Evil Geniuses in a Nutshell

CHAPTER VII – RETURN OF THE RIP-OFF

(DEP – YOU KNOW YOU’RE SUCH A NERD RIGHT?)

Hey… it’s that guy… right… umm… User! Didn’t you die by Pentacle… and by Chainsaw?

(DAMN STRAIGHT – BUT YOU’LL NEVER KILL ME! MUWHAHAHAHA)

Oh… fine, just shut up and watch, okay?

(MMMM, MAYBE)

Right. So where was I? Oh yes, hello Audience. I bet you’ve been wondering when I’d get around to finishing this. It’s been quite awhile hasn’t it? Two, three months I believe. But, by popular request, I am back to pen (with my keyboard) the final chapters… so welcome once again to the world of…

STAR WARS VII
The Return of the Rip-Off

With Yoda and the rest of the Jedi dead, finally Tristan could claim his place as that cute loveable Dark Lord of the Sith, that only obtained that name when George Lucas travelled back in time and found out they were actually called the Sith, even though he never used it in his first three movies…

Now, with all the power in the galaxy at his hands, Tristan could finally hunt out that last, elusive…

(AHEM)

…

…

…

*Ninjas comes out of nowhere with Satanic symbols* THE POWER OF SATAN REPELS YOU!

(*EXPLODES*)

Alright, alright. Welcome back gentle Audience to my tale of mayhem and destruction… or was that senselessness and disaster? In any case, just as a reminder…

NO TONGUING THE FROGS!

That’s right you heard me. The frogs *nods*. So we’re on page 21 of this incredible tale. When we last left our anti-hero and real-heroine, they were falling through the floor after crashing a spaceship into the White House and singing…

Oh my God, I was wrong
It was Earth, all along
You’ve finally made a monkey
Yes you’ve finally made a monkey
You've finally made a monkey out of me

Let the adventure continue…

CHAPTER VIII – BUT THE SCARIEST THING OF ALL…

This is Chapter 8 for those morons who can’t read roman numerals because they were too busy enjoying jacking off their teacher when he was explaining roman numerals in a slow squeaky voice.

Tristan and Dawn landed on a hard surface. They looked around and took in the landscape. Off in the distance was a steep spire. The atmosphere was strong and pungent, smelling of tar. Taking in the detail around them, they became terrified and clung to each other in fear. In front of them was a large, forbidding structure with a steel lightning rod on top. Between them and the structure was an evil looking metallic device that looked suitable for indescribable forms of torture. Dawn and Tristan looked at each other and then slowly took a step to the right and…

stepped past the car. They were in a small residential area, surrounded by normal looking houses with lightning rods on top. It was an absolutely plain, boring neighbourhood, with boring cars parked in front that were just plain normal. Suddenly, something clicked in Tristan’s head.

Tristan: My God… It’s my house…

Dawn: Yeah… it is… but with cool narration.

Tristan: Dude…

Dawn: Sweet…

They walked briskly up the stairs and into Tristan’s house. There was Tristan’s mother in the kitchen, stirring up something that smelled disgusting in the soup pot. Sounds of typing could be heard from downstairs where Tristan’s father was typing on the computer, playing Runescape.

Tristan: For some reason this house gives me the willies…

Dawn: What do you mean, love?

Tristan: It’s just so… I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Walking up the stairs, they entered Tristan’s room. It looked as though he hadn’t even moved out three years ago with Dawn. There was a white computer in the corner; green paint covered the walls with posters of various music groups (Evanescence being predominant) and movies. Plus dragons. Many many dragons. They lay down upon the bed and…

WARNING! WARNING!

THIS PART HAS BEEN CENSORED DUE TO CURRENT RESTRICTIONS IMPOSED BY MICROSOFT ON YOUR COMPUTER. PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE TYPING THIS SCENE OF A SEXUAL NATURE OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO HACK INTO YOUR COMPUTER AND EXPOSE YOUR PERVERTED NATURE TO THE WORLD. OR JUST HAVE OUR OWN CORPORATE POLICE BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND ARREST YOU.

Stupid Microsoft

WE HEARD THAT… DO NOT INSULT MICROSOFT… IN FACT DON’T EVEN SAY THE WORLD MICROSOFT AS IT INFRINGES UPON COPYRIGHT LAWS!

I need a Mac… big time.

THE POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY AND YOUR PORN FILES HAVE BEEN E-MAILED TO YOUR TWENTY BEST FRIENDS. HAVE A GOOD DAY MR. MUNRO!

