Tuesday, December 23, 2003
forced choices
vanessa beat me to it... she broke up with me, claimed she just didn't feel love for me.
I am now left with but one path... while this would seem to be a good thing, I still feel as if I've lost a part of myself... perhaps it is the lack of a "safety net" if you will. If things with vicki should not work out... there will be nothing to hold on to. But such are the risks we take in life.
I went to vicki's house last night. we watched pirates of the carribean and then had a little play-fight on her couch.
I realized that this is what i love... being with her. And so... I am not as devestated as one might think after vanessa breaking up with me.
vicki and i are planning to get together in about a week... next tuesday hopefully. it is then that i will tell her of my feelings and get them all out in the open. and if the worst should happen, i guess i can't prevent it.
in other news
going to a new years party on the 31st... wont be around... staying the night, so wont be around much on the 1st either
i've got a few days now where vicki is away at her grandparents (that's why we're waiting until next week.) not sure what i'm going to do, but i'm thinking about starting another story. i've been toying with an idea for a little bit, and i think it'll work.
you'll find out more about the plot when i write it.
school's going well...
i don't have any more news, so i'll go back to vicki.
8 years. 96 months. Too many days to count. It's a long time to have known somebody.
I remember, after we broke up the first time, how badly i wanted to be with her again. I used to sit and stare at the phone. I remember picking it up and staring at it. Sometimes I even pushed the first few buttons... but always I found a reason to hang up.
i remember the depression. It's the reason i'm overweight now... when i'm depressed, i eat. anything to distract me.
i remember wanting her so badly. i dreamed a lot about her, and daydreamed too. I remember one.... I woke up in early morning and beside me was her. I gazed into her face, so peaceful while sleeping.
I remember the things we used to do... and wish for those days back again.
Many adults say that we, as teenagers, do not know what love is. Well, for the most part, I'd have to agree. A lot of teens do not know what love is. But... it is not true for all teenagers. I know what it is, as do a few other people I know. It is insulting to here somebody say "you don't know what love is... you're too young."
*sigh*
such is the world.
i really hope it works out this time between vicki and i. If it doesn't... i don't know what i'm going to do... probably just fall farther into depression.
anyways... thats about all i can think of tonight...
perhaps i'll go think about that story i'm going to write... or maybe wrap presents... or go poke nicky...
later all.
I am now left with but one path... while this would seem to be a good thing, I still feel as if I've lost a part of myself... perhaps it is the lack of a "safety net" if you will. If things with vicki should not work out... there will be nothing to hold on to. But such are the risks we take in life.
I went to vicki's house last night. we watched pirates of the carribean and then had a little play-fight on her couch.
I realized that this is what i love... being with her. And so... I am not as devestated as one might think after vanessa breaking up with me.
vicki and i are planning to get together in about a week... next tuesday hopefully. it is then that i will tell her of my feelings and get them all out in the open. and if the worst should happen, i guess i can't prevent it.
in other news
going to a new years party on the 31st... wont be around... staying the night, so wont be around much on the 1st either
i've got a few days now where vicki is away at her grandparents (that's why we're waiting until next week.) not sure what i'm going to do, but i'm thinking about starting another story. i've been toying with an idea for a little bit, and i think it'll work.
you'll find out more about the plot when i write it.
school's going well...
i don't have any more news, so i'll go back to vicki.
8 years. 96 months. Too many days to count. It's a long time to have known somebody.
I remember, after we broke up the first time, how badly i wanted to be with her again. I used to sit and stare at the phone. I remember picking it up and staring at it. Sometimes I even pushed the first few buttons... but always I found a reason to hang up.
i remember the depression. It's the reason i'm overweight now... when i'm depressed, i eat. anything to distract me.
i remember wanting her so badly. i dreamed a lot about her, and daydreamed too. I remember one.... I woke up in early morning and beside me was her. I gazed into her face, so peaceful while sleeping.
I remember the things we used to do... and wish for those days back again.
Many adults say that we, as teenagers, do not know what love is. Well, for the most part, I'd have to agree. A lot of teens do not know what love is. But... it is not true for all teenagers. I know what it is, as do a few other people I know. It is insulting to here somebody say "you don't know what love is... you're too young."
*sigh*
such is the world.
i really hope it works out this time between vicki and i. If it doesn't... i don't know what i'm going to do... probably just fall farther into depression.
anyways... thats about all i can think of tonight...
perhaps i'll go think about that story i'm going to write... or maybe wrap presents... or go poke nicky...
later all.
// posted by Dep @ 8:04:00 p.m.
