Monday, September 24, 2007
Fuck. This. Shit.
Alright, rant time.
I tried. I sat there and was patient. I tried to offer advice. I tried to be friendly and take you out fun places. I tried to be polite. Fuck. This.
You can't degenerate my sexuality (and yes, that's what you're doing and yes it makes you slightly homophobic) and expect me to walk away happy. We're a bit beyond that in this day in age, in case you haven't notice. Its not like I have a deep inner desire to have sex with men - if I did, I would be dating them and actively seeking them out. Instead, I merely am open to the idea. It rates me lower on the Kinsey scale (recently I updated myself to the 1.8). Grow up and get over your own insecurities or whatever they are and look at me as a person, not as a bisexual freak.
And while we're on the topic, fuck! You make your life like a high school drama - its like watching Dawson's Creek only creepier because its so close to home. Life can be simple if you make it simple. So some people don't like you. That's life and instead of sitting there for hours and hours moping months after the fact, grow up and move on - thats what you expect us to do. Sure, you don't have to be happy about it but it is life - quit with the pointed remarks about everything. Quit jumping to conclusions that everything has a hidden meaning and they're all about you. You're paranoid. You're egotistical.
On some level, I understand. You have emotional problems, for whatever reason. A bad home life, sure. Some negative experiences in the past. And you take them out on other people. You hide them inside and then blame others for making you feel this way. That is not a healthy life style - its guarenteed to push people away as it already has been doing. The worse part is, you don't see it. You don't understand what is wrong in your life and you're desperately seeking out the solution you think you need - love from another person - when what you really need is a bit of selfunderstanding and selfrespect. Sure, I acted the same way once you can argue. Maybe I'm better now - I'd certainly like to think so. But I definately understand my actions to a better degree.
You're pissed off at people who haven't given you a good reason to be, you've rejected people for some of the worse possible reasons on the planet and you're just plain... too young to understand.
And yet I still care for you, enough that I hope you never read this and understand that its about you (the odds that you'll never read this are good so... :P).
Maybe somebody needs to shock you into doing soemthing. Maybe you need to stop fucking around on the person you claim to care about and think of the impact of your actions. Maybe you need to develop some kind of conscience.
Maybe you don't - maybe this is the best way for you to learn. Because I just told somebody who may have had an interest in you not to get involved because they'd probably get hurt. And they probably would, the way you're going. Its not like you can hide it forever.
And you just told me to fuck off and give you space so I can deal with my own issues. Right.
Why am I up at 1AM ranting about you? Who knows. Even I don't know. All I know is I go between wanting to help you and wanting to bash some sense into you with some blunt force.
And yet, everytime I try to help, I end up fucking up. So maybe I'll leave it to you to discover why you're so messed up and why people dislike you.
---------------------------
And now for another person.
Christ. Two people get rants in the same day? Maybe I'm just in the mood.
You're arrogant, condescending, full of yourself, incapable of accepting other people to be true, occasionally rude, and extremely negative. I don't understand how I put up with you in my life somedays. It seems messed up, I know.
Sometimes, its good - sometimes its even fun. But a lot of the time, you grate on my nerves. Its like... you drain the energy out of my very soul just by being near me. You take offense where I meant constructive criticism. You ask for answers and get upset if you don't like them. The world, last time I checked, wasn't perfect. Grow up a bit. Seriously.
Frequently you are very negative in how you deal with others - instead of politely asking a person to move, you say "you're in my way". you're an awful winner and a worse loser. you complain about the smallest of things and are incapable of finding beauty in this world, all around us.
------
Seriously, some people in life just need to grow up. And I need to get out of CEGEP ASAP, because I'm going nuts around people who are younger than I am. As I get older, I can't stand quite as much melodrama as I used to. I can seriously feel my blood pressure rising.
The worst part is I still like both of them. Yeah, I feel pissed off right now about some of the things they do, but a part of me hopes they'll get better with age - and they probably will.
On the positive side, they've helped me to comprehend how horrible some of my actions were some years ago. Lets hope they'll make me an even better person.
-------
Alright, so now for the update.
School is well. Work is lacking, but I have two applications out (one of which looks promising) and a bit of a job invitation from a friend of mine when they have some work to throw my way.
I'm going to join a band again, play some jazz and stuff with some friends of mine - should be fun.
going out wednesday with some friends and maybe tuesday with Daren.
next weekend is the prerelease for the new magic set. It looks freakin' awesome! I'm so going to be there.
life looks good except for a few remaining demons I hope to rest soon. I'm really trying to remove people who have a negative impact on my life from it - I can't handle the stress lol.
Canoe camping... was the most awesome experience I've ever had. I was impressed by my ability to keep up with the rowing. And, on the second night out, we got to sleep outside underneath the stars - you could see everything. It was truly touching and amazing - I hope I get to go back again.
Romantic life goes less well, but I'm definately back on my feet and looking for something more stable... and by that I mean I'm going to look for somebody who interests me and isn't going to flip out completely. So intelligent kinky women can drop me a line :P especially if they play Magic lol.
Sorry for the rant guys! I feel much better now - I'm going to bed to think this over. Later!
