Thursday, October 12, 2006
So many thoughts/projects...
-----------------------------------------
PROJECTS
-----------------------------------------
Heritage Underground (2): Few bugs left for me to fix but nothing big.
Heritage Underground (3): Starting to interview people
Ashes's Website: Not begun
Chrissie's Website: Not begun
CS PowerPoint Presentation: Outline Created
-----------------------------------------
THOUGHTS
-----------------------------------------
Plato, of all people, provided me with the metaphor for describing what I've spent a couple of weeks trying to describe. Daren and I were having a long discussion on Monday about the different kinds of people (a prelude to his breaking up with Vanessa). Plato's metaphor is of a man imprisoned inside of a cavern. Outside, there is a reality, but all the man can see is the shadows as they are cast upon the wall - some almost clear and others but wisps of smoke. He went on to say that some people never care to look for the source of the shadow (reality) and some people persue it relentlessly. This, I think, is the distinction that Daren and I were talking about - people who care for only what they can see versus people who look for explanations.
Is it odd for me to be so attracted to the sound of rain falling, or to the senses of autumn... these are things people associate with melancholy, sadness - yet I find them mesmerizing. There is beauty in every season, in every weather to me - the lonliness of a forest buried in snow, the warm summer nights, the scents of spring - but autumn is the most mesmerizing. I find myself staring out into the forest that borders our college for hours - people give me odd looks (its amazing how many people don't stop to appreciate the natural beauty surrounding us). Ottawa at night is equally beautiful - some people tell me that a man made city can't be beautiful and I tell them to come with me to the lookout at the art gallery in Ottawa. From there, the soft beauty of the surrounding landscape, with the mini forests and the dark Ottawa river at night are inspiring and it is enhanced by the surrounding city, with several amazing buildings (including Parliament) and the lights... the lights are good.
I find myself frustrated lately - and it isn't our politicians who continue to be idiots, or the conservative side of my family who tell me I'm an idiot for having a brain, or all of my projects. Its like something is missing in my life. In some ways, my life has progressed so far in the three years I've had this journal, but I wonder if I haven't lost something along the way.I don't remember the last time I had a really good philosophical conversation - well I do, it was with Daren last week, but it was the first one in an extremely long time. While I have more friends, most of them are just people I spend time with at school, occasionally go drinking with and talk with - not many of them have much interest in philosophy or psychology or any of the other wonderful things Daren and I love to discuss. I'm not saying they're idiots, but they're not the intellectual company I've come to enjoy so much. And I feel a bit frustrated even with Robyn (something I haven't discussed yet with her, I just can't think of a way to bring it up nicely lol). I guess I envisioned dating somebody more like myself, someone with who I can talk about anything from quantum physics to computers to philosophy to psychology to BDSM. (I also envisioned someone who could help me explore various aspects of that side of my personality). And some of you are saying 'well sex isnt a big deal' and I might even agree on occasion - but this is something I've had an interest in since... well since I discovered stuff like that on the Internet (don't ask how old I was :P). Lets just say I learned a lot of computer techniques in Windows from trying to break through the parental controls (and succeeding :) - take that Microsoft!). Anyways, back to the non-disturbing topics. Its a part of my personality and I can't deny that - its something I'll always have an interest in, like physics, computers, philosophy and psychology - and I wonder how frustrated I'll get if I can't explore. I am the anti-prude and that ain't changing lol. I also find I get frustrated with the conversations. I just can't seem to spark a conversation about anything beyond the mundane. Its infinately frustrating and I'm sure some people can sympathize. I'm still not sure exactly what to do, but I'm sure it will involve a serious conversation in the future.
I have to admit to a bit of a spark of jealousy over Daren and Vicki and a spark of sympathy towards Vanessa - I know how much that has to hurt. Thats all I'll say on that.
The mindflesh (as Ashley would say), she is empty. Now, to bed!
