Sunday, January 22, 2006
Stuff
There's a new poem on my deviantART profile - the link is to your right (or at least it should be). Same username as always.
I have still not been able to get thoughts of Sarah out of my head. Its... theres no point in writing about it. I'm a lonely freak who loves to dream of what once was but can never be... and I'm a fool to think its anything more than that. There is no love there anymore... no desire to be even a friend with me.
I hate that thought. I refused to accept it for the longest time... I buried it.
This is starting to remind me of Vicki all over again. I doubt that's a good thing from your perspective. The logical part of me says I'm a fool. The emotional...
I fear this is going to continue until I find another companion. I fear my slide into what I used to be will continue... and I fear I'm going to enjoy this in some sick and twisted way. In a way, this is what has stood between me and my poetry - my happiness... in the darkness, mayhaps I can find my pen again. In a way, I miss my old self.
But a part of me... a part of me misses being in a relationship a great deal. I know a lot of people think that would be for the sex... but its not...
Its for waking up next to somebody... its for having somebody to hug and hold... its for being a part of somebodies life. Sarah and I went shopping together because we needed to, I stayed at her place alone while she was at work... it just... its having somebody there who... not belongs to, because it isn't about ownership... but it is. Its about being "the one" as Sarah put it. Its about that simple feeling when they walk into the room and every particle of you wants to leap for joy. James... you will remember how I described it... you were right and I was a fool.
I can never undo what is done. But I can tell the truth now that Sarah was my "one". And I don't know if anybody can ever take her place.
Sex, in the end, means very little. Sure its great and all. But you can't build a relationship on it. You build one on time together, on honesty and on trust. You build it on so many of the little things, things that Courtney and I just couldn't have. I don't blame her... I realize I was as much as fault as her... we just were in a situation where it couldn't work between us and so it failed.
My meandering thoughts need to be put to bed me thinks.
Goodnight all.
- Dep
I have still not been able to get thoughts of Sarah out of my head. Its... theres no point in writing about it. I'm a lonely freak who loves to dream of what once was but can never be... and I'm a fool to think its anything more than that. There is no love there anymore... no desire to be even a friend with me.
I hate that thought. I refused to accept it for the longest time... I buried it.
This is starting to remind me of Vicki all over again. I doubt that's a good thing from your perspective. The logical part of me says I'm a fool. The emotional...
I fear this is going to continue until I find another companion. I fear my slide into what I used to be will continue... and I fear I'm going to enjoy this in some sick and twisted way. In a way, this is what has stood between me and my poetry - my happiness... in the darkness, mayhaps I can find my pen again. In a way, I miss my old self.
But a part of me... a part of me misses being in a relationship a great deal. I know a lot of people think that would be for the sex... but its not...
Its for waking up next to somebody... its for having somebody to hug and hold... its for being a part of somebodies life. Sarah and I went shopping together because we needed to, I stayed at her place alone while she was at work... it just... its having somebody there who... not belongs to, because it isn't about ownership... but it is. Its about being "the one" as Sarah put it. Its about that simple feeling when they walk into the room and every particle of you wants to leap for joy. James... you will remember how I described it... you were right and I was a fool.
I can never undo what is done. But I can tell the truth now that Sarah was my "one". And I don't know if anybody can ever take her place.
Sex, in the end, means very little. Sure its great and all. But you can't build a relationship on it. You build one on time together, on honesty and on trust. You build it on so many of the little things, things that Courtney and I just couldn't have. I don't blame her... I realize I was as much as fault as her... we just were in a situation where it couldn't work between us and so it failed.
My meandering thoughts need to be put to bed me thinks.
Goodnight all.
- Dep
// posted by Dep @ 1:41:00 a.m.
