Monday, January 26, 2004
things which cannot be.
you know... there are days i take things way too seriously.
i know i often... am overly dramatic about the effects that other people can have on my life. In the end, I always survive and move on. I just don't like being alone. I want somebody really special to me whom I can spend time with and explore things with. Many people don't understand this... they think it's an obsession... they think it's being emotionally dependant or needing somebody. I don't think of it as needing somebody to love. I think of it as loving somebody and then... needing to keep it going. I've seen what it's like and I don't like being without it. It's not going to kill me, but it won't do me any good.
So... I'm sorry if you people think it's an obsession. I just take my relationships really really seriously.
Recently I have begun to realize that maybe vicki and I wouldn't work. I still think it can, if we both work at it but... there are better people out there for me. And that's what this blog is about... one of those people who is very dear to me and I think she knows.
She's waiting while I write this for me to finish so that she can read this. Now you know who you are, but i'm not going to give her name.
We have similar ideas on a lot of things. Like sex. Recently we just had a conversation about it and our ideas turned out to be very similar. Now with some people I fake my ideas to be like theirs. But in this case, our opinions are the same... i'm not just sayhing it.
We want much the same thing out of a relationship from what I've seen. Some fooling around and some romantic things.
We are similar... maybe not exactly the same, but in the ways that count, we are similar.
So few people like me.
And to be honest... I do have feeligns for her. How deep they run I do not know... it takes time to find out that. But they could run quite deep.
The title of this is "Things which cannot be." well... this is apparently one of those things.
For her... I think right now I would tear off my necklace, forswear vicki forever and go be with her.
But that may be me needing somebody... see above if you forget that part.
In any case... I have her opinion on the subject. A firm no.
some things in life I can't change no matter how much i really really really really really really really really really really want to.
and i do... i wish she liked me in that way... i really do because then i'd finally have what i've always wanted in a relationship... but...
There are things in this world whichcannot be.
I'm sorry... I had to get that off my chest... and a few other things.
I'm still planning to talk to vicki tomorrow. I'm just... i guess i'm giving her one last time to change her mind, even though I know she's not going to (btw... if you haven't, can we just ignore I wrote this please?)
But it's all true. I don't lie in here.
Anyways... I'm going upstairs, read a book and listen to music.
g'night all.
dep
i know i often... am overly dramatic about the effects that other people can have on my life. In the end, I always survive and move on. I just don't like being alone. I want somebody really special to me whom I can spend time with and explore things with. Many people don't understand this... they think it's an obsession... they think it's being emotionally dependant or needing somebody. I don't think of it as needing somebody to love. I think of it as loving somebody and then... needing to keep it going. I've seen what it's like and I don't like being without it. It's not going to kill me, but it won't do me any good.
So... I'm sorry if you people think it's an obsession. I just take my relationships really really seriously.
Recently I have begun to realize that maybe vicki and I wouldn't work. I still think it can, if we both work at it but... there are better people out there for me. And that's what this blog is about... one of those people who is very dear to me and I think she knows.
She's waiting while I write this for me to finish so that she can read this. Now you know who you are, but i'm not going to give her name.
We have similar ideas on a lot of things. Like sex. Recently we just had a conversation about it and our ideas turned out to be very similar. Now with some people I fake my ideas to be like theirs. But in this case, our opinions are the same... i'm not just sayhing it.
We want much the same thing out of a relationship from what I've seen. Some fooling around and some romantic things.
We are similar... maybe not exactly the same, but in the ways that count, we are similar.
So few people like me.
And to be honest... I do have feeligns for her. How deep they run I do not know... it takes time to find out that. But they could run quite deep.
The title of this is "Things which cannot be." well... this is apparently one of those things.
For her... I think right now I would tear off my necklace, forswear vicki forever and go be with her.
But that may be me needing somebody... see above if you forget that part.
In any case... I have her opinion on the subject. A firm no.
some things in life I can't change no matter how much i really really really really really really really really really really want to.
and i do... i wish she liked me in that way... i really do because then i'd finally have what i've always wanted in a relationship... but...
There are things in this world whichcannot be.
I'm sorry... I had to get that off my chest... and a few other things.
I'm still planning to talk to vicki tomorrow. I'm just... i guess i'm giving her one last time to change her mind, even though I know she's not going to (btw... if you haven't, can we just ignore I wrote this please?)
But it's all true. I don't lie in here.
Anyways... I'm going upstairs, read a book and listen to music.
g'night all.
dep
// posted by Dep @ 8:15:00 p.m.
