Monday, December 22, 2003
*bleary eyed*
okay....
i woke up 1/2 hour ago.
why you ask?
well... here it goes
friday night i forgot (i have a terrible memory) to call my parents and tell them where i was going (i went to scorpi's house). When I finally remembered to call (which was when I was supposed to go home at about 11pm) they were quite upset. But as I don't do this very often, I figure that the most likely reaction is a "yeah... try not to do it again"
but yesterday morning, my father tells me im not allowed to go to see vicki that night and sleep over. Now as I have been planning this for at least a month, I feel this is totally unfair. But I figure he'll soften up after a little bit, so I go out bowling for a bit, then go help vicki deliver newspapers.
Him and I bowl on the same nights now. When I explained part of the situation to him (the bit about it being a month and etc) he still refused. Now... maybe it's me, but it seems a little unfair for a person who's forgotten about twice, including this time, in the past year.
So I go home, very very pissed off (and it takes a lot to piss me off). I get home and I get a lecture about calling home every time. And then they tell me im not supposed to be perfect. hypocrites. in any case, i stormed out of the house and went for a very long walk. the walk ended at a convience store near vickis house, where i called her and asked her if i could drop by for a bit. This was around... midnight. She said yes, so I went over and stayed until around 1:30. We talked about a lot of stuff... but there is more to come. that will come tonight as I am going over to her place around 7 (possibly earlier). I left and I returned home at about 2:30, wide awake. I tried calling vicki again, but she didn't answer, maybe she had gone to sleep or something. So I tried to go to sleep and eventually did around 3:00. So... yeah i've had 9 hours of sleep, but I was walking for about 7 hours yesterday in the cold... not to mention 6 games of bowling.
For those of you who are wondering, I have made my choice. Between vanessa and vicki... i'm sorry but i don't know about my feelings for vanessa. perhaps it's just a crush. but vicki... they've lasted for 8 years. It's not a crush. Not possible. I'm going to ask vicki out again tonight. If she says no, I will explore the depths of a relationship with vanessa. If she says yes, I will find a way to break the news to vanessa. (who's reaction will tell me a great deal about her character... much more than simpe observation. You can fake day-to-day actions. You cannot fake a reaction to something like this.)
Scrabble brought up a point. She thinks that i'm just so tired of being alone that i'll invent feelings for a woman just so i can avoid being alone. But... while it's true i am very tired of being alone and while is possibly true that i merely invented feelings for vanessa to avoid being alone.... with vicki, it is very improbable. If I was trying to avoid being alone, why would I even be considering going out again with vicki? why would i be willing to live with her mood swings and her smoking and not-knowing what she thinks about me? Wouldn't it be more likely for me to choose vanessa then, because I know what she thinks of me? See... this is why I believe it is love, because i've had people in love with me before... dorothy comes to mind... and i dumped her because the feeling just wasn't there. So... i'm sorry scrabble, but i think you are wrong. I believe it is love, and I will continue to believe so.
it's time to be selfish. I will tell vicki tomorrow all the things i've wanted to tell her for years now. And hopefully it will go well.
bye 4 now
i woke up 1/2 hour ago.
why you ask?
well... here it goes
friday night i forgot (i have a terrible memory) to call my parents and tell them where i was going (i went to scorpi's house). When I finally remembered to call (which was when I was supposed to go home at about 11pm) they were quite upset. But as I don't do this very often, I figure that the most likely reaction is a "yeah... try not to do it again"
but yesterday morning, my father tells me im not allowed to go to see vicki that night and sleep over. Now as I have been planning this for at least a month, I feel this is totally unfair. But I figure he'll soften up after a little bit, so I go out bowling for a bit, then go help vicki deliver newspapers.
Him and I bowl on the same nights now. When I explained part of the situation to him (the bit about it being a month and etc) he still refused. Now... maybe it's me, but it seems a little unfair for a person who's forgotten about twice, including this time, in the past year.
So I go home, very very pissed off (and it takes a lot to piss me off). I get home and I get a lecture about calling home every time. And then they tell me im not supposed to be perfect. hypocrites. in any case, i stormed out of the house and went for a very long walk. the walk ended at a convience store near vickis house, where i called her and asked her if i could drop by for a bit. This was around... midnight. She said yes, so I went over and stayed until around 1:30. We talked about a lot of stuff... but there is more to come. that will come tonight as I am going over to her place around 7 (possibly earlier). I left and I returned home at about 2:30, wide awake. I tried calling vicki again, but she didn't answer, maybe she had gone to sleep or something. So I tried to go to sleep and eventually did around 3:00. So... yeah i've had 9 hours of sleep, but I was walking for about 7 hours yesterday in the cold... not to mention 6 games of bowling.
For those of you who are wondering, I have made my choice. Between vanessa and vicki... i'm sorry but i don't know about my feelings for vanessa. perhaps it's just a crush. but vicki... they've lasted for 8 years. It's not a crush. Not possible. I'm going to ask vicki out again tonight. If she says no, I will explore the depths of a relationship with vanessa. If she says yes, I will find a way to break the news to vanessa. (who's reaction will tell me a great deal about her character... much more than simpe observation. You can fake day-to-day actions. You cannot fake a reaction to something like this.)
Scrabble brought up a point. She thinks that i'm just so tired of being alone that i'll invent feelings for a woman just so i can avoid being alone. But... while it's true i am very tired of being alone and while is possibly true that i merely invented feelings for vanessa to avoid being alone.... with vicki, it is very improbable. If I was trying to avoid being alone, why would I even be considering going out again with vicki? why would i be willing to live with her mood swings and her smoking and not-knowing what she thinks about me? Wouldn't it be more likely for me to choose vanessa then, because I know what she thinks of me? See... this is why I believe it is love, because i've had people in love with me before... dorothy comes to mind... and i dumped her because the feeling just wasn't there. So... i'm sorry scrabble, but i think you are wrong. I believe it is love, and I will continue to believe so.
it's time to be selfish. I will tell vicki tomorrow all the things i've wanted to tell her for years now. And hopefully it will go well.
bye 4 now
// posted by Dep @ 1:09:00 p.m.
