Saturday, March 18, 2006
Neutrality
My feelings as of late have been neutral. There have been some ups and there have been some downs. I won't get into them, they aren't important.
I don't have that much to say. Thoughts on what some people think of me... I spent time with Vicki a couple of nights ago - which was fun, we played some NES for the night. The problem is I just never felt comfortable around her... even though I've known her since the fourth grade. I think a part of it is my attraction towards her (which is something that I know is going nowhere, but its still there) and another part of it is the links to the rest of my life, when I was really insecure about myself. I've gotten past that for the most part, with the help of friends, but she brings all that old insecurity back and she keeps putting me down about things that are really no longer true... and a third part is that she's a bit intimidating. In the psychological sense, probably for all the reasons above as well as some other parts of our history. I don't really know how to change her mind - she doesn't give me the opportunity to prove different. Its one of the reasons we haven't seen each other in awhile (since I'm starting to dislike spending time around people who put me down... I know now that I don't need them). But the other reason is that she never seems to want to spend time around me, only when its convienent for her (Which is never) and I insist or when she wants something. That... well its not very pleasing, as you can imagine. And for some reason, I'm still attracted to her... don't ask me why, I really can't explain it.
Enough on that, I don't want to think about it more.
PTY was interesting this week. I saw K, which was good, and we talked about fetishes - why they're so tabboo and how we could make them less tabboo. Interesting discussion ensued.
I'm leaving this week, on Thursday, for an extended stay in Sudbury/Sault Ste Marie... which means I get to see Lisa, Eve and Freya, which I am quite excited about - its been too long since I've had real company and I miss them all - especially Lisa, whom I haven't seen since the summer. I forsee many interesting conversations, walks and movies.
Anyways, the hundreds of thoughts floating in my brain cannot be expressed here. I'm going to go grab Notepad and write.
And Eve... don't worry, I still have your question and personification in mind. Don't let me forget. Its been really busy and may continue to be so.
*hugs to y'all*
Laterz
- Rob
I don't have that much to say. Thoughts on what some people think of me... I spent time with Vicki a couple of nights ago - which was fun, we played some NES for the night. The problem is I just never felt comfortable around her... even though I've known her since the fourth grade. I think a part of it is my attraction towards her (which is something that I know is going nowhere, but its still there) and another part of it is the links to the rest of my life, when I was really insecure about myself. I've gotten past that for the most part, with the help of friends, but she brings all that old insecurity back and she keeps putting me down about things that are really no longer true... and a third part is that she's a bit intimidating. In the psychological sense, probably for all the reasons above as well as some other parts of our history. I don't really know how to change her mind - she doesn't give me the opportunity to prove different. Its one of the reasons we haven't seen each other in awhile (since I'm starting to dislike spending time around people who put me down... I know now that I don't need them). But the other reason is that she never seems to want to spend time around me, only when its convienent for her (Which is never) and I insist or when she wants something. That... well its not very pleasing, as you can imagine. And for some reason, I'm still attracted to her... don't ask me why, I really can't explain it.
Enough on that, I don't want to think about it more.
PTY was interesting this week. I saw K, which was good, and we talked about fetishes - why they're so tabboo and how we could make them less tabboo. Interesting discussion ensued.
I'm leaving this week, on Thursday, for an extended stay in Sudbury/Sault Ste Marie... which means I get to see Lisa, Eve and Freya, which I am quite excited about - its been too long since I've had real company and I miss them all - especially Lisa, whom I haven't seen since the summer. I forsee many interesting conversations, walks and movies.
Anyways, the hundreds of thoughts floating in my brain cannot be expressed here. I'm going to go grab Notepad and write.
And Eve... don't worry, I still have your question and personification in mind. Don't let me forget. Its been really busy and may continue to be so.
*hugs to y'all*
Laterz
- Rob
// posted by Dep @ 11:24:00 p.m.
