Monday, December 04, 2006
Back to the drawing board...
I've been a naughty naughty boy - its been nearly a month since I posted last. Lets see...
I switched back to Windows from Linux because I was getting frustrated with certain aspects of Linux... like not being able to use the wireless at school.
Got back into Magic (yeah I'm a nerd :P), and have spent the last week going through my collection - yeah, nothing too fancy.
School is well - there are but two days left in the semester and then four days of exams - woohoo.
Politics grow more interesting by the day... for those of you who don't really follow, they're reopening the debate on same sex marriage by having a vote on whether or not to reopen the issue. Even though its very very unlikely we'll see the matter completely reopened, its still a shame. At least this might shut certain people up and get the government dealing with real issues... actually, maybe we're better off keeping them away from real issues. Yes I am not a big fan of many of the Conservative actions since they took office. On the positive side, they seem to have been able to piss off just about everyone but the rednecks so we'll be seeing another Liberal majority this coming election :). Ditto the Democrats in America.
On that note, the Liberals also got a new leader whom I'm very much in favor of - Stephane Dion. Not much bad to say about him, lets hope he does well and kicks Stephen Harper back to Alabama.
A scary thought - I actually turn twenty in less than two weeks.
Finally on the mundane issues, the Senators got back on their feet and started kicking ass again! YES!
Robyn and I are still together - we agreed to try and work out the issues we see between us. So far its been a rocky start (from my perspective) but I'm committed to making an effort and so I will. We'll see where we are in a couple of months.
As for the rest of my social life... it seems odd recently. I feel that I've reached a form of threshold and thats whats prompted this entry today. I find myself becoming more frustrated with the vicious forms of humour used by the people around me and a desire for something more... something better, greater... more intelligent. I mean, I enjoy good satire as much as the next person and I'm not above good harmless poking at people (obviously eh Robyn?). But there comes a point where you're just being offensive and laughing at the offense and I find that this weighs heavily on me - even with other people are the butt of the joke, I find myself sitting back and thinking "man... that really wasn't funny", especially when it comes without apology, without a friendly pat. And I look at some of the friends I've kept close and I realize that thats all they do - they make jokes (about me) and laugh and get offended when I get offended. I mean, alright I laugh at some of the fat jokes meant in good humour - my class is great with them and heck I make some good ones at my own expense.
I find it hard to explain, even now. Its a subtle difference between my class where such jokes are a great part of our interactions but they're also very well understood that there are lines and that we're not serious - we have our serious moments where we really demonstrate that we don't mean it. We go out for parties, we play pool and poker together, we get drunk together. Its truly a group of friends. With some other friends, its not the same - its a feeling that they really do mean some of these things to be hurtful. I'm only going to name one name and that is Vicki.
Its odd that she described someone to be as making her feel stupid when he teaches her new things, because this is the way Vicki makes me feel on a regular basis. She always seems to be mocking me, throwing insults my way and whenever I don't quite follow what she's talking about, she treats me like I'm two.
(and I'm going to take a break to apologize for my rant - I'm just getting fed up with people like this)
And its not that I lack the capability to understand what she's talking about, its that I lack the experience. Forgive me for not caring enough about manga to know that its read back to front, right to left - forgive me for not finding fighting skills to have any value in todays society.
I guess it comes back to the fact that these people knew me in my early life - especially Vicki who seems to have obtained these preconceptions about me that are utterly false. And it may seem odd to you but I do think that my closest friends are the ones from out of town who have no contact with me directly and whom I rarely get a chance to converse with - Ash, Tiff, Lisa and Nicky - as well as those from Ottawa who also don't have the pleasure of knowing the Quebec side of my friends - Shannon and Tina. There are also the odd person here or there from Quebec like Jaz and Mike who just seem to get it. It seems odd but I find these people have more respect for me than the majority of my friends here. As for my class... there are some excellent friendships but they don't think like me. No offense to them, but they just don't get it some days.
*makes mental note to check into moving to Sudbury*
Seriously though, its starting to bug me more and more and I think a part of it is me getting older and growing frustrated with the childish nature of it all - it really is childish, we're supposed to be adults and beyond this stuff (then I remember that I'm at least a year older than most of them and that I was once a part of that too). Perhaps its a good sign that I'm meant to move on to university and hopefully find more people who are at least a tad more mature.
In the meantime... well certain people will be seeing less of me I'm sure.
Anyways those are the recent thoughts. There are others, on death which is not a subject I want to do any serious thoughts on ever, and on relationships (which is an ongoing discussion between me and myself in my mind). There are also a series of melancholic moments where I have the urge to go for long walks in the fall (and now winter) weather and simply allow my mind to run out. Times when I wish there wasn't anything else to do and I could allow it all to spill over and out onto someone like I used to do. But now... there is no one is there? No one to listen to the tirades of my mind and make sense of right from wrong... they've had enough of it.
