on stuff. Finished a good quarter of the next chapter of Dawn and then helped a friend with some problems. Went to bed at 12:30am.
Woke up, decided to sleep in as I didn't have class until 10am. Went in with Vanessa on the bus, ate a wonderful breakfast (scrambled eggs, bacon, toast & homefries - my god breakfasts at school are sooo good), then went to my wonderful Linear Algebra class where we learned how to add vectors together... for the fourth time. I learned once in Math 536, again in Physics and again in Cal I. Now we did it again. For those of you who don't know what vectors are...
A normal number (we call them scalars but it's basically any number like 2,5, 100342332, or pi) has one part to it - it's magnitude (how big it is, like the magnitude of an earthquake).
A vector has two parts, a magnitude and a direction.
So think of a car. A car has a mass, however much it is. This mass is a normal number. It also has a speed, say 60km/h going directly east. 60km/h East is a vector as it has a direction.
With me? Good. Now in Math we represent vectors slightly differently. Everyone familiar with a Cartesian plane? Excellent. We represent vectors as an arrow starting at the origin (0,0) and going to another point (a, b) on the graph. Thus we represent vectors as pairs of numbers which describe this point on the plane.
Thus if we have a vector a which goes from (0,0) to point (3,2), vector a can be represented by the expression (3,2).
Note: For the people who already did this at my level, I am well aware that I am not covering n-space vectors or 3-space vectors but I'm trying to keep this simple.
We call these two numbers components, in the example above they would be a1 and a2. So any vector a can also be represented by the pair of points (a1, a2) which represent where the vector goes from the origin on the cartesian plane.
Now we have this wonderful thing called vector addition by which we take two vectors and add them together. Picture this in your mind, it's like this.
Go 12 steps north. Then go 6 steps east.
12 steps north is a vector (12 steps is how long and north is in what direction) as is 6 steps east. To find out where you actually end up, you need to add these two vectors together which you do by simply, in your mind, walking 12 steps north and 6 steps east and looking where you end up.
If you want to do it mathematically, we must give pairs of co-ordinates first. So the first vector, A (12 steps north) is (12,0) and B is (0,6) yes? (I'm assuming everyone can work on a Cartesian plane - if not just take my word for it)
So now... how do we add these two vectors together? It's very simple. We take the first number of each, add them together; then we take the second number of each and add them together and the result is our new vector which represents the direct path between the origin and where you end up after walking 12 steps north and 6 steps east.
so
12 + 0 = 12
0 + 6 = 6
new vector (12,6)
which makes sense, as if you go 12 steps north and then six steps east, of course you end up at a position (12 steps, 6 steps)
Yes? Everyone with me?
Alright good.
You have successfully learned what I learned today. For the fourth time. Yet they feel the need to drill this into us. You might say it's for the not-so-mathematically inclined but might I point out - every single person in this course recieved a 75+ mark in Math 536 and passed Physics (both of which taught this concept). Most of them also passed Cal I, in which it was taught again. Now we're getting it AGAIN
*grumbles*
alright... next...
I skipped Chemistry, it's all review. Then I went and wrote the next quarter of Dawn, posted it on-line and then went to French & Mechanics. In Mechanics...
VECTOR ADDITION!
oy.
Alright I won't bitch abotu vector addition but i've now learned it five times and apparently we do it three more times in cegep.
I am so leaving or I'll kill someone lol.
Alright so an excellent musing tonight in the process in my brain - will post that in my private journal afterwards.
So after mechanics, it's time for the "lets be made to feel guilty by Kat"-fest and then I was off to PTY which was excellent. We had a reporter from the Ottawa Sun in and she interviewed a lot of us.
Then I remembered that Jaz wanted to start a rainbow group of some form at Heritage this semester but never got around to it, so we talked about me starting that with her being the liason between PTS and the group at Heritage, with her taking over the group after I leave.
So that's on our list of things to do tomorrow - talk to the SA about getting that started. Probably going to do it either at 5 when I finish or earlier as I believe at least one of my labs is a work period.
Alright - off to bed soon, but I've got some stuff to work on tomorrow. I promise I'll finish Dawn CII sometime (maybe in the morning as I'm going to spend from 8 - 10 in the lab working on my lab so if I finish early I'll work on Dawn and if not i'll go later in the day when i get the chance. and if i don't finish it, i'll work on it when i get home.
So *hugs, kisses, love and snugs to Andy* and laterz all!
Alright so today's update... yes yes some stuff happened today.
Stayed up rather late last night working on stuff. Finished a good quarter of the next chapter of Dawn and then helped a friend with some problems. Went to bed at 12:30am.
Woke up, decided to sleep in as I didn't have class until 10am. Went in with Vanessa on the bus, ate a wonderful breakfast (scrambled eggs, bacon, toast & homefries - my god breakfasts at school are sooo good), then went to my wonderful Linear Algebra class where we learned how to add vectors together... for the fourth time. I learned once in Math 536, again in Physics and again in Cal I. Now we did it again. For those of you who don't know what vectors are...
A normal number (we call them scalars but it's basically any number like 2,5, 100342332, or pi) has one part to it - it's magnitude (how big it is, like the magnitude of an earthquake).
A vector has two parts, a magnitude and a direction.
So think of a car. A car has a mass, however much it is. This mass is a normal number. It also has a speed, say 60km/h going directly east. 60km/h East is a vector as it has a direction.
With me? Good. Now in Math we represent vectors slightly differently. Everyone familiar with a Cartesian plane? Excellent. We represent vectors as an arrow starting at the origin (0,0) and going to another point (a, b) on the graph. Thus we represent vectors as pairs of numbers which describe this point on the plane.
Thus if we have a vector a which goes from (0,0) to point (3,2), vector a can be represented by the expression (3,2).
Note: For the people who already did this at my level, I am well aware that I am not covering n-space vectors or 3-space vectors but I'm trying to keep this simple.
We call these two numbers components, in the example above they would be a1 and a2. So any vector a can also be represented by the pair of points (a1, a2) which represent where the vector goes from the origin on the cartesian plane.
Now we have this wonderful thing called vector addition by which we take two vectors and add them together. Picture this in your mind, it's like this.
Go 12 steps north. Then go 6 steps east.
12 steps north is a vector (12 steps is how long and north is in what direction) as is 6 steps east. To find out where you actually end up, you need to add these two vectors together which you do by simply, in your mind, walking 12 steps north and 6 steps east and looking where you end up.
If you want to do it mathematically, we must give pairs of co-ordinates first. So the first vector, A (12 steps north) is (12,0) and B is (0,6) yes? (I'm assuming everyone can work on a Cartesian plane - if not just take my word for it)
So now... how do we add these two vectors together? It's very simple. We take the first number of each, add them together; then we take the second number of each and add them together and the result is our new vector which represents the direct path between the origin and where you end up after walking 12 steps north and 6 steps east.
so
12 + 0 = 12
0 + 6 = 6
new vector (12,6)
which makes sense, as if you go 12 steps north and then six steps east, of course you end up at a position (12 steps, 6 steps)
Yes? Everyone with me?
Alright good.
You have successfully learned what I learned today. For the fourth time. Yet they feel the need to drill this into us. You might say it's for the not-so-mathematically inclined but might I point out - every single person in this course recieved a 75+ mark in Math 536 and passed Physics (both of which taught this concept). Most of them also passed Cal I, in which it was taught again. Now we're getting it AGAIN
*grumbles*
alright... next...
I skipped Chemistry, it's all review. Then I went and wrote the next quarter of Dawn, posted it on-line and then went to French & Mechanics. In Mechanics...
VECTOR ADDITION!
oy.
Alright I won't bitch abotu vector addition but i've now learned it five times and apparently we do it three more times in cegep.
I am so leaving or I'll kill someone lol.
Alright so an excellent musing tonight in the process in my brain - will post that in my private journal afterwards.
So after mechanics, it's time for the "lets be made to feel guilty by Kat"-fest and then I was off to PTY which was excellent. We had a reporter from the Ottawa Sun in and she interviewed a lot of us.
Then I remembered that Jaz wanted to start a rainbow group of some form at Heritage this semester but never got around to it, so we talked about me starting that with her being the liason between PTS and the group at Heritage, with her taking over the group after I leave.
So that's on our list of things to do tomorrow - talk to the SA about getting that started. Probably going to do it either at 5 when I finish or earlier as I believe at least one of my labs is a work period.
Alright - off to bed soon, but I've got some stuff to work on tomorrow. I promise I'll finish Dawn CII sometime (maybe in the morning as I'm going to spend from 8 - 10 in the lab working on my lab so if I finish early I'll work on Dawn and if not i'll go later in the day when i get the chance. and if i don't finish it, i'll work on it when i get home.
So *hugs, kisses, love and snugs to Andy* and laterz all!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Oy
*looks at face in mirror*
Friends of mine got me, held me down, pink-bellied me, tickled me to no end and then drew something that looks like it's out of Rocky Horror on my face! I have a photo but no correct port to upload them. But I must wash my face a lot and soon.
Two poems I wrote at school today, will post them & will work on short stories later tonight (still debating which I want to work on - Pun Hell, Dawn or one of my three other stories I have ideas for floating in my mind - make that four...
Pun Hell & Dawn everyone's heard of before. Dawn has two sequels to it which I'm putting my mind towards, then I have my story about an evil computer program that takes over the world (similar but way different to Terminator, roughly similar overall storyline but different perspective) and I have another one I'm working on in my mind with no real details yet.
I have a mountain of papers from last semester and this one to file, along with a massive amount of textbooks. Also I have the following homework...
1) Linear Algebra assignment (due tomorrow - done the work, need to copy in pencil)
2) Chemistry Lab report (due Thursday - done the experiement must write lab)
3) Another Algebra assignment (due next Wednesday)
4) Must read Hawthorne's "The Birthmark" (due next English - Friday)
Alas still no success with Philosophy, am talking to Graham tomorrow about switching courses.
Ooo... another idea for a story. Grrs! So many good ideas for stories, not enough for poems. (will post those two he wrote right after I goes downstairs and gets them)
Seriously - a lot of tonight I'm going to spend cleaning my room while chatting or doing homework while chatting. When I'm done both I'll work on one of the stories I've already started... still not sure which though. I promise you all either an end to Pun Hell or the next chapter of Dawn by the end of the night though.
Plus a lot of projects going on...
Currently revamping my website. I wrote a program that takes my poetry, stores them and then reads them and creates HTML for them plus makes my index pages. In the process I'm completely changing most of the colour scheme, but not much of the general layout. The best part is, when I finish writing the poetry editor it will not only do that but I'll be able to edit and add comments to my poetry. I'm also going to create a poetry viewer for my friends - it'll be a program that'll have a searchable database of my poetry as well as a list by date written, date posted on-line and alphabetically and will then allow you to flip easily through the lists. It's also the only way you'll be able to read my comments on the poem, which I'll write after finishing my other poetry editor. So that's good.
Chris should be mailing me some form of documentation sometime this week. Plus Laserquest should be calling me back so I might have a job soon! Go working, go working!
I've started a new poetry book. I had two old ones, little Hilroy books (smaller than letter sized but still big enough to write in - most of you have seen them I think, I used them all throughout grade 11) but they got full and I tore out all the pages and put them in a filing cabinet - the rest were math equations & funky codes I came up with which I threw out or kept around. This one, Freya saw it when I was in Timmins (it's identical to my old ones, even in colour) and maybe Andy saw it too, I don't remember. And from now on, I'm going to write poetry in it just like I used to. I feel I don't write enough poetry anymore, mostly because I can just talk about anything that bothers me or that I'm really happy about now with people - didn't used to be that way. But now I'm going to make an effort to, when I feel like I want to write something, write a poem. A lot of it is lack of paper I think.
I'm working on Andy's birthday present now too - most of you have seen me fashioning it at school during my spare time so you know what it is.
Saving money at the moment for RAM - have about $40 as Daren finally payed me back! Woohoo! Need $20 more and I'll probably ask that my father pay half. It is, after all, his computer.
Most of the money I get after this point is going straight into my Savings account, which dwindled to about $5 now, as I bought lunch last Friday.
Have been asked by a friend to accompany them to Concordia next weekend on Saturday for most of the day, as they wanted company on the car ride up. Should be fun. We're going with their dad.
I'm also looking at finishing up my series of D&D programs now that I finally have VB back!
So yep, lots of projects to work on in my spare moments.
Anyways, I'm going to get started on typing up those poems.
*hugs & kisses & love to Andy*
Laterz all
- Dep
Friends of mine got me, held me down, pink-bellied me, tickled me to no end and then drew something that looks like it's out of Rocky Horror on my face! I have a photo but no correct port to upload them. But I must wash my face a lot and soon.
Two poems I wrote at school today, will post them & will work on short stories later tonight (still debating which I want to work on - Pun Hell, Dawn or one of my three other stories I have ideas for floating in my mind - make that four...
Pun Hell & Dawn everyone's heard of before. Dawn has two sequels to it which I'm putting my mind towards, then I have my story about an evil computer program that takes over the world (similar but way different to Terminator, roughly similar overall storyline but different perspective) and I have another one I'm working on in my mind with no real details yet.
I have a mountain of papers from last semester and this one to file, along with a massive amount of textbooks. Also I have the following homework...
1) Linear Algebra assignment (due tomorrow - done the work, need to copy in pencil)
2) Chemistry Lab report (due Thursday - done the experiement must write lab)
3) Another Algebra assignment (due next Wednesday)
4) Must read Hawthorne's "The Birthmark" (due next English - Friday)
Alas still no success with Philosophy, am talking to Graham tomorrow about switching courses.
Ooo... another idea for a story. Grrs! So many good ideas for stories, not enough for poems. (will post those two he wrote right after I goes downstairs and gets them)
Seriously - a lot of tonight I'm going to spend cleaning my room while chatting or doing homework while chatting. When I'm done both I'll work on one of the stories I've already started... still not sure which though. I promise you all either an end to Pun Hell or the next chapter of Dawn by the end of the night though.
Plus a lot of projects going on...
Currently revamping my website. I wrote a program that takes my poetry, stores them and then reads them and creates HTML for them plus makes my index pages. In the process I'm completely changing most of the colour scheme, but not much of the general layout. The best part is, when I finish writing the poetry editor it will not only do that but I'll be able to edit and add comments to my poetry. I'm also going to create a poetry viewer for my friends - it'll be a program that'll have a searchable database of my poetry as well as a list by date written, date posted on-line and alphabetically and will then allow you to flip easily through the lists. It's also the only way you'll be able to read my comments on the poem, which I'll write after finishing my other poetry editor. So that's good.
Chris should be mailing me some form of documentation sometime this week. Plus Laserquest should be calling me back so I might have a job soon! Go working, go working!
I've started a new poetry book. I had two old ones, little Hilroy books (smaller than letter sized but still big enough to write in - most of you have seen them I think, I used them all throughout grade 11) but they got full and I tore out all the pages and put them in a filing cabinet - the rest were math equations & funky codes I came up with which I threw out or kept around. This one, Freya saw it when I was in Timmins (it's identical to my old ones, even in colour) and maybe Andy saw it too, I don't remember. And from now on, I'm going to write poetry in it just like I used to. I feel I don't write enough poetry anymore, mostly because I can just talk about anything that bothers me or that I'm really happy about now with people - didn't used to be that way. But now I'm going to make an effort to, when I feel like I want to write something, write a poem. A lot of it is lack of paper I think.
