Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Further Posting
Some people keep their records in journals, some have diaries, some just have an excellent memory. While I have my fair share of journals and diaries, what always has captured myself more accurately has been my poetry.
I'm sure a lot of you have forgotten this website, but here it is.
http://secret-iris.tripod.com
It is the archives, up until May (at which point I switched completely over to the poetry journal here and then deviantART) of my poetry - all of it, even the bad stuff. I'm thinking of setting up a mini-web server here at home and restarting my poetry site in PHP form, but that would take a lot of time - I have well over 500 now if my count is right, most of which are not in the proper format and Andy's and mine are mixed together.
But I would invite you to read them, as you will, for poetry says so much about my life. Some of it is horribly sappy, some of it is horribly dark - its a contradiction, I know, but that's the point.
There is a lot going on in my head - Freya and I have spoken of it recently. There are wounds and hopes being reopened as one and with them come the darker personality I tried to lock away, for fear it would take over once again. It seems I have failed. I was wrong, it seems... the seesaw that was my feelings has not stopped - it merely moves slower and now has more than two ends.
Do you think there is any way of making up for the past mistakes... for not understanding, for not being able to trust someone... and perhaps start anew on the same road? For while I have released hold on several people from the past whom I thought were my salvation, I have renewed my thoughts on one whom I thought impossible to salvage.
I feel the confusion beginning to reopen a new, surrounding the goddess I once worshipped...
Already I have said too much... she has chosen her path in life and I have done nothing to stop her in the time that perhaps I might have made a difference... and in sooth, I am still too clouded by this confusion, this... mixed feelings of wanting, of needing, of addiction and most of all, yes of love... but the feelings of reservation and concern in regards to a repetition of past events mix among them and who's to say what will happen. Is there any way that this could come together to show us both the life we need and want? It is obvious the feelings are there, the compatibility... but perhaps its just not possible.
I know not what to say, what to do or whom to turn to. It is all a mess in my head.
Welcome back, my audience, into the controlled, contradictory insanity that was and now is my life.
I shall return tomorrow to write more after my surgery perhaps if I feel up to it.
Farewell, brave souls.
- Dep
I'm sure a lot of you have forgotten this website, but here it is.
http://secret-iris.tripod.com
It is the archives, up until May (at which point I switched completely over to the poetry journal here and then deviantART) of my poetry - all of it, even the bad stuff. I'm thinking of setting up a mini-web server here at home and restarting my poetry site in PHP form, but that would take a lot of time - I have well over 500 now if my count is right, most of which are not in the proper format and Andy's and mine are mixed together.
But I would invite you to read them, as you will, for poetry says so much about my life. Some of it is horribly sappy, some of it is horribly dark - its a contradiction, I know, but that's the point.
There is a lot going on in my head - Freya and I have spoken of it recently. There are wounds and hopes being reopened as one and with them come the darker personality I tried to lock away, for fear it would take over once again. It seems I have failed. I was wrong, it seems... the seesaw that was my feelings has not stopped - it merely moves slower and now has more than two ends.
Do you think there is any way of making up for the past mistakes... for not understanding, for not being able to trust someone... and perhaps start anew on the same road? For while I have released hold on several people from the past whom I thought were my salvation, I have renewed my thoughts on one whom I thought impossible to salvage.
I feel the confusion beginning to reopen a new, surrounding the goddess I once worshipped...
Already I have said too much... she has chosen her path in life and I have done nothing to stop her in the time that perhaps I might have made a difference... and in sooth, I am still too clouded by this confusion, this... mixed feelings of wanting, of needing, of addiction and most of all, yes of love... but the feelings of reservation and concern in regards to a repetition of past events mix among them and who's to say what will happen. Is there any way that this could come together to show us both the life we need and want? It is obvious the feelings are there, the compatibility... but perhaps its just not possible.
I know not what to say, what to do or whom to turn to. It is all a mess in my head.
Welcome back, my audience, into the controlled, contradictory insanity that was and now is my life.
I shall return tomorrow to write more after my surgery perhaps if I feel up to it.
Farewell, brave souls.
- Dep
So the wheel turns
It seems that the darkness within was never quelled, only made to be silent for that oh so brief period. And now it has returned to stalk my footsteps and haunt my dreams.
