Evil Geniuses in a Nutshell

Perception. My greatest example of it is color - we learn to identify colors by the names we give them - different wave lengths of light causing reactions within the human eye. But how does the brain interpret these colors, how do we perceive them? And by that, I mean who's to say that the color my brain interprets as "red" is the same "red" you see? How would we know? If we reversed the number system and say 9 means 0 and 0 means 9, and do the same with 1-8, 2-7, 3-6 and 4-5, taught it to our youth and somehow reversed everyone's vocabulary... ten thousand years down the road, you would add 8 and 8 and get 5... 1984 had the same thing going on with a twist - if you can't conceive of such a notion as treason, then how can you commit it? If language denies you the ability to express a concept, then can you perceive the concept to exist?

Now that your heads are exploding, let me return to something that frustrates me more - how we perceive each other, our actions, our motivations.

I mean it happens - people misunderstand, misinterpret. Part of being human is making mistakes, right? We just have to accept that and learn to live with the ones we make... and to learn from them whenever we can.

Why do people do things? We can only assume they have some kind of motivation - if its completely random, then there's no explanation. Learning what that motivation is is hard because we can't always remove ourselves from our own bias and our own experience/personality. I'm sure psychologists have their models and their theories - which apply to most aspects of the majority of people in society, I'm sure. But every theory has its exception - and the exceptions aren't single people, they're aspects of people. Some people may fit perfectly into a theory - some may fit not at all. More likely are the people who fit some aspects of a theory and completely trash other aspects.

But one of fundamentals, I believe, is that we can't apply our own experiences to other people - we can't expect that because we'd behave in a certain way, they will too. After all, people are basically unique - why shouldn't the way they react in a given situation be unique from other people's reactions as well?

How can we judge, for example, the amount of time it takes before a person gets over a breakup? A person who's been through a number of them knows that its not the end of the road. A person who didn't develop an emotional attachment will probably be better with it. A person who has general empathy may feel the other person's pain. A person who was really deep into it may be severely affected by it. Which is right? They are all right - depending on the person, their experiences. People don't grow overnight, and while it might be frustrating for us to sit by and watch somebody go through the steps, it is (most of the time) a required process.

And now... I need to write to myself for awhile. G'night all

- Rob

This one's for you. You know who you are.

What can I say? I sit here and search within my souls for the words that will comfort, knowing there are none that can. I don't have the advantage of religion with quick and easy answers to what happens after. I don't know why we're here, whether or not a person has accomplished anything or if there is even a meaning to life, let alone what it might be.

But I know that, if the people we love were still here, they wouldn't want us to grieve - they would ask us to celebrate the happiness in their lives, the joy they had, the obstacles they've overcome. For those who have passed on never die - they exist as long as we remember them, and they are remembered for the good they have brought into the world - through their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, their accomplishments, their drive to help others. And that... that is something.

These words don't seem like enough to honor two women whom I never had the pleasure of knowing but who brought into the world one of the greatest people I have ever met... but perhaps, it is enough.

And so, once more, a page has turned.

Lots of people have a problem with Valentine's Day. For some, its a memory of painful things that are better off buried. For some, its a day of lonliness as they sit at home and type (wait a moment... :P). And some people are just bitter for no reason at all.

I say its an excuse to eat chocolate. But hey, what do I know.

Today is a day to remember the people in our lives who make a difference, people we will remember and cherish for the rest of our lives, even if they die tomorrow. Today is a day to celebrate friendship and the love of close friends, as well as romance. Today is a day when we sometimes reflect on the days gone by, mistakes made, choices left unexplored... but then look forward to what we have learned and where we are going.

Today is a day of happiness. And its almost over, but in those 30 minutes remaining, why don't you tell someone they've made a difference in your life.

And therefore I'd like to take my 30 minutes to thank the following people who will never be forgotten in my life. I will use only first names to protect their privacy, but you know who you are.

Daren: For being the greatest friend at the best of moments
Nicky: For being the second person to drag me out of my shell
Jaz: For the oh too many things you've done for me
Chrissie: For trying to knock some sense into me
Vanessa: For pointing out my mistakes
Sarah: For showing me my greatest flaws
My Parents: For giving me the free reign and oversight that a child needs
Lisa: For making me think I'm not as crazy as I think I am somedays
Shannon: For laughing and drawing
Ashley: For Bell Park
Tiffany: For Cirque du Soleil

Hopefully I won't get angry emails from people not on that list who deserve to be... you know how bad my memory is.

And now I will bid you goodnight!

- Rob

Hey hey,

Well lets update.

- HU is going better than ever, a few other members are starting to take an active role in the project and I can only hope we're on our way to a more successful and bright future.