I'm working on Andy's birthday present now too - most of you have seen me fashioning it at school during my spare time so you know what it is.
Saving money at the moment for RAM - have about $40 as Daren finally payed me back! Woohoo! Need $20 more and I'll probably ask that my father pay half. It is, after all, his computer.
Most of the money I get after this point is going straight into my Savings account, which dwindled to about $5 now, as I bought lunch last Friday.
Have been asked by a friend to accompany them to Concordia next weekend on Saturday for most of the day, as they wanted company on the car ride up. Should be fun. We're going with their dad.
I'm also looking at finishing up my series of D&D programs now that I finally have VB back!
So yep, lots of projects to work on in my spare moments.
Anyways, I'm going to get started on typing up those poems.
*hugs & kisses & love to Andy*
Laterz all
- Dep
In about 10 minutes
10 minutes then I must be leaving for my bus (is current 7:25) so i'll give everyone a little bit of an update.
Got a call from Andy not last night but the night before last. We made up and I am so very very happy about it right now :). The downside was that we got absolutely no sleep at all, so I went through the day dead tired - it got to the point around 4 that I actually fell asleep while someone was talking to me - at that point I took the next bus home, got home around 5:30 and had enough energy to chat on-line, but Andy wasn't back yet so I went to bed to take a nap - setting my alarm for 6:30pm. Well I slept through my alarm... and the next one set to go off at 10pm... and the one set to go off at 6:30am and didn't wake up until 7am. And I'm still a wee bit tired. (cursed classes) Plus I checked the messages - I slept through a total of 4 phone calls here, with a loud ringing phone about 6 inches from my ear. *was exhausted*
:D I am really really really really glad Andy and I are back together :)
*just really happy now*
Planning a trip on Feb 19th to go down and see her, it's the beginning of her spring break so plenty of free time. Only, what, 25 more days to go! And, as so happens which I just just realized - Feb 19th is our 9 month anniversary :D
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
So I'm off to school really soon, but I just want to post a poem I wrote (I have a bit more time as my parents are driving me into Rivermead) a few days ago but never posted. Yesterday I had a lot of inspiration to write poetry but I was really too blah to do anything about it, but today there should be lots when I get home. And also - I will finish either Pun Hell or Dawn: Chapter II today Andy, I promise, and will even post them from the school when I complete them.
And Andy I hope you got your letter and enjoyed it & I hope you wear what's inside all the time (left wrist remember). If you didn't get it, tell me and I'll go kick some butt down at the Post Office. (grumbles) I noticed you were awake at 4am today, so I'll refrain from calling you again & waking you up.
Alright, I'm gonna go post the poem. Laterz all!
*love, hugs, kisses, licks, nuzzles, snugs, pi and roses to Andy*
Laterz
- Dep
Got a call from Andy not last night but the night before last. We made up and I am so very very happy about it right now :). The downside was that we got absolutely no sleep at all, so I went through the day dead tired - it got to the point around 4 that I actually fell asleep while someone was talking to me - at that point I took the next bus home, got home around 5:30 and had enough energy to chat on-line, but Andy wasn't back yet so I went to bed to take a nap - setting my alarm for 6:30pm. Well I slept through my alarm... and the next one set to go off at 10pm... and the one set to go off at 6:30am and didn't wake up until 7am. And I'm still a wee bit tired. (cursed classes) Plus I checked the messages - I slept through a total of 4 phone calls here, with a loud ringing phone about 6 inches from my ear. *was exhausted*
:D I am really really really really glad Andy and I are back together :)
*just really happy now*
Planning a trip on Feb 19th to go down and see her, it's the beginning of her spring break so plenty of free time. Only, what, 25 more days to go! And, as so happens which I just just realized - Feb 19th is our 9 month anniversary :D
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
So I'm off to school really soon, but I just want to post a poem I wrote (I have a bit more time as my parents are driving me into Rivermead) a few days ago but never posted. Yesterday I had a lot of inspiration to write poetry but I was really too blah to do anything about it, but today there should be lots when I get home. And also - I will finish either Pun Hell or Dawn: Chapter II today Andy, I promise, and will even post them from the school when I complete them.
And Andy I hope you got your letter and enjoyed it & I hope you wear what's inside all the time (left wrist remember). If you didn't get it, tell me and I'll go kick some butt down at the Post Office. (grumbles) I noticed you were awake at 4am today, so I'll refrain from calling you again & waking you up.
Alright, I'm gonna go post the poem. Laterz all!
*love, hugs, kisses, licks, nuzzles, snugs, pi and roses to Andy*
Laterz
- Dep
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Whoa there MSN
MSN seems to like crashing on me today - I think their servers are really full or something because I get a "Server too busy" error when I go to their help page. So if I'm not on-line and you want to talk to me, send me an e-mail or call. MSN doesn't look reliable today. (stupid Microsoft - screwing us over once again)
Later.
Later.
Friday, January 21, 2005
grrs@Vicki
Alright. I've been trying to set up Vicki's LAN since last weekend.
Saturday: Went over but there was no ethernet card & no software.
Sunday: Found software, no ethernet card (i thought they were going to buy one)
Monday: Was supposed to go over but they told me they wanted me to bring an ethernet card
T,W,T: Nope, no going over for me (Tuesday was at home, wednesday PTY and thursday mall)
Tonight: Nope, no going over even though we planned this on Monday.
grrs. I'vebeen planning my week so that I'd have time to come home early today, do all the stuff and still get home at some decent time but just... grrs.
So I'm going over tomorrow at 1pm about to finally finish setting up their LAN.
Today I bought all my textbooks except one that they were out of and that I must go downtown and buy at Chapters (or print all the texts on-line). STILL no clue wtf's going on with Philosophy - hopefully will resolve that Monday.
Was looking downstairs earlier tonight for my copy of the Sims but I couldn't find it. I may go look more in a bit, 'cause I now have an extreme urge to play the game.
'nyways, that's about it for now. Maybe some poetry later tonight but I dunno if I'm gonna post it or not. *debates*
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all
Saturday: Went over but there was no ethernet card & no software.
Sunday: Found software, no ethernet card (i thought they were going to buy one)
Monday: Was supposed to go over but they told me they wanted me to bring an ethernet card
T,W,T: Nope, no going over for me (Tuesday was at home, wednesday PTY and thursday mall)
Tonight: Nope, no going over even though we planned this on Monday.
grrs. I'vebeen planning my week so that I'd have time to come home early today, do all the stuff and still get home at some decent time but just... grrs.
So I'm going over tomorrow at 1pm about to finally finish setting up their LAN.
Today I bought all my textbooks except one that they were out of and that I must go downtown and buy at Chapters (or print all the texts on-line). STILL no clue wtf's going on with Philosophy - hopefully will resolve that Monday.
Was looking downstairs earlier tonight for my copy of the Sims but I couldn't find it. I may go look more in a bit, 'cause I now have an extreme urge to play the game.
'nyways, that's about it for now. Maybe some poetry later tonight but I dunno if I'm gonna post it or not. *debates*
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all
Thursday, January 20, 2005
*is cold & tired but still awake*
Ugh... some bad things happened since I last posted. Okay - to begin.
Philosophy.
I talked to Al Pollock about it, and he said I couldn't miss all the Thursday classes. Then I found out we might not be doing anything important every second lab class in Mechanics, so I'm now thinking of asking my Mechanics teacher if I can either miss one out of every two Mechanics labs or if I can be switched into the other program. Things to do next time I see him.
Haven't checked my e-mail which should hopefully have a response from Judy about me taking Cal II & English over the summer but the people in the TV room don't seem to have any problems with it.
Yesterday I went to PTY, which was fun. We painted for an art show at Algonquin college and when my piece gets back from the exhibit I'll take a photo of it with my camera and post it on-line.
The way back was hell - we were half an hour late finishing as I thought Pat was getting a ride with me but Pat wouldn't leave without Jaz, but then Jaz was really late finishing and then took a long time getting ready, then it turned out Pat wasn't going with me and so I was really late getting to the pick-up spot for my mom, who then apparently decided to go home without me, leaving me stranded in downtown Ottawa. it was about 10 after 10 by the time I'd figured this out (of course I waited about... fifteen minutes) and I only figured it out once I called my dad who then told me to take a bus home and hung up on me. I got to walk to Wellington to wait half an hour for the next bus back to Aylmer and then my usual 15 minutes home as I had no quarter left to call for a ride from the McDonalds (my family's normal plan when it's cold/bad weather).
Today - I left around 5 to go to Rideau, looked around a lot of stores and finally get soem food (I only had interac and I didn't want to use the machine as it charges me $3 and I get more money than I want out.) So instead I had wonderful cheese bread & A&W chicken burger for supper. Then I was nearly falling asleep (I'm exhausted) and so I fell asleep several times on the bus, managed to be awake for my stop, got off and fell over into a snowbank. Was helped up by a kind person getting off the bus with me, then I stumbled the 15 minutes back to my house.
On the plus side? I went to all my classes today.
I really have not had enough sleep over the past... heck for a long long time now... like three years. I don't think since... about when I met Nicky have I ever been fully rested. I'm always depending on the levels of caffeine in my system to keep me awake lol. Today I started my no caffeine diet & i'm going to stick with it. My banned list of soft drinks currently is...
Coke
C2
Pepsi
Diet Coke
Diet Pepsi
Barqs Rootbeer
Dr. Pepper
my accepted list
Mugs Rootbeer
Sprite
7-Up (though ewwww)
A&W Rootbeer
C Plus
Crush
Ginger Ale
I plan to eliminate all soft drinks from my diet sometime soon - but for now I am sticking to the ones with caffiene so that I can break my caffiene addiction first then break off from soft drinks rather than doign both at the same time.
My diet/sleeping pattern have all been shot to hell over the past week or so.
I went for three days (Th-F-Sa, last week) on two chicken thighs and a handful of fries. And since about noon yesterday I've had a can full of pringles, a loaf of cheesebread and an A&W combo. i've been going to bed at the earliest 12:30am (changing that tonight as I am off to bed at around 10:45pm) and sometimes not until 5 or 6 am... even had two all nighters.
Anyways - I'm really thirsty so I'm getting water, then I'm going to bed.
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all!
Philosophy.
I talked to Al Pollock about it, and he said I couldn't miss all the Thursday classes. Then I found out we might not be doing anything important every second lab class in Mechanics, so I'm now thinking of asking my Mechanics teacher if I can either miss one out of every two Mechanics labs or if I can be switched into the other program. Things to do next time I see him.
Haven't checked my e-mail which should hopefully have a response from Judy about me taking Cal II & English over the summer but the people in the TV room don't seem to have any problems with it.
Yesterday I went to PTY, which was fun. We painted for an art show at Algonquin college and when my piece gets back from the exhibit I'll take a photo of it with my camera and post it on-line.
The way back was hell - we were half an hour late finishing as I thought Pat was getting a ride with me but Pat wouldn't leave without Jaz, but then Jaz was really late finishing and then took a long time getting ready, then it turned out Pat wasn't going with me and so I was really late getting to the pick-up spot for my mom, who then apparently decided to go home without me, leaving me stranded in downtown Ottawa. it was about 10 after 10 by the time I'd figured this out (of course I waited about... fifteen minutes) and I only figured it out once I called my dad who then told me to take a bus home and hung up on me. I got to walk to Wellington to wait half an hour for the next bus back to Aylmer and then my usual 15 minutes home as I had no quarter left to call for a ride from the McDonalds (my family's normal plan when it's cold/bad weather).
Today - I left around 5 to go to Rideau, looked around a lot of stores and finally get soem food (I only had interac and I didn't want to use the machine as it charges me $3 and I get more money than I want out.) So instead I had wonderful cheese bread & A&W chicken burger for supper. Then I was nearly falling asleep (I'm exhausted) and so I fell asleep several times on the bus, managed to be awake for my stop, got off and fell over into a snowbank. Was helped up by a kind person getting off the bus with me, then I stumbled the 15 minutes back to my house.
On the plus side? I went to all my classes today.
I really have not had enough sleep over the past... heck for a long long time now... like three years. I don't think since... about when I met Nicky have I ever been fully rested. I'm always depending on the levels of caffeine in my system to keep me awake lol. Today I started my no caffeine diet & i'm going to stick with it. My banned list of soft drinks currently is...
Coke
C2
Pepsi
Diet Coke
Diet Pepsi
Barqs Rootbeer
Dr. Pepper
my accepted list
Mugs Rootbeer
Sprite
7-Up (though ewwww)
A&W Rootbeer
C Plus
Crush
Ginger Ale
I plan to eliminate all soft drinks from my diet sometime soon - but for now I am sticking to the ones with caffiene so that I can break my caffiene addiction first then break off from soft drinks rather than doign both at the same time.
My diet/sleeping pattern have all been shot to hell over the past week or so.
I went for three days (Th-F-Sa, last week) on two chicken thighs and a handful of fries. And since about noon yesterday I've had a can full of pringles, a loaf of cheesebread and an A&W combo. i've been going to bed at the earliest 12:30am (changing that tonight as I am off to bed at around 10:45pm) and sometimes not until 5 or 6 am... even had two all nighters.
Anyways - I'm really thirsty so I'm getting water, then I'm going to bed.
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Working working working
I've posted some updates, changed the titles (this is going back to Footsteps once I'm done) and am working on projects.
So laterz all and see ya around!
*hugs to Andy*
So laterz all and see ya around!
*hugs to Andy*
Monday, January 17, 2005
oh. my. god. an update. finally.
so yep
first day back today - I feel so bad
I forgot my schedule
couldn't remember where two of my four classes are
thus i didn't go to them
went to linear algebra (easy) and chemistry of solutions (middling)
tomorrow I don't know if I will be able to go to any of my classes except maybe the english as i doubt it should go on for a long period of time. *is checking what time he has to leave for the interview now*
what I do know is that I have to be in before 8, at least 15 minutes, so I can go find one Al Pollock and talk to him about taking Philosophy over again in his class.
Tonight I've got to make and print my schedule (i just need to copy room numbers in) and then I have a myriad bunch of projects to keep me occupied, most of which are secret as they are for someone whom I think might read this, therefore I will not say.
wednesday is PTY.
well i need to go find more food and a bathroom.
*hugs to Andy* you know what I feel - I won't say it though until you're ready.
Laterz
Dep
first day back today - I feel so bad
I forgot my schedule
couldn't remember where two of my four classes are
thus i didn't go to them
went to linear algebra (easy) and chemistry of solutions (middling)
tomorrow I don't know if I will be able to go to any of my classes except maybe the english as i doubt it should go on for a long period of time. *is checking what time he has to leave for the interview now*
what I do know is that I have to be in before 8, at least 15 minutes, so I can go find one Al Pollock and talk to him about taking Philosophy over again in his class.
Tonight I've got to make and print my schedule (i just need to copy room numbers in) and then I have a myriad bunch of projects to keep me occupied, most of which are secret as they are for someone whom I think might read this, therefore I will not say.
wednesday is PTY.
well i need to go find more food and a bathroom.
*hugs to Andy* you know what I feel - I won't say it though until you're ready.
Laterz
Dep
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Trying to keep busy
Today I spent around the house talking to James about stuff and John about upgrading my computer, he wants to bring my current 128megs up to 128+256 (so 384megs) of RAM. So I'm going to look at that, and hopefully my computer problems will be very few after I finish that.