Oy. Well I suppose I need to finish this chapter before the police get here!

*sirens wail in the distance*

Tristan: I’ve got it!

Tristan walked up to the wall and hit a hidden panel there. Slowly the room revolved. The view from the windows shifted until it was facing the house beside Tristan’s. Finally the room stopped.

Dawn: What was that?!

Tristan: You’ll see, follow me.

He walked over to his bedroom door and pulled it open. In front of them was a long deep stairwell leading down. He climbed down, Dawn following close behind him.

Tristan: Years ago, I stumbled upon an alternate dimension which can be travelled to by hitting that secret panel and then opening the door to my room. My portal leads to a room… well you’ll see. But it’s very important.

Dawn: Alright… I trust you Tristan.

Tristan smiled then his face took on a look of concentration as he looked around the bottom of the staircase. They were in a small room, stone walls that were completely blank.

Tristan: I know it’s around here somewhere… ah…here we go!

Tristan pulled out a stone and pushed a hidden button. Suddenly, the middle of the room, a giant ring rose from out of the ground. The ring whirled around, stopping occasionally, like a giant old rotary phone.

Dawn: What’s it doing?

Tristan: I have no clue… but watch!

The ring stopped turning and a huge cloud of blue liquid exploded outwards from it, but caught itself at the last minute and retreated to form a semi-liquid surface in the interior of the ring.

Tristan: Ladies first!

Dawn: Why thank you.

She stepped through the portal with Tristan following close behind.

They appeared on the other side in a large room full of books. There was no door, only books, two comfortable arm chairs, a lamp and the ring, now dark and empty. Quickly, Tristan walked over to a bookcase and pulled a book from it.

Tristan: Here, read this.

Dawn: What’s it about?

Tristan: You’ll see.

The following is an account of the first exploration of Pun Hell. To access Pun Hell, one of two things must occur. Either you be selected by the Goddess of Pi (the ruler of Pun Hell) to enter and then make a pun, or you determine the entrance to Pun Hell, which is a closely guarded secret. Pun Hell is filled with many mythical creatures, creatures no one dreamed were real. It is controlled and ruled by the Goddess of Pi, as I said, who is said to be the most beautiful creature of all creation. You travel from one level to the other by making puns, however you only travel if and when the Goddess of Pi wishes you to. It is said she resides in the bottommost level of Pun Hell and rewards greatly those who pass all of her tests. I have only heard her name spoken once, by a commoner on the second level, he said her name was…

Dawn: The rest is all smudged, I can’t read it

Tristan: I know, it was like that when I read it. At first I thought it was just a myth, but now I think that it’s all true, Dawn. We’ve truly been invited into Pun Hell!

Dawn: Great… but Trist?

Tristan: Yeah?

Dawn: There’s a cop behind you.

Fucking Microsoft! How dare they invade my story!

Tristan: Shit, it’s the fuzz!

Dawn: Run for it.

Here follows the comical, stereotypical running scene where everyone runs all over the place and nothing makes sense. I’m too lazy to actually detail it, especially as Microsoft is actually knocking on my door.

Tristan: Dawn! Think of a pun!

Dawn: um… um… hum… bum… bum hug time?

Tristan: Good enough!

And they both fell through the floor as the Microsoft Agents closed in on empty space.

But as a final lesson, what is the scariest thing of all? You know what it is.

Hmm, let me see, my last post was... Tuesday night. So let's begin with Wednesday

I spent wednesday doing some work and ended up going home to do some more work. I finished all my mechanics labs and the majority of my chemistry labs and I am left with 2-3 of them to finish which I will finish on Monday. I'm almost completely caught up in all my classes now, so it's about time to begin reviewing for the final... thus I need to...

1) Review Hawthorne, Poe, Mishima and the fourth author we're reading in Major Authors.
2) Review various chapters in Chemistry (though everything we're doing here we did last year) and Mechanics (mostly new stuff) plus Linear Algebra (I'm good with most of it, just a little brush up)
3) Complete my gym assignments and ask my gym teacher if and when I can make up the gym course I missed.

If I get all that done, I should be good for the finals.

Today's posts in addition to this one are one for the private journal, then I'm going to do some work (probably program and maybe take a look at Java programming on the web)

No PTY Wednesday, of couse. Thursday went moderately well, I tutored (made $30) for three hours in the evening. Friday I saw HitchHiker's Guide, excellent movie with sufficient connections to the book and tv series to make vague amounts of sense but not enough connections to be a direct adaptation. Four more movies following it, can't wait for them!

