Thursday, December 15, 2005
Crazy? Maybe
Alright - the official debate on whether or not I have a mental disorder of some kind/degree or another opens officially :S. My parents today, after I expressed a brief concern about my new job and me being anxious over doing technical support in French, decided to sit down with me and have a nice long chat *sarcasm* about my issues. Which they have, before now, kept their nose out of - being more concerned with my brother. I, being really exhausted, have just realized that I told them all - and my parents recommendation, to me, was that I go see a 'specialist' to help me with my issues.
This is over the fact that I have difficulty talking to people I don't know really well about the simplest of things and I have difficulty talking to even people I know about some of the deepest of things. I mean like directly talking to - I have no issues writing about them, possibly why I love the Internet so much. I mean - the only times I have ever experienced real, true panic attacks are before french oral exams and when I need to have a serious talk about a relationship with someone. Other than that, I feel a bit of anxiety and discomfort during public speaking and such, but probably no more than most people.
The whole topic came up when I told them I was having second thoughts about taking this job I was offered. Why? Last night, I had a combination panic attack/3 hours sleepless night - I kept focusing on my french oral of today and my job that I should be starting next week. I know I'm going to freak out. I know I'm probably going to drag myself in to the office and that it's going to be stressful. I told my mom this and of course we got into the why. So I told her the why (which is something she didn't know about) and then the long conversation got started.
So... do I have issues? No one is going to deny that I don't. But I believe I've improved over the last few years and perhaps improvement is enough. I certainly don't think I need meds... even therapy is stretching it (plus my natural hatred of psychologists). I don't really like having panic attacks but I've gotten used to them sortof.
Bleh. Leave your opinions.
The exams all went well - I passed the oral, did well on Knowledge and aced Operating Systems. PTY went good - I was coordinator for the evening and people ditched on my part. I was a bit hurt but it's all good. I'll hunt them down next week.
Lots of things to learn and such. I'm really tired. Like exhausted to the point that I TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH ME! WTF AM I THINKING
I need sleep.
*hugs*
- Dep -
This is over the fact that I have difficulty talking to people I don't know really well about the simplest of things and I have difficulty talking to even people I know about some of the deepest of things. I mean like directly talking to - I have no issues writing about them, possibly why I love the Internet so much. I mean - the only times I have ever experienced real, true panic attacks are before french oral exams and when I need to have a serious talk about a relationship with someone. Other than that, I feel a bit of anxiety and discomfort during public speaking and such, but probably no more than most people.
The whole topic came up when I told them I was having second thoughts about taking this job I was offered. Why? Last night, I had a combination panic attack/3 hours sleepless night - I kept focusing on my french oral of today and my job that I should be starting next week. I know I'm going to freak out. I know I'm probably going to drag myself in to the office and that it's going to be stressful. I told my mom this and of course we got into the why. So I told her the why (which is something she didn't know about) and then the long conversation got started.
So... do I have issues? No one is going to deny that I don't. But I believe I've improved over the last few years and perhaps improvement is enough. I certainly don't think I need meds... even therapy is stretching it (plus my natural hatred of psychologists). I don't really like having panic attacks but I've gotten used to them sortof.
Bleh. Leave your opinions.
The exams all went well - I passed the oral, did well on Knowledge and aced Operating Systems. PTY went good - I was coordinator for the evening and people ditched on my part. I was a bit hurt but it's all good. I'll hunt them down next week.
Lots of things to learn and such. I'm really tired. Like exhausted to the point that I TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH ME! WTF AM I THINKING
I need sleep.
*hugs*
- Dep -
// posted by Dep @ 12:15:00 a.m.