In about an hour I'm going to call Vicki and see if I can come over tonight and we can watch a movie or play cards or something. (James suggested I get out of the house, so thats what I'm doing).
Haven't got any plans for tomorrow yet.
I'm working on two projects - one that I started when I was in Timmins and the other that I had the idea for on the way back and am going to go through with now. Hopefully I'll finish them soon.
Maybe tomorrow I might make cookies.
So for the rest of today I'm working on the first project - tomorrow I may go out and get what I need for the second one and start it or I may spend the day baking and cleaning my room (my room really really needs it - it hasn't been cleaned at all since I got back from Timmins and it hasn't recieved a complete cleaning since about three weeks before Christmas.
I talked with the academic counselor yesterday and she said there's still nothing I can do but talk with Al Pollac (I have no clue how you spell his name so I can't e-mail him) and see if he'll put me in his course for 2 of the 4 hours, then if he agrees to my plan then maybe I can take only 2*16 hours of Philosophy and pass the course (after all I got a 50 doing about 20 hours, so if I actually do 32 hours (the course is 64 hours) I should pass right? And in any case, I've done the course, I feel like I demonstrated my knowledge in Philosophy to be extremely high on my final and my essays and tests that I did were all very well done. Thus I believe that with some effort I can easily pass the course this time around and get pretty good marks actually. It's mainly the rationality part of the course that I have to focus on as I didn't get to do much of that while in Jane's class. I really want to take the Philosophy though as
1) I still want to go to one of Waterloo or Guelph next year, no matter what happens between now and thenbecause I feel like there is nothing for me here.
2) Even if I do stay here and finish my DEC, I'll need this Philosophy or I'll be two semesters behind and if anything doesn't schedule next semester then I'm screwed into staying here yet another year after that to finish my DEC.
Anyways while at Vicki's house I also have to set up her LAN between her computer and her mothers because apparently her lack of internet is driving her crazy. I've got most of the stuff I need, I just think I need to pick up another ethernet cable as I've only one - but my dad may have another one, I must go look and see.
After I talk with Al on Monday and then Judy again to check out my other option of taking some extra courses to get up to 12 OAC equivilent courses (I've only 10 at this point if I pass everything this semester) in summer school, I will either decide to go ahead and apply to university that night or not to apply at all, depending on what we decide Monday.
Tuesday, I'm off to my appointment at LaserQuest about a job. They asked me about several things.
1) Experiance handling money. I have none asides from my normal day to day finances.
2) Experiance with public speaking. My english debate and my experiance as a counselor were my best two examples.
3) Formal classes with computers. A grade 10 class in computer programming, covered HTML JavaScript and Visual Basic. A CEGEP course covering MS Office included Word, Excel and PowerPoint.
Based on these examples, I suspect I won't be asked to run the cash and I might be asked to work as a marshall, but I expect for the first bit and depending on how my interview goes, I will merely be expected to work on their computer systems and do the dirty work (mopping, sweeping, cleaning, etc)
But oh well, money is money right?
They're supposed to pay at least 8/hour as a starting wage and possibly higher, so it is good money. I told them I was looking to work about 30 hours a week, maybe more and the times I was available and they still wanted me in for an interview. So I am happy now. Tuesday shall tell all and I shall dress as well as I can. I am glad for the recent shopping spree which left me with so much semi-formal "science student" clothing.
anyways, I've a project to work on and am supposed to be calling vicki in roughly 40 minutes to an hour and ten minutes so that's about it for this entry.
*has resolved not to mope* and i'm sorry about the last two entries that were full of self-pity.
*hugs to Courtney*
Later all
In about an hour I'm going to call Vicki and see if I can come over tonight and we can watch a movie or play cards or something. (James suggested I get out of the house, so thats what I'm doing).
Haven't got any plans for tomorrow yet.
I'm working on two projects - one that I started when I was in Timmins and the other that I had the idea for on the way back and am going to go through with now. Hopefully I'll finish them soon.
Maybe tomorrow I might make cookies.
So for the rest of today I'm working on the first project - tomorrow I may go out and get what I need for the second one and start it or I may spend the day baking and cleaning my room (my room really really needs it - it hasn't been cleaned at all since I got back from Timmins and it hasn't recieved a complete cleaning since about three weeks before Christmas.
I talked with the academic counselor yesterday and she said there's still nothing I can do but talk with Al Pollac (I have no clue how you spell his name so I can't e-mail him) and see if he'll put me in his course for 2 of the 4 hours, then if he agrees to my plan then maybe I can take only 2*16 hours of Philosophy and pass the course (after all I got a 50 doing about 20 hours, so if I actually do 32 hours (the course is 64 hours) I should pass right? And in any case, I've done the course, I feel like I demonstrated my knowledge in Philosophy to be extremely high on my final and my essays and tests that I did were all very well done. Thus I believe that with some effort I can easily pass the course this time around and get pretty good marks actually. It's mainly the rationality part of the course that I have to focus on as I didn't get to do much of that while in Jane's class. I really want to take the Philosophy though as
1) I still want to go to one of Waterloo or Guelph next year, no matter what happens between now and thenbecause I feel like there is nothing for me here.
2) Even if I do stay here and finish my DEC, I'll need this Philosophy or I'll be two semesters behind and if anything doesn't schedule next semester then I'm screwed into staying here yet another year after that to finish my DEC.
Anyways while at Vicki's house I also have to set up her LAN between her computer and her mothers because apparently her lack of internet is driving her crazy. I've got most of the stuff I need, I just think I need to pick up another ethernet cable as I've only one - but my dad may have another one, I must go look and see.
After I talk with Al on Monday and then Judy again to check out my other option of taking some extra courses to get up to 12 OAC equivilent courses (I've only 10 at this point if I pass everything this semester) in summer school, I will either decide to go ahead and apply to university that night or not to apply at all, depending on what we decide Monday.
Tuesday, I'm off to my appointment at LaserQuest about a job. They asked me about several things.
1) Experiance handling money. I have none asides from my normal day to day finances.
2) Experiance with public speaking. My english debate and my experiance as a counselor were my best two examples.
3) Formal classes with computers. A grade 10 class in computer programming, covered HTML JavaScript and Visual Basic. A CEGEP course covering MS Office included Word, Excel and PowerPoint.
Based on these examples, I suspect I won't be asked to run the cash and I might be asked to work as a marshall, but I expect for the first bit and depending on how my interview goes, I will merely be expected to work on their computer systems and do the dirty work (mopping, sweeping, cleaning, etc)
But oh well, money is money right?
They're supposed to pay at least 8/hour as a starting wage and possibly higher, so it is good money. I told them I was looking to work about 30 hours a week, maybe more and the times I was available and they still wanted me in for an interview. So I am happy now. Tuesday shall tell all and I shall dress as well as I can. I am glad for the recent shopping spree which left me with so much semi-formal "science student" clothing.
anyways, I've a project to work on and am supposed to be calling vicki in roughly 40 minutes to an hour and ten minutes so that's about it for this entry.
*has resolved not to mope* and i'm sorry about the last two entries that were full of self-pity.
*hugs to Courtney*
Later all
Friday, January 14, 2005
A post.
my eyes still itch, but I think I'm able to post about this now.
I have made the decision to stay with Courtney, for reasons outlined in my last entry.
Courtney has decided we need time apart and I'm going to give her as much as she wants.
I just got off the phone with Nicky. She helped me feel a little bit better.
Today - I felt awful. I kept going over everything in my mind that happened, all the ways I've hurt Courtney and I feel so awful. I wish I could take these past two days and just wipe them from the history and memories of everyone, but I can't. I went to see that someone and I told her everything that happened last night, including my last final decision. I broke down then. Before that, I was at Heritage, and there's been no change out of the mechanics class, but I'm hoping I can discuss things with the prof and make things right so I can take Philosophy this semester. If not I plan to take Cal II and my third english over the summer.
I came home after telling that someone and watching a movie (She really wanted to show me Nightmare Before Christmas - a good movie). I left right after the movie, an hour and a half bus ride home. I got home around 3:45pm. And... I just lost it. I went up to my room and cried. Usually when I cry, it lasts about 5 minutes then I'm good. When Nicky sent me her poem telling me she was deeply in love with Chris and couldn't date me, I cried for half of "Anything For Love" then was happier again and approached the matter with a better mindset and said it was for the best. When Vicki and I were having problems, it was a couple of minutes when it got really bad and that was it. I haven't cried over anyone else. Even this summer when Courtney and I broke up, I felt awful but more angry. But today... I lost it. I never ever show when I'm sad to my parents. I hide in myroom and they know nothing. Not since I was a little kid being beaten up at school have I cried in front of them. Today. I went up to my room. And I cried. It was fifteen minutes before I realized it wasn't stopping, and i needed someone. So. I went to my mother. I hugged her and I said "mom, can I use you as a pillow?" and then lost it again. Sometime in there, the whole story poured out of me and my mom held me, rubbed my back and scratched my head. Tonight - I haven't eaten. in the past 48 hours I have had 3 chicken nuggets, a handful of fries, two chicken upper thighs and one slice of pizza. No breakfast, no lunch yesterday and tiny dinners. I have cried almost continously. I watched comedies because I can't stand anything else at the moment and even they (With the exception of one hilarious line on Family Guy) couldn't make me do more than smile. My eyes are very red, I looked in the mirror and I look like absolute shit. I called Nicky, who told me stories of times her and Chris have broken up and we talked a lot about Courtney and I. I was near tears almost all the time on the phone, and I lost it once. Even now I'm on the verge of losing it and I'm scared if I let this stop coming out of me through my words, I'm going to lose it again. I hate crying. It makes me feel so weak and helpless but I just can't help myself. I have been lying on the couch since I got off the phone with Courtney sometime between 5 and 6 and just got off to come up to bed at 9:30. I hate doing this to people. I'm not going to do this anymore. I am not goign to go through a repetition of the past three days again because I don't want to put Courtney through what I know she's going through, nor put myself through it. It feels awful. And I hope to god this ends with her and I together because I'll have no clue what to do if we're not. I had a lot of time on the bus to ponder what was right in my heart and what I felt. And I realized that I really do love Courtney. A lot. What happened when I got home and what I felt when I thought about her leaving me was just awful. I'm not going to be cliche and say I can't live without her... but it won't be easy if it comes to that. A lot of my life and plans are built around her - my plans to go to university, my study plans, my solutions to the current problems with Philosophy. I spent almost all my free time on-line either chatting with her or hoping she'll come on-line so we can talk. I'm up til 3-4 am some nights talking with her. My thoughts revolve around her in the daytime, either plotting our next visit or the next thing I can do for her, send her, make her whatever. She makes me feel happy when I am with her, sad when she's angry/hurt/disappointed in me and lonely when I'm not with her. I can't hate her for any of the things she's done, not breaking up with me for someone else, not what she's doing now. I love her. *weeps* And I'm sorry it took an event like this to finally get all my thoughts straight in order, but now that they are I really don't want her to go. I'm lost without her. I don't know if she's going to take me back... there are so many reasons in my mind not to. I hate myself at the moment for being like this. I want to take these parts of my and throw them out of my body. But I can't. They are problems that I must work on. I have eliminated one of them - I will no longer follow my friends advice, which led to this, but decide things on my own. Few of my friends let me do this - Nicky and James are the only two uninvolved people I know who do and even James has subtle undertones I find when talking to him, leading me down one path when I end up wanting to be on the other. Nicky hasn't led me wrong yet. *casts his eyes around the room* There are four pictures of Courtney and her two letters posted about my room. I almost tore them up but something stopped me last night - some feeling that what I was doing was absolutely wrong, right before I was about to go to bed. I am now glad I stopped, for I can still look at my love's face and pray for her forgiveness one day. And I changed my name on MSN because I do not feel like I am Dep anymore, the loving caring person that Freya and James make me out to be. I feel like the asshole Robert, screwing up majorly and just... I just don't feel like Dep at the moment. I don't feel happy with myself, in fact I hate myself. So. I am Robert until I feel like I can live with myself again. I don't know how long that will be.
I am going to bed now. I hope I can wake up and at least be functional if not happy because right now I'm not. Even getting up is hard.
I have a job interview at LQ on the 18th at noon. I hope it goes well.
Back to school the 17th. I hope it goes well.
PTY the 19th. I hope it goes well.
I am not certain if I will post as often as before. I may keep my ramblings to myself, or I may just stick to talking with people. If I keep them to myself I will post them if Courtney and I get back together. If we don't, then I will post them or delete them as I feel appropriate if it comes to that.
I pray to god it doesn't.
I leave you with the lyrics to a song.
Goodnight.
Robert
From Theory of a Deadman
(Note: Yes all songs I post on here I post with meaning. They are important)
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening?
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
The last time you yelled at me I swore that I heard you say
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
I'l sit back and relax and wait for the morning
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
When will we make up, will we break up?
Let's wake up, let's wake up, let's wake up
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening?
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
Let's wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
Let's wake up, let's make up
- Wake Up (Theory of a Deadman TOAD)
I have made the decision to stay with Courtney, for reasons outlined in my last entry.
Courtney has decided we need time apart and I'm going to give her as much as she wants.
I just got off the phone with Nicky. She helped me feel a little bit better.
Today - I felt awful. I kept going over everything in my mind that happened, all the ways I've hurt Courtney and I feel so awful. I wish I could take these past two days and just wipe them from the history and memories of everyone, but I can't. I went to see that someone and I told her everything that happened last night, including my last final decision. I broke down then. Before that, I was at Heritage, and there's been no change out of the mechanics class, but I'm hoping I can discuss things with the prof and make things right so I can take Philosophy this semester. If not I plan to take Cal II and my third english over the summer.