Very well then.
Oh explanations - you always want explanations. The explanations are my own, stored in the private journals I have begun to keep of the darker thoughts that lurk within - the ones I know you'd berate me for.
Some people I push from my life with ease and some make it so easy just to leave them behind in the flow of time - the majority of people, I can quite literally give the finger to and walk away if they offend me.
Why then are there those few that no matter the abuse or torment, I find I cannot leave them to die in my memory? Why hope for a different ending, why keep believing so deep inside - deeper than anyone can see.
It is only now, in the dark hour of the night when the facade that surrounds me is lifted and the full darkness shines through that you can see that deep... and then, only if I wish you to.
I buried you for all time, but now the dead are rising and nothing will ever be the same.
I want to write poetry. I may return once I am done.
- Dep
Very well then.
Oh explanations - you always want explanations. The explanations are my own, stored in the private journals I have begun to keep of the darker thoughts that lurk within - the ones I know you'd berate me for.
Some people I push from my life with ease and some make it so easy just to leave them behind in the flow of time - the majority of people, I can quite literally give the finger to and walk away if they offend me.
Why then are there those few that no matter the abuse or torment, I find I cannot leave them to die in my memory? Why hope for a different ending, why keep believing so deep inside - deeper than anyone can see.
It is only now, in the dark hour of the night when the facade that surrounds me is lifted and the full darkness shines through that you can see that deep... and then, only if I wish you to.
I buried you for all time, but now the dead are rising and nothing will ever be the same.
I want to write poetry. I may return once I am done.
- Dep
Don't tell me... tuesday?
*blinks*
Its been many months since I repeatedly stayed up past 1AM - I was a good little boy and went to school on time in the morning (well somedays). I don't know what it is - a part of me knows that I need to get up in the morning when I go back to school and this is just ruining everything but another part loves the silence of the house (well there is my music and the keyboard typing).
I think the best place I could wind up in life is working with Rene and the guys or possibly even Chris on some programming company that we do ourselves - staying up all night working and sleeping in the day (well the morning). It just seems to fit better. Maybe I'm meant to live in another time zone lol
It's been an interesting couple of days. Plans to visit Lisa, Eve and Freya are now semi-finalized - I'll let y'all know when I'm leaving. Been chatting with a couple of new people online whom I've recently met/remet - they are interesting. Lots of work getting out of the way, though have a couple of major headaches that I took a break from today (I really really really hate JavaScript).
Anyways, lots of interesting things but I am exhausted and will be off to bed now.
G'night
*hugs*
- Dep
Its been many months since I repeatedly stayed up past 1AM - I was a good little boy and went to school on time in the morning (well somedays). I don't know what it is - a part of me knows that I need to get up in the morning when I go back to school and this is just ruining everything but another part loves the silence of the house (well there is my music and the keyboard typing).
I think the best place I could wind up in life is working with Rene and the guys or possibly even Chris on some programming company that we do ourselves - staying up all night working and sleeping in the day (well the morning). It just seems to fit better. Maybe I'm meant to live in another time zone lol
It's been an interesting couple of days. Plans to visit Lisa, Eve and Freya are now semi-finalized - I'll let y'all know when I'm leaving. Been chatting with a couple of new people online whom I've recently met/remet - they are interesting. Lots of work getting out of the way, though have a couple of major headaches that I took a break from today (I really really really hate JavaScript).
Anyways, lots of interesting things but I am exhausted and will be off to bed now.
G'night
*hugs*
- Dep
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Been So Long
A lot of things have changed in the last while. I've lost contact with a lot of the people whom I call friend. And I feel as though I've lost something important it - and I don't know if I can get it back. Whats worse is most days, I don't care... life goes on, it must. But there's always those moments when everything comes back to bury you and you wonder what you've lost... what you've sacrificed so that you could be happy. And I think it was too much in my case. Too much of what made me me has been thrown out the window so that I could deal with all that I have done and all that is going on. I don't even know if I want a relationship any more... the people I have been meeting frighten me... not like in the way that Eve frightens people, more in how out of touch and disconnected they are... and yet sometimes they remind me of me and how disconnected I have become at times. And I feel so frustrated, so helpless... I'm not seeing any point to trying because people just run or don't feel the same way or have their own damnable problems that I can't or they won't let me help with. Perhaps I am supposed to be alone... perhaps that is the way of things for the moment.
