Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Hehe... political blog
I was just over on Garth Turner's website (he's the Conservative guy who got kicked out for... sharing information with the public... about political decisions)
Does anyone else find it odd that Harper would kick someone out for talking to the public when he went on and on about government transparency...? ANYONE?
Anyways, I think this is a brilliant idea - I think every political figure should have a blog, because it gives us a great insight into the minds of some of our political figures and what they really think. If I'm ever an MP, you'll bet I'll still be here bitching about idiots like Stephen Harper who say one thing and mean another and who can't see beyond they're own little world to see the entire country.
And that... is my rant for the evening.
*hugs to y'all*
~ Dep ~
Does anyone else find it odd that Harper would kick someone out for talking to the public when he went on and on about government transparency...? ANYONE?
Anyways, I think this is a brilliant idea - I think every political figure should have a blog, because it gives us a great insight into the minds of some of our political figures and what they really think. If I'm ever an MP, you'll bet I'll still be here bitching about idiots like Stephen Harper who say one thing and mean another and who can't see beyond they're own little world to see the entire country.
And that... is my rant for the evening.
*hugs to y'all*
~ Dep ~
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Interesting
Tonight, I have little purpose but to express a thought of mine.
I've been trying to figure out what makes a person interesting to me, and I hit on at least an element of it. First of all, I'm going to use the word stereotype, and I want to define it carefully. It is my observation that, while they have unique characteristics for sure, the majority of people can be classified into a stereotype roughly - there is, after all, a reason for most stereotypes to exist (I'm talking personality stereotypes). Maybe Ashley could expand on this from her psych courses, but from my experience most people roughly fall into one catagory or another - as an example, Stereotype X may have attributes A, B, C, D and E - person Y may be an X if they have only A, C, D and E. Its close, it allows for some variations but they fit into a group - goth, prep, jock, nerd, emo, the list goes on.
And its my observation that the people whom I find the most interesting are people who either don't fit into any classification at all... or draw equally from a number of different catagories - I put myself into the latter and people like Daren into the former. They're people who don't have one word/phrase descriptions for themselves, people who have depth and character, people who have oddities, eccentricities, people who can really only be known by knowing them over long periods of time.
That should be controversial enough to get my chatterbox going with flaming comments :).
A toast to you whom I call my closest of friends - and you know who you are - for you are these very special people... people who know what it means to be people.
I also have an announcement to make before I go to bed. Today I got on the scale and to be honest... it scared me. So as of tonight midnight (in 6 minutes) I am cutting my nemesis - soft drinks - out of my diet. Completely. Actually I find even Coke, my addiction, is becoming too sweet for my liking. In replacement will be much water, chocolate milk on occasion and french vanilla for the caffeine hits. I'm also going to cut down on the amount of lunch I buy at school both to save more money and to eat better :). Finally I'm going to use the exercise bike my parents bought more often. If you want to encourage me, post below in encouragement :). My goal is to get below 200 - if I can get to and maintain 180, I will be happy.
And now... for bed!
*hugs to all and to all a goodnight*
~ Dep ~
I've been trying to figure out what makes a person interesting to me, and I hit on at least an element of it. First of all, I'm going to use the word stereotype, and I want to define it carefully. It is my observation that, while they have unique characteristics for sure, the majority of people can be classified into a stereotype roughly - there is, after all, a reason for most stereotypes to exist (I'm talking personality stereotypes). Maybe Ashley could expand on this from her psych courses, but from my experience most people roughly fall into one catagory or another - as an example, Stereotype X may have attributes A, B, C, D and E - person Y may be an X if they have only A, C, D and E. Its close, it allows for some variations but they fit into a group - goth, prep, jock, nerd, emo, the list goes on.
And its my observation that the people whom I find the most interesting are people who either don't fit into any classification at all... or draw equally from a number of different catagories - I put myself into the latter and people like Daren into the former. They're people who don't have one word/phrase descriptions for themselves, people who have depth and character, people who have oddities, eccentricities, people who can really only be known by knowing them over long periods of time.
