Monday, December 06, 2004
The Many Levels of Pun Hell
I present to you, a multipart story. Here are the first four parts, more parts to be added as I write them!
CHAPTER (-2) - THE COPYRIGHT STATEMENT
I'd just like to make a note. The following things about this story are copyrighted.
Titles, words, people, places, clothing, shoes, disgusting bits of their body that fall off, mad cows, pun hell, monkeys of all shades and colours, spaceships, aliens, space whales, boogers, cow penises, words, sentances, phrases, dialogue, monologue, mononucleiosis, cell nuclei, Britain, all words in English, French, Italian, German, Latin, Pig Latin, Greek, Japansese and Atlantean; biker mice from mars, occasional cliched moments, all corny love scenes, Tristans balls, penis and arse; noodles, nostril holes and the varying values of pi. as well as normal pi.
Many thanks to Andy: For being one of the main characters, as well as bringing mad cows to life.
Many thanks to Jessica: For bringing space whales and many coloured monkeys to life
Many thanks to Sarah: For bringing spaceships and aliens to the Earth at last
Many thanks to http://babelfish.altavista.com : For allowing me to understand all those languages above.
Any attempts to violate, rape, molest, harm, disturb, gross out, finger, fist, lick, dribble drool upon, play with, copy, jack, gack, steal, have sex with, in the past present future, third or fourth or ninth dimension with the copyrighted material will entail sch consequences as treason did in the USSR.
CHAPTER (-1) - THE MANY TITLES
The Tale of Sir Maddus Cowus
AKA
The Many Levels Of Pun Hell
AKA
Into a Cow's Intestine and Back Again
AKA
How I got eaten by a Cow and was saved
AKA
Mad Cow Diseses in Pun Hell - A Historical Documentry
AKA
Spaces Whales Invade
AKA
Space Whale versus Made Cow
AKA
MONKEYS!
AKA
Oh my God I brainstorm Too Much, Please Kill Me
AKA
3.14159265347
AKA
Am I boring you yet or can I get away with one more title?
AKA
Monkeys and Whales and Cows and People
CHAPTER 0 - THE INTRODUCTION
You realize of course, that cows are people and people are monkeys and monkeys are whales and whales are cows? And from this, you of course realize that it creates an infinite loop which actually means that all four are actually one species capable of interbreeding? Good, because that's the basis of this entire story. And the aliens just rape the humans for fun, I swear. No intragalactic familes!
(SHUT UP, ON WITH THE STORY)
Oh, alright then.
A long long time ago...
In a galaxy far far away...
(intro to Star Wars)
DHDD: Episode V
Monkeys and Whales and Cows and People (and Aliens)
The Evil Empire has invaded Pun Hell and is preparing to bombard the...
(WHOA WHOA WHOA! THAT'S NOT EVEN HOW STAR WARS V STARTED. CHEESY RIPOFF!)
Oh alright... on with the actual story.
And just as a note, anything in italics is related to my friend, who's watching me write this. CoughUSERcough.
(MY GOD DEP! PLEASE, BE CIVIL!)
CHAPTER I - The Real World
A long time ago there were two people, named Tristan and Dawn. They lived in a nice house, of decent size, painted a deep shade of blue. It was in the countryside, surrounded by trees and pie plants. They'd been happily married for years now, and had a giant fluffy bunny for a bed, equipped with handcuffs and chains in all the right places. Some nights, they went up to the giant fluffy bunny and...
(TMI DEP!)
Oh, alright. (I suppose I'll get to that later).
(NO YOU WON'T!)
Shaddup you! This is my story. Go do your homework.
So one day, Tristan was upstairs, typing addictively on his computer when a pun popped into his head. He thought it was such a good pun that he just had to tell Dawn. So he went downstairs to find her.
"Love?"
"I'm in the kitchen, dear."
Tristan walked into the kitchen and hugged Dawn.
"I've got the worst pun in the world to tell you."
"Oh? What?"
"A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much is it for a beer. Bartender looks at him and says, 'For you, no charge'."