I came home after telling that someone and watching a movie (She really wanted to show me Nightmare Before Christmas - a good movie). I left right after the movie, an hour and a half bus ride home. I got home around 3:45pm. And... I just lost it. I went up to my room and cried. Usually when I cry, it lasts about 5 minutes then I'm good. When Nicky sent me her poem telling me she was deeply in love with Chris and couldn't date me, I cried for half of "Anything For Love" then was happier again and approached the matter with a better mindset and said it was for the best. When Vicki and I were having problems, it was a couple of minutes when it got really bad and that was it. I haven't cried over anyone else. Even this summer when Courtney and I broke up, I felt awful but more angry. But today... I lost it. I never ever show when I'm sad to my parents. I hide in myroom and they know nothing. Not since I was a little kid being beaten up at school have I cried in front of them. Today. I went up to my room. And I cried. It was fifteen minutes before I realized it wasn't stopping, and i needed someone. So. I went to my mother. I hugged her and I said "mom, can I use you as a pillow?" and then lost it again. Sometime in there, the whole story poured out of me and my mom held me, rubbed my back and scratched my head. Tonight - I haven't eaten. in the past 48 hours I have had 3 chicken nuggets, a handful of fries, two chicken upper thighs and one slice of pizza. No breakfast, no lunch yesterday and tiny dinners. I have cried almost continously. I watched comedies because I can't stand anything else at the moment and even they (With the exception of one hilarious line on Family Guy) couldn't make me do more than smile. My eyes are very red, I looked in the mirror and I look like absolute shit. I called Nicky, who told me stories of times her and Chris have broken up and we talked a lot about Courtney and I. I was near tears almost all the time on the phone, and I lost it once. Even now I'm on the verge of losing it and I'm scared if I let this stop coming out of me through my words, I'm going to lose it again. I hate crying. It makes me feel so weak and helpless but I just can't help myself. I have been lying on the couch since I got off the phone with Courtney sometime between 5 and 6 and just got off to come up to bed at 9:30. I hate doing this to people. I'm not going to do this anymore. I am not goign to go through a repetition of the past three days again because I don't want to put Courtney through what I know she's going through, nor put myself through it. It feels awful. And I hope to god this ends with her and I together because I'll have no clue what to do if we're not. I had a lot of time on the bus to ponder what was right in my heart and what I felt. And I realized that I really do love Courtney. A lot. What happened when I got home and what I felt when I thought about her leaving me was just awful. I'm not going to be cliche and say I can't live without her... but it won't be easy if it comes to that. A lot of my life and plans are built around her - my plans to go to university, my study plans, my solutions to the current problems with Philosophy. I spent almost all my free time on-line either chatting with her or hoping she'll come on-line so we can talk. I'm up til 3-4 am some nights talking with her. My thoughts revolve around her in the daytime, either plotting our next visit or the next thing I can do for her, send her, make her whatever. She makes me feel happy when I am with her, sad when she's angry/hurt/disappointed in me and lonely when I'm not with her. I can't hate her for any of the things she's done, not breaking up with me for someone else, not what she's doing now. I love her. *weeps* And I'm sorry it took an event like this to finally get all my thoughts straight in order, but now that they are I really don't want her to go. I'm lost without her. I don't know if she's going to take me back... there are so many reasons in my mind not to. I hate myself at the moment for being like this. I want to take these parts of my and throw them out of my body. But I can't. They are problems that I must work on. I have eliminated one of them - I will no longer follow my friends advice, which led to this, but decide things on my own. Few of my friends let me do this - Nicky and James are the only two uninvolved people I know who do and even James has subtle undertones I find when talking to him, leading me down one path when I end up wanting to be on the other. Nicky hasn't led me wrong yet. *casts his eyes around the room* There are four pictures of Courtney and her two letters posted about my room. I almost tore them up but something stopped me last night - some feeling that what I was doing was absolutely wrong, right before I was about to go to bed. I am now glad I stopped, for I can still look at my love's face and pray for her forgiveness one day. And I changed my name on MSN because I do not feel like I am Dep anymore, the loving caring person that Freya and James make me out to be. I feel like the asshole Robert, screwing up majorly and just... I just don't feel like Dep at the moment. I don't feel happy with myself, in fact I hate myself. So. I am Robert until I feel like I can live with myself again. I don't know how long that will be.
I am going to bed now. I hope I can wake up and at least be functional if not happy because right now I'm not. Even getting up is hard.
I have a job interview at LQ on the 18th at noon. I hope it goes well.
Back to school the 17th. I hope it goes well.
PTY the 19th. I hope it goes well.
I am not certain if I will post as often as before. I may keep my ramblings to myself, or I may just stick to talking with people. If I keep them to myself I will post them if Courtney and I get back together. If we don't, then I will post them or delete them as I feel appropriate if it comes to that.
I pray to god it doesn't.
I leave you with the lyrics to a song.
Goodnight.
Robert
From Theory of a Deadman
(Note: Yes all songs I post on here I post with meaning. They are important)
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening?
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
The last time you yelled at me I swore that I heard you say
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
I'l sit back and relax and wait for the morning
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
When will we make up, will we break up?
Let's wake up, let's wake up, let's wake up
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening?
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
Let's wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
Let's wake up, let's make up
- Wake Up (Theory of a Deadman TOAD)
Thursday, January 13, 2005
feel so bad but now confident that I am doing right
Alright... the events of the past day.
I was told by someone of her feelings for me yesterday.
Talked to Courtney, almost convinced of what I felt.
Courtney talked me out of it.
Talked to James, James told me to follow my heart.
I thought I knew what my heart wanted.
Sent Courtney an e-mail
Told that someone about the e-mail
Went to bed feeling awful.
Got a call from Freya.
Freya and I had a long conversation. She reminded me of my values and my moral code which I realized I had abandoned. The situation always has been: I have feelings for that someone, she is here. I love Courtney, she lives far away. My values and moral code can be summed up in a few lines from a song.
And I would do anything for love. I'd run right into hell and back. I would do anything for love. I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.
Freya wanted me not to go with Courtney again. I told her what she had made me realize and she told me to do what I want, but not to hurt Courtney again.
Then I remembered a line from an Evanescence song which I've always thought described me.
Don't turn away (don't give into the pain) don't try to hide (though they're screaming your name) don't close your eyes (god know what lies behind them) don't turn out the light (never sleep, never die)
And I realized that I hadn't been thinking about love and long-term... I'd been thinking about me being lonely and wanting to fill that gap of lonliness with something, anything. So without thinking, I just took the closest solution. I realize that I've made a mistake, and I admit it.
Painful or not, long distance or not, I love you Courtney D. And I realize that there's a few things about me you do not understand, my paranoia among others. Next time we see each other, I will explain what I can and answer any questions I can. An "I don't know." may have to suffice in some situations but I'll try my best.
I know I've hurt both you and that someone today. I know I've said a lot of things I don't mean. But, as James said I would, I learned a lesson from my choice - which one I really like between the two of you. And which one I'm going to stay with. And that one is you Courtney.
James - as a note: your theory of the list doesn't work. Love is only one line but it means so much more than any logical reason you can come up with. So better scratch that theory off the list.
I want you both to know that I have sworn this is the last time I am changing my mind on this. Yes, if you've read my previous blogs you know my word can be fickle. I regret those things I've done in the past and now, having seen what can happen, I realize that this is indeed a mistake.
Love. Love is always the most important thing in my heart. Love is what makes us feel happy inside. Love is a deep connection between two people. Love can bridge all sorts of gaps, including distance, pain, mistakes and time. Love is not needing words between two people. Love is what brings a smile to your face when you think of that person. Love is what allows you to forgive all the mistakes of a person and keep on loving them like they never happened. Love is love. It is. It cannot die for it is eternal. It can diminish, with neglect; it can be forgotten with carelessness. But love... love is forever. I've just forgotten how important it is to me and I realize now why Daren, Nicky and Laura were so disappointed in me when I choose this course of action. It is because they see the love in my eyes and they know I was throwing it away.
Thank you Nicky for your phone call. I have so much to thank you for yet again. You've put the stars back in my eyes :) and for that I thank you.
I called Courtney back and I apologized. I really hurt you Courtney, I know. :( I am not proud of what I did, in fact I am quite ashamed of my actions today. I want to bury this day in the history of time but that takes... well time. *hugs* I love you, and I know you love me. I believe now.
There will be, as I said, no more flipping back and forth. I am quite annoyed with myself for the way I have acted since yesterday.
The reason I know now that I am on the right course of action is I feel immensely relieved, as though a great burden has been lifted from my heart. I felt this way after sending the letter... until it sunk in about twenty minutes after what I had done and I started feeling really bad. Made it worse when Courtney came on-line. I still feel empathically connected to her, and I'm not to that someone. This means a lot to me, as I'm connected to very few people and only those who are close to me - Freya, Dragon, Raven + Jaz(but only in extreme mood swings). I also tend to pick up whatever the person I'm talking to is feeling, but that's just another part of being me. So I knew when she had read it and I knew when it had sunk in. I know tomorrow that that someone's going to be angry/disappointed in me, but... no I've said it to many times today. I must do what I believe to be right based on what I feel now. Right now, I am in love with Courtney and I have feelings for that someone. Courtney wins. That simple.
Thank you again Freya for readjusting my values towards what I am usually like. I don't like the person I can be some days.
Anyways. That is the way the world is. I am sorry for anyone who doesn't agree with how I see the world, but that's the way it is. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt by saying this, but... this is the last time I hurt anyone and I will just have to live with myself knowing I'm doing the right thing now.
Alright.
Again I may post more later, I just needed to get all of that off my chest. I may be inclined to talk moreabout it later but right now I'm emotionally drained. I'm playing minesweeper until Courtney comes on, then I'm chatting with her until she goes to bed.
Goodnight and farewell all.
*hugs, love, kisses, licks, pokes and pi to Courtney*
Later
Dep
I was told by someone of her feelings for me yesterday.
Talked to Courtney, almost convinced of what I felt.
Courtney talked me out of it.
Talked to James, James told me to follow my heart.
I thought I knew what my heart wanted.
Sent Courtney an e-mail
Told that someone about the e-mail
Went to bed feeling awful.
Got a call from Freya.
Freya and I had a long conversation. She reminded me of my values and my moral code which I realized I had abandoned. The situation always has been: I have feelings for that someone, she is here. I love Courtney, she lives far away. My values and moral code can be summed up in a few lines from a song.
And I would do anything for love. I'd run right into hell and back. I would do anything for love. I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.
Freya wanted me not to go with Courtney again. I told her what she had made me realize and she told me to do what I want, but not to hurt Courtney again.
Then I remembered a line from an Evanescence song which I've always thought described me.
Don't turn away (don't give into the pain) don't try to hide (though they're screaming your name) don't close your eyes (god know what lies behind them) don't turn out the light (never sleep, never die)
And I realized that I hadn't been thinking about love and long-term... I'd been thinking about me being lonely and wanting to fill that gap of lonliness with something, anything. So without thinking, I just took the closest solution. I realize that I've made a mistake, and I admit it.
Painful or not, long distance or not, I love you Courtney D. And I realize that there's a few things about me you do not understand, my paranoia among others. Next time we see each other, I will explain what I can and answer any questions I can. An "I don't know." may have to suffice in some situations but I'll try my best.
I know I've hurt both you and that someone today. I know I've said a lot of things I don't mean. But, as James said I would, I learned a lesson from my choice - which one I really like between the two of you. And which one I'm going to stay with. And that one is you Courtney.
James - as a note: your theory of the list doesn't work. Love is only one line but it means so much more than any logical reason you can come up with. So better scratch that theory off the list.
I want you both to know that I have sworn this is the last time I am changing my mind on this. Yes, if you've read my previous blogs you know my word can be fickle. I regret those things I've done in the past and now, having seen what can happen, I realize that this is indeed a mistake.
Love. Love is always the most important thing in my heart. Love is what makes us feel happy inside. Love is a deep connection between two people. Love can bridge all sorts of gaps, including distance, pain, mistakes and time. Love is not needing words between two people. Love is what brings a smile to your face when you think of that person. Love is what allows you to forgive all the mistakes of a person and keep on loving them like they never happened. Love is love. It is. It cannot die for it is eternal. It can diminish, with neglect; it can be forgotten with carelessness. But love... love is forever. I've just forgotten how important it is to me and I realize now why Daren, Nicky and Laura were so disappointed in me when I choose this course of action. It is because they see the love in my eyes and they know I was throwing it away.
Thank you Nicky for your phone call. I have so much to thank you for yet again. You've put the stars back in my eyes :) and for that I thank you.
I called Courtney back and I apologized. I really hurt you Courtney, I know. :( I am not proud of what I did, in fact I am quite ashamed of my actions today. I want to bury this day in the history of time but that takes... well time. *hugs* I love you, and I know you love me. I believe now.
There will be, as I said, no more flipping back and forth. I am quite annoyed with myself for the way I have acted since yesterday.
The reason I know now that I am on the right course of action is I feel immensely relieved, as though a great burden has been lifted from my heart. I felt this way after sending the letter... until it sunk in about twenty minutes after what I had done and I started feeling really bad. Made it worse when Courtney came on-line. I still feel empathically connected to her, and I'm not to that someone. This means a lot to me, as I'm connected to very few people and only those who are close to me - Freya, Dragon, Raven + Jaz(but only in extreme mood swings). I also tend to pick up whatever the person I'm talking to is feeling, but that's just another part of being me. So I knew when she had read it and I knew when it had sunk in. I know tomorrow that that someone's going to be angry/disappointed in me, but... no I've said it to many times today. I must do what I believe to be right based on what I feel now. Right now, I am in love with Courtney and I have feelings for that someone. Courtney wins. That simple.
Thank you again Freya for readjusting my values towards what I am usually like. I don't like the person I can be some days.
Anyways. That is the way the world is. I am sorry for anyone who doesn't agree with how I see the world, but that's the way it is. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt by saying this, but... this is the last time I hurt anyone and I will just have to live with myself knowing I'm doing the right thing now.
Alright.
Again I may post more later, I just needed to get all of that off my chest. I may be inclined to talk moreabout it later but right now I'm emotionally drained. I'm playing minesweeper until Courtney comes on, then I'm chatting with her until she goes to bed.
Goodnight and farewell all.
*hugs, love, kisses, licks, pokes and pi to Courtney*
Later
Dep
The 287th Post... yet... again...
grrs @ blogger
Everyday I consider switching over to livejournal completely. But there's a lot of history here and I want to keep it all, so I'm not going to.
I just got off the phone with LaserQuest, they want me in for an interview at noon on the 18th :) they sounded optimistic.
I've finished setting up Outlook to display my current schedule, along with Courtney's - excellent.
I've decided to also apply to the University of Guelph, along with U of Waterloo, in case I don't get accepted into U of Waterloo. U of G should be just as good and mayhaps I can switch later or save U of W for getting my masters.
My dad and I are going over the application tonight and then sending it in. woohoo!
university here I come.
I'm going to have to take a calculus course over the summer to into U of G and I'm probably going to take it anyways, as it's recommended for U of W, but I have to discuss that with my academic counselor tomorrow when I go in. (speaking of which I should probably wait to apply until her and I talk... hmm. alright I'm applying tomorrow)
we're going to try and solve the Philosophy problem and I hope we can.
So mayhaps more poetry tonight if any pops into my head. Right now I'm going to start ripping some music from CDs.
*hugs to Courtney*
Laterz all
Everyday I consider switching over to livejournal completely. But there's a lot of history here and I want to keep it all, so I'm not going to.
I just got off the phone with LaserQuest, they want me in for an interview at noon on the 18th :) they sounded optimistic.
I've finished setting up Outlook to display my current schedule, along with Courtney's - excellent.
I've decided to also apply to the University of Guelph, along with U of Waterloo, in case I don't get accepted into U of Waterloo. U of G should be just as good and mayhaps I can switch later or save U of W for getting my masters.
My dad and I are going over the application tonight and then sending it in. woohoo!
university here I come.
I'm going to have to take a calculus course over the summer to into U of G and I'm probably going to take it anyways, as it's recommended for U of W, but I have to discuss that with my academic counselor tomorrow when I go in. (speaking of which I should probably wait to apply until her and I talk... hmm. alright I'm applying tomorrow)
we're going to try and solve the Philosophy problem and I hope we can.
So mayhaps more poetry tonight if any pops into my head. Right now I'm going to start ripping some music from CDs.
*hugs to Courtney*
Laterz all
Ze updatus
Alright... we'll start with the bad news.
I need 12, Grade 12U (first year cegep) courses to get in to Waterloo. The gym courses do not count as 12U courses, thus I am left with only 12 courses with which to fulfill these requirements.
The bad news
I failed Philosophy & Rationality with 50%.
Making it worse
I cannot take the next course Concepts of Humanity until I pass Philosophy & Rationality.