I am cut off from those who could help me... the few souls in this world whom I believe to have a similar understanding of things to my own. I feel lost and alone, a feeling I have never had during this part of the year... always school has brought me the connections I need to continue, the friends that, for whatever reason, allow me to discuss and deal with my problems... they are the company I cherish. But now, there is no one... only the souls online who, while cherished, cannot offer me a hug when I need one the most.
The world gets blury... I must go before I collapse again... perhaps I will find a way to shut the world out for a few more hours.
Farewell,
- Rob
I am cut off from those who could help me... the few souls in this world whom I believe to have a similar understanding of things to my own. I feel lost and alone, a feeling I have never had during this part of the year... always school has brought me the connections I need to continue, the friends that, for whatever reason, allow me to discuss and deal with my problems... they are the company I cherish. But now, there is no one... only the souls online who, while cherished, cannot offer me a hug when I need one the most.
The world gets blury... I must go before I collapse again... perhaps I will find a way to shut the world out for a few more hours.
Farewell,
- Rob
Monday, February 20, 2006
Longer Post (at last)
Hey guys,
I know its been awhile. I just finished fixing up my laptop today and will be spending parts of this week burning all my install files so I don't have to worry about them again. Its now better than ever - I've even got my bookmarks set up again and a cool Winamp plugin that displays the currently playing track in the top left of my screen.
So yes, to the events. I've been having interesting conversations and outings with a 3rd year ECCE student named Leanne over the past couple of weeks. Interesting things afoot? Well if you listen to a mutual friend of ours, they are, but we shall see soon for sure.
Lots of work going on - Just finished the pre-spring break pile of assignments. I have two tests on Wednesday to finish the pile up and then I'm free... to start looking forward to the next pileup. But I'm going to get right on it and do a lot of work over spring break.
Heritage Underground continues to grow, though the laziness of the incompetants is getting to me and I want to hurt them oh so much. Release date is now set for March 13th and if I have to build the content myself, its going to stay there.
I'm rediscovering my love for Phantom of the Opera and classical music at the moment lol.
Daren and I spent some time toether last week on Wednesday - I think he was creeped out by the people at PTY, but no harm done. It was good all the same.
Tomorrow I'm hangout out with Heather downtown, maybe go see a movie or something.
Wednesday is of course, more PTY.
Next Tuesday (not tomorrow) is the first poker night of the semester - with many more hopefully to come.
M'yeah... I know there are other things on my mind, but I'm just so stressed and tired that I can't think of them. Time to lose myself in music and cut myself off from the world for an hour or two... maybe meditate or something.
*hugs to y'all*
Laterz
Dep
I know its been awhile. I just finished fixing up my laptop today and will be spending parts of this week burning all my install files so I don't have to worry about them again. Its now better than ever - I've even got my bookmarks set up again and a cool Winamp plugin that displays the currently playing track in the top left of my screen.
So yes, to the events. I've been having interesting conversations and outings with a 3rd year ECCE student named Leanne over the past couple of weeks. Interesting things afoot? Well if you listen to a mutual friend of ours, they are, but we shall see soon for sure.
Lots of work going on - Just finished the pre-spring break pile of assignments. I have two tests on Wednesday to finish the pile up and then I'm free... to start looking forward to the next pileup. But I'm going to get right on it and do a lot of work over spring break.
Heritage Underground continues to grow, though the laziness of the incompetants is getting to me and I want to hurt them oh so much. Release date is now set for March 13th and if I have to build the content myself, its going to stay there.
I'm rediscovering my love for Phantom of the Opera and classical music at the moment lol.
Daren and I spent some time toether last week on Wednesday - I think he was creeped out by the people at PTY, but no harm done. It was good all the same.
Tomorrow I'm hangout out with Heather downtown, maybe go see a movie or something.
Wednesday is of course, more PTY.
Next Tuesday (not tomorrow) is the first poker night of the semester - with many more hopefully to come.
M'yeah... I know there are other things on my mind, but I'm just so stressed and tired that I can't think of them. Time to lose myself in music and cut myself off from the world for an hour or two... maybe meditate or something.