- I've been invited to play sax for the school with a singer and a flute player and perhaps a couple of other people. Let the practice begin.

- The soap opera... is over for now. I was having a conversation with someone on the bus (she knows who she is) and in the course of the conversation, she mentioned that she didn't know why the guy is dating the woman (no names?)... or why I was interested either. And then I thought about it... and the conversation went on and we talked a bit more about how the female in question treats the people around her, and I realized I had had the thought "why AM I thinking of dating a person who can't respect me as even a friend?". I can do better. Now if only the person on the bus could come to the same conclusion, but hey. Hard lessons in life and all. But I... I think I'll be good with the way things are going. I've decided I'm not going to sit here and plan my next relationship... too often I sit here and think "Alright... where do we go from here, what do I try next?". The next chapter will be unscripted and improvised and we'll just have to see what opportunities come up. But there will be a next chapter, you can be sure of that.

- I've been screwing up a little bit at school, not going to classes, letting myself get distracted. On the positive, I finished writing my cover letters and resumes for the various coop employers today, to be sent out on Monday. This week I'm going to make a serious effort to not skip class at all and go to the early morning classes. This may mean I won't be online past 9PM, and those of you who talk to me late at night may miss my company.

- Few crazy ideas coming to mind lately, including at least two ideas for software products and an idea of writing a book on ethics and philosophy. Man I'm nuts.

- Also contemplating a trip to Sudbury/Sault Ste Marie over March Break. Money will be a large factor, but I think I'll be good.

Well thats about it for now - I should get some sleep. See y'all later.

- Dep

I missed the 555th post two posts ago. My apologies!

The last week has been... I guess insane would be the word. I've been slacking off too much at school and am trying to get back on top of that as well as my various other projects (all of which need some work on my part). I found it in my heart to love Rocky Horror again and am contemplating plotting a movie night. (we know where you live ;)). Lots of belting around the mouth and mouthing around the belt, if you follow. Let me know if you want in.

My dreams have been fucked as of late and are probably the reason I'm writing - I WANT THEM OUT! No you don't need more detail, lets just say they revolve around the person from previous discussion... speaking of which I still haven't done anything else. Planning to, just waiting for the moment. Crazy comments go in the side.

Is there a line here that I'm about to cross? Probably - but one thing I've never had very much instinctive respect for is lines lol. And I think, personally, that because I've been down the "ignore it and it will go away" option before, its time to try something new and get over it once and for all - something I have to do.

But a comment sparked a thought - someone was bugging me to update because they "miss their soap opera". And I think that this is where I've been going wrong - without meaning to, I've overdramatized the relationship side of my life to the point it scares people. And I've been trying to quit overdramatizing things like that - its hard for me to realize when I am though simply because I don't mean to do it. I tend to analysis and think about what I'm feeling instead of just flowing with it, and the result is journal entries like the previous few - if you read them in the right context, it seems borderline obsessive. But if you know me, you know the wheels are just turning on what I want to do, or what I should do. (well I know what I want and what I should, the question is what I will do). Poetry is much the same thing - its helping me to express what I'm feeling and figure it all out.

And I guess that seems creepy to some people *shrugs*. In my mind, you really have to ask questions if you're at all unsure what I mean (meaning that I haven't directly told you about item X), because you can't exactly take the "normal" stamp and apply it to my actions - if you do that, you'll walk away with a horrible impression of me (like... Sarah?). "Normal" is not a word that I even would choose to use in my day to day vocabulary, let alone in description of myself.

Speaking of poetry, I've started writing again - nowhere near the frequency I used to, but its not bad. Soon to be posted on my dA once I get up the energy lol - until then, you can ask for them on MSN.

A part of me wonders if I've gained enough experience to give it yet another chance... they say third times the charm, do they not? By that I mean, have I fixed enough of my own issues involving communication to help her with hers? In my own experience it takes someone with good communication skills to help another (or the right situation). Has she evolved to the point she can work on her own skills and not jump to such great conclusions about stuff? Or is that what we're going to find out?

I definately feel that I was so immature at that point in time - nothing to be shamed of, because everyone starts off immature and gains over time. I was caught up in the feeling, in the emotion... "in love with love" as the Elves say (man I'm a nerd ;)). Whereas now... I think I'm mostly past that, and looking for a little more to the relationship... in the sense of more having the relationship for being with the person rather than for the sake of being in the relationship. It's taken the edge off asking people out I find and has made me better at communicating.

I was asked to do a linear algebra problem for a friend today (proofs with vectors!). After I finished it, I got a wonderful tingling feeling - the sensation of having completed something special. (yes, I'm most definately a nerd). I don't know why, it just seemed so uplifting to do pure math again, and not worry about speed, memory usage, processing cycles and code limitations.