Sunday, November 23, 2003
title
no i'm not thinking of a title right now...
Scrabble and I had a conversation today and... well...
She thinks I should try very hard to move on from Dark Angel (No I haven't and it's been three weeks). She goes on about what a bitch she is and etc. And you know what? Sometimes, Dark Angel is a bitch. We all are at times, you can't help it. In Dark Angels case, I think she has the same character flaw that I do (not our only one but) that we tend to run and hide from problems in our personal life, rather than dealing with them. This is only a theory of mine, but I like it, it makes sense, it fits everything, there are no loose ends. And it's possible because it is exactly what I do, except I know that I do it. Why? Because thats the way I am. Maybe one of these days I'll change and who knows what I'll be, but for now, that is simply the way I am.
I honestly think that Dark Angel and I would make a great couple... but if she doesn't want to, then it won't work well will it?RElationships are never easy, you need to work at them to make them work, but the rewards are enourmous.
I regret never telling her I love her
She deserves to know right?
I realized it last night, it truely hit me...
"I am in love with her... no matter how badly she treats me sometimes, no matter how much she wants to be "just friends" and no matter what she thinks of me I am in love with her and there is no way I can stop."
No wonder I'm depressed tonight... I'm impossibly in love...
Scrabble thinks I should move on with my life and maybe she's right... but it's strange how it keeps coming back to Dark Angel after all these years. Incredibly odd.
I want her... she's intelligent and she's like me... in many ways. The similarities are really apparent now that I've had a few pointed out to me (thank you KoS).
But we cannot always be with the one we love can we? For whatever reason...
Unfortunatly this is true
Vicki... if you are reading this, and it is possible that you might, and if you aren't, perhaps someone will tell you about it, or perhaps I'll tell you one of these days... I love you. I wish I had said it last december, last september and last night, for it is the reason I become depressed for apparently no reason. It doesn't matter that Scrabble thinks i'm crazy for doing it, or what Steve thinks... all that matters is what I think about myself and I know it is right to love someone.
I know.
I know I wanted last night to last forever, as I have wanted all the ones similar to last forever. I know I never want to let go, even though I know I must. And I know that I will never find another person like you. And I know that I should be telling you this to your face instead of to a computer where only Freya and perhaps KoS will read it without laughing.
I know I love you
Love defies reason. I know sometimes you can be insenstive, I know you can be hard to love and I know I am the same way sometimes, most of the time even. Exterior apperences, created to cover the person inside. They worked too well and it's hard for me to turn them off.
Scrabble asked me earlier tonight what I wanted from you. You've asked me the same question and I'll give you an answer.
What I want... is simple. I don't want sex (though I'm not opposed to it) like most men do.I want love, at my young age. Yes, perhaps most people are too young to know what love is at my age,but I know there are a few and I'm fairly certain that you are one of them. MAybe I'm wrong... I can be. I want to be held and I want to kiss and I want to be close and I want you to understand that people make mistakes, and that will never change. I'm not a perdfect person, I make mistakes. The best we can do is tell the person that they've made a mistake and let them know how they can fix it. I want you to be more open and tell me about your life and the little things in it that you tell no one, and I will do the same. I want you to find a reason to live in me.
That's what I want... what do I expect? I expect nothing. I'm weird, I can want everything, a perfect relationship but I don't expect I'll get it. Life would never give me what I've always wanted. I'm willing to work for it, but I need to see a return on the work I put in.
I expect we'll remain friends for a bit, then drift apart eventually.
Not what I want
What I'll probably get
And now... you know why I'm depressed. Bloody me always being right about these things.
Scrabble and I had a conversation today and... well...
She thinks I should try very hard to move on from Dark Angel (No I haven't and it's been three weeks). She goes on about what a bitch she is and etc. And you know what? Sometimes, Dark Angel is a bitch. We all are at times, you can't help it. In Dark Angels case, I think she has the same character flaw that I do (not our only one but) that we tend to run and hide from problems in our personal life, rather than dealing with them. This is only a theory of mine, but I like it, it makes sense, it fits everything, there are no loose ends. And it's possible because it is exactly what I do, except I know that I do it. Why? Because thats the way I am. Maybe one of these days I'll change and who knows what I'll be, but for now, that is simply the way I am.
I honestly think that Dark Angel and I would make a great couple... but if she doesn't want to, then it won't work well will it?RElationships are never easy, you need to work at them to make them work, but the rewards are enourmous.
I regret never telling her I love her
She deserves to know right?
I realized it last night, it truely hit me...
"I am in love with her... no matter how badly she treats me sometimes, no matter how much she wants to be "just friends" and no matter what she thinks of me I am in love with her and there is no way I can stop."
No wonder I'm depressed tonight... I'm impossibly in love...
Scrabble thinks I should move on with my life and maybe she's right... but it's strange how it keeps coming back to Dark Angel after all these years. Incredibly odd.
I want her... she's intelligent and she's like me... in many ways. The similarities are really apparent now that I've had a few pointed out to me (thank you KoS).
But we cannot always be with the one we love can we? For whatever reason...
Unfortunatly this is true
Vicki... if you are reading this, and it is possible that you might, and if you aren't, perhaps someone will tell you about it, or perhaps I'll tell you one of these days... I love you. I wish I had said it last december, last september and last night, for it is the reason I become depressed for apparently no reason. It doesn't matter that Scrabble thinks i'm crazy for doing it, or what Steve thinks... all that matters is what I think about myself and I know it is right to love someone.
I know.
I know I wanted last night to last forever, as I have wanted all the ones similar to last forever. I know I never want to let go, even though I know I must. And I know that I will never find another person like you. And I know that I should be telling you this to your face instead of to a computer where only Freya and perhaps KoS will read it without laughing.
I know I love you
Love defies reason. I know sometimes you can be insenstive, I know you can be hard to love and I know I am the same way sometimes, most of the time even. Exterior apperences, created to cover the person inside. They worked too well and it's hard for me to turn them off.
Scrabble asked me earlier tonight what I wanted from you. You've asked me the same question and I'll give you an answer.
What I want... is simple. I don't want sex (though I'm not opposed to it) like most men do.I want love, at my young age. Yes, perhaps most people are too young to know what love is at my age,but I know there are a few and I'm fairly certain that you are one of them. MAybe I'm wrong... I can be. I want to be held and I want to kiss and I want to be close and I want you to understand that people make mistakes, and that will never change. I'm not a perdfect person, I make mistakes. The best we can do is tell the person that they've made a mistake and let them know how they can fix it. I want you to be more open and tell me about your life and the little things in it that you tell no one, and I will do the same. I want you to find a reason to live in me.
That's what I want... what do I expect? I expect nothing. I'm weird, I can want everything, a perfect relationship but I don't expect I'll get it. Life would never give me what I've always wanted. I'm willing to work for it, but I need to see a return on the work I put in.
I expect we'll remain friends for a bit, then drift apart eventually.
Not what I want
What I'll probably get
And now... you know why I'm depressed. Bloody me always being right about these things.
// posted by Dep @ 10:25:00 p.m.