*hugs to y'all*
Laterz
Dep
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Brief Update
Hey guys,
I wanted to let y'all know that I've been having computer issues this weekend - I managed to corrupt things again and its out of commission until I get to either an external floppy drive or my install CDs - neither of which is happening before tomorrow. So, I'm cut off from the Internet except during the brief moments of stealing a computer downstairs where I need to relearn how to type.
On the plus side, I'm still getting work done and get to check my emails.
I'll post again on Monday, I have things to say but lack the time.
- Rob
I wanted to let y'all know that I've been having computer issues this weekend - I managed to corrupt things again and its out of commission until I get to either an external floppy drive or my install CDs - neither of which is happening before tomorrow. So, I'm cut off from the Internet except during the brief moments of stealing a computer downstairs where I need to relearn how to type.
On the plus side, I'm still getting work done and get to check my emails.
I'll post again on Monday, I have things to say but lack the time.
- Rob
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Stuff
This week was going ok I thought. Sure there was the bad news about my wisdom teeth and I have a date to not look forward to now (March 1st). I got a date with somebody (which I'm not entirely certain I want... I have some reservations but only one way to find out if they have any basis) to go see Brokeback Mountain. PTY was fun, I saw Daren and made plans with Jaz and Hez to hangout next week. Valentine's was sucky with the people making out in front of me thing on the bus, but I survived without impaling anyone with chocolate.
I got over Vicki and Courtney in a single leap to the point I don't get that heart-rending feeling anymore, which is definately a good thing. Daren congratted me yesterday when we talked about it. Courtney is probably not coming to visit and I just stopped caring about Vicki.
And then Sarah came to visit at school today... and I am not so good now.
But I got my MP3 player back and hopefully can nab some headphones so I'll go around Ottawa today and mope a bit then realize its all pointless and plot somebody's demise.
So yeah... I just wanted to get that off my chest before my test. It didn't help much but... hey.
Later.
- Dep
I got over Vicki and Courtney in a single leap to the point I don't get that heart-rending feeling anymore, which is definately a good thing. Daren congratted me yesterday when we talked about it. Courtney is probably not coming to visit and I just stopped caring about Vicki.
And then Sarah came to visit at school today... and I am not so good now.
But I got my MP3 player back and hopefully can nab some headphones so I'll go around Ottawa today and mope a bit then realize its all pointless and plot somebody's demise.
So yeah... I just wanted to get that off my chest before my test. It didn't help much but... hey.
Later.
- Dep
Saturday, February 11, 2006
So Many Items
So many things for me to talk about, I'm just not going to give this a decent title.
There is a new poem on my deivantART account thingy.
I've come to a conclusion about Vicki. I let myself be walked on. I let her manipulate me and control me so that she got what she wanted... she always left me hanging because she thought I would always come back then if she needed something more. But most of the time, she is cold to me... distant. And I can't explain that except through that she was manipulating me. In the past, I have blinded myself because I retained hope that I was wrong... but I knew it. Something inside wasn't right, it didn't have the mutual feelings that other relationships have. I have no doubt that somewhere inside her, she cares for me - I have seen evidence for that. But whatever she feels, it is overpowered by other feelings and thoughts - thoughts of getting what she wants and such. That kind of a thing is at an end. It has taken me a long time... too long... to come to this conclusion, but having come to it, it must be said and I must make my choice.
I really don't know what else to say about the rest of this. There are so many thoughts inside me that want out, so many opposing view points. It seems the rollercoaster ride that was my emotions so long ago has been started again after 8 months of being dormant. What caused this... I can't say for sure... so many things remained unresolved with many open wounds still bleeding.
I'm going to leave you to your thoughts now and retreat into mine. Writing has done nothing for me... hopefully one of my friends can because I feel like I am sinking again.
- Dep
There is a new poem on my deivantART account thingy.
