Thursday, February 26, 2004
QUESTIONS
What is "girl stuff" and why is it limited to girls?
Sorry, that question has been on my mind all day.
I've been told I wouldn't understand it. I dunno... I think I would. But maybe that's just me. But from my experiance, I think I would understand it
*shrugs*
people are strange. Guess I have to get used to "normal" people now. But being with the more... abnormal people is so great sometimes I forget most people aren't like that.
Anyways.
Tomorrow is the last day of school before march break. physics test so i can't miss it.
i've also got music but i've injured my hand so i can't play.
Going to add more poetry tomorrow after school. talk to everyone then.
later.
Sorry, that question has been on my mind all day.
I've been told I wouldn't understand it. I dunno... I think I would. But maybe that's just me. But from my experiance, I think I would understand it
*shrugs*
people are strange. Guess I have to get used to "normal" people now. But being with the more... abnormal people is so great sometimes I forget most people aren't like that.
Anyways.
Tomorrow is the last day of school before march break. physics test so i can't miss it.
i've also got music but i've injured my hand so i can't play.
Going to add more poetry tomorrow after school. talk to everyone then.
later.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
it happened
how, why, etc does not matter.
it happened. the answer is no.
I posted a poem. read.
later.
it happened. the answer is no.
I posted a poem. read.
later.
Monday, February 23, 2004
meh
Just letting you know I'm here, I'm alive and I'm probably talking with her tomorrow. later
Saturday, February 21, 2004
i have returned.
The reasons I was away are not important, if you want to know, just talk to me.
Okay, let us see where we stand after two weeks of non-activity.
Chemisty: My chemistry teacher finally changed my mark. I now have a 71 first term chemistry. This is good because I have to send in my CEGEP application this week... (but I did yesterday, so it's all good.)
school goes on much as it has... boring. nothing really new to me (that i think important). My english teacher likes me now though, so my english marks may be getting better (i got 89 on my last one, normally I get 70s-80s)
I lent some of my poetry to a friend of mine and she said it was really great and that I should be published. Don't know where that's going.
Speaking of poetry, I've added some to my poetry blog. Go read it if you want.
Scorpi continues to obsess over DDM. While I encourage love and all... I've talked with DDM and he likes her... specifically he likes to picture her naked and thats about it. I have my misgivings about any future relationship between them, but DDM isn't stupid... I don't think he'll enter in to one with her. My only problem is that Scorpi may not be able to get over him easily and that may cause her a lot of pain and suffering in her life. Oh well... can't save the world.
Next week I have an English debate and an English argumentative essay due on tuesday, a math test on monday, a physics test on friday a chem lab due tuesday and maybe a chem test either wensday or thursday PLUS dave is trying to arrange a trip wend, thus or fri to visit the canadian armed forces band. Joy. My weekend is packed, plus I need a haircut. And then there is dark angel.
Time to come clean. I lied to you Scrabble. It's not over. Yes, I no longer wear the necklace. But feelings for her live on in me. You told me in your blog that you'll believe I'm over her when you no longer see the fact that I care about her in my eyes. Well that day won't come. Ever. Even if I move on to somebody else, I'll always look back upon her as my first love.
And it's not over. No... but it may be tomorrow. She can't avoid bowling. We both have to go and I am going to ask her a simple question. And her answer will determine what comes next. My question is...
"If I told you that you could put an end to my poems of you, my stories about you and my love for you with one simple word right now at this moment in time... would you say that word?"
And the word is of course "yes".
I'm not over her... I don't know if I will be for quite some time.
I know Scrabble is going to bitch at me. Well let her. In the end, I have to do what I think is best for me... not what she thinks is best for me. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know the feelings inside of me. Even if vicki shoves me away, I'll still care about her. But I will seek others... even though she'll always have a place in my heart, perhaps I can find a room to squeeze in another.
In any case, that is all for today... I will post tomorrow after bowling.
Farewell
Okay, let us see where we stand after two weeks of non-activity.
Chemisty: My chemistry teacher finally changed my mark. I now have a 71 first term chemistry. This is good because I have to send in my CEGEP application this week... (but I did yesterday, so it's all good.)
school goes on much as it has... boring. nothing really new to me (that i think important). My english teacher likes me now though, so my english marks may be getting better (i got 89 on my last one, normally I get 70s-80s)
I lent some of my poetry to a friend of mine and she said it was really great and that I should be published. Don't know where that's going.
