Friday, October 17, 2003
bit of joy in my life
today, dark angel finally came back to school after three weeks with pneumonia... and I get some bad news. One she's gone this weekend to visit her grandparents... against her will but she has to go. Two, she's started smoking again. Three is the reason why she started smoking... she might (MIGHT) be moving to nova scotia (for those of you who do not live in canada... KoS this means you, Nova Scotia is... well KoS, you know where Freya lives? Nova Scotia is the same distance away... in the other direction. Its on our east coast, right on the coast line.) So you can imagine this is bad news for me and I can only pray that it does not come to pass. "pray"? no, not pray. hope.
I realized today that tomorrow is our one month anniversary... our third one month anniversary.
And it's almost like we're not dating. I just realized that the only difference between us dating and us as friends before is in what we call our relationship... and a few things we do in private. I am hoping, perhaps, we can change that, which is why I gave her the story. Can she be changed? I really don't want to change her... I want her to show the part of her inside that I believe exists... even if she doesn't want to admit it.
Maybe it comes down to wanting to appear strong. You want people to respect you and, having lived your whole life unloved and uncared for and shot down when you try to love, eventually you just bury it deep inside you and it takes a strong person who loves you a lot to get it back out and make you see that love is not a weakness. Whoever said caring people are wussys was a complete idiot.
Anyways... I have a concert tomorrow and bowling so I doubt that I will be on much... maybe in the morning, though I want to sleep in and dream pleasent thoughts about things that could be with Dark Angel.
Freya... I too wish she would make up her mind... but I think she already has and is just unwilling to show it... I don't want to ask you to help her, as you helped me... but... if she gives you the chance, please take it. I know you can help her, as you helped me, as you may have to help me again.
And, if anyone is interested, I have a new poem that I can send you... just talk to me on the internet, its gonna be a while until I start posting stuff on the website again... bloody brother.
Later
Dep
I realized today that tomorrow is our one month anniversary... our third one month anniversary.
And it's almost like we're not dating. I just realized that the only difference between us dating and us as friends before is in what we call our relationship... and a few things we do in private. I am hoping, perhaps, we can change that, which is why I gave her the story. Can she be changed? I really don't want to change her... I want her to show the part of her inside that I believe exists... even if she doesn't want to admit it.
Maybe it comes down to wanting to appear strong. You want people to respect you and, having lived your whole life unloved and uncared for and shot down when you try to love, eventually you just bury it deep inside you and it takes a strong person who loves you a lot to get it back out and make you see that love is not a weakness. Whoever said caring people are wussys was a complete idiot.
Anyways... I have a concert tomorrow and bowling so I doubt that I will be on much... maybe in the morning, though I want to sleep in and dream pleasent thoughts about things that could be with Dark Angel.
Freya... I too wish she would make up her mind... but I think she already has and is just unwilling to show it... I don't want to ask you to help her, as you helped me... but... if she gives you the chance, please take it. I know you can help her, as you helped me, as you may have to help me again.
And, if anyone is interested, I have a new poem that I can send you... just talk to me on the internet, its gonna be a while until I start posting stuff on the website again... bloody brother.
Later
Dep
// posted by Dep @ 11:40:00 p.m.