Making it even worse
They cannot fit Philosophy & Rationality into my current schedule (which I'll post in a bit) as it conflicts with my Mechanics lab.
Thus, here are the only three plans I've come up with, two of which allow me to go away to university (if I have the marks) next semester.
Plan #1
- Somehow change my Mechanics lab to the other one (I'm going back in Friday to see if we can accomplish this), take Philosophy I over this semester, pass it and then take Concepts of Humanities over the summer.
Plan #2
- If I cannot take Philosophy I, take two summer courses at the 1st year or higher level (possibly Calculus II and my next English) which would give me both the required 12 courses, an extra boost in my english mark and the recommended course of Cal II.
Plan #3
- If neither of those two work, I'm stuck here for another year completing my DEC with one extra summer course at the end (I hope)
Plans #1 & 2 hinge on me passing all my courses this year.
So... on to... the marks & schedule
Marks
* - required course for Comp Sci
General Biology I - 68% (avg 68%)
Badminton Set II - 92% (avg 86%)
Calculus I - 79% (avg 84%)*
General Chemistry - 81% (avg 68%)
Intro to an Office Suite - 93% (avg 83%)*
Philosophy & Rationality - 50% (avg 64%)
Intro to College English - 77% (avg 75%)
Schedule
(with Philosophy I)
Monday
0800 - 0850 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
0900 - 0950 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1200 - 1250 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Tuesday
0800 - 0950 Philosophy & Rationality (?????)
1000 - 1150 Major Authors in English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1450 Linear Algebra Lab (Valerie Poulin)
1500 - 1650 Mechanics Lab (Graham Gauthier)
Wednesday
1000 - 1050 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
1500 - 1550 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1600 - 1650 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Thursday
0800 - 0850 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
1000 - 1150 Health and Physical Education (Tony Picard)
1300 - 1450 Philosophy I (?????)
1500 - 1650 Chemistry Lab (Rod Restivo)
Friday
0800 - 0850 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1000 - 1150 Major Authors In English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1350 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1400 - 1450 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
Schedule
(w/o Philosophy I)
Monday
0800 - 0850 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
0900 - 0950 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1200 - 1250 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Tuesday
1000 - 1150 Major Authors in English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1450 Linear Algebra Lab (Valerie Poulin)
Wednesday
1000 - 1050 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
1500 - 1550 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1600 - 1650 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Thursday
0800 - 0850 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
1000 - 1150 Health and Physical Education (Tony Picard)
1300 - 1450 Mechanics Lab (Graham Gauthier)
1500 - 1650 Chemistry Lab (Rod Restivo)
Friday
0800 - 0850 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1000 - 1150 Major Authors In English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1350 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1400 - 1450 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
So yep, that's what's going on.
I'll post the final schedule when I get it, which should be sometime tomorrow. (again I hope)
The good news.
I bought tickets yesterday for my trip to Guelph.
Leaving: 12:30am January 28th 2005. Arriving 08:50am January 28th. Leaving January 30th 09:30PM.
:D so happy to be seeing Andy again.
*is currently putting my schedule into my Outlook account*
And
LaserQuest called me back about my resume, they have a few questions and a time for an interview, I must call them back later tonight.
Talking with the principle of Philemon and Mr Smeltzer about letters of recommendation for a scholarship I'm applying for.
And Sarah put my name in for a job.
Everything's going well, it's all finally coming together.
Anyways, that's about it for now.
*hugs, love, snugs, pi, & licks to Courtney*
Later all.
I need 12, Grade 12U (first year cegep) courses to get in to Waterloo. The gym courses do not count as 12U courses, thus I am left with only 12 courses with which to fulfill these requirements.
The bad news
I failed Philosophy & Rationality with 50%.
Making it worse
I cannot take the next course Concepts of Humanity until I pass Philosophy & Rationality.
Making it even worse
They cannot fit Philosophy & Rationality into my current schedule (which I'll post in a bit) as it conflicts with my Mechanics lab.
Thus, here are the only three plans I've come up with, two of which allow me to go away to university (if I have the marks) next semester.
Plan #1
- Somehow change my Mechanics lab to the other one (I'm going back in Friday to see if we can accomplish this), take Philosophy I over this semester, pass it and then take Concepts of Humanities over the summer.
Plan #2
- If I cannot take Philosophy I, take two summer courses at the 1st year or higher level (possibly Calculus II and my next English) which would give me both the required 12 courses, an extra boost in my english mark and the recommended course of Cal II.
Plan #3
- If neither of those two work, I'm stuck here for another year completing my DEC with one extra summer course at the end (I hope)
Plans #1 & 2 hinge on me passing all my courses this year.
So... on to... the marks & schedule
Marks
* - required course for Comp Sci
General Biology I - 68% (avg 68%)
Badminton Set II - 92% (avg 86%)
Calculus I - 79% (avg 84%)*
General Chemistry - 81% (avg 68%)
Intro to an Office Suite - 93% (avg 83%)*
Philosophy & Rationality - 50% (avg 64%)
Intro to College English - 77% (avg 75%)
Schedule
(with Philosophy I)
Monday
0800 - 0850 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
0900 - 0950 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1200 - 1250 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Tuesday
0800 - 0950 Philosophy & Rationality (?????)
1000 - 1150 Major Authors in English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1450 Linear Algebra Lab (Valerie Poulin)
1500 - 1650 Mechanics Lab (Graham Gauthier)
Wednesday
1000 - 1050 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
1500 - 1550 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1600 - 1650 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Thursday
0800 - 0850 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
1000 - 1150 Health and Physical Education (Tony Picard)
1300 - 1450 Philosophy I (?????)
1500 - 1650 Chemistry Lab (Rod Restivo)
Friday
0800 - 0850 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1000 - 1150 Major Authors In English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1350 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1400 - 1450 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
Schedule
(w/o Philosophy I)
Monday
0800 - 0850 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
0900 - 0950 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1200 - 1250 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Tuesday
1000 - 1150 Major Authors in English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1450 Linear Algebra Lab (Valerie Poulin)
Wednesday
1000 - 1050 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1300 - 1350 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
1500 - 1550 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1600 - 1650 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
Thursday
0800 - 0850 Mechanics (Graham Gauthier)
1000 - 1150 Health and Physical Education (Tony Picard)
1300 - 1450 Mechanics Lab (Graham Gauthier)
1500 - 1650 Chemistry Lab (Rod Restivo)
Friday
0800 - 0850 Linear Algebra (Valerie Poulin)
1000 - 1150 Major Authors In English (Jeff Fyfe)
1300 - 1350 French Language and Culture (Denis Fortier)
1400 - 1450 Chemistry of Solutions (Rod Restivo)
So yep, that's what's going on.
I'll post the final schedule when I get it, which should be sometime tomorrow. (again I hope)
The good news.
I bought tickets yesterday for my trip to Guelph.
Leaving: 12:30am January 28th 2005. Arriving 08:50am January 28th. Leaving January 30th 09:30PM.
:D so happy to be seeing Andy again.
*is currently putting my schedule into my Outlook account*
And
LaserQuest called me back about my resume, they have a few questions and a time for an interview, I must call them back later tonight.
Talking with the principle of Philemon and Mr Smeltzer about letters of recommendation for a scholarship I'm applying for.
And Sarah put my name in for a job.
Everything's going well, it's all finally coming together.
Anyways, that's about it for now.
*hugs, love, snugs, pi, & licks to Courtney*
Later all.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Muwhahaha
Yes... It is a miracle... I DEP have finally posted...
a poem.
MUWHAHA
It's in it's usual spot.
*hopes everyone enjoys it*
It's not my usual moronic depressing crap...
And it rhymes... my god how it rhymes
I'm going to spend the next hour roughly (it's about midnight so until 1, 1:30) writing the next chapter of Dawn... if I finish, I'll post it. If I finish early, I may begin the next chapter of...
PUN HELL
(Soon to return for sure)
And after I finish both those projects, I'm moving on to another idea I have for a story.
So editors, fear not: you will soon have new material to work with. AND if you're still up for some work tonight, there's always Dawn: Chapter I awaiting your pencils. If you need the link, message me.
Current music: Crocodile Rock (E.J.) & other E.J. hits
Yep. I'm a sap. I know. I enjoy it.
So Andy, if I miss you tonight (as I suspect I might, since you're probably off watching the movie with your friend again) then hopefully I'll talk to you tomorrow night. I'll be on around starting anywhere from 10:30pm to midnight. The plan for tomorrow is...
9am - Going to Heritage for registration
10:15am - Registration
1pm - Going to Philemon to visit people
2pm - Going to Rideau
2:30 - At Rideau. While there: Shopping @ Chapters/other w/Sarah, Depositing cheque from mother in bank account.
sometime - Going up bank street to a BMO and then to the Station. Buying bus tickets to Guelph. Watching Sarah get her new bank account
- Going back to Rideau & hanging around
19:00 - Going to PTY
After PTY, I'll be home as usual, or if Sarah invited me back over to her place to watch a movie, I may skip PTY but I should still be home around the same time.
Speaking of Sarah, I must, absolutely must, devote a few words to her father.
well one.
INSANE.
The good kind of insane however. Too much of him is probably like too much of me, overload. But he's a funny guy. I like him. He's like my dad lol.
So I'm off to work on one of my stories, will be posting it later if I get it done.
And I may start a strictly stories blog for anyone who wants to read my stories... thinking on that more though.
Alright, I'm off
*hugs, kisses, licks, snugs, love, pi, love-pi and nibbles to Andy*
Laterz all.
a poem.
MUWHAHA
It's in it's usual spot.
*hopes everyone enjoys it*
It's not my usual moronic depressing crap...
And it rhymes... my god how it rhymes
I'm going to spend the next hour roughly (it's about midnight so until 1, 1:30) writing the next chapter of Dawn... if I finish, I'll post it. If I finish early, I may begin the next chapter of...
PUN HELL
(Soon to return for sure)
And after I finish both those projects, I'm moving on to another idea I have for a story.
So editors, fear not: you will soon have new material to work with. AND if you're still up for some work tonight, there's always Dawn: Chapter I awaiting your pencils. If you need the link, message me.
Current music: Crocodile Rock (E.J.) & other E.J. hits
Yep. I'm a sap. I know. I enjoy it.
So Andy, if I miss you tonight (as I suspect I might, since you're probably off watching the movie with your friend again) then hopefully I'll talk to you tomorrow night. I'll be on around starting anywhere from 10:30pm to midnight. The plan for tomorrow is...
9am - Going to Heritage for registration
10:15am - Registration
1pm - Going to Philemon to visit people
2pm - Going to Rideau
2:30 - At Rideau. While there: Shopping @ Chapters/other w/Sarah, Depositing cheque from mother in bank account.
sometime - Going up bank street to a BMO and then to the Station. Buying bus tickets to Guelph. Watching Sarah get her new bank account
- Going back to Rideau & hanging around
19:00 - Going to PTY
After PTY, I'll be home as usual, or if Sarah invited me back over to her place to watch a movie, I may skip PTY but I should still be home around the same time.
Speaking of Sarah, I must, absolutely must, devote a few words to her father.
well one.
INSANE.
The good kind of insane however. Too much of him is probably like too much of me, overload. But he's a funny guy. I like him. He's like my dad lol.
So I'm off to work on one of my stories, will be posting it later if I get it done.
And I may start a strictly stories blog for anyone who wants to read my stories... thinking on that more though.
Alright, I'm off
*hugs, kisses, licks, snugs, love, pi, love-pi and nibbles to Andy*
Laterz all.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Demain
Tomorrow's list of things to do:
- Obtain schedule/marks from Heritage
- Visit Philemon maybe
- Purchase bus tickets
Tonight I'll be hanging around doing laundry, cleaning my room and writing stuff.
Just thought I'd let y'all know what's up ;)
:) I'm happy now... excellent.
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all
Dep
- Obtain schedule/marks from Heritage
- Visit Philemon maybe
- Purchase bus tickets
Tonight I'll be hanging around doing laundry, cleaning my room and writing stuff.
Just thought I'd let y'all know what's up ;)
:) I'm happy now... excellent.
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all
Dep
Monday, January 10, 2005
Posting.
The bulk of tonight's posting will be done in my private blog.
But, as an update tonight for everyone, to ensure you all know that I'm still alive.
I feel as though something bad is happening in the world
Today I...
Worked on a budget spreadsheet
Chatting with various people who appeared.
Today I will...
Update my private journal
Add to my poetry journal
Upcoming events are...
Tacky Hawaiian Registration @ Heritage - January 12th 10:15AM
Back to School @ Heritage - January 17th
Will post my schedule/marks on the 12th when I get back
May go visit Philemon in there.
*puts on some happy music to cheer me up*
I have to rip my happy CDs to this computer... i don't have a lot of it. And I have to go get a song or two.
So yeah... off to write maybe in my private journal.
Laterz all.
But, as an update tonight for everyone, to ensure you all know that I'm still alive.
I feel as though something bad is happening in the world
Today I...
Worked on a budget spreadsheet
Chatting with various people who appeared.
Today I will...
Update my private journal
Add to my poetry journal
Upcoming events are...
Tacky Hawaiian Registration @ Heritage - January 12th 10:15AM
Back to School @ Heritage - January 17th
Will post my schedule/marks on the 12th when I get back
May go visit Philemon in there.
*puts on some happy music to cheer me up*
I have to rip my happy CDs to this computer... i don't have a lot of it. And I have to go get a song or two.
So yeah... off to write maybe in my private journal.
Laterz all.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
suppose I could update
I feel very bleh and down right now. I'm not quite certain why. Just a general feeling of... disappointment really.
My parents and I looked over the budget tonight. I got some hard numbers, two more things I have to add into my budget (clothing and insurance) and instructions on how to get it to calculate my taxes for me as well. Thus i'll be reworking it to include those items sometime this week. But the numbers generally look good. If I stick to a very Spartan budget and am really lucky with my scholarships and such, I can do it... debt free/work free. I may end up working up to 20 hours a week during study semesters but that's the price I pay. I'm willing to pay it.
I really really miss Andy. It's been... six days since I last saw her and already I miss her like crazy. I really want to see her again and soon... and soon after that... and soon after that... etc... until September... at which point I want to see her at least once a day... if not more often. I just feel so... so alone and I hate this feeling. I want to be rid of it forever.
I am planning a trip to Guelph either January 29th or February 5th whichever works better for me with school. Exact plans will be made when I get my schedule on the 12th. I'm going to try very very hard for the 29th... as... well yeah.
Time for... NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1) I resolve to lose or look like I've lost weight at the end of this year.
2) I resolve to control my paranoia, my cynicism and my pessimism.
3) I resolve to go to all the neccesary classes.
4) I resolve not to kill Rod.
*sighs*
sorry people.
I'm really not in the mood to write. I just want to hug my girlfriend.
*hugs to Andy*
Later all.
My parents and I looked over the budget tonight. I got some hard numbers, two more things I have to add into my budget (clothing and insurance) and instructions on how to get it to calculate my taxes for me as well. Thus i'll be reworking it to include those items sometime this week. But the numbers generally look good. If I stick to a very Spartan budget and am really lucky with my scholarships and such, I can do it... debt free/work free. I may end up working up to 20 hours a week during study semesters but that's the price I pay. I'm willing to pay it.
