Monday, October 20, 2003
Nearing 10:30pm
And I'm about to go to bed because I have another concert tomorrow. And then lots of homework to make up afterwards, I'm sure.
So why am I writing if I have all these things to do? Because I want to.
Well it has to be done. Dark Angel is going to have to make up her mind... I'm hoping she'll take the not-so-subtle hint in "Starlight, Starbright" but there's always the slim chance that she won't... and the larger, in my opinion, chance of her finding the hint and going "is that what he wants? well fuck him." so if she does find the hint, we'll talk about it, or she'll start showing a little bit more emotion. if she doesn't, i will have to be blunt. Scrabble and I were talking and I agree with her that this cannot go on like this forever.... it's destroying me. Being alone is better than this... at least when im alone, I can try and find someone else. But I would prefer that Dark Angel takes my advice and make a favorable decision. But if it is not to be, then it is not to be.
It's so frustrating, and I'm sure some of you know this feeling, when you want someone to do something but you're too scared to ask them to do it or even to do it before them out of a fear of rejection. But... would it really kill her to hug me in public? No one's going to laugh at her... we'll gang up and beat the shit out of anyone who does. Or is public opinion of me that low? It can't be. And if it is, I really couldn't care less, and I think she doesn't care either. She's told me multiple times that she doesn't care what her peers think of her. So what is it? The only thing I could think of is that she doesn't love me... or isn't the hugging type of person.
What then? Well the first one has an obvious answer... find someone else. The second one has a lot more possibilities and i guess i'll think about that if it comes to it. But Scrabble's right, we've got to settle this now and forever, not just let it drag on and on and on until it leads to an even more painful breakup.
I'm beginning to wish that someone would talk some sense into her, but thats not likely. I don't know if anyone can talk sense into her. I'm willing to live with a lot of things in a girlfriend... emotional problems, other problems... but not to be physically close to them? I don't know if I can handle that... guess we'll see won't we.
Anyways, i'm rambling
So why am I writing if I have all these things to do? Because I want to.
Well it has to be done. Dark Angel is going to have to make up her mind... I'm hoping she'll take the not-so-subtle hint in "Starlight, Starbright" but there's always the slim chance that she won't... and the larger, in my opinion, chance of her finding the hint and going "is that what he wants? well fuck him." so if she does find the hint, we'll talk about it, or she'll start showing a little bit more emotion. if she doesn't, i will have to be blunt. Scrabble and I were talking and I agree with her that this cannot go on like this forever.... it's destroying me. Being alone is better than this... at least when im alone, I can try and find someone else. But I would prefer that Dark Angel takes my advice and make a favorable decision. But if it is not to be, then it is not to be.
It's so frustrating, and I'm sure some of you know this feeling, when you want someone to do something but you're too scared to ask them to do it or even to do it before them out of a fear of rejection. But... would it really kill her to hug me in public? No one's going to laugh at her... we'll gang up and beat the shit out of anyone who does. Or is public opinion of me that low? It can't be. And if it is, I really couldn't care less, and I think she doesn't care either. She's told me multiple times that she doesn't care what her peers think of her. So what is it? The only thing I could think of is that she doesn't love me... or isn't the hugging type of person.
What then? Well the first one has an obvious answer... find someone else. The second one has a lot more possibilities and i guess i'll think about that if it comes to it. But Scrabble's right, we've got to settle this now and forever, not just let it drag on and on and on until it leads to an even more painful breakup.
I'm beginning to wish that someone would talk some sense into her, but thats not likely. I don't know if anyone can talk sense into her. I'm willing to live with a lot of things in a girlfriend... emotional problems, other problems... but not to be physically close to them? I don't know if I can handle that... guess we'll see won't we.
Anyways, i'm rambling
// posted by Dep @ 10:37:00 p.m.