I've come to a conclusion about Vicki. I let myself be walked on. I let her manipulate me and control me so that she got what she wanted... she always left me hanging because she thought I would always come back then if she needed something more. But most of the time, she is cold to me... distant. And I can't explain that except through that she was manipulating me. In the past, I have blinded myself because I retained hope that I was wrong... but I knew it. Something inside wasn't right, it didn't have the mutual feelings that other relationships have. I have no doubt that somewhere inside her, she cares for me - I have seen evidence for that. But whatever she feels, it is overpowered by other feelings and thoughts - thoughts of getting what she wants and such. That kind of a thing is at an end. It has taken me a long time... too long... to come to this conclusion, but having come to it, it must be said and I must make my choice.
I really don't know what else to say about the rest of this. There are so many thoughts inside me that want out, so many opposing view points. It seems the rollercoaster ride that was my emotions so long ago has been started again after 8 months of being dormant. What caused this... I can't say for sure... so many things remained unresolved with many open wounds still bleeding.
I'm going to leave you to your thoughts now and retreat into mine. Writing has done nothing for me... hopefully one of my friends can because I feel like I am sinking again.
- Dep
Friday, February 10, 2006
Damnable Wisdom Teeth
According to the most recent call my mother made to the dentist, its going to take at least two-three weeks if not longer to get me in to the dentist (assuming we can book the consultation for next week). I'm actually looking forward to it because this wisdom tooth is impacted and really really hurts. I'm getting semi-used to the constant pain, but the sharp jabs still get me. Headaches - the whole side of my head hurts really.
Apparently I've been really irritable towards some people lately - especially the people in my class who annoy the fuck out of me by asking stupid questions that, if they bothered to pay attention in class, they would know the answers to. I'm really fed up with it, especially after yesterday and today where I was asked really simple question that... I mean, there's no excuse, its nothing complicated, its straight out of previous labs and exercises in class. No more. Some people are good about not coming to me for help unless they really can't figure it out and they'll get their answers if I know them, but if you ask me "Rob, how to I write text to a tag", I'm either going to tell you to fuck off, to google with it or feign ignorance because really man. This is gettign sad and just stupid. Learn to read, learn to use Google, learn to pay attention, learn to think. Struggle and perhaps you'll learn something one of these days that will make you a good CS student. Its not like I'm going to be there to solve all of your problems while you're debugging code at your co-op job (and I'm not giving out my phone number at work either).
I think it is what puts me head and shoulders above a lot of people - I'm not saying I'm brilliant and I know everything, because I don't. I have a lot left to learn. But I have the key skill - the learning skill. I don't give up on a problem and run to somebody who knows more than me - no I fuck with it until it works. Took me two weeks of reading online articles and piecing together various pieces of information before I got my file uploader to work on the Underground site, but I did it and it works. And because I can do this, I will always surpass people because I will learn, make connections and draw ahead - and they will still be coming to me to ask for a reminder of the basics again.
Its not like programming is hard. A lot of people think that its hard because there are at least 15 common languages to learn. But once you learn one, you have the hard parts down - the theory behind object oriented programming and what not, what a loop is, what selection is, etc. Learning another language after that is easy - its just how do you do the things you learned in your first language in another. Then once you've learned three - a tag based language like HTML, a semi-coloned language like Java or C and a high-level language like Visual Basic, you're essentially set because all major languages follow one of those patterns, even the web based languages like PHP, XML and ASP follow one of them.
It keeps shocking me, how badly some people's families are. I suppose I'm a bit spoiled because my family has always been a decent one and then I read these horror stories from friends and think "wtf is going on?". I can think of a number of people whom I'd love to invite to stay with me permanently just so they don't have to live in such circumstances but *shrugs* I can't save the world I suppose and my parents would never go for it. But what is with parents? Your kids aren't there to live your life, they're not there to be your slaves, they're not insignificant objects - they're people that you brought into the world and its your duty to protect them, love them and guide them on their paths in life, as they would choose that path. Seriously, some people are just... incomprehensible.
I originally wrote that as "incomprehendable" and I know I'm tired now lol.