That should be controversial enough to get my chatterbox going with flaming comments :).
A toast to you whom I call my closest of friends - and you know who you are - for you are these very special people... people who know what it means to be people.
I also have an announcement to make before I go to bed. Today I got on the scale and to be honest... it scared me. So as of tonight midnight (in 6 minutes) I am cutting my nemesis - soft drinks - out of my diet. Completely. Actually I find even Coke, my addiction, is becoming too sweet for my liking. In replacement will be much water, chocolate milk on occasion and french vanilla for the caffeine hits. I'm also going to cut down on the amount of lunch I buy at school both to save more money and to eat better :). Finally I'm going to use the exercise bike my parents bought more often. If you want to encourage me, post below in encouragement :). My goal is to get below 200 - if I can get to and maintain 180, I will be happy.
And now... for bed!
*hugs to all and to all a goodnight*
~ Dep ~
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Night Thoughts...
(EDIT: I apologize for any long rants about things that have past. It needed to get out, thats all I'll say)
Is it not strange, the power of music. It shapes our thoughts, our moods. It associates with things happy and sad, pulling them back. Tonight is a night for thought, for a return to an early time - and though some may call me a fool for lamenting the loss, though some may not understand why... tonight is not a night for burying thoughts.
It began with an image of a woman I loved - not a goddess, nor an angel simply a woman - pulled from my mind by the lyrics of a song I have long sought to bury from memory. What it is that stills binds me to my memories, I cannot say - we bickered and argued about the smallest thing and even though I did her wrong, I still say I love her. I miss her tender words at appropriate places, the feeling of being held at night and her drive for life - I miss being out and about on the town, seeing new things, meeting new people and simply being in the world instead of behind my computer screen. I even miss the arguments, some were delightfully interesting and perhaps I even learned something. I miss the nights of watching movies, the feeling of having somebody who wanted to always be there. I miss feeling like I was a part of somebodies life and I miss our hours of exploration. I miss the spontaneous feeling and not having to dig forever to see one part of her mind. I miss missing class to spend more time with her, I miss not being envious of other people because I know who I'll be going home with tonight. I miss being trusted along in her house, I miss helping and being helped with school work. I miss the music, I miss the videos we watched - I miss being bitched at for how much I play Runescape. I miss trying on her clothes, helping her dye her hair, having my hair dyed. I miss having a person who was as much a part of my life as myself. I miss the daring moments, the chances of being caught. I miss the looks in her eye, the feel of her skin. I miss her warmth on winter nights and her playfulness. I miss commenting on her artwork and I miss her acceptance of my nerd side, emo side and insane side.
But I do not regret having all of these things. All I regret is being enough of an idiot to push her away. All I regret are my constant flipflops when I knew all along where I should be, I just couldn't say it. I regret being weak enough not to be able to do what was right, and I regret losing her.
Tonight it started with an image - of a morning in her room, the window open to the winter's breeze and sunlight streaming in, casting shadows upon the wall. I remember waking up and having the sensation of a perfect moment in time - it all fit and I cannot recall ever being happier. And I realized that what I called "happy" up until then was a delusion - it was me telling myself that I am happy, that I should be happy when really I wasn't. But the thought was buried admist a torrent of painful thoughts of the words I would need to say to someone, words that I knew were right but that I could not bring myself to say. Even to the end, I lied to myself, to them, to most of the world until, finally, it all imploded.
And now, one year and a bit later, I look back and know the most crushing despair I have ever known - that I held in my arms the person I wanted and managed to ruin it all. So this poem tonight is dedicated to that person... she will never read it most likely, but it still must be said. I'm sorry doesn't quite cut it, but its all I can say and do now.
Goodnight.
