Friday, March 12, 2004
TGIF
joyous wondrous friday that it is... well perhaps not so joyous, only in the fact that i have two whole days to finally catch up on all the school work I missed... not to mention a few other things.
I really can't think of much to talk about... my life seems so boring in comparison to Freya's (go read her blog if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's a link to the right). Then again, some of the more... uncommon events which have occured to her lately I wouldn't inflict upon my worst enemies. But still... there is nothing to really talk about of importance. So I will babble for a few moments on the non-sensical triva.
I'm applying for a job, several evenings and weekends I hope. I'm applying at LaserQuest and if I don't get it, I'll just work for dave over the summer. (Hopefully he'll be a little more prompt with the payments this time). But I should, I have two years experiance as a camp counselor and I have experiance on stage, so that should be fine actually. Also I'm going to try and scorekeep some baseball games (merely because it pays and I need something to do with my time). And I may throw in a few hours at daves camp anyways, perhaps volunteer, perhaps paid.
Still have a letter to write to nicky... going to do that tonight (if I'm not very tired and the coffee wakes me up) or tomorrow, then send it tomorrow or sunday. Not quite certain what's going to be in it, but I'm sure I can think of some stuff...
Scorpie and DDM... hmm...
Someone noticed I had deleted my earlier posts on this subject. In retrospect, perhaps this was a bad idea, but let me explain why I did it.
A friend of mine (no names) came to me and told me that Scorpie thought I was allowing my emotions to influence my attitudes towards those two dating. (I was losing objectivity as he put it.) *shrugs*
When it comes to certain things, it is impossible to be objective I believe. But this friend told me that this must be one of those things and as he hasn't led me astray yet, I must put my faith in him now. So here's the deal, if you will.
Scorpie has every right to choose her own path in life. I cannot and will not influence her choice in any way, merely because I do not believe I have that right. If I could though, here is what I believe... actually two things I believe, because I am a mess of conflicting things over this issue. (Yay conflict). My head, being logical and straight thinking, tells me that this is her right to choose, you can't change it, etc, etc. My heart... *sigh* Alright, I swore to tell the truth always here, so I will. (And the consequences be damned, if any.) My heart screams in torture when I see them together. It moans softly in pain everytime I see her face, hear her voice or even smell the particular smell that goes with their house (most houses have smells as i'm sure you've all noticed.) Even some of the music I listen to brings back painful memories. And its difficult, very very difficult for me not to show this (and I fail sometimes) and also hard not to do the things I do when I'm in love. But in this my head must be the one I listen to... it must be. She's made her choice, and I must respect that choice (and will respect it) no matter how difficult or painful it may be for me.
I won't say more because I know Scorpie reads this and the rest I don't believe would help her any. If you are reading this Scorpie, remember when I said my heart could be dealt with? It can be... never said it would be easy, or painless but it can be. And if it is true you have either no feelings for me or more feelings for daren at least, then stay with him. That is my personal opinion based on my moral version of right and wrong. Besides... my life is already down the shitter... no reason to drag you with me.
(have I satisfied your thirst for my words yet Scrabble?? No? Alright, I'll go on.)
On the positive side lately, I was told something very good by a very good friend of mine. (again, no names). I was told how glad she was I was by her side and she was glad that I had given her all that I have. It really meant alot and though I was slightly out of it, I'd like to thank the person who said that (you know who you are) and tell them just how much it means to me (And how much they mean to me, but they already know that).
As for Scorpie... I hope that one day our relationship will blossom into something like that which I have with Freya (not exactly the same, but something similar) at the very least... and I'm never, ever going to do anything to seriously ruin our friendship... ever.
Have no fears mysterious stranger who was asked to talk to me.
In any case, it's almost midnight, I'm tired after a day of school and playing cards. (Plus I ate only a small supper... doing good for me) oh yes, thats what I was going to talk about.
Three people ganged up on me (Scrabble, DDM and Scorpie) and so I am now going on a diet. No soft drinks. No junk food. More excercise. More healthy food. Simple no? And I'm sticking to this one. I will lose weight. I want to. I'm not doing this because Scrabble and DDM think it'll help my dating problems... i'm doing this because I want to. (those three just sortof gave me the support i needed to actually do it.)
Anyways, Freya expect your letter soon (if you read this before it arrives) and it has an idea in it I've been thinking about for a bit... but we'll have to see if it's possible first of all. You'll see when you get the lettre.
