Sunday, April 09, 2006
Anti-Social... kindof
I don't know what it is with me.
Today began with my brother's birthday party - many annoying young children... and I found as many excuses to get out of there as possible since not only were there too many people, my brother's friends are... not my kind of people.
So I accepted a friend's invitation to come play poker with the guys from my program and thats what I've been doing for the past seven hours... a pointless evening.
And its not that they aren't... well at least people I sit in the corner and hide from, I just need some alone time. And so I come here to MSN and to my journal.
Not that there isn't anything to talk about here that hasn't been talked about before. I suppose I could take another stab at the inner workings of my mind, because even I don't fully understand them.
(Eve: Warning, approaching evilness)
There is... feeling there. It is too soon to give it a name or say where it will go - that, only time will tell. But it is enough for me to dream a bit. But I remember the past... the pain and the hurt that came with. And I wonder if its worth trying again, or if I would be better off sitting in solitude and giving some real focus to my work. But the only thing I've ever given a damn about in my life is my relationships. In everything else, I just... can't motivate myself to care very much. Getting low marks is a bit disappointing, but in the end... finding a relationship is the focus. Perhaps thats sad from your perspective, but *shrugs* its how my priorities are I suppose. And I know what difficulties would lie in front of us... the number is large. In the end, I just have to go with it and see where it leads... but I just feel like I need to get it out, that the interest is there. And at the same time, I wonder if the interest is at all returned... if there is any point.
My mind hurts. I am not in a good mood for these kinds of thoughts, this endless repetative cycle of 'I want to say something' but 'I don't want to say something' but 'I should say something' yet 'Its too soon' but (and repeat).
So yeah... I'm going to go for a bit, but I may be back. I will return later perhaps.
- Dep
Today began with my brother's birthday party - many annoying young children... and I found as many excuses to get out of there as possible since not only were there too many people, my brother's friends are... not my kind of people.
So I accepted a friend's invitation to come play poker with the guys from my program and thats what I've been doing for the past seven hours... a pointless evening.
And its not that they aren't... well at least people I sit in the corner and hide from, I just need some alone time. And so I come here to MSN and to my journal.
Not that there isn't anything to talk about here that hasn't been talked about before. I suppose I could take another stab at the inner workings of my mind, because even I don't fully understand them.
(Eve: Warning, approaching evilness)
There is... feeling there. It is too soon to give it a name or say where it will go - that, only time will tell. But it is enough for me to dream a bit. But I remember the past... the pain and the hurt that came with. And I wonder if its worth trying again, or if I would be better off sitting in solitude and giving some real focus to my work. But the only thing I've ever given a damn about in my life is my relationships. In everything else, I just... can't motivate myself to care very much. Getting low marks is a bit disappointing, but in the end... finding a relationship is the focus. Perhaps thats sad from your perspective, but *shrugs* its how my priorities are I suppose. And I know what difficulties would lie in front of us... the number is large. In the end, I just have to go with it and see where it leads... but I just feel like I need to get it out, that the interest is there. And at the same time, I wonder if the interest is at all returned... if there is any point.
My mind hurts. I am not in a good mood for these kinds of thoughts, this endless repetative cycle of 'I want to say something' but 'I don't want to say something' but 'I should say something' yet 'Its too soon' but (and repeat).
So yeah... I'm going to go for a bit, but I may be back. I will return later perhaps.
- Dep
// posted by Dep @ 2:47:00 a.m.
