Friday, April 14, 2006
Poem & Post
Alright, I agree... I've been silent too long here. Why? Because my mind is stuck in a loop and I can't make it break.
I've written two poems - both are going on my deviantART ASAP, but one is going right here, right now because it has special significance for somebody who may or may not read this.
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The Knife (April 14th 2006)
(Copyright 2006 Robert Turnbull)
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This topic isn't what on my mind, which is why I was glad I could write about it - it was a bit distracting (and I think far too much for my own good). I have no regrets in my actions and I think I've acted correctly at nearly every turn. My anger, while mildly regrettable, I don't regret anymore either because I've put up with far too much bullshit from people like her in my life. *shrugs* the next move is hers, as it always has been - let no one say I did nothing for our friendship, for I have. And while it is regrettable that four years of friendship would end like this, that is again her choice, not mine. It is very telling of exactly how close our friendship is if she's willing to toss it all out the window over nothing (yeah I'm talking about Nicky by the way for those of you who don't know). I suppose people change over time - then again, maybe not. I recall the first time I disagreed with her over a similar (if more bluntly obvious) matter and the scathing letter I got back.
I've already gone over what I think a good friendship should be, so I won't repeat myself. If she wants to explode this all out of proportion and be a drama queen, fine. Besides the fact she's proving me right, she's also making herself out to be a hypocrite considering how much she bitches about other people being melodramatic... and also considering how much SHE messes in other people's lives.
But you know what... it's done. Just like Kat last year, I need to accept this and be done with it. And I have really. She made it easy with all her attacks and snide comments. And now that she's removed me from her MSN and blocked me, I suppose I have her answer on how much it all meant to her.
I hope she learns the hard way. The extremely hard way. Maybe it will stick.
Anyways, enough on that.
[stops self from going back into loop]
I'm contemplating my PEA (Program Exit Assessment). In it we have to build a website that demonstrates everything we have learned in our program, showing various abilities we have. To prepare for that, I'm thinking of rebuilding my website... the right way. The problem is that I would have to host it here and run it off my server any time anyone wants to see it, but I suppose that is a small price to pay - not like anyone visits the current site. I've already started in a sense with my poetry site (seen only by Tiff so far)... I'll just have to expand that into a site that would serve as my expanded resume, personal website and such.
Anyways, I have little else to say tonight lol. Back into the silent loop my thoughts go.
- Dep
I've written two poems - both are going on my deviantART ASAP, but one is going right here, right now because it has special significance for somebody who may or may not read this.
-----
The Knife (April 14th 2006)
Warnings that went unheeded
into the dark, you cast me
The words that were always needed
Linger only in unfaithful memory
For your eyes grow dim with light
Shone only by your own choices
Always to be unaware of your plight
Ignorant of the loudest of noises
Your gift to us, the brave
Whom spoke of what they feared
Banished to the blackest cave
The names we bear now smeared
Forgive us for loving, forgive us for caring
In the end, it is so plain to see
That while you spit and shout, without a doubt
You care for nothing and no one but he
into the dark, you cast me
The words that were always needed
Linger only in unfaithful memory
For your eyes grow dim with light
Shone only by your own choices
Always to be unaware of your plight
Ignorant of the loudest of noises
Your gift to us, the brave
Whom spoke of what they feared
Banished to the blackest cave
The names we bear now smeared
Forgive us for loving, forgive us for caring
In the end, it is so plain to see
That while you spit and shout, without a doubt
You care for nothing and no one but he
(Copyright 2006 Robert Turnbull)
-----
This topic isn't what on my mind, which is why I was glad I could write about it - it was a bit distracting (and I think far too much for my own good). I have no regrets in my actions and I think I've acted correctly at nearly every turn. My anger, while mildly regrettable, I don't regret anymore either because I've put up with far too much bullshit from people like her in my life. *shrugs* the next move is hers, as it always has been - let no one say I did nothing for our friendship, for I have. And while it is regrettable that four years of friendship would end like this, that is again her choice, not mine. It is very telling of exactly how close our friendship is if she's willing to toss it all out the window over nothing (yeah I'm talking about Nicky by the way for those of you who don't know). I suppose people change over time - then again, maybe not. I recall the first time I disagreed with her over a similar (if more bluntly obvious) matter and the scathing letter I got back.
I've already gone over what I think a good friendship should be, so I won't repeat myself. If she wants to explode this all out of proportion and be a drama queen, fine. Besides the fact she's proving me right, she's also making herself out to be a hypocrite considering how much she bitches about other people being melodramatic... and also considering how much SHE messes in other people's lives.
But you know what... it's done. Just like Kat last year, I need to accept this and be done with it. And I have really. She made it easy with all her attacks and snide comments. And now that she's removed me from her MSN and blocked me, I suppose I have her answer on how much it all meant to her.
I hope she learns the hard way. The extremely hard way. Maybe it will stick.
Anyways, enough on that.
[stops self from going back into loop]
I'm contemplating my PEA (Program Exit Assessment). In it we have to build a website that demonstrates everything we have learned in our program, showing various abilities we have. To prepare for that, I'm thinking of rebuilding my website... the right way. The problem is that I would have to host it here and run it off my server any time anyone wants to see it, but I suppose that is a small price to pay - not like anyone visits the current site. I've already started in a sense with my poetry site (seen only by Tiff so far)... I'll just have to expand that into a site that would serve as my expanded resume, personal website and such.
Anyways, I have little else to say tonight lol. Back into the silent loop my thoughts go.
- Dep
// posted by Dep @ 10:07:00 p.m.
