Thursday, July 08, 2004
Been wondering?
I suppose some of you have been waiting on the edge of your seat for some news out of my small corner of the world. Well... there is no news.
She hasn't called me of this and I can't raise her at home when I call. The one time I've gotten through, she's been asleep. Go figure. I'm trying hard not to be paranoid about this, but I have moments where I fail. See, here's the thing.
Despite what some people thought they had finally shown me, I still like Vicki. (or Goldie as I now call her as she doesn't like Dark Angel). I like her a lot and now that I know what mistakes I've made in the past, I'm trying to fix them. Like poetry about her. Perhaps I should have learned from all the lessons of the past, but it took Freya knocking it into my head that it's obsessive and it scares people. Same with the stories. So no more poems or stories from me, at least not about people in specific. I've got a few more philosophical poems for the posting one of these days, maybe tomorrow if I have time. And I've got some ideas for a story going in my head, just got to work those out and apply them to paper. I also think that Goldie misinterpreted a few of my comments to mean that I wanted her and I to get married one day. Therefore I am going to be extra careful and make sure not one of those comments gets repeated and that no similar ones are made by me. I can't help it though. I'm only human and human's screw up sometimes. I'm probably going to make all new mistakes this time around, but as I said, that can't be helped. But back to me being paranoid for a moment... I dunno. She told me she was going to be really busy this week. This is probably what a rational person would think of first and just write it off to that. But not a paranoid one. No, I've got to go inventing all kinds of crazed excuses why she doesn't like me anymore. I've got to blame everything I did that weekend. And you know what? In the end, the rational person is probably right. Or there's some other innocent excuse why she didn't call me. But we aren't at the end are we?
So why am I so eager for her to call me? Because I found out I'm on vacation starting the day before she returns from hers and I want to get this settled before we have to spend three weeks apart from each other. Maybe it's a little obsessive, but it's me...
I'm hoping the relationship is going to go better this time. I think we communicate better now and I think she's less afraid of telling me things. That's really what I want her to do... trust me enough that she can tell me she likes me. Really likes me. Whichever it may be.
As for people who think this is going to turn into another obsession... let me be clear. The moment she says no or it's over, i'm going to ask her if she's sure and then that'll be it. This will be the fourth time around for us, or the fifth. My memory is actually kindof hazy about the period of time where her mom says the third (in her sequence) took place, so I really don't remember.
Anyways... that's about it for my blog for now. Will blog again once I get an answer, which I hope will be sooner rather than the two weeks away I suspect it might be. Later.
She hasn't called me of this and I can't raise her at home when I call. The one time I've gotten through, she's been asleep. Go figure. I'm trying hard not to be paranoid about this, but I have moments where I fail. See, here's the thing.
Despite what some people thought they had finally shown me, I still like Vicki. (or Goldie as I now call her as she doesn't like Dark Angel). I like her a lot and now that I know what mistakes I've made in the past, I'm trying to fix them. Like poetry about her. Perhaps I should have learned from all the lessons of the past, but it took Freya knocking it into my head that it's obsessive and it scares people. Same with the stories. So no more poems or stories from me, at least not about people in specific. I've got a few more philosophical poems for the posting one of these days, maybe tomorrow if I have time. And I've got some ideas for a story going in my head, just got to work those out and apply them to paper. I also think that Goldie misinterpreted a few of my comments to mean that I wanted her and I to get married one day. Therefore I am going to be extra careful and make sure not one of those comments gets repeated and that no similar ones are made by me. I can't help it though. I'm only human and human's screw up sometimes. I'm probably going to make all new mistakes this time around, but as I said, that can't be helped. But back to me being paranoid for a moment... I dunno. She told me she was going to be really busy this week. This is probably what a rational person would think of first and just write it off to that. But not a paranoid one. No, I've got to go inventing all kinds of crazed excuses why she doesn't like me anymore. I've got to blame everything I did that weekend. And you know what? In the end, the rational person is probably right. Or there's some other innocent excuse why she didn't call me. But we aren't at the end are we?
So why am I so eager for her to call me? Because I found out I'm on vacation starting the day before she returns from hers and I want to get this settled before we have to spend three weeks apart from each other. Maybe it's a little obsessive, but it's me...
I'm hoping the relationship is going to go better this time. I think we communicate better now and I think she's less afraid of telling me things. That's really what I want her to do... trust me enough that she can tell me she likes me. Really likes me. Whichever it may be.
As for people who think this is going to turn into another obsession... let me be clear. The moment she says no or it's over, i'm going to ask her if she's sure and then that'll be it. This will be the fourth time around for us, or the fifth. My memory is actually kindof hazy about the period of time where her mom says the third (in her sequence) took place, so I really don't remember.
Anyways... that's about it for my blog for now. Will blog again once I get an answer, which I hope will be sooner rather than the two weeks away I suspect it might be. Later.
// posted by Dep @ 7:27:00 p.m.
