Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Further Posting
Some people keep their records in journals, some have diaries, some just have an excellent memory. While I have my fair share of journals and diaries, what always has captured myself more accurately has been my poetry.
I'm sure a lot of you have forgotten this website, but here it is.
http://secret-iris.tripod.com
It is the archives, up until May (at which point I switched completely over to the poetry journal here and then deviantART) of my poetry - all of it, even the bad stuff. I'm thinking of setting up a mini-web server here at home and restarting my poetry site in PHP form, but that would take a lot of time - I have well over 500 now if my count is right, most of which are not in the proper format and Andy's and mine are mixed together.
But I would invite you to read them, as you will, for poetry says so much about my life. Some of it is horribly sappy, some of it is horribly dark - its a contradiction, I know, but that's the point.
There is a lot going on in my head - Freya and I have spoken of it recently. There are wounds and hopes being reopened as one and with them come the darker personality I tried to lock away, for fear it would take over once again. It seems I have failed. I was wrong, it seems... the seesaw that was my feelings has not stopped - it merely moves slower and now has more than two ends.
Do you think there is any way of making up for the past mistakes... for not understanding, for not being able to trust someone... and perhaps start anew on the same road? For while I have released hold on several people from the past whom I thought were my salvation, I have renewed my thoughts on one whom I thought impossible to salvage.
I feel the confusion beginning to reopen a new, surrounding the goddess I once worshipped...
Already I have said too much... she has chosen her path in life and I have done nothing to stop her in the time that perhaps I might have made a difference... and in sooth, I am still too clouded by this confusion, this... mixed feelings of wanting, of needing, of addiction and most of all, yes of love... but the feelings of reservation and concern in regards to a repetition of past events mix among them and who's to say what will happen. Is there any way that this could come together to show us both the life we need and want? It is obvious the feelings are there, the compatibility... but perhaps its just not possible.
I know not what to say, what to do or whom to turn to. It is all a mess in my head.
Welcome back, my audience, into the controlled, contradictory insanity that was and now is my life.
I shall return tomorrow to write more after my surgery perhaps if I feel up to it.
Farewell, brave souls.
- Dep
I'm sure a lot of you have forgotten this website, but here it is.
http://secret-iris.tripod.com
It is the archives, up until May (at which point I switched completely over to the poetry journal here and then deviantART) of my poetry - all of it, even the bad stuff. I'm thinking of setting up a mini-web server here at home and restarting my poetry site in PHP form, but that would take a lot of time - I have well over 500 now if my count is right, most of which are not in the proper format and Andy's and mine are mixed together.
But I would invite you to read them, as you will, for poetry says so much about my life. Some of it is horribly sappy, some of it is horribly dark - its a contradiction, I know, but that's the point.
There is a lot going on in my head - Freya and I have spoken of it recently. There are wounds and hopes being reopened as one and with them come the darker personality I tried to lock away, for fear it would take over once again. It seems I have failed. I was wrong, it seems... the seesaw that was my feelings has not stopped - it merely moves slower and now has more than two ends.
Do you think there is any way of making up for the past mistakes... for not understanding, for not being able to trust someone... and perhaps start anew on the same road? For while I have released hold on several people from the past whom I thought were my salvation, I have renewed my thoughts on one whom I thought impossible to salvage.
I feel the confusion beginning to reopen a new, surrounding the goddess I once worshipped...
Already I have said too much... she has chosen her path in life and I have done nothing to stop her in the time that perhaps I might have made a difference... and in sooth, I am still too clouded by this confusion, this... mixed feelings of wanting, of needing, of addiction and most of all, yes of love... but the feelings of reservation and concern in regards to a repetition of past events mix among them and who's to say what will happen. Is there any way that this could come together to show us both the life we need and want? It is obvious the feelings are there, the compatibility... but perhaps its just not possible.
I know not what to say, what to do or whom to turn to. It is all a mess in my head.
Welcome back, my audience, into the controlled, contradictory insanity that was and now is my life.
I shall return tomorrow to write more after my surgery perhaps if I feel up to it.
Farewell, brave souls.
- Dep
// posted by Dep @ 10:11:00 p.m.