Well - goodnight all and until I get the urge to write again.
- Dep
I switched back to Windows from Linux because I was getting frustrated with certain aspects of Linux... like not being able to use the wireless at school.
Got back into Magic (yeah I'm a nerd :P), and have spent the last week going through my collection - yeah, nothing too fancy.
School is well - there are but two days left in the semester and then four days of exams - woohoo.
Politics grow more interesting by the day... for those of you who don't really follow, they're reopening the debate on same sex marriage by having a vote on whether or not to reopen the issue. Even though its very very unlikely we'll see the matter completely reopened, its still a shame. At least this might shut certain people up and get the government dealing with real issues... actually, maybe we're better off keeping them away from real issues. Yes I am not a big fan of many of the Conservative actions since they took office. On the positive side, they seem to have been able to piss off just about everyone but the rednecks so we'll be seeing another Liberal majority this coming election :). Ditto the Democrats in America.
On that note, the Liberals also got a new leader whom I'm very much in favor of - Stephane Dion. Not much bad to say about him, lets hope he does well and kicks Stephen Harper back to Alabama.
A scary thought - I actually turn twenty in less than two weeks.
Finally on the mundane issues, the Senators got back on their feet and started kicking ass again! YES!
Robyn and I are still together - we agreed to try and work out the issues we see between us. So far its been a rocky start (from my perspective) but I'm committed to making an effort and so I will. We'll see where we are in a couple of months.
As for the rest of my social life... it seems odd recently. I feel that I've reached a form of threshold and thats whats prompted this entry today. I find myself becoming more frustrated with the vicious forms of humour used by the people around me and a desire for something more... something better, greater... more intelligent. I mean, I enjoy good satire as much as the next person and I'm not above good harmless poking at people (obviously eh Robyn?). But there comes a point where you're just being offensive and laughing at the offense and I find that this weighs heavily on me - even with other people are the butt of the joke, I find myself sitting back and thinking "man... that really wasn't funny", especially when it comes without apology, without a friendly pat. And I look at some of the friends I've kept close and I realize that thats all they do - they make jokes (about me) and laugh and get offended when I get offended. I mean, alright I laugh at some of the fat jokes meant in good humour - my class is great with them and heck I make some good ones at my own expense.
I find it hard to explain, even now. Its a subtle difference between my class where such jokes are a great part of our interactions but they're also very well understood that there are lines and that we're not serious - we have our serious moments where we really demonstrate that we don't mean it. We go out for parties, we play pool and poker together, we get drunk together. Its truly a group of friends. With some other friends, its not the same - its a feeling that they really do mean some of these things to be hurtful. I'm only going to name one name and that is Vicki.
Its odd that she described someone to be as making her feel stupid when he teaches her new things, because this is the way Vicki makes me feel on a regular basis. She always seems to be mocking me, throwing insults my way and whenever I don't quite follow what she's talking about, she treats me like I'm two.
(and I'm going to take a break to apologize for my rant - I'm just getting fed up with people like this)
And its not that I lack the capability to understand what she's talking about, its that I lack the experience. Forgive me for not caring enough about manga to know that its read back to front, right to left - forgive me for not finding fighting skills to have any value in todays society.
I guess it comes back to the fact that these people knew me in my early life - especially Vicki who seems to have obtained these preconceptions about me that are utterly false. And it may seem odd to you but I do think that my closest friends are the ones from out of town who have no contact with me directly and whom I rarely get a chance to converse with - Ash, Tiff, Lisa and Nicky - as well as those from Ottawa who also don't have the pleasure of knowing the Quebec side of my friends - Shannon and Tina. There are also the odd person here or there from Quebec like Jaz and Mike who just seem to get it. It seems odd but I find these people have more respect for me than the majority of my friends here. As for my class... there are some excellent friendships but they don't think like me. No offense to them, but they just don't get it some days.
*makes mental note to check into moving to Sudbury*
Seriously though, its starting to bug me more and more and I think a part of it is me getting older and growing frustrated with the childish nature of it all - it really is childish, we're supposed to be adults and beyond this stuff (then I remember that I'm at least a year older than most of them and that I was once a part of that too). Perhaps its a good sign that I'm meant to move on to university and hopefully find more people who are at least a tad more mature.
In the meantime... well certain people will be seeing less of me I'm sure.
Anyways those are the recent thoughts. There are others, on death which is not a subject I want to do any serious thoughts on ever, and on relationships (which is an ongoing discussion between me and myself in my mind). There are also a series of melancholic moments where I have the urge to go for long walks in the fall (and now winter) weather and simply allow my mind to run out. Times when I wish there wasn't anything else to do and I could allow it all to spill over and out onto someone like I used to do. But now... there is no one is there? No one to listen to the tirades of my mind and make sense of right from wrong... they've had enough of it.
Well - goodnight all and until I get the urge to write again.
- Dep
// posted by Dep @ 10:14:00 p.m.