I really really miss Andy. It's been... six days since I last saw her and already I miss her like crazy. I really want to see her again and soon... and soon after that... and soon after that... etc... until September... at which point I want to see her at least once a day... if not more often. I just feel so... so alone and I hate this feeling. I want to be rid of it forever.
I am planning a trip to Guelph either January 29th or February 5th whichever works better for me with school. Exact plans will be made when I get my schedule on the 12th. I'm going to try very very hard for the 29th... as... well yeah.
Time for... NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1) I resolve to lose or look like I've lost weight at the end of this year.
2) I resolve to control my paranoia, my cynicism and my pessimism.
3) I resolve to go to all the neccesary classes.
4) I resolve not to kill Rod.
*sighs*
sorry people.
I'm really not in the mood to write. I just want to hug my girlfriend.
*hugs to Andy*
Later all.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
The 287th Post...
Yet. Again.
GRRS!
So welcome home to Andy. I hope you had a good trip love.
I went to see a movie today: Lemony Snickets: A Series of Unfortunate Events. Has Jim Carey, one of my favorite actors in it and it's pretty good. (Jim Carey is hilarious)
Tonight I'm going to do more budget work (Yayz) and play games on-line + chat with Andy if she comes on (but she's currently sleeping, so probably not until tomorrow)
nyways... off to do work lol.
*hugs & kisses to Andy*
laterz all!
GRRS!
So welcome home to Andy. I hope you had a good trip love.
I went to see a movie today: Lemony Snickets: A Series of Unfortunate Events. Has Jim Carey, one of my favorite actors in it and it's pretty good. (Jim Carey is hilarious)
Tonight I'm going to do more budget work (Yayz) and play games on-line + chat with Andy if she comes on (but she's currently sleeping, so probably not until tomorrow)
nyways... off to do work lol.
*hugs & kisses to Andy*
laterz all!
Friday, January 07, 2005
Tonightus Pius
Yes yes I know I was supposed to post more in my private journal. Sorry all and I'll be doing that right after I finish this post.
I spent today working on a budget for university next year, mostly with estimates and numbers I found on the web for high/low/average predictions. It's looking good still. I need to sort some things out with my parents about RESPs and scholorships within the family. It's getting annoying, dragging money/work out of my dad. grrs
Sometime in the next week or two I need to buy tickets for my trip to Guelph. Cost: $95. Not a problem. Also to save for: a trip in april (maybe) a trip in may to timmins. (though i'm hoping I can stay somewhere other than a hotel in May... that's a big chunk of my cash. I may stay for only a night or two if I'm forced into a hotel room.)
In 5 days I get to find out how well I did last semester as well as my schedule for next semester. Will be posting that here after I get it.
I'm going to rework my resume sometime this weekend and start applying for more jobs. Also two peopel (Chris and Sarah) offered to help me get a job so I'll be looking into those... those two together might help me a lot. And yes I realize that this is the worst time of the year to start looking for a job... but meh.
So yep... that's a busy weekend for me lol.
Though I'll have plenty of time to be on-line and chat and everything.
*is happy*
The trip to Timmins went so well... I'm so happy after it. I just want to... want to dance! A lot of my doubts and fears were washed away by that trip. So... yeah.
To beauty... freedom... truth... life and love.
*snugs & hugs to Andy*
Laterz all.
I spent today working on a budget for university next year, mostly with estimates and numbers I found on the web for high/low/average predictions. It's looking good still. I need to sort some things out with my parents about RESPs and scholorships within the family. It's getting annoying, dragging money/work out of my dad. grrs
Sometime in the next week or two I need to buy tickets for my trip to Guelph. Cost: $95. Not a problem. Also to save for: a trip in april (maybe) a trip in may to timmins. (though i'm hoping I can stay somewhere other than a hotel in May... that's a big chunk of my cash. I may stay for only a night or two if I'm forced into a hotel room.)
In 5 days I get to find out how well I did last semester as well as my schedule for next semester. Will be posting that here after I get it.
I'm going to rework my resume sometime this weekend and start applying for more jobs. Also two peopel (Chris and Sarah) offered to help me get a job so I'll be looking into those... those two together might help me a lot. And yes I realize that this is the worst time of the year to start looking for a job... but meh.
So yep... that's a busy weekend for me lol.
Though I'll have plenty of time to be on-line and chat and everything.
*is happy*
The trip to Timmins went so well... I'm so happy after it. I just want to... want to dance! A lot of my doubts and fears were washed away by that trip. So... yeah.
To beauty... freedom... truth... life and love.
*snugs & hugs to Andy*
Laterz all.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
There is pi at last.
After my long long absence I have finally... returned.
Not without hardship though.
I swear to god either Greyhound hates me or... Northern Ontario wants to keep me forever. Or both.
So let me begin the posting of...
Footsteps - On Vacation
December 31st 2004
Dreams
I was asked by Angelis last night what my plans in life were. I told him of my desire to go to Waterloo as it was obvious he meant education/career wise. But thinking about school has got me thinking about other related aspects of my life... like my love life.
Often a fickle thing it has remained remarkably stable since meeting Andy last May. Often I've thought about where it could go and where I want it to go.
So now abandoning my usual preference for hypothetical scenarios I'm just going to write plainly and clearly about where I would like it to go.
The next 8 months January through to the end of August will be hard. They'll make or break this relationship. I'd like (and am planning to see her) as often as school work and finances will allow us to. I'm going to try for an early February trip and an April one (who goes where we'll decide then). March is a sure trip for me as it's supported and funded by my parents. May's trip is completely up to me to finance and it's possible. Not certain but with hard work and effort I can make it up there for a few days. June/July if her family goes on vacation my parents may (depending on where they go) decide to visit the same place if Andy goes with them. If not I may talk them into some camping near Timmins. There're campgrounds there that we haven't visited yet. In August she's going to try and come down for my Uncle Scott's wedding.
So we're into September. In my mind right now I'm ready to live with her. Thus I'd like for us to rent an apartment together possibly with another couple from Guelph (two bedrooms obviously). Someone she knows trusts and can live with. I've already checked it is possible to take a bus to U of W from Guelph. After at least a year longer whenever we're ready if the feelings remain and we haven't killed each other marriage is a possibility. Kids are after school for me when we're on solid ground financially and emotionally. A house something practicle at first but my dream is a large custom built house. Not overly large but big enough for a family of 6 who like to entertain guests overnight.
After that I have no real plans... I suppose we just love and cherish one another and live our lives the best we can.
This is my dream. Whether or not it comes true is up to fate I suppose. But it's what I want to work towards in life with her.
New Years
From the beginning of this trip it's felt like a dream. Somedays I take a look around me and cannot believe I'm here. Timmins Ontario. A town famous for being the birthplace of Shania Twain. Not heard of to most people it's become a famous place in my mind. Though bigger than my own hometown of Aylmer Quebec something about this place draws me. Perhaps it is because the two are so similar. Maybe it's just the experiance of finally living on my own managing my own money making my own schedule doing and seeing what I want when I want. 'Tis a huge difference from back home. Mayhaps you find this odd but I'm not homesick. I never had strong attachments to my family and perhaps this explains it. But it is also possible that this merely showns it is time. I'm ready to move on from the home-based life of a child and move on to the more independant life of an adult. But I digress.
It is also an awesome experiance to be able to call Andy or Freya and talk to them without worrying about long distance charges. Even more awesome than that is being able to SEE my girlfriend and my bestfriend. This trip is worth all the money I've put into it. It has renewed my faith in myself Andy and our love for one another and I hope we never spend this long apart again.
But now having had four days here I can say these feelings are truly real. There's no alcohol to cloud my thoughts no one night only together capped by a kiss. This is going to work.
I feel a need to record the events of the past days and what happens from here on in until I return to Ottawa.
Sunday
We left Cornwall around 9:45PM. Little bit later than I wanted to. Called Freya around 10:30PM to tell her the trip was still on. Got to the bus station at around 11:15PM. Forgot to tag my luggage. But basically this part of my trip was boring. Lets jump ahead to the exciting part shall we?
Monday
The bus left at midnight and ten. Mostly I listened to music and slept until we reached Pembrooke. About 10 km out of Pembrooke something up front started beeping like a warning buzzer and there's a red light blinking on the driver's board. At first I thought it was a little annoying beeper to keep the driver awake but it didn't stop. When we got to the next rest stop (a large Irving gas station/diner just outside of Pembrooke) the bus driver got out and took a look at something in the engine of the bus. He came back in a few minutes and said something about antifreeze leaking all over the road from his bus. He tries to fix it but he can't so he tells us we'll have to wait for another bus from Ottawa which could take two hours. In the meantime I went into the diner and had breakfast part one: poutine and coke. I talked with a girl who's name I never got who was going to Deep River from Ottawa. We talked about school music and the bus trip up to that point. Finally a new bus appeared at about 3:30AM (we were suppose to leave Pembrooke at 2:15AM.) After moving my luggage from one bus to the other I promptly fell asleep until we reached Mattawa (an hour out from North Bay about). We got into North Bay at about 7AM 2 hours and fifteen minutes late. The next bus to Timmins wasn't until 4PM (mine left at 6:30AM). I had breakfast part two: sandwiches I'd brought from home then went to look around Northgate mall which is right next to the bus depot. Looked around but nothing was open except the Tim Hortons so I had a hot chocolate. Went back to the bus depot at around 9am. I talked there with a woman on the same bus as I going to Kap (an hour north of Timmins) named Jessica and she wanted to organize 3 or 4 of us together to refund our tickets and rent a car to go to Timmins/Kap and she would drive. With another guy named David we got enough money to do so so we drove to Timmins leaving around 11am and getting in around 4pm. Considering the bus wouldn't have left until then I consider myself lucky. We stopped in New Liskegard for lunch. The hotel gave me a room for the night as they were fixing a hot water pipe in my room which was broken. I called Andy to see if she was busy - she was supposed to go over to her aunt's place. So I called Freya and then went over to her place. Was only there for a little bit when Andy showed up! Turns out her aunt canceled again so she decided to come over to Freya's place and surprise me. Needless to say I was very happy. We stayed there for an hour then we went back to my hotel room where we watched LOTR I on TV before she had to leave and go back to her place around 10:30pm. I went to sleep almost right away after walking her down to the door and taking a shower.
Tuesday
Went and tried the continental breakfast today - it's pretty good. I called Andy but she had to visit her aunt (didn't happen again but hey) then a dentist appointment and finally work occupied her day. So I went down to Timmins Square (about the size of les Galeries d'Hull) to see what they had and to look for a copy of Kama Sutra. After a few hours of looking and a call to Freya I finally found where I could buy one but they were closed by then so I went back to the hotel read a bit and then fell asleep.
Wednesday
I went out and bought a copy of Kama Sutra 1984 & The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Then I called Andy who was once again busy throughout the day. So I called Freya to see if I could come over for awhile. She said sure so I went over and watched them play Halo II for a while and even gave it a try myself. (by them I mean Freya Angelis their roommate Pretok and his girlfriend Angel). Then we watched Terminator III and then Angelis got me on the computer to show me some of his programming. I asked to try it a bit myself (coding is a stress reliever for me) and he said sure so he was watching me make a binary clock and then asked me to write a program for him which takes sentences and parses them... seperates them at the spaces. As an example...
This is my test phrase.
becomes
This
is
my
test
phrase.
And then my program would put it back together. He then talked about a project of his and maybe me helping him on it. Rest of the night we talked about the project and related things. Finally I went home at about 11:30PM.
Thursday
I couldn't sleep at all so I read my book 1984 finished it and started the Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Tiring of that story which is an erotic story about Sleeping Beauty being woken by her Prince and becoming his kinky sex slace I went to see Freya at her work at about 3AM. I got a hot chocolate and talked about some things that had happened while I was there. When she finished work she came over to the hotel and we talked about it and got some things straightened out before she went home to sleep. At around noon Andy came over. We talked about Freya and Angelis Angelis's project. We looked at what was on tv and LOTR II was playing so we watched that. We went over to Freya's at about 3:30pm then went down to the Square with them. Checked out Coles & le Chateau and I bought another book. We went back to Freya's where we had dinner with them and Pretok. Around 9 we left (Andy and I). We took the bus to her house (I went to walk her home). Arriving there she took me on a tour of her house and I got to meet her brother and sister. I stayed until 11:30 pm listening to music in her room with her. Got back to the hotel tried to read a book that Angelis had lent me about programming but found myself too tired so I promptly fell asleep at about 12:30pm.
Friday
New Years Eve. Andy's over at her grandparents and at her best friends with whom she'd made plans with long before now. So I went to Wendy's for lunch and there I ran into Freya and Pretok. Went to the A&P with them afterwards then onto Freya's. Fiddled around with my code and got it to work better then the party began. Angelis made superb garlic mashed potatoes and steak. They had besides me Angelis & Freya Pretok Angel and a friend of Angelis's - Nat. We got really really smashed (or at least Pretok and I did). Later in the evening Todd and his girlfriend Lisa (whom I know from the first party) came over. Finally at about 2PM Nat Todd and Lisa left and I was witness to a quiet disagreement between Angelis and Freya after Pretok and Angel had gone to bed. They went to bed at around three as did I.
Saturday
I woke up at around eleven called Andy at her grandparents. Turns out she had New Years dinner there and had to spend most of the day cooking so I spent most of the day at Angelis's. Washed dishes for breakfast made by Pretok and Freya. After eating we talked some. I played a bit on his computer then played Mario Kart on Angel's gamecube. Freya and I played cribbage (She won by eight points) and then she showed me her poetry book of which I read about half. It's good stuff. Then we were going to watch the Matrix Trilogy 'cause Angelis had to leave. Turns out he had a problem with Freya and I spending so much time together alone so I was asked to leave (or rather... I said if it was going to be a problem I would leave). We had an hour long talk before I left about Angelis and then I left just after eleven. At the hotel room I wrote most of this then fell asleep.
Sunday
Second last day in town. I woke up at around 9:30PM had their breakfast at the hotel called home then called Andy. She asked me to call back in about an hour after she'd talked to her parents about me coming over or her going out. I went out to Shoppers bought some batteries and nailclippers came back wrote in this then called her and was told I could go over until around six. So I went over by cab as they have no buses on Sunday. Made it to her place and got to talk to her mother a bit. We looked at pictures from her exchange trip to Switzerland/Italy then we had lunch and watched Dirty Dancing I. It was a pretty good movie. I must watch the sequel next time I see her or I may rent it. I took several photos and a short video of her. We talked a bit about stuff for next year then I left around 5:45PM. I spent the rest of the night reading listening to music and/or cleaning the hotel room as I was leaving the next day.
Monday
The room is clean my bags are packed. Andy'll be here in fifteen minutes for our last day together and then she'll be at the bus depot to say farewell (it's going to be a sad moment). I visited Freya again at her work last night for an hour. We talked about how tedious her work is her boyfriend and a bit about Andy & her problems with her parents. Freya seemed to think that her and I could make it on our own. I hope to run some numbers when I get home and see if it's possible.
Today's my last day in Timmins. I feel greatly saddened. While here with Freya and Andy I feel happy truly happy even with all the problems surrounding them. I'm going to miss them both one hell of a lot. On the plus side I won't have to live in a hotel room nor in this freaking cold anymore!
I've been writing the lyrics to various songs as they pop into my head or I hear them playing here and I find the lyrics significant or just particularly attractive in my current mood.