Anyways... goodnight all (and goodmorning KoS).
I really can't think of much to talk about... my life seems so boring in comparison to Freya's (go read her blog if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's a link to the right). Then again, some of the more... uncommon events which have occured to her lately I wouldn't inflict upon my worst enemies. But still... there is nothing to really talk about of importance. So I will babble for a few moments on the non-sensical triva.
I'm applying for a job, several evenings and weekends I hope. I'm applying at LaserQuest and if I don't get it, I'll just work for dave over the summer. (Hopefully he'll be a little more prompt with the payments this time). But I should, I have two years experiance as a camp counselor and I have experiance on stage, so that should be fine actually. Also I'm going to try and scorekeep some baseball games (merely because it pays and I need something to do with my time). And I may throw in a few hours at daves camp anyways, perhaps volunteer, perhaps paid.
Still have a letter to write to nicky... going to do that tonight (if I'm not very tired and the coffee wakes me up) or tomorrow, then send it tomorrow or sunday. Not quite certain what's going to be in it, but I'm sure I can think of some stuff...
Scorpie and DDM... hmm...
Someone noticed I had deleted my earlier posts on this subject. In retrospect, perhaps this was a bad idea, but let me explain why I did it.
A friend of mine (no names) came to me and told me that Scorpie thought I was allowing my emotions to influence my attitudes towards those two dating. (I was losing objectivity as he put it.) *shrugs*
When it comes to certain things, it is impossible to be objective I believe. But this friend told me that this must be one of those things and as he hasn't led me astray yet, I must put my faith in him now. So here's the deal, if you will.
Scorpie has every right to choose her own path in life. I cannot and will not influence her choice in any way, merely because I do not believe I have that right. If I could though, here is what I believe... actually two things I believe, because I am a mess of conflicting things over this issue. (Yay conflict). My head, being logical and straight thinking, tells me that this is her right to choose, you can't change it, etc, etc. My heart... *sigh* Alright, I swore to tell the truth always here, so I will. (And the consequences be damned, if any.) My heart screams in torture when I see them together. It moans softly in pain everytime I see her face, hear her voice or even smell the particular smell that goes with their house (most houses have smells as i'm sure you've all noticed.) Even some of the music I listen to brings back painful memories. And its difficult, very very difficult for me not to show this (and I fail sometimes) and also hard not to do the things I do when I'm in love. But in this my head must be the one I listen to... it must be. She's made her choice, and I must respect that choice (and will respect it) no matter how difficult or painful it may be for me.
I won't say more because I know Scorpie reads this and the rest I don't believe would help her any. If you are reading this Scorpie, remember when I said my heart could be dealt with? It can be... never said it would be easy, or painless but it can be. And if it is true you have either no feelings for me or more feelings for daren at least, then stay with him. That is my personal opinion based on my moral version of right and wrong. Besides... my life is already down the shitter... no reason to drag you with me.
(have I satisfied your thirst for my words yet Scrabble?? No? Alright, I'll go on.)
On the positive side lately, I was told something very good by a very good friend of mine. (again, no names). I was told how glad she was I was by her side and she was glad that I had given her all that I have. It really meant alot and though I was slightly out of it, I'd like to thank the person who said that (you know who you are) and tell them just how much it means to me (And how much they mean to me, but they already know that).
As for Scorpie... I hope that one day our relationship will blossom into something like that which I have with Freya (not exactly the same, but something similar) at the very least... and I'm never, ever going to do anything to seriously ruin our friendship... ever.
Have no fears mysterious stranger who was asked to talk to me.
In any case, it's almost midnight, I'm tired after a day of school and playing cards. (Plus I ate only a small supper... doing good for me) oh yes, thats what I was going to talk about.
Three people ganged up on me (Scrabble, DDM and Scorpie) and so I am now going on a diet. No soft drinks. No junk food. More excercise. More healthy food. Simple no? And I'm sticking to this one. I will lose weight. I want to. I'm not doing this because Scrabble and DDM think it'll help my dating problems... i'm doing this because I want to. (those three just sortof gave me the support i needed to actually do it.)
Anyways, Freya expect your letter soon (if you read this before it arrives) and it has an idea in it I've been thinking about for a bit... but we'll have to see if it's possible first of all. You'll see when you get the lettre.
Anyways... goodnight all (and goodmorning KoS).
// posted by Dep @ 11:41:00 p.m.