Dawn started laughing, until she noticed Tristan sinking through the floor! "Help help" he cried, but when she tried to pull him out of the floor, her hands went right through him. Finally he was gone completely, but she could still here his voice saying....
"Hey, there's a sign here. It says Welcome to Pun Hell! This is cool! Dawn, you've gotta see this. Hmm... a giant fluffy bunny eh?"
CHAPTER II - PUN HELL (LEVEL I)
Dawn immediately thought of a pun and fell through the floor onto Tristan's lap.
"Hey love" he said.
"Hey, hun" she said.
Tristan said "Hmm... a giant fluffy bunny. Just like our bed" and he then nuzzled the giant fluffy bunny. Dawn pulled him over onto her and kissed him. They made out on the giant fluffy bunny and his hand slowly went up her...
(DEP! GODDAMN IT! NO SEX!)
Oh. My. God. Shaddup already, you stupid user.
(OMG DID YOU CALL ME A USER? THAT'S IT, I'M OUTTA HERE.) (running sounds, door slamming, car drives off)
We're better off without him. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah.
Tired and exhausted, they lay on the fluffy bunny. Suddenly though, the bunny and Dawn turned to mist, and Tristan fell with a hard thump on the floor.
"Hey what happened?"
From off in the distance came a strange, wild, vicious moooing sound.
"Oh my god... no... it can't be... noo."
A huge herd of wild mad English brown cows came over a nearby hill. They raped Tristan anally, orally and aurally then ate him whole. He was then thrown up and chewed and eaten again. Then, the giant bunny appeared out of nowhere, with Dawn on it. Dawn destroyed the mad cows, and pulled Tristan out of the remains.
(In distance comes sounds of footsteps coming closer)
She kissed him and pulled him onto the giant fluffy bunny even though he was all sticky and covered with cow entrails, hugged him and slowly moved her hand up his...
(OMG ARE YOU STILL ON THE SEX? MY GOD! YOU PERV!)
Damn, when did the f-ing user come back...
(ARGH! NO USER! *leaves*)
Good riddence.
Go Greenday, said Tristan out of the blue, and Dawn and himself fell through the floor and into the next level of pun hell.
CHAPTER (-2) - THE COPYRIGHT STATEMENT
I'd just like to make a note. The following things about this story are copyrighted.
Titles, words, people, places, clothing, shoes, disgusting bits of their body that fall off, mad cows, pun hell, monkeys of all shades and colours, spaceships, aliens, space whales, boogers, cow penises, words, sentances, phrases, dialogue, monologue, mononucleiosis, cell nuclei, Britain, all words in English, French, Italian, German, Latin, Pig Latin, Greek, Japansese and Atlantean; biker mice from mars, occasional cliched moments, all corny love scenes, Tristans balls, penis and arse; noodles, nostril holes and the varying values of pi. as well as normal pi.
Many thanks to Andy: For being one of the main characters, as well as bringing mad cows to life.
Many thanks to Jessica: For bringing space whales and many coloured monkeys to life
Many thanks to Sarah: For bringing spaceships and aliens to the Earth at last
Many thanks to http://babelfish.altavista.com : For allowing me to understand all those languages above.
Any attempts to violate, rape, molest, harm, disturb, gross out, finger, fist, lick, dribble drool upon, play with, copy, jack, gack, steal, have sex with, in the past present future, third or fourth or ninth dimension with the copyrighted material will entail sch consequences as treason did in the USSR.
CHAPTER (-1) - THE MANY TITLES
The Tale of Sir Maddus Cowus
AKA
The Many Levels Of Pun Hell
AKA
Into a Cow's Intestine and Back Again
AKA
How I got eaten by a Cow and was saved
AKA
Mad Cow Diseses in Pun Hell - A Historical Documentry
AKA
Spaces Whales Invade
AKA
Space Whale versus Made Cow
AKA
MONKEYS!
AKA
Oh my God I brainstorm Too Much, Please Kill Me
AKA
3.14159265347
AKA
Am I boring you yet or can I get away with one more title?