I tried. I sat there and was patient. I tried to offer advice. I tried to be friendly and take you out fun places. I tried to be polite. Fuck. This.
You can't degenerate my sexuality (and yes, that's what you're doing and yes it makes you slightly homophobic) and expect me to walk away happy. We're a bit beyond that in this day in age, in case you haven't notice. Its not like I have a deep inner desire to have sex with men - if I did, I would be dating them and actively seeking them out. Instead, I merely am open to the idea. It rates me lower on the Kinsey scale (recently I updated myself to the 1.8). Grow up and get over your own insecurities or whatever they are and look at me as a person, not as a bisexual freak.
And while we're on the topic, fuck! You make your life like a high school drama - its like watching Dawson's Creek only creepier because its so close to home. Life can be simple if you make it simple. So some people don't like you. That's life and instead of sitting there for hours and hours moping months after the fact, grow up and move on - thats what you expect us to do. Sure, you don't have to be happy about it but it is life - quit with the pointed remarks about everything. Quit jumping to conclusions that everything has a hidden meaning and they're all about you. You're paranoid. You're egotistical.
On some level, I understand. You have emotional problems, for whatever reason. A bad home life, sure. Some negative experiences in the past. And you take them out on other people. You hide them inside and then blame others for making you feel this way. That is not a healthy life style - its guarenteed to push people away as it already has been doing. The worse part is, you don't see it. You don't understand what is wrong in your life and you're desperately seeking out the solution you think you need - love from another person - when what you really need is a bit of selfunderstanding and selfrespect. Sure, I acted the same way once you can argue. Maybe I'm better now - I'd certainly like to think so. But I definately understand my actions to a better degree.
You're pissed off at people who haven't given you a good reason to be, you've rejected people for some of the worse possible reasons on the planet and you're just plain... too young to understand.
And yet I still care for you, enough that I hope you never read this and understand that its about you (the odds that you'll never read this are good so... :P).
Maybe somebody needs to shock you into doing soemthing. Maybe you need to stop fucking around on the person you claim to care about and think of the impact of your actions. Maybe you need to develop some kind of conscience.
Maybe you don't - maybe this is the best way for you to learn. Because I just told somebody who may have had an interest in you not to get involved because they'd probably get hurt. And they probably would, the way you're going. Its not like you can hide it forever.
And you just told me to fuck off and give you space so I can deal with my own issues. Right.
Why am I up at 1AM ranting about you? Who knows. Even I don't know. All I know is I go between wanting to help you and wanting to bash some sense into you with some blunt force.
And yet, everytime I try to help, I end up fucking up. So maybe I'll leave it to you to discover why you're so messed up and why people dislike you.
---------------------------
And now for another person.
Christ. Two people get rants in the same day? Maybe I'm just in the mood.
You're arrogant, condescending, full of yourself, incapable of accepting other people to be true, occasionally rude, and extremely negative. I don't understand how I put up with you in my life somedays. It seems messed up, I know.
Sometimes, its good - sometimes its even fun. But a lot of the time, you grate on my nerves. Its like... you drain the energy out of my very soul just by being near me. You take offense where I meant constructive criticism. You ask for answers and get upset if you don't like them. The world, last time I checked, wasn't perfect. Grow up a bit. Seriously.
Frequently you are very negative in how you deal with others - instead of politely asking a person to move, you say "you're in my way". you're an awful winner and a worse loser. you complain about the smallest of things and are incapable of finding beauty in this world, all around us.
------
Seriously, some people in life just need to grow up. And I need to get out of CEGEP ASAP, because I'm going nuts around people who are younger than I am. As I get older, I can't stand quite as much melodrama as I used to. I can seriously feel my blood pressure rising.
The worst part is I still like both of them. Yeah, I feel pissed off right now about some of the things they do, but a part of me hopes they'll get better with age - and they probably will.
On the positive side, they've helped me to comprehend how horrible some of my actions were some years ago. Lets hope they'll make me an even better person.
-------
Alright, so now for the update.
School is well. Work is lacking, but I have two applications out (one of which looks promising) and a bit of a job invitation from a friend of mine when they have some work to throw my way.
I'm going to join a band again, play some jazz and stuff with some friends of mine - should be fun.
going out wednesday with some friends and maybe tuesday with Daren.
next weekend is the prerelease for the new magic set. It looks freakin' awesome! I'm so going to be there.
life looks good except for a few remaining demons I hope to rest soon. I'm really trying to remove people who have a negative impact on my life from it - I can't handle the stress lol.
Canoe camping... was the most awesome experience I've ever had. I was impressed by my ability to keep up with the rowing. And, on the second night out, we got to sleep outside underneath the stars - you could see everything. It was truly touching and amazing - I hope I get to go back again.
Romantic life goes less well, but I'm definately back on my feet and looking for something more stable... and by that I mean I'm going to look for somebody who interests me and isn't going to flip out completely. So intelligent kinky women can drop me a line :P especially if they play Magic lol.
Sorry for the rant guys! I feel much better now - I'm going to bed to think this over. Later!
// posted by Dep @ 12:49:00 a.m.
