Saturday, September 25, 2004
*sigh*
It's really hard to have an on-line relationship, especially when you're not officially dating and you're not sure when you'll get to see each other again. I know this, the last few weeks have (my apparent mood at times to the contrary) pretty bad. It's not that I don't really like Andarta or that I like someone more or any of those things... it's that I'm a touchy-feely person (freely admit that and I'm proud of it) and any relationship in which I can't be with the person a lot is hard on me. I even had it suggested to me yesterday by a friend of mine that I tell Andarta that I just wanted to be friends and that if we had the chance in the future to see each other a lot more often (ie living near each other in uni or something) and we still wanted to go out with each other, then we could. The idea... I honestly considered it. I'm not sure what I want to do. I really really like Andarta but this is very very difficult. Freya believes in me, but sometimes having someone who believes in you isn't enough. *sigh*.
So... pretty much I'm going to let things go as they go. I'll see Andarta when I see her and until then I'm going to try not to worry about anything. What happens, happens.
I'm also getting a little paranoid... sometimes Andarta seems distant and, although there could be a perfectly logical explanation for this (and probably is), still sometimes it makes me think. Especially after I talked with Jaz about her and her boyfriend and how she just didn't like him anymore (they have a long-distance relationship, though not quite so bad) in that way but didn't want to tell him this because he claims to be in love with her and she knows how much she'd hurt him. I worry sometimes that this is the case with Andarta and I... but Andarta knows, and I've told her many times, that I want the truth from her. If she doesn't give it, there's really nothing I can do. As I said above, I'm letting things go as they go. What happens, will happen.
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.
Later all.
So... pretty much I'm going to let things go as they go. I'll see Andarta when I see her and until then I'm going to try not to worry about anything. What happens, happens.
I'm also getting a little paranoid... sometimes Andarta seems distant and, although there could be a perfectly logical explanation for this (and probably is), still sometimes it makes me think. Especially after I talked with Jaz about her and her boyfriend and how she just didn't like him anymore (they have a long-distance relationship, though not quite so bad) in that way but didn't want to tell him this because he claims to be in love with her and she knows how much she'd hurt him. I worry sometimes that this is the case with Andarta and I... but Andarta knows, and I've told her many times, that I want the truth from her. If she doesn't give it, there's really nothing I can do. As I said above, I'm letting things go as they go. What happens, will happen.
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.
Later all.
// posted by Dep @ 6:20:00 p.m.