Today, I spent most of the morning playing games and programming. Very boring day.

Oh yes I dropped off two applications (RadioShack and NYF) in case I forgot to mention it - more job hunting coming during the exams and after.

Anyways, I'm off to the private journal.

Laterz all.

Dep

I have at least one poem to post tonight, watch for that.

And... news you say?

Well not much else to say lol.

I'll post again tomorrow. Laterz all.

*hugs to Andy*

Laterz

I took the day off school for various reasons: 1 I wanted to go job hunting (and got two resumes handed out to RadioShack and New York Fries, with more planned for later this week). 2 I was getting stressed out. 3 I wanted to drop by the bus depot and check bus ticket prices. Bus tickets are $235 in total from Ottawa to Timmins return, which is pretty decent over the $270 they made me pay last time because I didn't check the bus fares to see if Sudbury was cheaper (which it is).

Tonight I have tutoring from 7:15 to 8:45, one and a half hours and I'm going to get paid for 2 and a half as they didn't pay me when I tutored two weeks ago, so $25 heading my way tonight which will be put into my savings account tomorrow (a tad more job hunting tomorrow, again at Rideau). My schedule for the rest of the week is I'm tutoring another kid on Thursday, in Gatineau, so I may not be home til 9:30-10pm. Tomorrow I may go to PTY or I may not, I'm really not sure at this point, still debating. I'd love to see Jaz and Shannon and the gang but not certain how social a mood I'll be in - sometimes PTY just depresses me. Currently the "Timmins" fund stands at $15 so only $175 to go. (which will be $150 by tomorrow). I've worked it out and I've figured I can afford the trip. I tutor for $35-$45 a week, so 70-90 every two weeks plus my allowence (muwhaha) which is another 20 at this point (for the next two weeks after which it's back up to it's regular healthy $80/$70 split.) so I'll be making 90-110 every two weeks for the next month which... strangely enough... gives me 180-220 dollars, plus the 15 I currently have and the 10 I'll be paid tomorrow for previous tutoring for a total between 205 and 245. I may borrow a little from my parents for food and maybe the extra money on the tickets but beyond that I think I'm good. (Heh I'll ask them to advance me my June 1st allowence, it's close enough (in fact it'll be paid while I'm there) that'll give me 285-325 for the trip which should be excellent.

Anyways, I've got some things to prepare for tutoring tonight (like food for myself and some problems for him on algebra) and then I'll be back on around 9pm tonight so if anyone wants to talk with me, that's when I'll be around until 11-12 (maybe one if you're lucky) doing some work. Also, Freya, if you're reading this, PLEASE call me and tell me what's up, your message wasn't very helpful.

Oh, and I'd like to take a vote. Please message me on-line, drop me a line at my e-mail address (it's on my website) or post a comment. Do you want me to bring back the chatterbox? And while you're at it, do you want the revamped site before or after the rest of the stories?

Thanks guys!

*hugs to Andy*

*less hugs to everyone else*

Laterz!

1) The post to the private journal about recent events and discoveries has been posted tonight, it's a long one so feel free to take a look at it if you want.

2) I posted all the poetry I could find from the past 3 months, it's not that much but it's some - it's up on the poetry journal (link to the right as usual)

3) Soon to come, new links! If you'd like your journal to appear here, just drop me a line or an IM and I'll post it up. Feel free to post mine if you'd like, I don't mind people reading.

In other news (that I forgot)

I do have a semi-job now, tutoring kids (3 of them) which makes 30-40 a week. it's not that bad, not great but worth my time at $10 an hour and I'll probably keep it going even if I do work on weekends. Still job hunting, printed 60 copies of my resume today (20 Fre/Eng doubles, 20 Eng singles, 20 Fre singles) but hoping to get something as I now have a month of tutoring on there.

My website is soon to be updated with a brand new look, I'm going for something more professional. I'm also debating starting a new website strictly for writing, with resources for editors like an e-mail form for you to send your corrections and comments to.

Speaking of writing...

Pun Hell will be finished. You have my word of honor, I will not leave it hanging like this. I've already prepared most of a new chapter for you and will begin posting it soon.

Dawn will be finished, but not anytime soon. I've asked Andy to collaborate with me on it, as I feel it needs a woman's touch, so we will be trading chapters over the internet, perfecting them.

New projects, including Books II and III of the Dawn series are put on hold until the summer at the earliest, when I'll have more free time.

