Evil Geniuses in a Nutshell

I'm sorry, my dear readers. I didn't post about something when it happened which maybe I should of. I just didn't feel like ranting and raving and getting pissed off and perhaps saying some things I didn't mean. Now that I'm sure I do mean them... it's time to say them.

On Tuesday I believe it was, perhaps Monday, my memory is getting fuzzy, I found out from one of my friends that Andarta was cheating on me. Since the Monday before we broke up. When I first heard about it, I was... hmm. A strange mood, a combination of depressed, downcast, angry, violent, betrayed, wanting to lash out, sad, enraged against the world and anything and everything similar to these previous feelings. I doubt Andarta reads my blog anymore after this, so I will feel free to speak freely (and even if she did, I would anyways).

I don't get angry that often. Those of you who know me, know this. You know I don't lash out in anger until I am really driven to it. You know I forgive trespasses perhaps too easily sometimes and that I'm incapable of carrying a grudge. You're about to see something new from me then if you believed all that.

I hate her. Her, who seemed so magical to me that evening in May, her who cheered me and brought light back into my life, her whom I dreamed of and desired more than I have ever desired anyone. Her whom I loved. For her, I saved every penny for a month and a half almost, to visit her. Instead of purchasing items which caught my eye, instead of indulging my wish to obtain new books, new music, new clothing, I saved. I lived on what my parents offered for a month and a half. I bought her (and I can tell you now of it, for it will never be given to her) the most expensive jewelry I could afford and though it only cost $131.70, for me that is a lot. I bought her a lovely white gold pendant in the shape of a heart with a blue stone in it on a white gold chain. For her I did this and now... I see my repayment. Betrayal.

For that is what it is. Don't try and put fancy words on it, don't try and explain it with distance. She left for someone else. The distance was merely an excuse.

And so now I hate her. More than I hate anyone, I hate her. More than I hate Megan for the awful things she's put in my head, more than I hate Jayson for what he's done, perhaps even more than I hate Dark Angel's father for what he's done. Were I able to hit her and not bound by my moral code and by distance, I would.

I hate her.

For what she's done, there can be no forgiveness. Not from me. I cannot forgive a liar... a backstabber. Had she come to me, told me there was someone else, someone closer in town whom she had feelings for, then yes I could forgive her. But for going behind my back? Never. Not in a thousand years, should I live that long.

I don't wish I didn't know however. I always want to know of such things, for from them I can know who I can trust and who I cannot. I thank the person who told me, and though it may be obvious who it is, I will not speak their name.

So now I face the future with bright eyes. Yes, I've been hurt and betrayed, but the wound will heal in time and I may have learned my lessons from it. The rage and anger I feel will pass and I will find someone one day to share a long, happy, exciting life with. Someone who is creative, someone who is intelligent, someone I can discuss philosophy with, someone I can argue with, someone I can do nothing but listen to music deep into the night with, someone to take moonlite walks with and someone I can trust to the ends of the Earth with all of my deep secrets and my life. But Andarta as much as I wanted her to be and as well as she fits that description (with the obvious exception of the last one) will not be that person.

Now I will leave off of that subject for a moment, and speak of my dreams.

One summer I wish to take a journey. I want to take a very special person with me (my girlfriend, when I have one) and visit this land in which I live. I want to see the Pacific, want to see the Rockies, the Praries, the tundra, the Atlantic. Want to visit Vieux Montreal, Calgary, Vancouver, Halifax and everything in between. (This actually may take many summers, I realize that.) I want to travel, see new things and new places. And I want to share them all with the special person I described above.

Alright, so for some actual good news perhaps.

Happy Canada Day everyone. Even though it's raining here, I wish you a happy one anyways.

My life goes well. I'm really hoping I get more people for the Alumni site as we're only at about 24 people out of a graduating class of 205 (about, not sure of the exact number).

The date for my "interview" with the people at Heritage has been set for August 13th, a Friday. Were I a more superstitious person, I might think that's a bad thing, but whatever. It's only a number. (It's at 1PM too... 1300. Frightning, no?)

I have many delightful and evil ideas for my campaign. Evil evil evil. Hehehe. (I so enjoy torturing their fictional characters). And if you're reading this guys, next gaming session is Sunday at the usual place. I'll make sure I send around an e-mail.

Alright, the food is ready and I've written enough for today. Oh one more thing.

I am planning on beginning another story, but rather than writing the whole thing out, I am going to do it chapter by chapter and post them on my website. Watch for that.

I also have a backlog of about 10 poems which I need to post on the site, so watch for those over the next few days (hopefully tomorrow).

I now return to my bacon pizza and Anne Rice's "Blood Canticle"

Farewell, my readers.