Evil Geniuses in a Nutshell

Trust is an important concept for me. I have a quote: "Without trust, there is no love." It is important that I can trust my close friends because they know some things about me which I would prefer to keep private, at least among my tiny group of friends. And it has come to my attention lately that some people I know may be concealing the truth about something from me.

Don't. I can't ask you to tell me, but when I ask a question, I always, ALWAYS, no matter the circumstances, would prefer a straight truthful answer over a bullshit one. And should I find out its a bullshit one... you lose my trust. Not a good thing for most people.

Anyways, thought I should make that clear. Onto other topics.

I am now no longer certain if this is allergies or a cold. Could be both, or the light could be hurting my eyes. I hate my allergies, I'm allergic to too many things. Ragweed, dust, lilacs, grr... at least I didn't inherit my father's allergy to chocolate.

No response from the CEGEP yet, but it's suppose to come in next week. (yay)

I've been told I talk too much about Scorpie and DDM so I will refrain from commenting this time around.

Turns out I have to talk to Freya about part of her b-day present (And spoil the surprise) but its the only way so... ah well. Half a surprise is better than none. I'll speak to her next time i see her (hopefully later tonight).

Also I'm thinking about asking a girl I know out. She's cute and likes stuff like Farscape, Ringworld (The book series) and rock 'n' roll. I'm thinking about it as I said, but if I do, it will probably be for friday.

Anyways, LAter all.

How did you all survive without my posts for a whole six days!!!

(Hehehe)

Well... nothing very interesting happened. DDM got a job as a coat checker (A temp one, for an event) and I'm considering sending in my application for a job soon. I find out if I got accepted into cegep this week or next week, so that's all good. And I have bowling tonight and I finally get my vodka back (now i just need an occasion to drink it)

I'm now plotting Freya's b-day present (Yeah, I know it's earlier, but I have to for a few good reasons). It's a two part present, but I'm keeping a lot of people in the dark about one half or another... for the purposes of keeping it a surprise. (we all love surprises yes??)

I've recently started playing card games more often on Yahoo! anybody who wants to play me at a game, my id is darkelfpoet lol.

Last week I bowled a big 210 and 235 (excellent for me) and I'm hoping to beat that this week (Though with my cold, I don't know if I will or not.)

All in all, it's been an uneventful weekend, though hopefully it will be an eventful week.

Later all.

ever have one of those weeks where you just wish you could redo a lot of the things you've done?

well lets start

first of all, scorpie I'm sorry I've been such an ass lately. KoS managed to convince me to accept a few things earlier today and though it won't be easy, I will accept them. (And already have, just not very happy about it). I have no wish for this to interfere in our friendship and I wish we could just put it behind us. Also... *sigh*

Our friendship isn't really that great either. Maybe Freya's spoiled me, but I still think you can (And perhaps should) talk to me about the things that bother you, no matter what they are. I have a specific example in mind but I won't voice it. You know what I'm talking about and I think you should talk about it. I hope you trust me enough with the details. I really am sorry I allowed this new relationship of yours to interfere with our friendship this badly.

And thank you KoS for kicking that into my skull.

I miss freya... I hope I get to see her online sometime soon but I understand if you cant. Also, I'm working on the letter, don't bitch k!.

Anyways... Scorpie... hmm...

Hard to say this without it sounding wrong. Remember I don't force you to tell me anything but I would like for you to trust me... maybe you're not ready to tell me somethings but grr.... somethings should be said. They linger on a persons soul like a cancer and slowly eat them up. You know what I'm talking about.

Also... NO MORE PETTY INSULTS.

I really don't need them. They just make my opinion of you go down a fraction of a notch. Try to control yourself okay? (Dark Angel too if you're reading this.) I could go into the reasons why but I won't.

Scrabble's writing a story about me, with a little of my help. Hope it doesn't get spread to my english teacher (Who might recgonize it as beign about me.)

Anyways. Later all.

I'm home sick today, yay. (cough).

I've added two poems which I just found in my room while cleaning. They're fairly old, but I still think one of them is excellent (No One At Last). With this two poems, I now have 250 poems typed on my computer (and an uncounted number that i dont think worth typing.)

Anyways, I'm going to go make lunch now probably... back on around three or four for anyone whowants to talk to me.

i know i promised to post yesterday but i ran out of time and i had to go to sleep (Having not slept sunday night)

DDM and Scorpie broke up yesterday. Yes I knew about it in advance... I didn't warn her because DDM asked me to stay silent. I did speak to someone about it (Dark Angel) because it was starting to get to me, not being able to talk about it with anyone (i wasn't forbidden from talking about it, just there was no one to talk about it with) Anyways.

He broke up with her by the way. Today however he flirted with her more than normally, even while they were dating. For somebody who told me saturday, and I quote "I don't feel anything for her, when I kiss her I don't feel a spark, and I don't feel my heart beating faster... though my pants tend to get tighter for some reason. no, not even lust. lust would be if I got a boner every time I saw her. I don't. she actually has to sit on me for that to happen."