I'm debating creating a collaborative website with Andy, displaying both of our works, but I need to talk to her about it and work out some details. My poetry program works as usual, I just am thinking about updating the code to allow more customization of a general outlay for the website. Speaking of which, new website layout coming soon! much cooler than the previous one.

Last thing of writing - poetry. Lots of poetry coming, in fact I even have plans to add one more tonight before I hit the hay.

So that's about it y'all. Keep it cool.

*hugs to Andy*

Laterz

Dep

A short one for here, then moving over to private as today has been a day of realizations and I wish to speak of them.

Currently there are plans to go camping in May in Timmins. Many suggestions are being tossed around so more details when they finalize but at the moment it looks like May 28th for 5-6 (maybe 7-8) days. Going are Freya, Angelis, Andy, myself and four of our mutual (well two I know, two I don't) friends. (Only about a month remaining til that happens)

Currently, I'm up to my eyeballs in work. I have
- many lab reports to finish (but no new ones being added)
- a mechanics assignment
- an english assignment

but they're all being worked on (I'll probably finish at least one mechanics lab tonight and maybe a chemistry one or two)

I've made an official decision about what I am doing next semester, I am changing programs at Heritage and staying at Heritage - I will be taking Computer Science. As such, I'm not putting as much effort into my science related classes but I'm still trying to pass them all.

There are indeed many quizes on the LiveJournal, so go look at it. I'll be updating the links here to include that page ASAP. Remember it's friends only, if you want to be added, just add me as a friend or post a comment asking to be added as a friend.

Anyways, on to the private journal for a few more private thoughts.

*hugs to Andy*

Laterz all!

I've decided to revive my blogger journals as Freya and Raven don't have access to my LiveJournal, thus look for more posting here. I also like the layout and customizability plus I may bring back a chatterbox. So on with a post...

Toronto.

Yes I went to Toronto, to see Sonata Arctica (my favorite band) live. As my guest of honor, I had the Goddess of Pi herself (Aka Andy). Here follows my tale.

The trip there was borign, so I'll just summerize it. Got up at 5:15am, got ready, left 6am, arrived bus depot 6:30, left 7, two movies "Girl Next Door" and "Around The World in 80 Days", read a bit, arrived, waited an hour for Andy to show up (missed her first bus there). Andy shows up. Let the adventure begin.

Wandered around the Path, the Eaton Centre and the shopping district that lies around it. Ate lunch (homemade sandwiches) at the food court in the Eaton Centre. Saw a lot of that part of the city, very cool. Found out where the Opera House was, determined its a 45 minute walk instead of 15 minutes. Leave to go find dinner, end up eating at the old sphagetti factory. go to concert, 45 minute walk. Huge crowds, 100+ people when we got there, quickly swelling to 200+. Packed inside, concert starts with two indie bands I've never heard of, but they're pretty good. Finally Sonata Arctica comes on, it's awesome, awesome experience all around. Leave at 11:30, Andy's missed her bus already. Get back to terminal at just about midnight, my bus is still there but I stay with Andy as her next bus isn't until morning. We wonder where to sleep for the night, call parents, parents suggest putting us up in a hotel room over the phone. Sounds good, so we walk to the nearest hotel, a Days Hotel. Get lost going there, need a lot of directions to get back on track, but finally we get there. Clerk tells us we need to get my dad to fax a copy of his credit card, so we decide to go to the next place. Next place, even worse, about 20 minutes away and you need to be 19 to pick up a room. So we call father, tell him about the fax, he says "okay, I can do that" and goes off to do it. We walk back to the hotel, it's now 4am. They say they also need a signed statement from my father. Back to phone. New fax, 10 minutes later. Back to counter. "We can't read the credit card number". Back to phone. Get number. Back to desk. "Okay, here's your room number and keys". Upstairs. Bathe. Sleep.

We wake up, it's about 10AM and we decide the best plan is for me to catch a bus at 11:30 and for Andy to catch a bus at 12:30, as she's feeling sick and wants to go back now. Say goodbye to Andy at 11:25, board bus and we're off.

Movies on the way back were "High Crime" and "King Arthur", both fairly decent. Lots of reading in between.

So yes, that was the trip in a nutshell and I'm actually feeling pretty bleh, my feet stink, so I'm going to go take a bath and come back in an hour or so at which point I'll add to my private journal (if you've forgotten the URL, message me on MSN and I may give it to you) with many more of my thoughts and feelings on the trip plus a recent update on "what the fuck has been going on with your love life Robert?"

After these cleansings

We'll be right back

*hugs to Andy*

Laterz all

- Dep Munro