Goodnight everyone :). *hugs to all*
- Rob
PROJECTS
-----------------------------------------
Heritage Underground (2): Few bugs left for me to fix but nothing big.
Heritage Underground (3): Starting to interview people
Ashes's Website: Not begun
Chrissie's Website: Not begun
CS PowerPoint Presentation: Outline Created
-----------------------------------------
THOUGHTS
-----------------------------------------
Plato, of all people, provided me with the metaphor for describing what I've spent a couple of weeks trying to describe. Daren and I were having a long discussion on Monday about the different kinds of people (a prelude to his breaking up with Vanessa). Plato's metaphor is of a man imprisoned inside of a cavern. Outside, there is a reality, but all the man can see is the shadows as they are cast upon the wall - some almost clear and others but wisps of smoke. He went on to say that some people never care to look for the source of the shadow (reality) and some people persue it relentlessly. This, I think, is the distinction that Daren and I were talking about - people who care for only what they can see versus people who look for explanations.
Is it odd for me to be so attracted to the sound of rain falling, or to the senses of autumn... these are things people associate with melancholy, sadness - yet I find them mesmerizing. There is beauty in every season, in every weather to me - the lonliness of a forest buried in snow, the warm summer nights, the scents of spring - but autumn is the most mesmerizing. I find myself staring out into the forest that borders our college for hours - people give me odd looks (its amazing how many people don't stop to appreciate the natural beauty surrounding us). Ottawa at night is equally beautiful - some people tell me that a man made city can't be beautiful and I tell them to come with me to the lookout at the art gallery in Ottawa. From there, the soft beauty of the surrounding landscape, with the mini forests and the dark Ottawa river at night are inspiring and it is enhanced by the surrounding city, with several amazing buildings (including Parliament) and the lights... the lights are good.
I find myself frustrated lately - and it isn't our politicians who continue to be idiots, or the conservative side of my family who tell me I'm an idiot for having a brain, or all of my projects. Its like something is missing in my life. In some ways, my life has progressed so far in the three years I've had this journal, but I wonder if I haven't lost something along the way.I don't remember the last time I had a really good philosophical conversation - well I do, it was with Daren last week, but it was the first one in an extremely long time. While I have more friends, most of them are just people I spend time with at school, occasionally go drinking with and talk with - not many of them have much interest in philosophy or psychology or any of the other wonderful things Daren and I love to discuss. I'm not saying they're idiots, but they're not the intellectual company I've come to enjoy so much. And I feel a bit frustrated even with Robyn (something I haven't discussed yet with her, I just can't think of a way to bring it up nicely lol). I guess I envisioned dating somebody more like myself, someone with who I can talk about anything from quantum physics to computers to philosophy to psychology to BDSM. (I also envisioned someone who could help me explore various aspects of that side of my personality). And some of you are saying 'well sex isnt a big deal' and I might even agree on occasion - but this is something I've had an interest in since... well since I discovered stuff like that on the Internet (don't ask how old I was :P). Lets just say I learned a lot of computer techniques in Windows from trying to break through the parental controls (and succeeding :) - take that Microsoft!). Anyways, back to the non-disturbing topics. Its a part of my personality and I can't deny that - its something I'll always have an interest in, like physics, computers, philosophy and psychology - and I wonder how frustrated I'll get if I can't explore. I am the anti-prude and that ain't changing lol. I also find I get frustrated with the conversations. I just can't seem to spark a conversation about anything beyond the mundane. Its infinately frustrating and I'm sure some people can sympathize. I'm still not sure exactly what to do, but I'm sure it will involve a serious conversation in the future.
I have to admit to a bit of a spark of jealousy over Daren and Vicki and a spark of sympathy towards Vanessa - I know how much that has to hurt. Thats all I'll say on that.
The mindflesh (as Ashley would say), she is empty. Now, to bed!
Goodnight everyone :). *hugs to all*
- Rob
// posted by Dep @ 10:02:00 p.m.