--
Is it not strange, the power of music. It shapes our thoughts, our moods. It associates with things happy and sad, pulling them back. Tonight is a night for thought, for a return to an early time - and though some may call me a fool for lamenting the loss, though some may not understand why... tonight is not a night for burying thoughts.
It began with an image of a woman I loved - not a goddess, nor an angel simply a woman - pulled from my mind by the lyrics of a song I have long sought to bury from memory. What it is that stills binds me to my memories, I cannot say - we bickered and argued about the smallest thing and even though I did her wrong, I still say I love her. I miss her tender words at appropriate places, the feeling of being held at night and her drive for life - I miss being out and about on the town, seeing new things, meeting new people and simply being in the world instead of behind my computer screen. I even miss the arguments, some were delightfully interesting and perhaps I even learned something. I miss the nights of watching movies, the feeling of having somebody who wanted to always be there. I miss feeling like I was a part of somebodies life and I miss our hours of exploration. I miss the spontaneous feeling and not having to dig forever to see one part of her mind. I miss missing class to spend more time with her, I miss not being envious of other people because I know who I'll be going home with tonight. I miss being trusted along in her house, I miss helping and being helped with school work. I miss the music, I miss the videos we watched - I miss being bitched at for how much I play Runescape. I miss trying on her clothes, helping her dye her hair, having my hair dyed. I miss having a person who was as much a part of my life as myself. I miss the daring moments, the chances of being caught. I miss the looks in her eye, the feel of her skin. I miss her warmth on winter nights and her playfulness. I miss commenting on her artwork and I miss her acceptance of my nerd side, emo side and insane side.
But I do not regret having all of these things. All I regret is being enough of an idiot to push her away. All I regret are my constant flipflops when I knew all along where I should be, I just couldn't say it. I regret being weak enough not to be able to do what was right, and I regret losing her.
Tonight it started with an image - of a morning in her room, the window open to the winter's breeze and sunlight streaming in, casting shadows upon the wall. I remember waking up and having the sensation of a perfect moment in time - it all fit and I cannot recall ever being happier. And I realized that what I called "happy" up until then was a delusion - it was me telling myself that I am happy, that I should be happy when really I wasn't. But the thought was buried admist a torrent of painful thoughts of the words I would need to say to someone, words that I knew were right but that I could not bring myself to say. Even to the end, I lied to myself, to them, to most of the world until, finally, it all imploded.
And now, one year and a bit later, I look back and know the most crushing despair I have ever known - that I held in my arms the person I wanted and managed to ruin it all. So this poem tonight is dedicated to that person... she will never read it most likely, but it still must be said. I'm sorry doesn't quite cut it, but its all I can say and do now.
Goodnight.
--
Night Thoughts (Oct 21/2006)
Twas the line of melody
that brought night's wind
once more to my door.
Too late for amends, to admit
that I need to depend;
tossed in my face once more.
For I, the treacherous mate,
have fallen into darkness so deep;
but long ago buried my dead.
Tonight, of nights, the dead walk.
Where, in my travesty of lies,
did I lose sight of reality?
Now, with long sight reacing back
it all seems so clear, so laid out.
Where did my footsteps go astray?
An image, two images, three;
like an opening floodgate, they return.
And with it, the tears of shame.
Winters day, in cold and bleak December;
your window's wide open, provoking shivers.
And I twist in bed to gaze upon your face,
feel the warmth and know we're safe.
The moment, a perfect moment, our moment in time
Long lost for now and ever...
Autumns come and nearly spent its stay,
out and about, such a beautiful day.
Come up here, look over the river with me
Hold me tightly, joking slightly
Is this not how life should be?
Far away, in distant lands,
I feel the power of an abandoned heart.
And write of how it feels to be
left alone, why aren't you here with me?
Where is she, who's supposed to be?
And now, there is only a single tear
for what was to be, might have been,
should have been but never will be.
Yet worst of all, I know the truth,
though others I may seek to blame,
there is only one... and his name is me.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
So many thoughts/projects...