I'm sitting in the hotel lobby awaiting the appearance of Andy the Beautiful.
This experiance has left many impressions on me. It's increased my independance in life and given me a tsate of life on my own (albeit not a complete one) and quite frankly I've enjoyed it. I think this proves beyond a doubt that I'm ready to move beyond my family life and into the world. I've eight more months before I can do this but I'm fairly certain of my course of action now. Time to begin to live.
Five minutes then I'm going to call her.
Listening to the conversation between Freya and Angelis has given me insights into some of the financial issues as well as the pitfalls of a relationship together and I feel this will aide Andy and my relationship together should it come to pass that we live together. Of course the fact that Angelis and I are different people sould avoid some of the problems right off the bat.
Off to call Andy.
Monday (Cont)
Turns out Andy couldn't come over until around 1PM but she did. I gave her a neck/back massage and she returned the favor. We then left for Freya's burdened by all my luggage. We dropped all my luggage off around 3:30pm watched Angelis play Metroid for half an hour or so then we set off in search of dinner. We decided to go to the Square where she had Subway and I had A&W. We then decided to visit Zellers and pick up a toaster for Freya Angelis and Pretok. We then bused back to Angelis' place where I gave Andy a neck rub and lent her my sweater - the Dep sweater - until we see each other again... as a kindof souvenir of an awesome trip. We cabbed over to the bus station and waited a bit for the bus to come. All too soon it was time to get on the bus wiht tears in the corners of my eyes. My last words to Andy were "I love you" and my last gesture was the same. Watching the stores go by me as we left Timmins tore my heart out and brought tears to my eyes. Then after the first stop I fell asleep from pure emotional exhaustion.
Woke up outside Kirkland Lake about 2 hours into the trip (it's roughly 9:30-10 at night). I've four hours more to go on this bus and then 45 minutes waiting and then 5 hours to Ottawa. We're leaving now and I'm losing my light. I'll write some in North Bay our next stop.
We're in Earleton. I just called my father 'cause I forgot to before I left Timmins. It's almost eleven so we've a good 3 hours left to go before we get to North Bay. I've been replaying the highlights of the trip in my head for the past hour. All revolves around Andy and Freya though Angelis's job offer came as a nice surprise as well. I'll have time to think about it when I get home. His ideas are intriguing ones needless to say and I've been thinking about that as well on and off.
Anways we're on the road again. I return to my Sonata Arctica and will write more in North Bay Ontario.
Tuesday
North Bay Ontario. Anyone going on to Toronto you can stay on the bus or you can strech the bus will be leaving in about fifteen minutes. Anyone going onto Ottawa needs to transfer your bus will be here shortly at platform five.
Yeah... right.
Time of scheduled arrival in North Bay: 1:45AM
Time of bus leaving North Bay (Scheduled): 2:25AM
Only about 10 minutes between arrival and boarding right? Perfeclty reasonable.
Actual time of arrival in North Bay: 1:00AM
A full 45 minutes early.
So yet again I get to sit in this bus station which because of my past experiances in it I've come to hate.
But I suppose it's better than being 2 hours late.
95 minutes to go until my bus arrives and I can board.
I've slept most of the bus ride so far and I intend to sleep most of the rest. The sun rise should wake me 'ere we hit Ottawa.
It's been six hours since I left Timmins and it'll be five months before I can return. Two months and a week at most before I see Andy again. I'm saddened by my leaving her. This week has greatly strengthened my faith in our relationship which to be honest I needed. My faith was wavering as was pretty obvious by some of the close calls we've had. My faith may waver again but I now have a whole week of memories photos and journal entries to restore it all. The look in her eyes and this entire week will remained burned in my memory forever. From it's beginning with the bus breaking down to the end when the bus lets me off in Ottawa and everything in between. New Years Eve the party Angelis's job offer the looks in Andy's eyes her face her voice even her scent. Everything about her and this trip. It's been a truly awesome experiance definately a landmark experiance in my life.
Just announced:
The buses from Sudbury have left late the absolute earliest they buses will be here is 3am and probably not until leaving at 4am. As it is currently five to two this gives me two hours until I leave and an hour and a half later arrival time in Ottawa. Apparently I'm cursed whenever I travel. Two hour breakdown and I miss my connection now an additional two hour wait. I must call my parents.
Actual departure time from North Bay: 4AM.
Just called turns out my little brother is still up so I left him a message.
So I suppose that I'm going to have to entertain myself for the next two hours. Heck this has already wasted one hour suppose I can go for two.
I wonder if taking Greyhound is always like this.
On my list of top 101 things to do when bored out of my mind is: Take random photos.
Now playing: Meant to Live.
I'm going to take this journal and take out a few parts and then post it on my journals. After all the best week of my life deserves some publicity.
I'm just taking random pictures at the bus depot now. That's how bored I am and how little I have to write about. I just want to sleep but I can't dammit!
Time for more photos.
Well I'm up to 33 photos. To this I'll add some photos of Freya Angelis and Pretok and the photos of me plus photos I decide to take along the way.
There's a bus coming down the road so I'm stopping for a bit & packing up.
Success. I am on a bus bound for Ottawa at 3AM and we should be leaving at roughly 3:20 I suppose. So I should be in Ottawa at 8:20-8:30 only an hour late. So five hours late getting there (would have been 10-11 if not for a nice woman driver) and an hour later getting back. Next time I'll just fly.
So once the bus driver loads the luggage we'll be off again.
Halfway home middle of the night and I'm writing... more like babbling... written babble... wribble? Sounds like hiphopper lol.
wribble scribble with yo nibble-dibble schibble.
Whoa... I frightened even myself. No more of that.
The bus driver is still packing our luggage. *is wondering how the heck they're going to get all that luggage on the bus - it's about 30 big duffle bags & suitacses and the bus was already packed full.* I suppose they'll manage somehow. There's two other buses here packed full of people going to Ottawa or Montreal so maybe they can put some of our luggage on one of the other buses. Hopefully they won't lose any.
I'm looking at my luggage sitting out there alone with a few other bags that're all that's left.
M'okay I'm wribbling.
Well until I think of something to write about or I get to Ottawa farewell for there are no bags left and I suspect we're off soon.
Just a note it's now 3:45AM and we're still here.
So finally we're off at ten to four in the morning. The bus is full of people trying to sleep so I'll be turning my light off and finishing this in Ottawa or Chalk River.
Back in Ottawa finally. Been a harrowing experiance. I write as I'm waiting for my parents to show and pick me up it's getting close to 9am. To sortof summerize the past hours:
We stopped in Deep River where I called home drank a root beer and fell asleep again. I didn't wake up until we hit Renfrew. There were no stops made along the way and apparently the guy driving was like a maniac. The people going to Pembrooke/Petawawa/Chalk River/Carleton Place were needless to say very very upset as they weren't let off. In Ottawa I got off and was told my ticket was worth $3. After a little bit of arguing with him he finally decided to refund the full $56 value of my ticket. *is pissed*
But I'm home now and safe. The bus ride was okay in the end... just the transfer in North Bay is kindof sticky especially as it's being made at an awful hour in the morning.
I miss Andy and Freya already. I even miss Angelis and Pretok. I wish I could see Andy/Freya everyday but... hey that's what I get for living in Ottawa.
8 more months Dep... just hold on. Hold on.
But I'll remember and cherish the good times we've had together this past week and they shall be a solid rock of belief in my sometimes turmoulous sea of paranoia.
So... Andy... je t'aime beaucoup ti amo and I love you.
Freya I'll be typing your letter to Raven asap. Raven you'll be getting an e-mail from me with a letter from Freya to you in it as well as my own preface to her letter soon.
Angelis I look forward to hearing from you about your project if you're still interested in me being involved.
To all my friends here I am glad I'm back and can spend time with you now.
29 hours spent busing there and back (16 hours there and 13 hours back) 9 nights spent away from home: 6 in a hotel room 2 on a bus and 1 on Angelis's floor. I feel like ending with a parody.
7 nights accomodations: $575
Bus tickets to and from Timmins: $280
Food, meals and taxi fare: $200
Spending a week with the love of my life and my best friend: priceless
There are somethings money can't buy. For everything else there's Mastercard.
(truly ironic as my mom reserved the hotel room and bought my bus tickets with Mastercard. ha!)
So ends my vacation.
Part one of Footsteps - On Vacation is essentially a day to day record of what happened (with a few omissions) and all of that is what you just read. Part two is the collection of musings I had when I was there on various topics. These will be going in my private journal as they contain some topics that I don't want the world to read about. Part three is the lyrics to various songs which I don't find important.
So since I got back my mom took me out to Harveys for breakfast. I got home had lunch typed large parts of this then fell asleep. Came back on after a good nap and finished it. Had dinner with grandparents in there somewhere and also got a call from Sarah asking me when we were going shopping - tomorrow at 11am i'm leaving so I won't be around much because not only that but it's also Wednesday and I'm at PTY I believe (unless Sarah and I get involved in a good movie or something). Thursday my parents might be taking me out for supper or something.
The 12th I have to go into Heritage and register then we start back the 17th.
Just as a note for myself I wish to blog about the following in addition to copying several of the musings from my travel journal: university next year plans for school this year and financial stuff. also maybe a bit more on andy and I's relationship (if I haven't bored you all to tears on this matter)
So there you have it: 9 days of journal entries from me. I'm going to bed now.
Oh... Andy love: I went downstairs to watch Under the Tuscon Sun it was indeed playing so I started watching it. Unfortunately no one told me that two of our tv channels had been switched (like the information about what's playing shows as one thing but what's actually playing matches the information on another channel which is showing what this channel is supposed to be playing.) Thus I ended up watching most of Nine Queens before I realized that it wasn't the movie I thought it was and I missed most of Under the Tuscon Sun so I'm going to hope it's either playing again soon or that I can talk mine parents into renting it.
That's it for now. If I have time tomorrow I'll post the musings if not I'll do it Thursday.
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all!
Not without hardship though.
I swear to god either Greyhound hates me or... Northern Ontario wants to keep me forever. Or both.
So let me begin the posting of...
Footsteps - On Vacation
December 31st 2004
Dreams
I was asked by Angelis last night what my plans in life were. I told him of my desire to go to Waterloo as it was obvious he meant education/career wise. But thinking about school has got me thinking about other related aspects of my life... like my love life.
Often a fickle thing it has remained remarkably stable since meeting Andy last May. Often I've thought about where it could go and where I want it to go.
So now abandoning my usual preference for hypothetical scenarios I'm just going to write plainly and clearly about where I would like it to go.
The next 8 months January through to the end of August will be hard. They'll make or break this relationship. I'd like (and am planning to see her) as often as school work and finances will allow us to. I'm going to try for an early February trip and an April one (who goes where we'll decide then). March is a sure trip for me as it's supported and funded by my parents. May's trip is completely up to me to finance and it's possible. Not certain but with hard work and effort I can make it up there for a few days. June/July if her family goes on vacation my parents may (depending on where they go) decide to visit the same place if Andy goes with them. If not I may talk them into some camping near Timmins. There're campgrounds there that we haven't visited yet. In August she's going to try and come down for my Uncle Scott's wedding.
So we're into September. In my mind right now I'm ready to live with her. Thus I'd like for us to rent an apartment together possibly with another couple from Guelph (two bedrooms obviously). Someone she knows trusts and can live with. I've already checked it is possible to take a bus to U of W from Guelph. After at least a year longer whenever we're ready if the feelings remain and we haven't killed each other marriage is a possibility. Kids are after school for me when we're on solid ground financially and emotionally. A house something practicle at first but my dream is a large custom built house. Not overly large but big enough for a family of 6 who like to entertain guests overnight.
After that I have no real plans... I suppose we just love and cherish one another and live our lives the best we can.
This is my dream. Whether or not it comes true is up to fate I suppose. But it's what I want to work towards in life with her.
New Years
From the beginning of this trip it's felt like a dream. Somedays I take a look around me and cannot believe I'm here. Timmins Ontario. A town famous for being the birthplace of Shania Twain. Not heard of to most people it's become a famous place in my mind. Though bigger than my own hometown of Aylmer Quebec something about this place draws me. Perhaps it is because the two are so similar. Maybe it's just the experiance of finally living on my own managing my own money making my own schedule doing and seeing what I want when I want. 'Tis a huge difference from back home. Mayhaps you find this odd but I'm not homesick. I never had strong attachments to my family and perhaps this explains it. But it is also possible that this merely showns it is time. I'm ready to move on from the home-based life of a child and move on to the more independant life of an adult. But I digress.
It is also an awesome experiance to be able to call Andy or Freya and talk to them without worrying about long distance charges. Even more awesome than that is being able to SEE my girlfriend and my bestfriend. This trip is worth all the money I've put into it. It has renewed my faith in myself Andy and our love for one another and I hope we never spend this long apart again.
But now having had four days here I can say these feelings are truly real. There's no alcohol to cloud my thoughts no one night only together capped by a kiss. This is going to work.
I feel a need to record the events of the past days and what happens from here on in until I return to Ottawa.
Sunday
We left Cornwall around 9:45PM. Little bit later than I wanted to. Called Freya around 10:30PM to tell her the trip was still on. Got to the bus station at around 11:15PM. Forgot to tag my luggage. But basically this part of my trip was boring. Lets jump ahead to the exciting part shall we?
Monday
The bus left at midnight and ten. Mostly I listened to music and slept until we reached Pembrooke. About 10 km out of Pembrooke something up front started beeping like a warning buzzer and there's a red light blinking on the driver's board. At first I thought it was a little annoying beeper to keep the driver awake but it didn't stop. When we got to the next rest stop (a large Irving gas station/diner just outside of Pembrooke) the bus driver got out and took a look at something in the engine of the bus. He came back in a few minutes and said something about antifreeze leaking all over the road from his bus. He tries to fix it but he can't so he tells us we'll have to wait for another bus from Ottawa which could take two hours. In the meantime I went into the diner and had breakfast part one: poutine and coke. I talked with a girl who's name I never got who was going to Deep River from Ottawa. We talked about school music and the bus trip up to that point. Finally a new bus appeared at about 3:30AM (we were suppose to leave Pembrooke at 2:15AM.) After moving my luggage from one bus to the other I promptly fell asleep until we reached Mattawa (an hour out from North Bay about). We got into North Bay at about 7AM 2 hours and fifteen minutes late. The next bus to Timmins wasn't until 4PM (mine left at 6:30AM). I had breakfast part two: sandwiches I'd brought from home then went to look around Northgate mall which is right next to the bus depot. Looked around but nothing was open except the Tim Hortons so I had a hot chocolate. Went back to the bus depot at around 9am. I talked there with a woman on the same bus as I going to Kap (an hour north of Timmins) named Jessica and she wanted to organize 3 or 4 of us together to refund our tickets and rent a car to go to Timmins/Kap and she would drive. With another guy named David we got enough money to do so so we drove to Timmins leaving around 11am and getting in around 4pm. Considering the bus wouldn't have left until then I consider myself lucky. We stopped in New Liskegard for lunch. The hotel gave me a room for the night as they were fixing a hot water pipe in my room which was broken. I called Andy to see if she was busy - she was supposed to go over to her aunt's place. So I called Freya and then went over to her place. Was only there for a little bit when Andy showed up! Turns out her aunt canceled again so she decided to come over to Freya's place and surprise me. Needless to say I was very happy. We stayed there for an hour then we went back to my hotel room where we watched LOTR I on TV before she had to leave and go back to her place around 10:30pm. I went to sleep almost right away after walking her down to the door and taking a shower.