Speaking of poetry, I've added some to my poetry blog. Go read it if you want.
Scorpi continues to obsess over DDM. While I encourage love and all... I've talked with DDM and he likes her... specifically he likes to picture her naked and thats about it. I have my misgivings about any future relationship between them, but DDM isn't stupid... I don't think he'll enter in to one with her. My only problem is that Scorpi may not be able to get over him easily and that may cause her a lot of pain and suffering in her life. Oh well... can't save the world.
Next week I have an English debate and an English argumentative essay due on tuesday, a math test on monday, a physics test on friday a chem lab due tuesday and maybe a chem test either wensday or thursday PLUS dave is trying to arrange a trip wend, thus or fri to visit the canadian armed forces band. Joy. My weekend is packed, plus I need a haircut. And then there is dark angel.
Time to come clean. I lied to you Scrabble. It's not over. Yes, I no longer wear the necklace. But feelings for her live on in me. You told me in your blog that you'll believe I'm over her when you no longer see the fact that I care about her in my eyes. Well that day won't come. Ever. Even if I move on to somebody else, I'll always look back upon her as my first love.
And it's not over. No... but it may be tomorrow. She can't avoid bowling. We both have to go and I am going to ask her a simple question. And her answer will determine what comes next. My question is...
"If I told you that you could put an end to my poems of you, my stories about you and my love for you with one simple word right now at this moment in time... would you say that word?"
And the word is of course "yes".
I'm not over her... I don't know if I will be for quite some time.
I know Scrabble is going to bitch at me. Well let her. In the end, I have to do what I think is best for me... not what she thinks is best for me. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know the feelings inside of me. Even if vicki shoves me away, I'll still care about her. But I will seek others... even though she'll always have a place in my heart, perhaps I can find a room to squeeze in another.
In any case, that is all for today... I will post tomorrow after bowling.
Farewell
Saturday, February 07, 2004
saturday
nothing much going on. don't know if i'll be around much of today. scrabble, you told me you wanted to talk to me bout dark angel, send me an email if you dont mind, or call me or find me on monday. anybody else who wishes to talk, send me an email w/ a time you'll be on at and i'll try to be there.
later all.
later all.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
well fuck.
i am so goddamn frustrated now, it's not funny. not even close.
i get ignored again today by dark angel. sorry but being ignored isn't good. I would much prefer a straight out no than being ignored. It could mean a lot of things... but most of those things are bad. Christ.
then again, there are a few scenarios where it's good. Therefore I cannot give up all hope. But fuck I wish she would tell me.
we'll see where things go this weekend. but goddamn it... enough is enough.
anyways. i hope you all enjoyed your weeks, cause i sure didnt.
later.
i get ignored again today by dark angel. sorry but being ignored isn't good. I would much prefer a straight out no than being ignored. It could mean a lot of things... but most of those things are bad. Christ.
then again, there are a few scenarios where it's good. Therefore I cannot give up all hope. But fuck I wish she would tell me.
we'll see where things go this weekend. but goddamn it... enough is enough.
anyways. i hope you all enjoyed your weeks, cause i sure didnt.
later.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
tuesday
tomorrow, scorpi and dark angel are going to talk about something. perhaps this is me being paranoid but the first thing that jumped into mind was "she's gonna ask scorpi to tell me to lay off."
in any case, tomorrow after they talk, i'm going to talk with scorpi a bit then ask dark angel if she's got an answer for me.
i'm really not happy with the current situation. it's got to end sometime. and tomorrow is the day i'm going to make it end.
i don't really know what i'll do if it does end. probably mope a lot. try not to get involved in a relationship, though i've got one that may work out and another that i still have hopes for.
(dark angel is the best shot though. and she's first on my list.)
so what's going to go on tomorrow? here's how i pictured it happening.
we're at the bus stop in the morning. i ask her to follow me into the other bus stop which is deserted. there i take her hand and brush her cheek, then tell her the following.