AKA
Monkeys and Whales and Cows and People
CHAPTER 0 - THE INTRODUCTION
You realize of course, that cows are people and people are monkeys and monkeys are whales and whales are cows? And from this, you of course realize that it creates an infinite loop which actually means that all four are actually one species capable of interbreeding? Good, because that's the basis of this entire story. And the aliens just rape the humans for fun, I swear. No intragalactic familes!
(SHUT UP, ON WITH THE STORY)
Oh, alright then.
A long long time ago...
In a galaxy far far away...
(intro to Star Wars)
DHDD: Episode V
Monkeys and Whales and Cows and People (and Aliens)
The Evil Empire has invaded Pun Hell and is preparing to bombard the...
(WHOA WHOA WHOA! THAT'S NOT EVEN HOW STAR WARS V STARTED. CHEESY RIPOFF!)
Oh alright... on with the actual story.
And just as a note, anything in italics is related to my friend, who's watching me write this. CoughUSERcough.
(MY GOD DEP! PLEASE, BE CIVIL!)
CHAPTER I - The Real World
A long time ago there were two people, named Tristan and Dawn. They lived in a nice house, of decent size, painted a deep shade of blue. It was in the countryside, surrounded by trees and pie plants. They'd been happily married for years now, and had a giant fluffy bunny for a bed, equipped with handcuffs and chains in all the right places. Some nights, they went up to the giant fluffy bunny and...
(TMI DEP!)
Oh, alright. (I suppose I'll get to that later).
(NO YOU WON'T!)
Shaddup you! This is my story. Go do your homework.
So one day, Tristan was upstairs, typing addictively on his computer when a pun popped into his head. He thought it was such a good pun that he just had to tell Dawn. So he went downstairs to find her.
"Love?"
"I'm in the kitchen, dear."
Tristan walked into the kitchen and hugged Dawn.
"I've got the worst pun in the world to tell you."
"Oh? What?"
"A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much is it for a beer. Bartender looks at him and says, 'For you, no charge'."
Dawn started laughing, until she noticed Tristan sinking through the floor! "Help help" he cried, but when she tried to pull him out of the floor, her hands went right through him. Finally he was gone completely, but she could still here his voice saying....
"Hey, there's a sign here. It says Welcome to Pun Hell! This is cool! Dawn, you've gotta see this. Hmm... a giant fluffy bunny eh?"
CHAPTER II - PUN HELL (LEVEL I)
Dawn immediately thought of a pun and fell through the floor onto Tristan's lap.
"Hey love" he said.
"Hey, hun" she said.
Tristan said "Hmm... a giant fluffy bunny. Just like our bed" and he then nuzzled the giant fluffy bunny. Dawn pulled him over onto her and kissed him. They made out on the giant fluffy bunny and his hand slowly went up her...
(DEP! GODDAMN IT! NO SEX!)
Oh. My. God. Shaddup already, you stupid user.
(OMG DID YOU CALL ME A USER? THAT'S IT, I'M OUTTA HERE.) (running sounds, door slamming, car drives off)
We're better off without him. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah.
Tired and exhausted, they lay on the fluffy bunny. Suddenly though, the bunny and Dawn turned to mist, and Tristan fell with a hard thump on the floor.
"Hey what happened?"
From off in the distance came a strange, wild, vicious moooing sound.
"Oh my god... no... it can't be... noo."
A huge herd of wild mad English brown cows came over a nearby hill. They raped Tristan anally, orally and aurally then ate him whole. He was then thrown up and chewed and eaten again. Then, the giant bunny appeared out of nowhere, with Dawn on it. Dawn destroyed the mad cows, and pulled Tristan out of the remains.
(In distance comes sounds of footsteps coming closer)
She kissed him and pulled him onto the giant fluffy bunny even though he was all sticky and covered with cow entrails, hugged him and slowly moved her hand up his...
(OMG ARE YOU STILL ON THE SEX? MY GOD! YOU PERV!)
Damn, when did the f-ing user come back...
(ARGH! NO USER! *leaves*)
Good riddence.
Go Greenday, said Tristan out of the blue, and Dawn and himself fell through the floor and into the next level of pun hell.
// posted by Dep @ 1:16:00 a.m.