-----------------------------------------
PROJECTS
-----------------------------------------
Heritage Underground (2): Few bugs left for me to fix but nothing big.
Heritage Underground (3): Starting to interview people
Ashes's Website: Not begun
Chrissie's Website: Not begun
CS PowerPoint Presentation: Outline Created
-----------------------------------------
THOUGHTS
-----------------------------------------
Plato, of all people, provided me with the metaphor for describing what I've spent a couple of weeks trying to describe. Daren and I were having a long discussion on Monday about the different kinds of people (a prelude to his breaking up with Vanessa). Plato's metaphor is of a man imprisoned inside of a cavern. Outside, there is a reality, but all the man can see is the shadows as they are cast upon the wall - some almost clear and others but wisps of smoke. He went on to say that some people never care to look for the source of the shadow (reality) and some people persue it relentlessly. This, I think, is the distinction that Daren and I were talking about - people who care for only what they can see versus people who look for explanations.
Is it odd for me to be so attracted to the sound of rain falling, or to the senses of autumn... these are things people associate with melancholy, sadness - yet I find them mesmerizing. There is beauty in every season, in every weather to me - the lonliness of a forest buried in snow, the warm summer nights, the scents of spring - but autumn is the most mesmerizing. I find myself staring out into the forest that borders our college for hours - people give me odd looks (its amazing how many people don't stop to appreciate the natural beauty surrounding us). Ottawa at night is equally beautiful - some people tell me that a man made city can't be beautiful and I tell them to come with me to the lookout at the art gallery in Ottawa. From there, the soft beauty of the surrounding landscape, with the mini forests and the dark Ottawa river at night are inspiring and it is enhanced by the surrounding city, with several amazing buildings (including Parliament) and the lights... the lights are good.
I find myself frustrated lately - and it isn't our politicians who continue to be idiots, or the conservative side of my family who tell me I'm an idiot for having a brain, or all of my projects. Its like something is missing in my life. In some ways, my life has progressed so far in the three years I've had this journal, but I wonder if I haven't lost something along the way.I don't remember the last time I had a really good philosophical conversation - well I do, it was with Daren last week, but it was the first one in an extremely long time. While I have more friends, most of them are just people I spend time with at school, occasionally go drinking with and talk with - not many of them have much interest in philosophy or psychology or any of the other wonderful things Daren and I love to discuss. I'm not saying they're idiots, but they're not the intellectual company I've come to enjoy so much. And I feel a bit frustrated even with Robyn (something I haven't discussed yet with her, I just can't think of a way to bring it up nicely lol). I guess I envisioned dating somebody more like myself, someone with who I can talk about anything from quantum physics to computers to philosophy to psychology to BDSM. (I also envisioned someone who could help me explore various aspects of that side of my personality). And some of you are saying 'well sex isnt a big deal' and I might even agree on occasion - but this is something I've had an interest in since... well since I discovered stuff like that on the Internet (don't ask how old I was :P). Lets just say I learned a lot of computer techniques in Windows from trying to break through the parental controls (and succeeding :) - take that Microsoft!). Anyways, back to the non-disturbing topics. Its a part of my personality and I can't deny that - its something I'll always have an interest in, like physics, computers, philosophy and psychology - and I wonder how frustrated I'll get if I can't explore. I am the anti-prude and that ain't changing lol. I also find I get frustrated with the conversations. I just can't seem to spark a conversation about anything beyond the mundane. Its infinately frustrating and I'm sure some people can sympathize. I'm still not sure exactly what to do, but I'm sure it will involve a serious conversation in the future.
I have to admit to a bit of a spark of jealousy over Daren and Vicki and a spark of sympathy towards Vanessa - I know how much that has to hurt. Thats all I'll say on that.
The mindflesh (as Ashley would say), she is empty. Now, to bed!
Goodnight everyone :). *hugs to all*
- Rob
PROJECTS
-----------------------------------------
Heritage Underground (2): Few bugs left for me to fix but nothing big.