*sigh* I don't know why he does it... I really don't. The cynical side of me tells me it's DDM and I should expect him to act like this. ah well. Just hope he doesn't start into a going out one day, not going out the next, going out the one after that etc etc etc pattern kind of relationship (Which he has had before). Scorpie doesn't deserve that, she deserves something a lot better.

I've added more poems in case anybody wants to read them (I added them a bit ago and I'm adding one more right after I post this.)

I STILL have to write Freya a letter... I'm really sorry if you're reading this, but this week has been... hectic. I promise a long one.

I've been so tired lately... not just physically (Which is probably because I'm sick) but also mentally. I've been losing the will slowly to do work on my projects. Losing my enthusiasm, my determination as if it's being sapped away. Hopefully this will stop.

I have nothing more to say about Scorpie tonight... asides from saying that I love her and I'll always be there for her and if she ever needs me, she has but to ask.

Anyways, I am tired so that will have to do for now.

Too many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep, there's no way out
Somehow I just don't believe it
Runaway train, never coming back
Wrong way on a one way track
- Runaway Train (by Soul Asylum)

Later all

hehe well today was a boring day.

I played playstation for most of today, with a break for lunch, dinner and a movie.

Didn't eat any of the junk food my mom brough home (go me).

Tomorrow I have to prebowl and then go to a dinner in celebration of my grandmothers birthday so I won't be home tomorrow or online for large parts of the day.

Still working on Freya's letter.

Thats about all for now, I'll post sometime monday night.

later

joyous wondrous friday that it is... well perhaps not so joyous, only in the fact that i have two whole days to finally catch up on all the school work I missed... not to mention a few other things.

I really can't think of much to talk about... my life seems so boring in comparison to Freya's (go read her blog if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's a link to the right). Then again, some of the more... uncommon events which have occured to her lately I wouldn't inflict upon my worst enemies. But still... there is nothing to really talk about of importance. So I will babble for a few moments on the non-sensical triva.

I'm applying for a job, several evenings and weekends I hope. I'm applying at LaserQuest and if I don't get it, I'll just work for dave over the summer. (Hopefully he'll be a little more prompt with the payments this time). But I should, I have two years experiance as a camp counselor and I have experiance on stage, so that should be fine actually. Also I'm going to try and scorekeep some baseball games (merely because it pays and I need something to do with my time). And I may throw in a few hours at daves camp anyways, perhaps volunteer, perhaps paid.

Still have a letter to write to nicky... going to do that tonight (if I'm not very tired and the coffee wakes me up) or tomorrow, then send it tomorrow or sunday. Not quite certain what's going to be in it, but I'm sure I can think of some stuff...

Scorpie and DDM... hmm...

Someone noticed I had deleted my earlier posts on this subject. In retrospect, perhaps this was a bad idea, but let me explain why I did it.

A friend of mine (no names) came to me and told me that Scorpie thought I was allowing my emotions to influence my attitudes towards those two dating. (I was losing objectivity as he put it.) *shrugs*

When it comes to certain things, it is impossible to be objective I believe. But this friend told me that this must be one of those things and as he hasn't led me astray yet, I must put my faith in him now. So here's the deal, if you will.

Scorpie has every right to choose her own path in life. I cannot and will not influence her choice in any way, merely because I do not believe I have that right. If I could though, here is what I believe... actually two things I believe, because I am a mess of conflicting things over this issue. (Yay conflict). My head, being logical and straight thinking, tells me that this is her right to choose, you can't change it, etc, etc. My heart... *sigh* Alright, I swore to tell the truth always here, so I will. (And the consequences be damned, if any.) My heart screams in torture when I see them together. It moans softly in pain everytime I see her face, hear her voice or even smell the particular smell that goes with their house (most houses have smells as i'm sure you've all noticed.) Even some of the music I listen to brings back painful memories. And its difficult, very very difficult for me not to show this (and I fail sometimes) and also hard not to do the things I do when I'm in love. But in this my head must be the one I listen to... it must be. She's made her choice, and I must respect that choice (and will respect it) no matter how difficult or painful it may be for me.

I won't say more because I know Scorpie reads this and the rest I don't believe would help her any. If you are reading this Scorpie, remember when I said my heart could be dealt with? It can be... never said it would be easy, or painless but it can be. And if it is true you have either no feelings for me or more feelings for daren at least, then stay with him. That is my personal opinion based on my moral version of right and wrong. Besides... my life is already down the shitter... no reason to drag you with me.

(have I satisfied your thirst for my words yet Scrabble?? No? Alright, I'll go on.)

On the positive side lately, I was told something very good by a very good friend of mine. (again, no names). I was told how glad she was I was by her side and she was glad that I had given her all that I have. It really meant alot and though I was slightly out of it, I'd like to thank the person who said that (you know who you are) and tell them just how much it means to me (And how much they mean to me, but they already know that).