I went on a semi-date on Wednesday. It went... okay. Nicky and I talked about it last night and I'm going to keep things open. Just, she talked a lot about herself and was a bit of a bubble head and people like that just get on my nerves in certain moods... like really badly on my nerves. The completely self-centered, clothes obsessed, "omg I'm spending so much money on this four dollar shirt, my Dad is going to kill me, but I don't care so fuck it but he's going to kill me". How does anyone handle that. The 'date' consisted of two hours of shopping in Walmart in which she spent $95 and I spent $50. It was originally supposed to be shopping, dinner, PTY, coffee and a Senators game with me sleeping over at her place (in her bed, which I found a bit odd, but I ain't gonna complain) but most of that fell through because of her dad who blew away our sens game and sleeping plans because it was too short notice and he wasn't comfortable with his 19 almost 20 year old daught having a guy sleep over period and the diner plans fell through because she had to clean. I'm going to keep things open because you never know, maybe I'm misreading her and perhaps something might come of it. We shall wait and see what evolves. But I'm not seriously optimistic. As much as I am searching for somebody to be with, I do have a type in mind and this is not her.
I dunno, I just want somebody who can take things a bit seriously, who isn't going to complain over the smallest things, who is capable of being quiet on occasion, who talks seriously about serious things, who doesn't think and talk constantly about herself. I want somebody who's... more of an intellectual, this is more like the cheerleader squad... which is ironic since she is an ex-cheerleader. Whats even odder is our mutual friend who said I have good chances... excellent chances even. I mean WTF. Cheerleader falling for the science nerd. Man, thats a first in high school history.
Anyways, I am exhausted now. I spent my day building websites and watching StarGate SG-1 episodes and I must sleep so I am prepared to do the same tomorrow. Many hugs, & good night.
- Rob
Apparently I've been really irritable towards some people lately - especially the people in my class who annoy the fuck out of me by asking stupid questions that, if they bothered to pay attention in class, they would know the answers to. I'm really fed up with it, especially after yesterday and today where I was asked really simple question that... I mean, there's no excuse, its nothing complicated, its straight out of previous labs and exercises in class. No more. Some people are good about not coming to me for help unless they really can't figure it out and they'll get their answers if I know them, but if you ask me "Rob, how to I write text to a tag", I'm either going to tell you to fuck off, to google with it or feign ignorance because really man. This is gettign sad and just stupid. Learn to read, learn to use Google, learn to pay attention, learn to think. Struggle and perhaps you'll learn something one of these days that will make you a good CS student. Its not like I'm going to be there to solve all of your problems while you're debugging code at your co-op job (and I'm not giving out my phone number at work either).
I think it is what puts me head and shoulders above a lot of people - I'm not saying I'm brilliant and I know everything, because I don't. I have a lot left to learn. But I have the key skill - the learning skill. I don't give up on a problem and run to somebody who knows more than me - no I fuck with it until it works. Took me two weeks of reading online articles and piecing together various pieces of information before I got my file uploader to work on the Underground site, but I did it and it works. And because I can do this, I will always surpass people because I will learn, make connections and draw ahead - and they will still be coming to me to ask for a reminder of the basics again.
Its not like programming is hard. A lot of people think that its hard because there are at least 15 common languages to learn. But once you learn one, you have the hard parts down - the theory behind object oriented programming and what not, what a loop is, what selection is, etc. Learning another language after that is easy - its just how do you do the things you learned in your first language in another. Then once you've learned three - a tag based language like HTML, a semi-coloned language like Java or C and a high-level language like Visual Basic, you're essentially set because all major languages follow one of those patterns, even the web based languages like PHP, XML and ASP follow one of them.
It keeps shocking me, how badly some people's families are. I suppose I'm a bit spoiled because my family has always been a decent one and then I read these horror stories from friends and think "wtf is going on?". I can think of a number of people whom I'd love to invite to stay with me permanently just so they don't have to live in such circumstances but *shrugs* I can't save the world I suppose and my parents would never go for it. But what is with parents? Your kids aren't there to live your life, they're not there to be your slaves, they're not insignificant objects - they're people that you brought into the world and its your duty to protect them, love them and guide them on their paths in life, as they would choose that path. Seriously, some people are just... incomprehensible.
I originally wrote that as "incomprehendable" and I know I'm tired now lol.