Tuesday
Went and tried the continental breakfast today - it's pretty good. I called Andy but she had to visit her aunt (didn't happen again but hey) then a dentist appointment and finally work occupied her day. So I went down to Timmins Square (about the size of les Galeries d'Hull) to see what they had and to look for a copy of Kama Sutra. After a few hours of looking and a call to Freya I finally found where I could buy one but they were closed by then so I went back to the hotel read a bit and then fell asleep.
Wednesday
I went out and bought a copy of Kama Sutra 1984 & The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Then I called Andy who was once again busy throughout the day. So I called Freya to see if I could come over for awhile. She said sure so I went over and watched them play Halo II for a while and even gave it a try myself. (by them I mean Freya Angelis their roommate Pretok and his girlfriend Angel). Then we watched Terminator III and then Angelis got me on the computer to show me some of his programming. I asked to try it a bit myself (coding is a stress reliever for me) and he said sure so he was watching me make a binary clock and then asked me to write a program for him which takes sentences and parses them... seperates them at the spaces. As an example...
This is my test phrase.
becomes
This
is
my
test
phrase.
And then my program would put it back together. He then talked about a project of his and maybe me helping him on it. Rest of the night we talked about the project and related things. Finally I went home at about 11:30PM.
Thursday
I couldn't sleep at all so I read my book 1984 finished it and started the Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. Tiring of that story which is an erotic story about Sleeping Beauty being woken by her Prince and becoming his kinky sex slace I went to see Freya at her work at about 3AM. I got a hot chocolate and talked about some things that had happened while I was there. When she finished work she came over to the hotel and we talked about it and got some things straightened out before she went home to sleep. At around noon Andy came over. We talked about Freya and Angelis Angelis's project. We looked at what was on tv and LOTR II was playing so we watched that. We went over to Freya's at about 3:30pm then went down to the Square with them. Checked out Coles & le Chateau and I bought another book. We went back to Freya's where we had dinner with them and Pretok. Around 9 we left (Andy and I). We took the bus to her house (I went to walk her home). Arriving there she took me on a tour of her house and I got to meet her brother and sister. I stayed until 11:30 pm listening to music in her room with her. Got back to the hotel tried to read a book that Angelis had lent me about programming but found myself too tired so I promptly fell asleep at about 12:30pm.
Friday
New Years Eve. Andy's over at her grandparents and at her best friends with whom she'd made plans with long before now. So I went to Wendy's for lunch and there I ran into Freya and Pretok. Went to the A&P with them afterwards then onto Freya's. Fiddled around with my code and got it to work better then the party began. Angelis made superb garlic mashed potatoes and steak. They had besides me Angelis & Freya Pretok Angel and a friend of Angelis's - Nat. We got really really smashed (or at least Pretok and I did). Later in the evening Todd and his girlfriend Lisa (whom I know from the first party) came over. Finally at about 2PM Nat Todd and Lisa left and I was witness to a quiet disagreement between Angelis and Freya after Pretok and Angel had gone to bed. They went to bed at around three as did I.
Saturday
I woke up at around eleven called Andy at her grandparents. Turns out she had New Years dinner there and had to spend most of the day cooking so I spent most of the day at Angelis's. Washed dishes for breakfast made by Pretok and Freya. After eating we talked some. I played a bit on his computer then played Mario Kart on Angel's gamecube. Freya and I played cribbage (She won by eight points) and then she showed me her poetry book of which I read about half. It's good stuff. Then we were going to watch the Matrix Trilogy 'cause Angelis had to leave. Turns out he had a problem with Freya and I spending so much time together alone so I was asked to leave (or rather... I said if it was going to be a problem I would leave). We had an hour long talk before I left about Angelis and then I left just after eleven. At the hotel room I wrote most of this then fell asleep.
Sunday
Second last day in town. I woke up at around 9:30PM had their breakfast at the hotel called home then called Andy. She asked me to call back in about an hour after she'd talked to her parents about me coming over or her going out. I went out to Shoppers bought some batteries and nailclippers came back wrote in this then called her and was told I could go over until around six. So I went over by cab as they have no buses on Sunday. Made it to her place and got to talk to her mother a bit. We looked at pictures from her exchange trip to Switzerland/Italy then we had lunch and watched Dirty Dancing I. It was a pretty good movie. I must watch the sequel next time I see her or I may rent it. I took several photos and a short video of her. We talked a bit about stuff for next year then I left around 5:45PM. I spent the rest of the night reading listening to music and/or cleaning the hotel room as I was leaving the next day.
Monday
The room is clean my bags are packed. Andy'll be here in fifteen minutes for our last day together and then she'll be at the bus depot to say farewell (it's going to be a sad moment). I visited Freya again at her work last night for an hour. We talked about how tedious her work is her boyfriend and a bit about Andy & her problems with her parents. Freya seemed to think that her and I could make it on our own. I hope to run some numbers when I get home and see if it's possible.
Today's my last day in Timmins. I feel greatly saddened. While here with Freya and Andy I feel happy truly happy even with all the problems surrounding them. I'm going to miss them both one hell of a lot. On the plus side I won't have to live in a hotel room nor in this freaking cold anymore!
I've been writing the lyrics to various songs as they pop into my head or I hear them playing here and I find the lyrics significant or just particularly attractive in my current mood.
I'm sitting in the hotel lobby awaiting the appearance of Andy the Beautiful.
This experiance has left many impressions on me. It's increased my independance in life and given me a tsate of life on my own (albeit not a complete one) and quite frankly I've enjoyed it. I think this proves beyond a doubt that I'm ready to move beyond my family life and into the world. I've eight more months before I can do this but I'm fairly certain of my course of action now. Time to begin to live.
Five minutes then I'm going to call her.
Listening to the conversation between Freya and Angelis has given me insights into some of the financial issues as well as the pitfalls of a relationship together and I feel this will aide Andy and my relationship together should it come to pass that we live together. Of course the fact that Angelis and I are different people sould avoid some of the problems right off the bat.
Off to call Andy.
Monday (Cont)
Turns out Andy couldn't come over until around 1PM but she did. I gave her a neck/back massage and she returned the favor. We then left for Freya's burdened by all my luggage. We dropped all my luggage off around 3:30pm watched Angelis play Metroid for half an hour or so then we set off in search of dinner. We decided to go to the Square where she had Subway and I had A&W. We then decided to visit Zellers and pick up a toaster for Freya Angelis and Pretok. We then bused back to Angelis' place where I gave Andy a neck rub and lent her my sweater - the Dep sweater - until we see each other again... as a kindof souvenir of an awesome trip. We cabbed over to the bus station and waited a bit for the bus to come. All too soon it was time to get on the bus wiht tears in the corners of my eyes. My last words to Andy were "I love you" and my last gesture was the same. Watching the stores go by me as we left Timmins tore my heart out and brought tears to my eyes. Then after the first stop I fell asleep from pure emotional exhaustion.
Woke up outside Kirkland Lake about 2 hours into the trip (it's roughly 9:30-10 at night). I've four hours more to go on this bus and then 45 minutes waiting and then 5 hours to Ottawa. We're leaving now and I'm losing my light. I'll write some in North Bay our next stop.
We're in Earleton. I just called my father 'cause I forgot to before I left Timmins. It's almost eleven so we've a good 3 hours left to go before we get to North Bay. I've been replaying the highlights of the trip in my head for the past hour. All revolves around Andy and Freya though Angelis's job offer came as a nice surprise as well. I'll have time to think about it when I get home. His ideas are intriguing ones needless to say and I've been thinking about that as well on and off.
Anways we're on the road again. I return to my Sonata Arctica and will write more in North Bay Ontario.
Tuesday
North Bay Ontario. Anyone going on to Toronto you can stay on the bus or you can strech the bus will be leaving in about fifteen minutes. Anyone going onto Ottawa needs to transfer your bus will be here shortly at platform five.
Yeah... right.
Time of scheduled arrival in North Bay: 1:45AM
Time of bus leaving North Bay (Scheduled): 2:25AM
Only about 10 minutes between arrival and boarding right? Perfeclty reasonable.
Actual time of arrival in North Bay: 1:00AM
A full 45 minutes early.
So yet again I get to sit in this bus station which because of my past experiances in it I've come to hate.
But I suppose it's better than being 2 hours late.
95 minutes to go until my bus arrives and I can board.
I've slept most of the bus ride so far and I intend to sleep most of the rest. The sun rise should wake me 'ere we hit Ottawa.
It's been six hours since I left Timmins and it'll be five months before I can return. Two months and a week at most before I see Andy again. I'm saddened by my leaving her. This week has greatly strengthened my faith in our relationship which to be honest I needed. My faith was wavering as was pretty obvious by some of the close calls we've had. My faith may waver again but I now have a whole week of memories photos and journal entries to restore it all. The look in her eyes and this entire week will remained burned in my memory forever. From it's beginning with the bus breaking down to the end when the bus lets me off in Ottawa and everything in between. New Years Eve the party Angelis's job offer the looks in Andy's eyes her face her voice even her scent. Everything about her and this trip. It's been a truly awesome experiance definately a landmark experiance in my life.
Just announced:
The buses from Sudbury have left late the absolute earliest they buses will be here is 3am and probably not until leaving at 4am. As it is currently five to two this gives me two hours until I leave and an hour and a half later arrival time in Ottawa. Apparently I'm cursed whenever I travel. Two hour breakdown and I miss my connection now an additional two hour wait. I must call my parents.
Actual departure time from North Bay: 4AM.
Just called turns out my little brother is still up so I left him a message.
So I suppose that I'm going to have to entertain myself for the next two hours. Heck this has already wasted one hour suppose I can go for two.
I wonder if taking Greyhound is always like this.
On my list of top 101 things to do when bored out of my mind is: Take random photos.
Now playing: Meant to Live.
I'm going to take this journal and take out a few parts and then post it on my journals. After all the best week of my life deserves some publicity.
I'm just taking random pictures at the bus depot now. That's how bored I am and how little I have to write about. I just want to sleep but I can't dammit!
Time for more photos.
Well I'm up to 33 photos. To this I'll add some photos of Freya Angelis and Pretok and the photos of me plus photos I decide to take along the way.
There's a bus coming down the road so I'm stopping for a bit & packing up.
Success. I am on a bus bound for Ottawa at 3AM and we should be leaving at roughly 3:20 I suppose. So I should be in Ottawa at 8:20-8:30 only an hour late. So five hours late getting there (would have been 10-11 if not for a nice woman driver) and an hour later getting back. Next time I'll just fly.
So once the bus driver loads the luggage we'll be off again.
Halfway home middle of the night and I'm writing... more like babbling... written babble... wribble? Sounds like hiphopper lol.
wribble scribble with yo nibble-dibble schibble.
Whoa... I frightened even myself. No more of that.
The bus driver is still packing our luggage. *is wondering how the heck they're going to get all that luggage on the bus - it's about 30 big duffle bags & suitacses and the bus was already packed full.* I suppose they'll manage somehow. There's two other buses here packed full of people going to Ottawa or Montreal so maybe they can put some of our luggage on one of the other buses. Hopefully they won't lose any.
I'm looking at my luggage sitting out there alone with a few other bags that're all that's left.
M'okay I'm wribbling.
Well until I think of something to write about or I get to Ottawa farewell for there are no bags left and I suspect we're off soon.
Just a note it's now 3:45AM and we're still here.
So finally we're off at ten to four in the morning. The bus is full of people trying to sleep so I'll be turning my light off and finishing this in Ottawa or Chalk River.
Back in Ottawa finally. Been a harrowing experiance. I write as I'm waiting for my parents to show and pick me up it's getting close to 9am. To sortof summerize the past hours:
We stopped in Deep River where I called home drank a root beer and fell asleep again. I didn't wake up until we hit Renfrew. There were no stops made along the way and apparently the guy driving was like a maniac. The people going to Pembrooke/Petawawa/Chalk River/Carleton Place were needless to say very very upset as they weren't let off. In Ottawa I got off and was told my ticket was worth $3. After a little bit of arguing with him he finally decided to refund the full $56 value of my ticket. *is pissed*
But I'm home now and safe. The bus ride was okay in the end... just the transfer in North Bay is kindof sticky especially as it's being made at an awful hour in the morning.
I miss Andy and Freya already. I even miss Angelis and Pretok. I wish I could see Andy/Freya everyday but... hey that's what I get for living in Ottawa.
8 more months Dep... just hold on. Hold on.
But I'll remember and cherish the good times we've had together this past week and they shall be a solid rock of belief in my sometimes turmoulous sea of paranoia.
So... Andy... je t'aime beaucoup ti amo and I love you.
Freya I'll be typing your letter to Raven asap. Raven you'll be getting an e-mail from me with a letter from Freya to you in it as well as my own preface to her letter soon.
Angelis I look forward to hearing from you about your project if you're still interested in me being involved.
To all my friends here I am glad I'm back and can spend time with you now.
29 hours spent busing there and back (16 hours there and 13 hours back) 9 nights spent away from home: 6 in a hotel room 2 on a bus and 1 on Angelis's floor. I feel like ending with a parody.
7 nights accomodations: $575
Bus tickets to and from Timmins: $280
Food, meals and taxi fare: $200
Spending a week with the love of my life and my best friend: priceless
There are somethings money can't buy. For everything else there's Mastercard.
(truly ironic as my mom reserved the hotel room and bought my bus tickets with Mastercard. ha!)
So ends my vacation.
Part one of Footsteps - On Vacation is essentially a day to day record of what happened (with a few omissions) and all of that is what you just read. Part two is the collection of musings I had when I was there on various topics. These will be going in my private journal as they contain some topics that I don't want the world to read about. Part three is the lyrics to various songs which I don't find important.
So since I got back my mom took me out to Harveys for breakfast. I got home had lunch typed large parts of this then fell asleep. Came back on after a good nap and finished it. Had dinner with grandparents in there somewhere and also got a call from Sarah asking me when we were going shopping - tomorrow at 11am i'm leaving so I won't be around much because not only that but it's also Wednesday and I'm at PTY I believe (unless Sarah and I get involved in a good movie or something). Thursday my parents might be taking me out for supper or something.
The 12th I have to go into Heritage and register then we start back the 17th.
Just as a note for myself I wish to blog about the following in addition to copying several of the musings from my travel journal: university next year plans for school this year and financial stuff. also maybe a bit more on andy and I's relationship (if I haven't bored you all to tears on this matter)
So there you have it: 9 days of journal entries from me. I'm going to bed now.
Oh... Andy love: I went downstairs to watch Under the Tuscon Sun it was indeed playing so I started watching it. Unfortunately no one told me that two of our tv channels had been switched (like the information about what's playing shows as one thing but what's actually playing matches the information on another channel which is showing what this channel is supposed to be playing.) Thus I ended up watching most of Nine Queens before I realized that it wasn't the movie I thought it was and I missed most of Under the Tuscon Sun so I'm going to hope it's either playing again soon or that I can talk mine parents into renting it.
That's it for now. If I have time tomorrow I'll post the musings if not I'll do it Thursday.
*hugs to Andy*
Laterz all!