"(Dark Angel), there's something that I should have told you a long time ago. Something important. Right here, right now isn't the time to say it, but it must be said. You know what it is and if you don't, then I'll tell you right now. (She tells me she knows what it is) Good. Now... lately I've been worried thatyou're avoiding this topic. If it's because you do not want to hear this from me, that it would make no difference at all, that you have no similar feelings for me, then tell me right here, right now and we'll forget about it. I hope that isn't the case. If it's otherwise, then the date is of your choosing. I could spend an hour explaining everythiing to you, answering most of of your questions, including the one you asked last september and that I never answered... "Where does this leave us and what do you want." Last september I didn't know. Today, I know. Today I can tell you exactly what I want and I can show you everything I've felt for you for the past few years. I've identified several of the mistakes I made last time and I can fix them. And I have something to say about the other mistakes. Now... you have a choice. You can tell me to drop it completely, in which case do NOT expect me to be back ever again. You can agree to listen to me, either right here right now or at a time and place of your choosing (preferably not in a crowd?). I'm not going to demand an answer from you then and there after we talk. You have all the time you need to think about it after that. But for the choice whether or not to hear me out, it must be made today. If you want today to think about it, fine. I'll skip band and we'll talk on the way home. But let me know today. I need to know. This has dragged on too long."
such is the gist of my speech. it'll be delievered tomorrow morning. (note that the above is a rough outline. i always change my speeches.)
anyways... later all.
dep
in any case, tomorrow after they talk, i'm going to talk with scorpi a bit then ask dark angel if she's got an answer for me.
i'm really not happy with the current situation. it's got to end sometime. and tomorrow is the day i'm going to make it end.
i don't really know what i'll do if it does end. probably mope a lot. try not to get involved in a relationship, though i've got one that may work out and another that i still have hopes for.
(dark angel is the best shot though. and she's first on my list.)
so what's going to go on tomorrow? here's how i pictured it happening.
we're at the bus stop in the morning. i ask her to follow me into the other bus stop which is deserted. there i take her hand and brush her cheek, then tell her the following.
"(Dark Angel), there's something that I should have told you a long time ago. Something important. Right here, right now isn't the time to say it, but it must be said. You know what it is and if you don't, then I'll tell you right now. (She tells me she knows what it is) Good. Now... lately I've been worried thatyou're avoiding this topic. If it's because you do not want to hear this from me, that it would make no difference at all, that you have no similar feelings for me, then tell me right here, right now and we'll forget about it. I hope that isn't the case. If it's otherwise, then the date is of your choosing. I could spend an hour explaining everythiing to you, answering most of of your questions, including the one you asked last september and that I never answered... "Where does this leave us and what do you want." Last september I didn't know. Today, I know. Today I can tell you exactly what I want and I can show you everything I've felt for you for the past few years. I've identified several of the mistakes I made last time and I can fix them. And I have something to say about the other mistakes. Now... you have a choice. You can tell me to drop it completely, in which case do NOT expect me to be back ever again. You can agree to listen to me, either right here right now or at a time and place of your choosing (preferably not in a crowd?). I'm not going to demand an answer from you then and there after we talk. You have all the time you need to think about it after that. But for the choice whether or not to hear me out, it must be made today. If you want today to think about it, fine. I'll skip band and we'll talk on the way home. But let me know today. I need to know. This has dragged on too long."
such is the gist of my speech. it'll be delievered tomorrow morning. (note that the above is a rough outline. i always change my speeches.)
anyways... later all.
dep
Sunday, February 01, 2004
sunday
another late night/early morning phone call for me.
christ.
no i shouldn't say that. I really do enjoy them. Just I don't like the effects little sleep has on me. Anyways.
Well... sleep deprivation loosens my tongue. Dark angel finally learned what I wanted to talk to her about... I will hopefully find out whether or not I'll get to say and show what I want to tonight. I pray and dread the answer yes.
Pray because I really want to... dread because if I screw up... i'm dead.
But I guess risk's a part of the game, if you want to play.
So tonight i'll be finding out the answer. And then... sometime soon, we'll find a date that works and i'll tell her and show her what i should have done and said so many years ago.
there's more poetry up btw.
anyways, enjoy life all.
later.
christ.
no i shouldn't say that. I really do enjoy them. Just I don't like the effects little sleep has on me. Anyways.
Well... sleep deprivation loosens my tongue. Dark angel finally learned what I wanted to talk to her about... I will hopefully find out whether or not I'll get to say and show what I want to tonight. I pray and dread the answer yes.
Pray because I really want to... dread because if I screw up... i'm dead.
But I guess risk's a part of the game, if you want to play.
So tonight i'll be finding out the answer. And then... sometime soon, we'll find a date that works and i'll tell her and show her what i should have done and said so many years ago.
there's more poetry up btw.
anyways, enjoy life all.
later.