As for Scorpie... I hope that one day our relationship will blossom into something like that which I have with Freya (not exactly the same, but something similar) at the very least... and I'm never, ever going to do anything to seriously ruin our friendship... ever.

Have no fears mysterious stranger who was asked to talk to me.

In any case, it's almost midnight, I'm tired after a day of school and playing cards. (Plus I ate only a small supper... doing good for me) oh yes, thats what I was going to talk about.

Three people ganged up on me (Scrabble, DDM and Scorpie) and so I am now going on a diet. No soft drinks. No junk food. More excercise. More healthy food. Simple no? And I'm sticking to this one. I will lose weight. I want to. I'm not doing this because Scrabble and DDM think it'll help my dating problems... i'm doing this because I want to. (those three just sortof gave me the support i needed to actually do it.)

Anyways, Freya expect your letter soon (if you read this before it arrives) and it has an idea in it I've been thinking about for a bit... but we'll have to see if it's possible first of all. You'll see when you get the lettre.

Anyways... goodnight all (and goodmorning KoS).

to do any work, just being lazy today I guess.

Now Playing: Runaway Train (Soul Asylum)

Band's going well, I've been put in charge of our next concert... going to have to work on that a bit.

Shit, I have to do my math homework at least... oh well.

(I have french and english work to do as well but... I'm really not in the mood for writing)

good thing tonight is I got a call from freya. It didn't help as much as perhaps it should have but... it did do some good. I'm going to write her a letter ASAP.

tomorrow is chemistry, english, music and math. My english teacher can wait one more day for my english work... as can my french teacher.

Anyways, thanks to KoS for bashing some things into my head and also for his surprise (which I enjoyed a great deal, thanks.)

I've got a lot of work I left till tomorrow, don't know if I'll be on.

Later all.

(deleted)

(deleted)

(deleted)

welcome to monday

I have to go back to school tomorrow... grr... and i have an essay to finish today.

going to go work on that, will post more later.

sorry I haven't been around for two days... doing stuff with my family.

well nothing really new to post about... just though i'd let you all know i'm still alive and kicking

later

I finally got to see Moulin Rouge... awesome movie

downloading parts of the soundtrack now

later

After about 10minutes of fiddling with it, I managed to fix the problem so that I can get full internet access over here. yay. Unfortunatly, no one is on... oh well. Hopefully I'll be seeing some of you later.

On to new events in the last week (As it has been a week since I last saw most of you)

All of you know what happened last week on... tuesday i think. But here's how I look at it now.

She's a coward. If I ever told her this to her face, she'd kill me but it's true. She avoided telling me this for whatever reason instead of just telling me, like I asked her about ten times. She even said she'd continue avoiding it.

And over the last week I've been questioning my feelings for her... real or product of my imagination? More and more I begin to think it's the last.

And finally, she never really cared about me at all. Looking back now, I see it's true.

So... you know what? fuck her.

Scrabble's been right all along... I just had to see it with my own eyes and finally I can. The final straw was the fact that she didn't care enough about me to tell me. *sigh*. Well. It's over. It's in the past and by god it's staying there this time.

Hope for the future? There's a little bit. Don't know where any of it's going to go, but I'm taking it all slowly this time around.

KoS should been on soon, its after 4 there. Maybe I'll talk to him about it...

Anyways.

Scorpi's obsession continues. She'll deny it if you ask her, but I can see in her eyes that she still has very high hopes for a future with DDM. *shrugs*

I've decided the best way for her to learn this lesson (since she's not learning it from me or KoS or Freya) is for her to obsess over him for a long while and yes, KoS, he'll probably use her at one point in the future. If things get too bad I'll step in but not until then...

You see, I've learned from my experiances with Dark Angel, that people in love are going to remain in love no matter what you say about their love... until they realize for themselves that it would never work. I had to discover it on my own... Scrabble couldn't convince me otherwise... and so will Scorpi. And she'll have me as a friend when (for I know DDM and this is a when) she realizes it will never work.

*shrugs*

Other than that, life continues much as it has. This week is March Break so I may not be around as much (going out places and such) but I should be around for the rest of today.

I'm going to see if I can find the poetry I wrote over the last week and post it. If not... *shrugs*.

I'll be on MSN all day... I have some stuff I'm hoping to get done here now that I finally have my internet back. Hopefully I'll talk to you all later today. Later.

I'll be brief

My (insert large variety of profane language) male parent has once again screwed up our internet. I have very very VERY limited access... I can't get into anything thats encrypted (like Hotmail) or contains language such as "D*mn". And I can't get into chat rooms or onto MSN messenger. Nor can I see Freya's blog (and most likely I cannot see Scrabbles either.) Therefore I am completely cut off from communication with all of you (unless one of you has a clever idea... in which case tell DDM or someone who's got my phone number...). And my LAN (thats a Local Area Network for those computer illiterates who read this...) is still down, so we only have one computer with even partial internet access. I'm going to mess around with the system, see if I can get it to let me into a chat room. If not, I'll see you guys whenever I can...

Accursed parents.

(Maybe I'll post more later.)

Later.