Heritage Underground (3): Starting to interview people
Ashes's Website: Not begun
Chrissie's Website: Not begun
CS PowerPoint Presentation: Outline Created
-----------------------------------------
THOUGHTS
-----------------------------------------
Plato, of all people, provided me with the metaphor for describing what I've spent a couple of weeks trying to describe. Daren and I were having a long discussion on Monday about the different kinds of people (a prelude to his breaking up with Vanessa). Plato's metaphor is of a man imprisoned inside of a cavern. Outside, there is a reality, but all the man can see is the shadows as they are cast upon the wall - some almost clear and others but wisps of smoke. He went on to say that some people never care to look for the source of the shadow (reality) and some people persue it relentlessly. This, I think, is the distinction that Daren and I were talking about - people who care for only what they can see versus people who look for explanations.
Is it odd for me to be so attracted to the sound of rain falling, or to the senses of autumn... these are things people associate with melancholy, sadness - yet I find them mesmerizing. There is beauty in every season, in every weather to me - the lonliness of a forest buried in snow, the warm summer nights, the scents of spring - but autumn is the most mesmerizing. I find myself staring out into the forest that borders our college for hours - people give me odd looks (its amazing how many people don't stop to appreciate the natural beauty surrounding us). Ottawa at night is equally beautiful - some people tell me that a man made city can't be beautiful and I tell them to come with me to the lookout at the art gallery in Ottawa. From there, the soft beauty of the surrounding landscape, with the mini forests and the dark Ottawa river at night are inspiring and it is enhanced by the surrounding city, with several amazing buildings (including Parliament) and the lights... the lights are good.
I find myself frustrated lately - and it isn't our politicians who continue to be idiots, or the conservative side of my family who tell me I'm an idiot for having a brain, or all of my projects. Its like something is missing in my life. In some ways, my life has progressed so far in the three years I've had this journal, but I wonder if I haven't lost something along the way.I don't remember the last time I had a really good philosophical conversation - well I do, it was with Daren last week, but it was the first one in an extremely long time. While I have more friends, most of them are just people I spend time with at school, occasionally go drinking with and talk with - not many of them have much interest in philosophy or psychology or any of the other wonderful things Daren and I love to discuss. I'm not saying they're idiots, but they're not the intellectual company I've come to enjoy so much. And I feel a bit frustrated even with Robyn (something I haven't discussed yet with her, I just can't think of a way to bring it up nicely lol). I guess I envisioned dating somebody more like myself, someone with who I can talk about anything from quantum physics to computers to philosophy to psychology to BDSM. (I also envisioned someone who could help me explore various aspects of that side of my personality). And some of you are saying 'well sex isnt a big deal' and I might even agree on occasion - but this is something I've had an interest in since... well since I discovered stuff like that on the Internet (don't ask how old I was :P). Lets just say I learned a lot of computer techniques in Windows from trying to break through the parental controls (and succeeding :) - take that Microsoft!). Anyways, back to the non-disturbing topics. Its a part of my personality and I can't deny that - its something I'll always have an interest in, like physics, computers, philosophy and psychology - and I wonder how frustrated I'll get if I can't explore. I am the anti-prude and that ain't changing lol. I also find I get frustrated with the conversations. I just can't seem to spark a conversation about anything beyond the mundane. Its infinately frustrating and I'm sure some people can sympathize. I'm still not sure exactly what to do, but I'm sure it will involve a serious conversation in the future.
I have to admit to a bit of a spark of jealousy over Daren and Vicki and a spark of sympathy towards Vanessa - I know how much that has to hurt. Thats all I'll say on that.
The mindflesh (as Ashley would say), she is empty. Now, to bed!
Goodnight everyone :). *hugs to all*
- Rob
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Chatterbox
A long time ago I had a chatterbox for the people too lazy to post commentary - it returns today! Enjoy.
~ Dep ~
~ Dep ~
