Tuesday, January 06, 2004
*sigh*
i don't know anymore.
i really don't.
On one hand... I think I'm in love with vicki. I like spending time with her.
On the other... I could be just holding on to something that isn't there. I could be lying to myself, refusing to see the bad things and why it wouldn't work.
I can't be objective about this.
The reason I asked people what I should do was because I actually wanted them to answer a slightly different question. Am I lying to myself about vicki?
Nobody can answer that one can they.
I don't know... I'm going to be honest and delve deep into the past.
A friend of mine (no names) was dating somebody. He treated her badly... very badly, ignoring her and doing stupid shit. It endly badly and she was hurt physically by him. But... even though I and others pointed this out to her, she continued along this path (before it ended) because she claimed to be in love. I am worried that I am doing the same thing.... but I don't know for sure. I don't know anymore... I know vicki can be a great caring person at times... but... gods, it's so hard to know what to do.
For now, I'm going to ask to talk with her. This may just be my inherent ability to question everything I thing come back to me.
But... if you think I'm doing the wrong thing, please tell me. I will try and listen. I don't know if I can accept it yet. I'm... i'm hoping vicki will make my decision for me, if she says no, then thats that. If she says yes, then I will see how well our relationship goes and I may end up breaking it off myself. But... grrr....
It's hard to wait so many years for something and then start to question everything about it.
grrr
I want to be with the good side of her. I know that.
I love the good side of her. Parts of the bad side, I wish I could change.
Perhaps all it takes is love to bring out the good side. I certainly don't see it much any more.
You know what? I shouldn't talk with you people about this. I should talk with her.
roflmao
Why am I here, talking to all of you when none of you can answer my questions. I should be telling her this.
I will.
I must.
It'll kill me... literally... if i don't.
So I will... soon.
Farewell, my friends.
i really don't.
On one hand... I think I'm in love with vicki. I like spending time with her.
On the other... I could be just holding on to something that isn't there. I could be lying to myself, refusing to see the bad things and why it wouldn't work.
I can't be objective about this.
The reason I asked people what I should do was because I actually wanted them to answer a slightly different question. Am I lying to myself about vicki?
Nobody can answer that one can they.
I don't know... I'm going to be honest and delve deep into the past.
A friend of mine (no names) was dating somebody. He treated her badly... very badly, ignoring her and doing stupid shit. It endly badly and she was hurt physically by him. But... even though I and others pointed this out to her, she continued along this path (before it ended) because she claimed to be in love. I am worried that I am doing the same thing.... but I don't know for sure. I don't know anymore... I know vicki can be a great caring person at times... but... gods, it's so hard to know what to do.
For now, I'm going to ask to talk with her. This may just be my inherent ability to question everything I thing come back to me.
But... if you think I'm doing the wrong thing, please tell me. I will try and listen. I don't know if I can accept it yet. I'm... i'm hoping vicki will make my decision for me, if she says no, then thats that. If she says yes, then I will see how well our relationship goes and I may end up breaking it off myself. But... grrr....
It's hard to wait so many years for something and then start to question everything about it.
grrr
I want to be with the good side of her. I know that.
I love the good side of her. Parts of the bad side, I wish I could change.
Perhaps all it takes is love to bring out the good side. I certainly don't see it much any more.
You know what? I shouldn't talk with you people about this. I should talk with her.
roflmao
Why am I here, talking to all of you when none of you can answer my questions. I should be telling her this.
I will.
I must.
It'll kill me... literally... if i don't.
So I will... soon.
Farewell, my friends.
// posted by Dep @ 8:07:00 p.m.