I went on a semi-date on Wednesday. It went... okay. Nicky and I talked about it last night and I'm going to keep things open. Just, she talked a lot about herself and was a bit of a bubble head and people like that just get on my nerves in certain moods... like really badly on my nerves. The completely self-centered, clothes obsessed, "omg I'm spending so much money on this four dollar shirt, my Dad is going to kill me, but I don't care so fuck it but he's going to kill me". How does anyone handle that. The 'date' consisted of two hours of shopping in Walmart in which she spent $95 and I spent $50. It was originally supposed to be shopping, dinner, PTY, coffee and a Senators game with me sleeping over at her place (in her bed, which I found a bit odd, but I ain't gonna complain) but most of that fell through because of her dad who blew away our sens game and sleeping plans because it was too short notice and he wasn't comfortable with his 19 almost 20 year old daught having a guy sleep over period and the diner plans fell through because she had to clean. I'm going to keep things open because you never know, maybe I'm misreading her and perhaps something might come of it. We shall wait and see what evolves. But I'm not seriously optimistic. As much as I am searching for somebody to be with, I do have a type in mind and this is not her.
I dunno, I just want somebody who can take things a bit seriously, who isn't going to complain over the smallest things, who is capable of being quiet on occasion, who talks seriously about serious things, who doesn't think and talk constantly about herself. I want somebody who's... more of an intellectual, this is more like the cheerleader squad... which is ironic since she is an ex-cheerleader. Whats even odder is our mutual friend who said I have good chances... excellent chances even. I mean WTF. Cheerleader falling for the science nerd. Man, thats a first in high school history.
Anyways, I am exhausted now. I spent my day building websites and watching StarGate SG-1 episodes and I must sleep so I am prepared to do the same tomorrow. Many hugs, & good night.
- Rob
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Random AM Updates
GARGH!
Its been awhile since my last post, I know. I managed to corrupt my Windows installation, so I've spent the last little while recovering data andthen reinstalling it all. So lets take a bit of a trip back in time.
Someone I know and have a mild interest in (but some reservations as well) gave me her phone number and we spent hours on the phone Tuesday night. It was moderately interesting and an excellent change of pace. Pondering the next step and if I should even take the next step.
Cursed project work has left me exhausted - I've been working on it in every spare moment and its not going very smoothly, but it goes.
School goes well, with some interesting classes and some boring classes that are fun to zone out, attempt writing poetry or sleep in.
I went shopping yesterday before turning in my office pass at work and bought some school/project related equipment like a set of PC tools, a CD case for my recovery disks, and this cool LED light that I shine everywhere.
I miss the people I rarely get to see - Mira, Eve, Andarta and Freya. One of the hazards of having friends far away. And its sad because I can't feel quite comfortable around them even online... one of those comfort things I suppose. Its not that I feel uncomfortable, its just not like... like Daren, say, with whom I've spent many many hours with and I'm completely relaxed with making these fucked up jokes of mine. I suppose I need to go see them more often. Perhaps I'll plot something this summer.
On that topic, Andarta is thinking of coming to visit me on the 18th. I look forward to it and am rather excited.
Anyways. Breakfast time. Good day all.
- Rob
Its been awhile since my last post, I know. I managed to corrupt my Windows installation, so I've spent the last little while recovering data andthen reinstalling it all. So lets take a bit of a trip back in time.
Someone I know and have a mild interest in (but some reservations as well) gave me her phone number and we spent hours on the phone Tuesday night. It was moderately interesting and an excellent change of pace. Pondering the next step and if I should even take the next step.
Cursed project work has left me exhausted - I've been working on it in every spare moment and its not going very smoothly, but it goes.
School goes well, with some interesting classes and some boring classes that are fun to zone out, attempt writing poetry or sleep in.
I went shopping yesterday before turning in my office pass at work and bought some school/project related equipment like a set of PC tools, a CD case for my recovery disks, and this cool LED light that I shine everywhere.
I miss the people I rarely get to see - Mira, Eve, Andarta and Freya. One of the hazards of having friends far away. And its sad because I can't feel quite comfortable around them even online... one of those comfort things I suppose. Its not that I feel uncomfortable, its just not like... like Daren, say, with whom I've spent many many hours with and I'm completely relaxed with making these fucked up jokes of mine. I suppose I need to go see them more often. Perhaps I'll plot something this summer.
On that topic, Andarta is thinking of coming to visit me on the 18th. I look forward to it and am rather excited.
Anyways. Breakfast time. Good day all.
- Rob
